


Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor

by Ortega



Series: Strictly AU [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Strictly Come Dancing Fusion, Background Relationships, F/F, Flirting, Fluff, Hotel Room Has Only One Bed, Jealousy, Lesbian AU, Lesbians Being Useless And In Their Feelings, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:08:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 94,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25066678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ortega/pseuds/Ortega
Summary: Strictly Come Dancing enters its 18th series and its producers, after being goaded by a rival dance show on its inclusivity, commission it to be an all-female cast. Unlike Akeria who’s just here to bone her potential dance partner, dancer Vanessa is ready to act like a professional.And then TV presenter Brooke Lynn walks into the rehearsal room.
Relationships: Blair St. Clair/The Vixen, Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, Courtney Act/Willam Belli, Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd, Jackie Cox/Jan Sport, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Monét X Change/Monique Heart, Scarlet Envy/Yvie Oddly
Series: Strictly AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815430
Comments: 146
Kudos: 161





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> catch me on tumblr at artificialortega! xo
> 
> p.s. i'm like acutely aware there's another fic on here with the same name...i'm so sorry!!! this has like 5 chapters already over on AQ i promise i'm not stealing it asdfghjkl

_8th August 2020_

Political correctness gone mad. Or at least, that’s what all the straight, white, 50 year old men have been tweeting. But the TV bosses thought that a same-sex version of the nation’s favourite dancing show would pull the viewers in, at least get some hype going like the good old days. The show’s been going since 2004, Vanessa thinks, as she rolls her neck and looks at the various alleged celebrities opposite them. This is what caused the death of the X Factor, all these sensationalist spin-offs, and now they’re doing the same with this one. She supposes the BBC were intimidated by Dancing on Ice, who had a single solitary same-sex couple on their show and were called out live by H from Steps. How humiliating. She’s only been part of the show for two years; this is her third, but her first one with a partner. She scans her eyes back down the line again, her gaze interrupted as Akeria whispers to her.

“Who you gunning for? I like that goddess, third from the right. Dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin. Shit, our babies would be beautiful.”

Vanessa pauses, looks at who Akeria’s talking about and snorts a laugh. “Keeks, that’s Asia O'Hara. The chef? She’s been on Saturday Kitchen a couple times.”

“You actually watch that shit?” Akeria side-eyed her.

“Hey, drop the judgemental tone, bitch! It’s easy, chilled-out Saturday morning viewing. Anyway, chefs? Nah. Two left feet and they stomp their way across the dancefloor.”

“It ain’t the dancefloor I’m worried about. I’m more interested in what’s going on in the bedroom,” Akeria wiggles her eyebrows, making Vanessa snort a laugh. Seeing her friend’s expression of disbelief, Akeria rolls her eyes. “Oh, come on, Vanj. You telling me you never thought about it? A lil’ steamy affair? Get the Daily Mail’s tongues wagging?”

“Shut the hell up. You’re awful,” Vanessa laughs long-sufferingly in reply, casts her eyes back down the line of celebrities. Scarlet Envy is at the top- Vanessa knows her, she’s in one of the big soap operas. She’s talking quite earnestly to Yvie Oddly. Vanessa is aware of Yvie only because her little cousin is obsessed with her Youtube channel. What is it she does again? Gaming walkthroughs? She can’t remember. There’s a tall newsreader with dark hair that Vanessa doesn’t remember the name of but she knows that Jan’s eyeing her up from across the room, so even if she ends up being half-decent and Vanessa gets on well with her Jan will still cut her to make sure she ends up with her as a partner. There’s a black girl with a mane of dark hair and a gap tooth chatting to a blonde woman with glittery makeup, some pretty girls that must be influencers or makeup artists or something (in fact, Vanessa definitely recognises one from Love Island), and Monet X Change. Vanessa definitely knows her, and she’s quite surprised the show managed to net Monet given that most of the singers that appear on the show are usually washed up talent show rejects. Vanessa’s seen some clips of her touring, she knows she’s a good dancer. Maybe she’d be good.

Vanessa takes one final sweep down the line as she sees the producers readying themselves to begin. One, two, three, four…hang on. There’s only eleven celebrities, and unless she’s suddenly lost the ability to count Vanessa knows there’s twelve dancers. Maybe they were going to be more cutthroat than she thought, maybe this would be where they decide which dancers they’re giving partners to and which one they’re cutting. Vanessa nervously shifts in her character shoes as the producers begin their welcome.

As they’re talking, the huge rehearsal room doors burst open and a tall blonde comes rushing through them, dressed in white trainers, a baggy white gym top, and black Nike leggings. She looks on her way to be sweating half of her perfectly made up face off as she runs over to join the other celebrities, sweeping her long, curling-ironed hair up into a bun and apologising frantically as she does so.

“Kiki,” Vanessa whispers to her friend. “Who’s that?”

She feels Akeria shrug beside her. Luckily Monique is standing by her right side and has heard her question.

“Oh, bitch! That’s Brooke Lynn. She presents stuff.”

“What the fuck’s stuff?” Vanessa laughs quietly, not wanting to incur the wrath of the producers by talking over them.

“She did, uh…The Voice. An’ she did some kind of consumer show in the evenings. She does The One Show now. Bunch of boring ass shit, basically,” Monique waves a hand dismissively towards the end, gets distracted by a wink and a small wave across the room from Monet X Change.

“Damn. So they give her all the boring shows to present because they know people will tune in ‘cause she’s hot?” Vanessa muses. It’s just a fact, after all. She’s not been able to tear her eyes away from her since she rushed into the room. Vanessa hopes she’s a good dancer.

“Oop. Here we go already. The Strictly curse claims its first victim,” Akeria overhears her, sticks her tongue out at her as Vanessa bats her on the arm. The sudden movement causes one of the producers to whip round and glare at Vanessa and she immediately drops her arm and fixes him with an easy smile.

When she looks back at Brooke Lynn, she’s hiding her mouth with her hand and her eyes are twinkling at her in a laugh. Vanessa presses her lips together to keep from smiling back.

They all warm up together, even though Vanessa’s already warmed up, but it’s a good chance to see who has potential and who looks more like an octopus out of water with half its limbs cut off. She scans the mirrored wall as she rolls her shoulders in time with the EDM that’s blasting from the speakers. The blonde influencer-looking girl is fucked from the start, Vanessa notes. She’s rolling her shoulders both the wrong way and off-beat. One of the celebrities, the pouty one from Love Island, is already complaining that she’s pulled a muscle. Vanessa makes the executive decision that if she gets partnered up with her then she’s quitting the show and also possibly going on a killing spree in Elstree Studios.

Brooke Lynn hasn’t met her eyes since they caught each others’ earlier. She’s not being weird, it’s just an observation. Vanessa’s, however, have drifted her way a couple of times. Brooke seems to be sailing through the warmup that Jaida’s leading easily, and Vanessa notes how easily she’s managing the split stretches, how she can bend her body almost in half until her head touches the floor. She’s clearly had some sort of dance training before, and Vanessa thinks her good looks would just be a bonus of being partnered with her. She sweeps her gaze across the room again as she stretches out her other leg, her gaze landing on Yvie. She’s bendy, her forehead pressed to the floor as she stretches out and giggles at Scarlet beside her whose body appears to be made almost entirely of cardboard. Vanessa stifles a giggle herself as Jaida starts leading them in squats, hears Monique muttering something to her as she drops to the floor. Vanessa fixes her with a confused face.

“Think you’ve got an admirer,” Monique repeats a little louder, raising her eyebrows and jerking her head behind them to where the celebrities warmed up. Vanessa brings herself up out of the squat, whips her head round to see Brooke looking right at her.

Or rather, her ass.

As Brooke suddenly looks at about six different places in the room in the space of a second and her face turns roughly the same colour as a fire engine, Vanessa turns her head back round, trying to ignore the heat she can feel attacking her own face.

It’s kind of ironic that every year at least one couple is claimed by the Strictly curse and yet the producers still call the process of finding a potential partner “Speed Dating”. The curse is a phenomenon that Vanessa has felt the brunt of and knows all too well- a partner and a contestant, almost every year, end up either falling for each other or falling into bed with each other. It’s natural, she supposes- you can’t spend practically every waking moment of every day pressed up against someone else and _not_ trip and fall onto their dick. However, this is a room full of girls, at least half of whom Vanessa knows are gay as all hell, and maybe this year there’ll be a bit more nuance and obliviousness and just general all-round idiocy.

Looking at the celebrities, she sees Scarlet joke-grinding against Yvie, both of them almost falling over laughing. Maybe everyone will be a little less oblivious than Vanessa has given them credit for.

One of the producers launches into a spiel about how the pairing up process will work. Everyone knows they won’t get properly paired up until the launch show, but this will be more of a chemistry test than a dancing test, he explains, to see who gets on with each other best. Then at the end, all of them will get to write down their top three potential partners.

“After all,” he laughs, “You’re going to be spending a long time together!”

There’s a polite bubble of laughter that pops in the room, and Vanessa feels her stomach explode suddenly with butterflies. What if she gets paired up with someone she doesn’t get on well with at all, never mind someone who can dance? Her mind drifts. Phi Phi’s standing beside her, her face set in a small frown. Vanessa whispers to her.

“Who you got your eyes on?”

Phi Phi doesn’t shift her gaze, and Vanessa follows it. Her gaze lands on the woman with the glittery makeup who’s laughing like a seal at something that gap tooth girl has said and isn’t paying any attention to what the producers are saying. “Anyone with a pulse who’s taking the competition seriously. I know who I don’t want, put it that way.”

Vanessa indulges her in a laugh. Phi Phi has reached the semi-final four times and has never advanced further, and her frustration is starting to show. Vanessa supposes she’s at an advantage here- she’s fresh on the show, she doesn’t have any chips on her shoulder. As she looks around the room, she can see each of the dancers’ past experiences reflected on their faces like battle scars: four-time World Championship finalist Courtney is smiling easily, happy in the knowledge that she won last year and will probably get a dud partner this year, Shea, former West End Choreographer who could literally get given Theresa May and still manage to advance to the finals has a calm exterior, and frowning determinedly is 2018 Latin European champion Vixen, who bowed out early last year with her partner and has expressed very openly and very loudly to everyone who’ll hear her that she’s going for the glitterball this year. In a similar boat is World Cup Freestyle Latin Champion Aja, who was up against Courtney in the finals last year and lost by only a tiny margin of the vote. The girl doesn’t seem bitter, but she’s already got her eyes trained on Monet and has clearly backed her winner already. Crystal is lost in a daydream, classic. To the untrained eye the girl may look as if she couldn’t even do the macarena in time, but the girls know better. Crystal is hard-working, determined, creative, clever, and one of the highest-ranking ballroom and Latin dancers in the country. Vanessa knows that whoever she gets as a partner she’ll be able to mold into something amazing.

Vanessa’s gaze then lands on Plastique. The girl is a fierce dancer and it’s her fifth year on the show already. If she’s nervous, she doesn’t show it. Then again, she trained under Alyssa Edwards so she’s very possibly not felt butterflies in her stomach since the year 2012. Vanessa’s eyes widen a bit as she notices Plastique eyeing up Brooke. She’s going to need to turn up the charm all the way to 100, as Plastique’s reputation precedes her and she’ll be top choice for a lot of the girls opposite.

One by one, the dancers introduce themselves. Vanessa keeps her introduction short and sweet. She doesn’t like to brag about her titles unlike some of the other girls, and she knows that her achievements are outshone by many so she focuses on the fact it’s her first year with a partner instead.

“I ain’t got a track record like Courtney, but I also ain’t got one like Monique either,” Vanessa jokes, her friend nudging her and shouting in protest as the other girls laugh. Monique takes it in good humour though- she’s been an early out for a few years in a row having kept landing Olympic sportsmen with limbs like toy soldiers, so it’s a fair enough comment. Vanessa continues, trying not to let her eyes land on Brooke all that much. “So whoever gets paired with me don’t need to be worried ‘cuz they’re gonna always end up being special to me. My first partner on the show, and the first person I get to experience it with. And I’d be happy to get any of you, because you all look nice and smiley an’ friendly!”

She adds in that last bit to come across as gracious, and it seems to work as the celebrities opposite all smile at her gently and she hears a couple of “aaw!”s thrown her way. She can practically feel Phi Phi, Aja and Vixen all roll their eyes at her, but she doesn’t care. It’s a point in her favour with the girls opposite at least.

After the professionals have all said their piece, the celebrities pipe up. To give them their dues, there are quite a few that Vanessa would be glad to be partnered up with. Peppermint, a TV journalist, seems like she’d be great to gossip with if nothing else, Gigi, the once so intimidating-looking model has got a goofy side that would keep Vanessa sane in rehearsals, and Instagram influencer Blair seems similarly sweet and is so eager to please that it almost hurts. Then Brooke steps forward, her expression the serene calm of a woman who’s used to speaking in front of an audience, and all Vanessa can think about is how much of a point that confident, in-control body language would be in their favour when they took to the floor in week one.

No, not when. If. She’s getting ahead of herself.

“Hey everyone! I’m Brooke Lynn Hytes, uh, I present stuff. I’m basically like Ant and Dec but without the loveable double-act element and the millions of national TV awards clogging up my trophy cabinets and gathering dust.”

Vanessa lets out a snort. The actual joke isn’t even that funny, but Brooke’s delivery was so deadpan and matter of fact that it made the whole thing ten times more hilarious. Akeria turns to face Vanessa, raises her eyebrows and hisses over to her.

“Girl. Any further up her ass and your new nickname is gonna be suppository for the rest of the season.”

“Uh, dance-experience-wise I actually have a fair bit. I did exams and dance shows in high school. I don’t know if I should’ve mentioned that, now you’re all gonna be fighting over me like a pack of zombies,” Brooke laughs. The other girls join in with the laughter and Vanessa shifts from foot to foot. Brooke doesn’t know how accurate she’s just been. Oblivious, she carries on. “So yeah! Good luck to us all. Please don’t tear me limb from limb.”

Another laugh that Vanessa joins in weakly with. Unsurprisingly, Brooke introducing herself to the room has done nothing for Vanessa’s nerves. She has a favourite now, but it’s akin to putting money on a greyhound race- it’s a complete gamble. She tells herself that she can’t pin her hopes on getting partnered with Brooke, even though that thought is a bit like locking a stable door after the pony’s bolted, or whatever the goddamn figure of speech is. As gap-in-teeth-girl who’s standing beside Brooke begins to introduce herself (Heidi’s a Radio 1 DJ, and that explains why her voice sounds so familiar) Vanessa jumps a little as she hears Monique whisper to her out of nowhere.

“Girl, Jesus. Dare you to be less obvious.”

Vanessa narrows her eyes at her as she turns her head. “What?”

“Brooke Lynn,” Monique cocks her head towards the girl in question. Vanessa keeps her gaze steely. “Put your tongue back in your mouth, sis.”

“Oh, like you’ve not got a favourite already,” Vanessa whispers back. She’s got the Monet card she can use if she wants to.

“You know you don’t have to take that partner thing literally, right? You don’t _actually_ have to fuck the person you get matched with,” Monique shoots back, pressing her lips together to stop herself from laughing. Vanessa rolls her eyes.

“You’re being ridiculous. She’s got dance experience, the height difference is good, I could win with her. There’s nothing more to it than that. I’d be happy with any of these bitches.”

Monique raises her eyebrows. “You’re not tryin’ to be Miss World, Vanj, it’s okay to say you wouldn’t kick her outta bed.”

“Okay, so what about Monet? I’m sure the reason that you keep lookin’ all the way down that end of the room is definitely…shit, I don’t know…some sort of eye condition?” Vanessa uses her trump card, smiles and sticks her tongue out at Monique who gives her a little shove and clamps her mouth shut in a pout, knowing she’s been outmanoeuvred. Vanessa tunes back in to the introductions. The Love Island girl introduces herself as Farrah, and she’s pouting and asking the pros not to work her too hard. Vanessa thinks back to what Phi Phi had said. She’ll give the girl some credit. Maybe Vanessa should focus more on who she doesn’t want after all.

The producers start leading girls from their side of the room to the middle so that they form two big vertical lines in front of each other. Vanessa starts in front of Blair, who smiles kindly at her and appears too shy to speak. There’s no time for Vanessa to really attempt to strike up a conversation as they’re all getting shuffled around based on their heights. She watches as Brooke gets moved from in front of Aja, past Shea, past Crystal, and finally given to Jan.

 _Fuck_.

Vanessa shakes the disappointment off. She’s being ridiculous, she knows she’ll get a turn with mostly everyone and the fact that Brooke’s tall, statuesque frame contrasts with her pint-sized self means that she’s a dead cert to get a shot at dancing with her. There’s not many people smaller than her so she knows she’s not going to be leading. This is good, as she’s obviously not used to it. The girls paired up with the smaller celebrities are going to have to work twice as hard.

Blair gets shuffled around to be partnered with Aja, and eventually Vanessa gets Gigi deposited in front of her. She gives her a friendly wave and a pleasant smile, and eventually everyone is paired up- for now. Vanessa looks over at Akeria, notices she’s been given Asia to dance with first. Akeria meets her gaze and gives her a smile that Vanessa doesn’t think she’s going to be able to wipe off her face until mid-June of next year.

As the producers give the girls some time to teach the celebrities an incredibly basic salsa step to start them off with, Vanessa relaxes as she begins talking Gigi through the steps. She’s glad she’s finally getting to do what she loves instead of being consumed by nerves and what-ifs. She knows how to dance and she’s good at it- it’s just a fact- and she knows she’s able to teach things, having helped out with the kids at her dance school when she was younger. To her delight Gigi picks things up quickly, and the two of them are simply dancing the same four basic moves in a loop as they move on to chatting.

“You’re a good teacher! It’s taking some of these other bitches ages,” Gigi laughs, Vanessa giving a guilty giggle at the comment as she notices Jadia, very patiently and very deliberately, walking Scarlet through the steps again.

“See, you wouldn’t think I never had a partner before!” Vanessa beams back at her, twirling around and landing back in Gigi’s hold. To some of the girls it might be a little awkward trying to make small-talk with someone they’ve just met whilst holding one of their hands and having another pressed to their back, but to Vanessa it comes naturally. She notices that Gigi is scanning the room and looking at the other girls. Vanessa knows a searching pair of eyes when she sees one. “You got your eye on a girl?”

“Well, you’d be good,” Gigi says immediately, although how much of that is out of courtesy Vanessa doesn’t know. “Or, I mean. Jaida’s a fierce teacher, and she’s won it before, right?”

Vanessa nods. She knows that Gigi is still holding back the namedrop of the girl she really wants. “But I guess, you know, Crystal’s a talent. It kind of seems like everyone sleeps on her despite the fact she’s got all these trophies and ranks so highly and she does ballroom and Latin. She ever won before?”

“Not yet. She got paired with some stompy politician last year and was an early out, but she made the semis before that,” Vanessa indulges her, although she’s quite sure that judging by the slight blush on Gigi’s face that she’s well aware of where Crystal’s ranked in previous seasons. Gigi seems nice, and she’s complimented Vanessa so she decides to throw one her way too. “You’ve got potential, you could take her to the finals easily. She could do a lot with you.”

“That’s sweet. Thanks,” Gigi smiles, Vanessa giving another twirl just as the producers get everyone to stop and switch round again. Time passes by in steps and twirls rather than minutes, but the variety of people she gets paired with ensures that things don’t become boring. Vanessa gets Scarlet, who steps on her toes about three times and, in her own words, dances like an inflatable waving tube man stuck outside a car showroom, then actress Willam, the one with the laugh like a seal and sparkly makeup and scant regard for the moves she’s been taught, preferring to make Vanessa laugh the whole time. After that she is paired with Jackie, the newsreader she’d noticed earlier. She shows promise but Vanessa does notice Jan’s head bobbing about looking at them from the other side of the room the whole time they’re together like an invasive meerkat so Vanessa does her a solid and talks Jan up a storm. She can’t really focus too much on Jackie, to be fair, because Plastique’s been partnered with Brooke and the two of them are already laughing and hitting it off with each other and Vanessa feels her blood fizz with determination.

Finally, mercifully, Brooke gets led down by one of the producers to stand in front of her, and for a moment Vanessa is tongue-tied. Brooke’s dark green eyes and her gorgeous face are a little intimidating, not that she’s got a crush or anything, and Vanessa feels herself growing shy for a second. But then she remembers that they only have minutes together, and if she wants to be partnered with this girl she’s going to have to up the charm offensive. The producers have been stalking the room like lions with notebooks, recording every laugh and lingering glance.

“Hey!” Vanessa starts cheerfully, fixing Brooke with the winning smile she always used to flash at the judges when she was competing. “I’m Vanjie. Well, Vanessa. Either. Is fine.”

Brooke smiles back at her despite the fact that her introduction was so awkward Vanessa feels like digging a hole in the ground and leaping into it. “Nice to meet you, Vanjie-Well-Vanessa. I’m Brooke Lynn.“

Before Vanessa can feel any more embarrassed at Brooke’s teasing, she takes a little bow and stands ready, her hand held out for her to take. “May I have this dance?”

Vanessa lets out a laugh at the cheesiness of it all, takes Brooke’s hand and stands in hold with her. Their hands seem to fit perfectly together and even though their bodies are still quite far apart Brooke’s hand on her back makes Vanessa feel close to her in a way she’s not felt dancing with any man before.

Monique’s teasing face appears in her mind and Vanessa shakes those particular thoughts away.

“I bet you said that to all these girls,” Vanessa quirks an eyebrow at her, and Brooke tilts her head to the ceiling in thought.

“Uh…no, don’t think so. Just you so far,” she shrugs, and it definitely doesn’t make Vanessa feel special in any way at all.

They start to step and _oh shit_. This is exciting. This is the first girl that’s properly led her, the first one that the moves have seemed to come so easily to, and Vanessa can feel her heart going like a train as she imagines what she could actually choreograph with a girl like Brooke to work with. She’s a bit quiet as she’s lost in thought, so she cracks an impressed face at the girl opposite her.

“You’re good.”

“Yeah, so are you,” Brooke looks at her a little funny, her face inquisitive. “Hey, how come you didn’t mention any of your accolades? Y'know. World Latin Champion 2016, four-time finalist. That’s a bragging right.”

Vanessa almost loses her steps she’s so shocked. How the fuck does Brooke know about all that? She’s not mentioned it. Brooke can clearly see the shock on her face and a blush hits her cheeks. “That probably sounds weird. I looked you up when I knew I was coming on the show.”

Vanessa laughs, pulls a face at Brooke. “Nah, that sounds even more weird. You’re just digging yourself a hole now.”

Brooke gives an embarrassed giggle, looks up at the sky to avoid Vanessa’s gaze and _oh fuck she’s still moving perfectly and she’s not got her eyes trained on her feet holy shit_. “No, I mean I looked all the girls up!”

Vanessa bursts out laughing again. The girl’s not helping her case. “Dig, dig, dig, bitch!”

Brooke squeals in protest as Vanessa feels her smile hurt her face. “You know what I mean! Ugh, God. Just answer the question and stop picking on me. I’m a very important celebrity. Don’t you know who I am?”

Brooke’s deadpan sort of humour is killing Vanessa. She tries to get out another jibe through her laugh. “Jesus, I hope that’s not how you normally interview people.”

There’s a pause as Brooke laughs back. Vanessa thinks over her question. “I don’t know. Guess I just didn’t want to come across like a showoff.”

“But it’s just a fact. You’re good,” Brooke shrugs. The praise makes Vanessa’s heart light up.

“An’ I guess I didn’t want the same as you. People fightin’ over me,” she shrugs back, making light of Brooke’s compliment. Brooke pulls a face.

“I don’t know about that, I think I’m going to have to fight off a couple of these girls if I want you,” she comments offhandedly, Vanessa suddenly feeling like she’d been shocked with a tazer. She’d been so focused on trying to charm the partner she wanted that she had no idea the celebrities would’ve been gunning for her too.

“Who wants to be partnered with me?” she asks, thinking retrospectively that she could’ve tried to appear a little less keen.

“Well, Asia’s making a bee-line, I know that much. And Willam was all smiles after she left you. And, I mean, I wouldn’t mind getting you either,” Brooke says, her last comment making Vanessa happier than it should.

“Wouldn’t mind? You’re gonna have to work harder than that,” Vanessa raises her eyebrows, faux-unimpressed. She has to slam her mouth shut at the end of her sentence to avoid tacking on a “baby” to the end of it. Jesus, what is wrong with her?

“You know they give us that card at the end where we write our top three partner choices on it,” Brooke continues. The fact she is trying so hard to come across as nonchalant is making her seem everything but, and Vanessa is loving it. “Hypothetically…would I be on yours?”

“Hypothetically? You might be,” Vanessa grins at her, spins round and misses the look that Brooke gives back at her. Is this flirting? She needs to stop.

“And, uh, hypothetically, of course, would I be first, second or third on that list?”

Vanessa looks to the ceiling, maintains the charade of not appearing overly keen. “At the moment, you are…third.”

Brooke’s face is so actively shocked that Vanessa bursts out laughing. “Third?! You bitch! Why?”

Vanessa composes herself. “Well first of all, I don’t know where you’re putting me on this list, girl, so I gotta hedge my bets. Second, I’m still trying to recover from _wouldn’t mind_ , so that knocks you down a place. Also you just called me a bitch, so you’re now reserve-third.”

“If I told you you were first on my list, does that move me up a place?” Brooke smiles at her cheekily. Vanessa tries to keep a calm exterior and not show Brooke that she’s maybe-sort-of-a-little-bit melting at her words.

“You could. How do I know you’re telling the truth, though?”

Brooke shrugs a little. “Well, I guess you’ll just have to trust me.”

With that, Vanessa feels Brooke’s hand being ripped out of her own and coming to rest in between her shoulder blades, and suddenly she’s being dipped to the ground and brought back up again. She ends up pressed up against Brooke’s chest, her face tilted up to meet hers and her lips way too close to be good for Vanessa’s heart rate. She hears an impressed cry from someone- probably Monique or Akeria stirring the pot- and there’s a kind of hush that falls over the room in response to the move that’s a little bit more advanced than anyone was expecting.

“O-kay!” a producer exclaims, and Vanessa melts out of hold, only a little bit captivated. “If we could all switch round again, uh, I think we’ll have Aja with…Farrah-”

Brooke gives her a wink and a smile as she walks away towards Courtney who she’s been paired with next, and Vanessa attempts to compose herself as she gives a little wave back and tries to focus on Monet who she’s now in front of.

If things all ended up the way she wanted them to, this was going to be a very interesting season.


	2. Chapter 2

_26th September 2020_

Vanessa checks herself out in one of the full-length mirrors, her outfit a blur of red sequins and fringing and the flecks of glitter she’s spread across her collarbones and shoulders popping under the lights of the dressing room. She blinks slowly and carefully once, twice, then gives a little flutter of her immaculately-applied fake eyelashes.

“Makeup did a great job tonight,” she smiles appreciatively at herself. Akeria appears from behind her, squeezes her in a hug.

“Mm. Although I guess it helps when they get a canvas like mine to paint on,” she flutters her own falsies whilst framing her face with her hands, and Vanessa bats her away playfully. Suddenly they are nudged out of the way by Aja.

“Do you clowns mind? Some of us have to actually use these mirrors.”

“Yeah, let Aja in. She needs all the help she can get,” Shea calls from across the room, the girls giving a laugh and Aja giving a faux-wounded cry and dashing back across the room to whack Shea. Vanessa has missed this- the dressing room camaraderie, the gossiping and the occasional catfight. She’d marked out her territory in the long, white-and-metal room a few years ago when she’d befriended Akeria and Monique, and the three girls sit at the same three white vanity tables in the same three only-slightly-uncomfortable tan-stained white chairs, with their crushed water bottles and makeup bits and bobs and packets of dried fruit snacks scattered over the area like a bomb has gone off. The blast of hairdryers, hisses of hairspray cans, excited chatter and the playlist the dancers have all cultivated together combine to create one chaotic, noisy sound that Vanessa thinks is a little bit magical. It’s even more magical, more exciting and thrilling, now that she’s actually going to be partnered up with someone and have a proper Strictly journey.

“What’re y’all gonna teach as your first dance?” Monique asks, already touching up her eyeliner despite the fact she doesn’t need to.

“Hmph. Depends who I get,” Vanessa shrugs, a little thrum in her heart. “I wanna get some ballroom out of the way first though. Then it’s one less to choreograph.”

Monique hums in agreement. She knows Vanessa has limited ballroom experience, having competed almost exclusively in Latin competitions. Vanessa looks over at Jan and Jaida who are chatting excitedly with Plastique. They all knew each other from the ballroom circuit before they started on the show and Vanessa knows she’ll never be one of those dancers that exudes grace and poise, little paper dolls that float across the floor practically on tiptoe. Then again, those girls will never be a dancer like she is, all hips and curves, sass and fiery passion and playfulness. Well. Jaida probably could if she wanted to, but Vanessa remembers when the pros all did the Cell Block Tango number last year and Jaida kept getting the giggles at the sexiest parts and setting all the other girls off laughing. For one of the most attractive girls on the circuit, she balances it out with being a bit of a dork. 

“You sure you don’t wanna lead with your strong suit? Arrive with a bang, that sorta thing,” Akeria muses, and Vanessa shakes her head.

“It’s a long game, girl, you can’t peak too early.”

“Well my plan is to peak on the first night and then plateau. Tens across the board right through to the final,” Monique pipes up, touching her lashes and pulling a face at the mirror. Vanessa and Akeria share a long-suffering look and roll their eyes.

“Of course,” Akeria indulges her. “I’ll maybe do a Cha Cha Cha or somethin’.”

“Hey! I was gonna do a Cha Cha Cha!” Monique cries, appalled. Vanessa bursts out laughing.

“Bitch! There’s only about four dances you can pick from at the start anyway, if you wanted to be the only one doin’ it then lower your expectations,” she laughs at her friend. Monique narrows her eyes, turns around in her chair and calls on Crystal, hairspraying her long, dark wavy ponytail in place at her own vanity table. “Crys! What’re you doing for the first dance?”

Crystal turns around excitedly, looks to the ceiling in thought. “Oooh…some sort of samba, maybe? Start out difficult.”

Monique pouts, halfway to satisfied. “You heard what any of the other girls are doing?”

“Jaida’s undecided. Aja keeps talking about this vision she’s got for this rhumba to Chan Chan…oh! Jan’s doing a Cha Cha Cha.”

Vanessa stifles a laugh as Monique gives a wounded groan. “Damn it, Jan!”

Crystal laughs, shakes her ponytail out and shrugs. “To be fair, I think Jan’s planned out all her dances until she gets to the final. Nobody’s thought to tell her she might not get that far.”

“Hey! Heard that, asshole,” shouts Jan, a few tables down.

“Love you!” Crystal calls back, her voice typically high and sweet and ensuring nobody can ever get mad at her.

Talk turns to partners. It turns out Crystal’s got her eye on Jackie or Gigi, and Vanessa swears she can see a bit more blush appear on her cheeks when she tells her that Gigi was gunning for her as well. As some of the other girls who’re finished getting ready around them join in, Vanessa sneaks a look at her phone and idly scrolls to Instagram to find a certain comment that’s been running through her mind for the past month. A photo of her in the studio, it’s not even that cute; she’s got her old dance school hoodie on and a pair of black Primark leggings paired with her obnoxiously bright blue trainers, and she’s sitting on the floor fresh from her warmup holding her phone up to the mirror. Vanessa scrolls down, feels her heart give a little excited jump when she reaches the comment she was looking for.

_bhytes_ : 😍😍😍

It’s dumb and embarrassing how much she’s scrolled Brooke Lynn’s profile since the girl followed her all those weeks ago. Vanessa had felt something inside her burst when she’d first seen the notification, and she still tries to tell herself she wasn’t disappointed when she saw that Brooke had followed most of the other pros too. Vanessa is only hung up on the girl because she’d be such a good partner. It’s not like they really flirted when they met, anyway- Brooke had just been joking around, and Vanessa had followed suit. Some jokes between two girls that had just met and had hit it off with each other stupidly well. It wasn’t anything more than that. Vanessa can’t take her eye off the ball this season; she’s in it to win, just like all the other girls. Being benched for two years has struck a determination in her that she’s not ready to let die. She remembers how confident Brooke was, how easily the moves came to her, how she dipped Vanessa safely and carefully but with such skill and how close they were pressed together when Vanessa came back up-

_Alright, bitch. That’s enough of that._

Akeria yelling her name makes Vanessa jerk her head up from her screen, the other girls laughing at the surprise on her face.

“What are you even doing, Jesus,” Akeria mutters, grabbing her phone out of her hand. Vanessa gives a little squeak of outrage, trying not to blush as a shit-eating grin spreads across her friend’s face as she looks at Vanessa’s phone and the other dancers ask what she’s seen.

“Well, let’s just say we know who Vanjie wants to be partnered with,” Akeria smirks, the other girls descending into excited squawks as Vanessa clamours for her phone back and Akeria relents.

“Don’t make it weird, bitch, God,” Vanessa murmurs, trying not to be stung with embarrassment. Crystal pulls a sympathetic face, reaches out to place a comforting hand on Vanessa’s arm.

“Aw, Vanjie! It’s normal to get a lil’ crush on one of the celebrities, they’re all so beautiful and airbrushed.”

“Is it, though? Or are you just hung up on a certain model that you’ve not been able to stop mentioning every five minutes since you danced with her?” Jan quirks an eyebrow, the girls all laughing and screaming again. Vanessa thinks about bringing up Jan’s obvious infatuation with Jackie but then decides against it, remembering that her Mom always tells her people in glass homes shouldn’t throw rocks. Or whatever the saying was. Even though they moved here when Vanessa was two and she probably should be used to them by now she still hates figures of speech with a passion.

“Okay I don’t mind admitting it- whoever gets Asia O’Hara, you’re a lucky son of a bitch,” Akeria throws her hands up, and Monique rolls her eyes so hard that Vanessa momentarily worries for her vision.

“My God, Keeks! Mention it one more time, maybe there’s somebody livin’ in a fuckin’…croft in the Scottish Highlands that ain’t still aware you wanna climb Miss Asia like a tree.”

Vanessa bursts out laughing, joining the other girls. Shea whips her head around from her own mirror, her high, sleek ponytail tossing itself over her shoulder as she fixes them all with an unimpressed glare. “Oh my God, will you all stop being so horny on main for like, two goddamn minutes? Jeez. When was the last time y’all got laid, two thousand and fuckin’ ten?”

Aja laughs in outrage as she points an accusatory finger Shea’s way. “Hey, not all of us could marry a contestant, okay? Let these girls get laid already!”

As the girls all hoot and Shea looks ready to fire a playful comeback at her, one of the runners comes into the dressing room and shouts up a five minute warning. The dancers all explode with excited squeals and they all rush back to their dressing tables to do a last touch up of their makeup and strap themselves into their dance shoes. Vanessa feels her heart thrumming so loud and heavy in her chest that she regrets the Red Bull she’d sank earlier, her nerves suddenly consuming her. She walks into the corridor where some of the other girls are waiting, digs her feet into the soles of her shoes and takes two big deep, calming breaths like her first ever dance teacher taught her to do when the butterflies got all too much. They’re not getting their partners straight away- they’ve got the group dance to complete first, but after that they’ll be changing into uniform little white sparkly dresses and standing on the raised steps beside the dancefloor, ready for the celebrities to come out one by one. The very thought of seeing Brooke Lynn again, in person and all fake-tanned with a full face of makeup, is making Vanessa’s hands shake a little.

“Hey,” Courtney smiles at her, coming out to stand behind her in the corridor. “Good luck. You’ll be amazing.”

“Thanks, girl,” Vanessa smiles. Courtney is the Mom of the dancers, always looking out for the other girls and keeping the peace. Vanessa is appreciative of her calm presence just now.

“How’re you feeling?” Courtney asks, a little frown of concern on her face. She rolls her eyes at herself quickly as soon as the words are out of her mouth. “God. Sorry. Silly question.”

“I’m nervous as shit right now, I ain’t gon’ lie.”

Courtney smiles, takes her hand and squeezes it. “You’ll be fine. I’d be worried if you weren’t nervous to be honest. I still remember my first show. Just remember the dancing is the easy bit. It’s what you know. You’ve done it for two seasons already anyway, all that’s changed is that you get a partner! And that’s the best bit!”

Vanessa swallows, takes another deep breath. She looks at Courtney again. “You know before you get partnered? You ever get your hopes up for one particular celebrity?”

“God, obviously. It’s like when teachers say they don’t have favourites, but you know they do. Why?” Courtney gives her a wink which makes her blush out of embarrassment. “You got your eye on anyone specific?”

“Nah. It’s my first season competing, I’ll be happy with anyone! Can’t get too choosy.”

Courtney cocks a disbelieving eyebrow at her. “Hmm. You’re a bad liar, Vanjie, but I’ll leave you alone. Have fun out there! Break a leg.”

Vanessa’s stomach gives a dip as she throws Courtney a supportive smile and turns around in the line. Monique reaches back, squeezes her hand and whispers a _good luck_ to her, and before she can get a chance to compose herself they’re all off snaking their way in single file through yellow strobe-lit corridors, then through a dark maze of black curtains and cables and electrical tape, and finally out into the muffled excitement of the audience and the hot glow of the stage lights from the rigging overhead. As the producers and runners dash about like panicked mice, Vanessa takes another shuddery deep breath and takes her place beside Vixen, thanking God the show isn’t live but also knowing they’re about to do the dance in one whole take. She’s done this before, it’s not new. She can do this. It’s what she loves.

“Right, ladies and gentlemen! Are we ready to make history? First same-sex series of Strictly Come Dancing?” a producer yells out, the audience whooping and cheering and stamping their feet. “And five…four…three…two…one…” 

The lights go up, the smile is plastered onto Vanessa’s face, and when she starts to dance everything she has been worrying about melts away. It sounds cheesy, Vanessa knows it, but when she dances her mind literally cannot think about a single thing other than the music and the rhythm and the moves unfolding as if she’s telling a story. Vanessa remembers days spent on the couch with her Mom and a bowl of popcorn watching Billy Elliot, Dance With Me, Dirty Dancing (even though that one was a 12 and Vanessa’s Mom always told her not to tell her Abuela she was allowing her to watch it) and falling in love with dancing. As the pros finish off their dance to rapturous applause, Vanessa wonders what eight-year-old her would make of it all. She’s on the biggest dancing show on UK TV and she’s about to actually compete in it. Jesus.

Backstage, Vanessa’s hands are shaking so much that they fumble with the zip at the back of her costume change. She is a bundle of nerves now that the dance is done- that’s the only part about tonight she can control, and it’s over. Shea sees her struggling, bats Vanessa’s hands out of the way firmly and hoists the zip up her spine. Vanessa feels like a six year old who’s just had to ask their teacher to help them get dressed after a P.E. lesson.

“Thanks,” she mutters, Shea giving her a tight smile in return.

“Stop worrying. You’ll just get yourself in a flap. What’re you scared of?” Shea asks her, her stern voice turning soft at the end of her sentence. Shea doesn’t have a lot of time for nonsense, but the time she does have is precious, so Vanessa sighs.

“I’m just…God, I don’t even know. Worried I get a dud on my first year, I guess. I want to showcase myself just as much as I want to showcase my teaching abilities, if that makes sense,” she shrugs, looking in the mirror and making sure none of her dark brown baby hairs are breaking free from their hairspray prison.

“If I can give you any advice for your first year, I’ll say this,” Shea continues, checking her own reflection out until a runner shoos them back into line with the other girls. “Don’t take it too serious. Establish yourself, yeah, but it’s more about having fun with whoever you’re partnered with. When I let go and did that I ended up winning. Now, shit, don’t tell anyone I’m giving you advice.”

Vanessa tries not to focus on the fact Shea has just mentioned _winning_. The thought makes her heart give a thud she’s convinced could land her in hospital. She thanks Shea, gives her a squeeze on her shoulder before the girls are led out onto the stage again. Vanessa is positioned on one of the upper levels in between Akeria and Jan. They give each other a smile of encouragement, and Vanessa reaches over to take Akeria’s hand.

“I hope you get who you want, Keeks,” she whispers, as the producers look ready to begin. Akeria squeezes her hand as a thank you and drops it just as the lights go up. Vanessa feels her stomach churn as she looks down. There’s Michelle, contestant-turned-presenter ready to look into the camera and start reading from the autocue, and she’s beside the table of four judges. Vanessa hasn’t had many dealings with the judges before- she hasn’t had to, but the four friendly-ish faces she’s only so much as smiled at backstage now seem so scary to her.

“Ready to go in three,” a producer calls out, and a hush falls over the audience. Vanessa feels herself wobble in her shoes, wonders if she’d get fired if she fainted on the first take. Before she can think too much about it, the lights flood the stage and Michelle is announcing the first celebrity to be partnered- Heidi Cheek, or, to her listeners, Heidi Nina Closet. She’s dressed in a black sparkly dress which contrasts those of the dancers, and Vanessa realises the costume designers’ vision straight away. Vanessa remembers Heidi- she’d been one of the girls she’d danced with after Brooke, and she was sweet and funny and approached learning with a cheerful sense of enthusiasm, even if it had taken her a couple of tries to get the moves right. Michelle asks her how she’s feeling.

“Excited! It’s so different to doin’ my radio show, you know? I’m not used to bein’ on camera. They didn’t tell me I’d be goin’ through makeup at all. Everyone wore their joggers and gym clothes in rehearsals so I just thought we’d all be wearin’ the same things,” Heidi begins, the audience laughing already. “Also these heels! I barely even wear shoes at work, Lord. I can’t walk in these so how I’ll dance in them I’ll never know. Least I don’t need to fake tan like some of these other girls. That whole dressin’ room smells like a pack of biscuits.”

As the audience give another laugh, Vanessa can feel her heart hammer frantically as Michelle turns to Heidi. “Okay, Heidi. This…is…it.”

The lights go down, and Vanessa wants nothing more than to squeeze her eyes shut but she knows the cameras will be giving close-ups and so she stands, poised and ready, practising her not-looking-disappointed face in case she gets partnered with her.

“Your Strictly Come Dancing 2020 pro is…”

_Breathe, don’t forget to breathe. Don’t close your eyes. Stop clenching your fists._

“Antonia ‘Vixen’ Taylor!”

Vanessa lets out a massive sigh of relief, her smile huge and genuine as she claps for the newly paired couple. Vixen races across the stage and lets out an excited squeal, Heidi crushing her in a tight hug. Both girls are clearly happy about who they’ve been partnered up with. They give a short post-pairing interview where they both squeal about how enthused and excited they are and Michelle sends them up to the auditorium. Vanessa claps them again then lets out another sigh. One couple down, eleven to go.

Michelle, a seasoned professional, copes well with the stop-start way that pre-recorded TV is usually filmed. Vanessa, however, stands and frets and wobbles in her heels through the next five pairings. Blair St Clair is paired up with Courtney next, and both girls are content with their partner. Blair just seems happy she’s got somebody who won’t eat her for breakfast if she makes a mistake.

“I’m so happy I got paired up with a winner!” she beams in her interview, her arm linked with Courtney’s. “And we had so much fun on the induction day, she put up with me so well. Even though she had to re-teach me the steps, like, twelve times.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself! It wasn’t twelve!” Courtney soothes, then gives Michelle a cheeky smile. “More like ten.”

A clearly satisfied Peppermint is given to an equally happy Shea and, to her obvious delight, Akeria is paired with Asia. Jan gives an over-the-top display of sheer unadulterated celebration when she’s paired with Jackie and almost gives Vanessa tinnitus with the amount she screeches, and Vanessa finds herself beaming with joy when Gigi is paired with Crystal, both girls behaving like Care Bears when they reach each other, all soft cuddles and squeezing hands.

Michelle takes a quick drink of water, announces some special guest singer that nobody cares about to perform at the halfway point. The girls who’re waiting to be partnered are called off the stage and the fiftysomething country singer last relevant in 2006 begins setting up. Vanessa scans her eyes over the pros that are left. There’s her, Monique, Plastique, Aja, Phi Phi and Jaida.

“Who’s still not been partnered up?” Phi Phi hisses urgently, her face determined as she addresses the other girls.

“Yvie Oddly hasn’t got anyone yet,” Plastique mentions calmly. “Or the Love Island girl.”

“Farrah,” Aja corrects her, then pulls a face. “Scarlet Envy’s not got anyone yet either.”

“Has Brooke Lynn been given anyone?” Vanessa asks rhetorically, as if she hasn’t been waiting with every embryo she possesses for the girl to come out onto the stage.

“No,” Jaida shakes her head, oblivious to the fact Vanessa already knows the answer. “And there’s Monet and Willam. So there’s three…maybe four girls still left that we can win with.”

“Hey, Scarlet has potential,” Monique shrugs kindly. Plastique snorts.

“Potential to what? Earn the lowest scores ever recorded?”

Phi Phi covers her hand with her mouth as she giggles, and Vanessa frowns at them both.

“Nobody’s winning with Willam either. The woman’s treating the whole thing as a huge joke,” Phi Phi continues.

Vanessa can’t help but send a barb her way. “I don’t know, girl, she seemed pretty clued-up when she was with me. But I guess a bad teacher always blames her students.”

Plastique and Jaida let out a squeal which they muffle behind their hands. Monique grabs Vanessa for support as she splutters a laugh, and Phi Phi scowls at her. “Well I’m not the one that was-”

“Would y’all just shut the fuck up for, like, two minutes?” Aja hisses, lowering the rapidly escalating volume of the conversation. “Unless we wanna be picked up by the mic and get round two of the half-decaying Darius Rucker impersonator that’s out there.”

Aja is friendly and funny but she’s scary when she wants to be, so the girls take a telling and fall silent as the song is finished. It’s not long until they’re led back out onto stage and are assembled onto the same podium as last time, and the cameras are rolling again. Next out is Willam. It says a lot that the stage makeup manages to tone her down, the gentle grey smoke across her eyelids a far cry from the riot of glitter that had been scattered over them on induction day. Michelle begins the interview.

“Now, Willam, you starred in Brittania High a few years ago, that was a bit dance-y- do you think that’ll come in handy during your Strictly journey?” Michelle is asking her. Willam brushes a stray hair out of her face and shrugs.

“I mean, I didn’t do too much of the dancing? I was a leading lady so I got most of the ballads. And most of the lines. More a main character than a backing dancer, really. No shade to any of my ex castmates, of course. Except Detox. Rotted bitch.”

“CUT!”

Vanessa bites her lip hard to try to stop a laugh coming out. Willam looks amused, if a little perturbed. “Is that not allowed? It was just a joke, she knows I love her really. Family show? Oh, okay.”

Vanessa can’t help it and lets out a laugh along with some of the audience. Phi Phi’s face doesn’t move.

“Okay Willam, time to see who your partner will be.”

The lights go down again. Even though it’s now the seventh time this has happened, Vanessa still feels as if she’s surviving a near-death experience every time someone new is paired up. It would be good to be paired with Willam. She’d be fun. She’s got potential. She’d work hard. She wouldn’t be disappointed at all.

“…It’s Phi Phi O’Hara!”

_Oh, fuck._ Vanessa sucks her lips into her mouth, tries not to laugh as the fake smile takes hold on Phi Phi’s face like a mask as she runs over to Willam, gives her a polite hug. She is raging. _Serves her right for being mean_.

“Willam Belli! What an enormous…” Phi Phi tails off, gesturing at the woman beside her as she searches for the right word. “…pleasure…it is to be paired up with her!”

Vanessa catches eyes with Monique, almost splutters a laugh. Phi Phi’s delivering everything through gritted teeth. Willam is smiling beside her, although her gaze keeps darting up to someone in the auditorium. Vanessa wonders if there’s someone she would rather have been partnered with.

Phi Phi is led off smiling demonically, and then Yvie appears by Michelle’s side to be paired up next. She is given to Jaida, and both girls seem happy with their pairing. Next out is Farrah. Vanessa’s heart lifts. She didn’t get paired up with Farrah at all on induction day- they’re both too small to be each others’ partners and so far there’s been at least a little bit of a height difference to each pairing. Still, though…Vanessa can’t get too complacent. She puts her hands behind her back and crosses her fingers and hopes she won’t get chosen, feeling like she’s on her first day at Hogwarts and Michelle is holding the sorting hat.

“…Aja Rivera!”

Vanessa is almost sick with relief, but as Michelle interviews the new partners she can’t help but feel almost a little dizzy with nerves. There are only three celebrities left: Scarlet, Monet and, of course, Brooke Lynn. The producers stop filming and arrange Vanessa, Plastique and Monique on the same level so as they’re not too scattered across the stage.

“You look like you’re about to throw up. Or faint. Or maybe die,” Monique whispers to her, concerned. Plastique rolls her eyes.

“Leave her alone, Mo, it’s her first partner,” she chastises her. Vanessa is grateful for the sympathy and doesn’t acknowledge how right Monique is. She _does_ feel as if she’s about to do all three of those things, possibly all at the same time. Just as she thinks things can’t get any more nervewracking, the lights go up, Michelle announces the next celebrity, and Brooke Lynn appears.

Vanessa feels as if all the air has been sucked out of the room. Brooke’s hair is tousled and swept over one shoulder, the black smoke of eyeshadow the makeup department blended onto her eyelids makes the green of her eyes pop, and the character heels and the fringing on her black sparkly dress means that Vanessa’s eyes can’t help but be drawn to her legs. This is the girl she’s been waiting for. If she gets Brooke, she knows she can go far, she knows she can do a lot. She hardly hears a word Brooke says in her interview, all Vanessa is doing is repeating prayer after prayer- she’s not even that religious but her Mom, Tia and Abuela combined have probably said enough Hail Marys on her behalf to garner her a decent amount of favour with whoever’s up there, so she gives it a go.

“Okay, Brooke, let’s see who is going to be partnered with you for your Strictly journey.”

The lights go down. Vanessa swears her heart stops beating. She casts her eyes to the ceiling, not daring to meet Brooke’s. Her palms are way too sweaty to be normal. She clasps them together but they’re still shaking like crazy. The room is silent save from the single drum beat that’s serving to build tension. It’s doing its job too well, Vanessa thinks. She swears this pause is longer than all the others put together. She can hear the catch in Michelle’s throat as she’s about to speak, her heart soaring high with anticipation.

“It’s-”

“Cut!”

There’s a groan from the audience. Vanessa is going to faint right here, right now, filming be damned.

“Sorry, we’ve got a problem with the lights, it’s hitting Plastique’s face all weird. Can we sort that?…Okay. Thanks.”

Vanessa is no longer nervous. She’s now just impatient. As she taps her foot frustratedly and sweeps a glance over the room, she’s determined not to look at Brooke. She wonders if she’s looking at her already. Unable to help herself, she sneaks a look and instantly meets Brooke’s eyes with her own. Her heart leaps as if someone’s just turned the key in its ignition. Brooke unsuccessfully stifles a smile, sends her a wink as if they’re the only two people in the room. Vanessa waggles her fingers in a wave, then snaps her gaze away as the producer silences the audience again. Michelle repeats her line, the lights go down again, and Vanessa’s not scared this time. She’s thinking it into existence. She knows it’s going to be her. Michelle just has to say it.

“…it’s Vanessa Mateo!”

Vanessa screams. She knows her face must be an absolute picture as she sinks to the ground in shock, gripping her face with both her hands. She can hear Monique and Plastique laughing and clapping above her, and she can barely walk in a straight line as she rises back up and dashes across to hug Brooke. Brooke’s smile is almost splitting her face, and she breaks away from Michelle and runs towards her, picking her up and twirling her round in a tight hug that Vanessa never wants to break free from. She’s done it. She and Brooke are partners. She gets to work with her for as long as they’re in the competition together. Maybe Vanessa will start going to mass after all.

“Oh my God,” Vanessa eventually says, as Brooke carries her in the hug for as long as she can manage then deposits her down beside Michelle who is laughing so hard Vanessa wonders if they’ll have to do another take. They do not. Instead, Brooke drapes an arm around Vanessa’s shoulder and pulls her close. Without knowing what possesses her, Vanessa takes her hand. She looks up at Brooke who’s looking down at her and they laugh together, sharing a ridiculously huge smile.

“Sorry. That was too much,” Brooke says apologetically. The audience laughs along with Vanessa.

“Uh, Vanessa,” Michelle starts, laughing a little through her question. “It’s your first year with a partner, I probably- well I don’t- need an answer, but I have to ask…how do you feel about being partnered with Brooke?”

“Listen,” Vanessa composes herself. She’s out of breath and her voice is hoarse from screeching, but she’s getting this out. “If you knew what this girl can do, you’d be screamin’ like a banshee too, Michelle. She’s so talented, I know she’s gonna be incredible…God, I can’t wait to win this whole thing with her.”

Everyone laughs again, but Vanessa’s only looking at Brooke. The girl’s eyes crinkle up when she smiles, and it only makes her look ten times more beautiful than she already is. Not that that’s weird. Just an observation.

“Brooke, how do you feel?”

Brooke looks back down at Vanessa, still smiling. “No, I’m the exact same. I know we kind of look like a bar chart together, but we just work. I knew I wanted to be her partner since induction day.”

Vanessa gives a happy sigh. She wants to wrap both her arms around Brooke and to not let go. Part of her feels like she’s lifting the glitterball already. Brooke is a trophy and Vanessa feels like a winner.

“Well, congratulations to the pair of you. One last time, give it up for Vanessa and Brooke Lynn!”

Vanessa drops her hand down and Brooke catches it in hers, the pair of them running past the audience and upstairs to the auditorium where the other girls are ready with excited squeals and hugs for them both. Vanessa accepts them all gladly, and when she is finally released she is positioned at the bannister beside her new dance partner. She turns to her and smiles, Brooke easily returning it, and Vanessa is suddenly bashful.

“Hey,” Brooke smiles at her cheekily.

“Hey,” Vanessa grins, looking to the floor awkwardly. “Sorry. If I freaked you out. Guess my reaction was kinda too much.”

“Girl, did you see me? I was spinning you round like a fucking windmill. If anyone should be apologising it should be me.”

They both laugh softly. Vanessa shrugs a little. “Least we know we’ll be good at lifts.”

Brooke raises her eyebrows and concedes, and Vanessa tries not to get too excited about the fact she can say the word _we_. They fall quiet as the producers call for hush and Scarlet is led out. As Vanessa listens to Scarlet’s interview, she can feel Brooke’s eyes on her and she turns to face her, unable to stop the smile creeping back onto her face. Brooke looks caught out for a second before she leans in close to Vanessa to whisper to her.

“I meant it, you know. I’m so happy I got you. I wasn’t just saying it for the cameras.”

Vanessa gives a happy sigh, places her hand over Brooke’s that’s clinging to the bannister. “Me too, girl. This is where it all begins. Let’s win this damn thing.”

They don’t let go of each others’ hands until the final pairing is announced.


	3. Chapter 3

_28th September 2020_

Vanessa has never been more excited in her life as she paces the rehearsal room, checks herself out for what is surely the millionth time in the mirrors and pulls a few strands of her dark hair out of her ponytail to frame her face. There’s a cameraman and a lighting person and a random producer set up in one corner too but Vanessa hardly acknowledges them, because it’s her first rehearsal with Brooke and in a moment she’s going to walk through those doors and they’ll get to start their journey together.

Saturday night had been a blur. They’d been rushed off to film their post-show reaction interview and Vanessa hardly remembers what she’d said. She supposes it couldn’t have been more incoherent than her immediate reaction. Or perhaps it had been. They’d swapped numbers excitedly, Vanessa’s heart dipping a little as Brooke insisted she couldn’t join for post-show drinks as she had to film early the next morning. With a pang of embarrassment, Vanessa remembers the text she’d sent to Brooke in the early hours of the morning as a result of Monique and Akeria’s shocking influence and way too much tequila:

_V: iknow its 1am but im still so excited to be partnered wirg u and i cant wait for first rehearsal!!!!!!! x_

It’s a miracle Brooke had still been up so her reply could come instantly and Vanessa didn’t have to wake up smelling of alcohol, kebab and regret the next day.

_B: I’m excited too!! Have a good night, can’t wait for Monday x_

It’s not like Vanessa has a crush- she’s just excited, as she keeps reminding herself, and Brooke is her first partner. It’s natural to look forward to seeing her as much as she is.

Vanessa inspects her reflection again, frowning and pulling out two more strands of hair from her ponytail to hang loose. She gives a cry of frustration as she realises she’s ruined it by pulling out way too much, so she bends over and hangs her head down between her knees to gather her hair up again.

She’s in this position when the door opens and she hears Brooke’s voice ringing into the echoey room.

“Good morning! Oh shit, am I interrupting something?“

Embarrassed, Vanessa flips her hair back and stands up straight, walking quickly over to Brooke as she dumps her gym bag at the door. “No, fuck, sorry, I was just fixing my hair! Hey!”

Brooke has her arms out ready to hug Vanessa and she accepts gladly. She smells all clean and of fabric softener. She probably uses in-wash scent boosters like an adult who has complete control of her life and more money than sense. They pull out of the hug and Vanessa fixes Brooke with a smile.

“So!” Vanessa starts, but there’s a noise from the other side of the room. One of the producers has stepped forward.

“Uh yeah, ladies, we can’t use that intro. We’re gonna have to film again.”

“How come?” Vanessa asked, realising too late that it’s because she was bent over with her hair hanging to the ground and that Brooke swore. The girls share a guilty laugh and Brooke retreats to the door. The good news is that they get to hug for a second time when they reshoot, and Vanessa gets another scent of Brooke’s detergent and the protected feeling of having the other girl’s strong arms around her.

“So, first rehearsal!” Vanessa chats cheerfully, leaning on the barre and tilting her head as she talks to Brooke. “How we feelin’?”

“Good! Excited. Ready. Positive adjectives,” Brooke says all at once, smiling at her. “How about you?”

“I’m happy. Kinda nervous, ‘cuz now I have to live up to your expectations.”

“And they are great expectations.”

Vanessa nods. “George Orwell style.”

Brooke pauses, fixing Vanessa with a funny look, then bursts out laughing. “Even Charles Dickens?”

Vanessa laughs, shrugging. “They both wrote books, I stay winning.”

She watches as Brooke doubles over clutching her stomach in hysteria, and feels a sense of pride at having made the girl laugh so much. Remembering the film crew in the corner, she smacks her hands together. “Right! For our first dance as a Strictly partnership, we are doin’ a…quickstep!”

Brooke raises her eyebrows and nods slowly. “Ballroom first, okay! I can do that. I guess I’m surprised we’re not doing Latin.”

Vanessa shrugs. “Ballroom ain’t my strong suit so I figured it’s better to get it out the way early while we got other, shittier girls we can hide behind.”

There’s a beat of silence as the two girls look at each other. They both speak at the same time. “…Farrah.”

“Reshoot!” the producer shouts over, Vanessa feeling herself roll her eyes like a teenager. Brooke snorts a laugh and Vanessa feels that little match spark up in her gut again. They reshoot, having the same conversation as before in so many words. It’s tricky remembering not to swear- Vanessa peppers _fuck_ and _shit_ into her daily language like she’s seasoning it, so it’s odd attempting to remove that from her vocabulary. She should probably be trying to give Brooke the impression of a mysterious and graceful woman who says _gosh_ and _darn_ but if she’s going to be working with her she’s going to be working with _her_ , not a cookie-cutter picture perfect imitation.

“You wanna warm up?” Vanessa asks her, feeling a little bashful as Brooke rolls her neck slowly. She gives a small shake of her head as a long strip of her bare neck is exposed, her blonde ponytail falling over her shoulder. Vanessa feels like shaking her head herself, shaking all the thoughts that just entered her head out of it. _Get a grip._

“Nah, I already did a bit before I came. We’ve got a gym at the flat, so it’s good for that kind of thing.”

Vanessa feels her eyebrows fly up her face. _What kind of fancy-ass flat does she live in?_ “You wanna just do a bit of conditioning then? I saw you were good at it on the induction day, so you prolly don’t need to do much-”

“You had your eyes on me on induction day then?” Brooke interrupts, gives Vanessa a cheeky wink that makes her face hot. She thinks about making a jibe related to Brooke eyeing her up during squats, but she thinks it’s maybe a bit much. This is only the third time they’ve seen each other, after all. She doesn’t know why she’s acting like such a teenager.

“You wish, princess,” she sticks her tongue out. Brooke laughs and Vanessa joins her, trying not to think too much about where that _princess_ appeared from out of nowhere.

Brooke shrugs in agreement and they do a bit of conditioning on the mats that are kept at the studio. They don’t really need to be doing too much- it’s a quickstep, it’s not exactly Cirque du Soleil- but Vanessa enjoys giving her muscles a proper stretch anyway. She doesn’t need to be the bendiest dancer in the world but she likes to feel as if her flexibility and strength are constantly improving. The film crew stay to catch some rehearsal shots but Vanessa feels as if it’s only her and Brooke in the room, their easy small-talk coming naturally as they stretch and chat over the chill R&B Vanessa’s stuck on in the background. Brooke’s been working that morning already, shooting for The Voice. They’ve moved filming to the morning so she can participate in the show. Vanessa says she hopes it’s not inconvenienced her too much and Brooke laughs and waves her apology away, saying it’s been her dream to get asked on the show ever since she rose to TV-presenter status.

Vanessa agrees, tells her about growing up watching the show with her Mom, how it inspired her when she began to compete all those years ago. She could get into other stuff, like the Summer when they couldn’t fly back to Puerto Rico because Vanessa had begged and pleaded with her Mom to spend the flight money on another term at dance school instead and it had caused a rift so huge it almost tore a hole in her family. But she doesn’t. As Vanessa reminds herself, it’s only their third meeting.

So why does she have to fight the compulsion to tell Brooke her damn life story?

Before Vanessa can blurt out any emotional moments from her upbringing (and she doesn’t exactly have a shortage of them), she slaps her thighs, stands up and rolls the mat away.

“Okay, let’s get started. Now obviously you’re good-”

“Oh, of course,” Brooke jokes. Vanessa’s heart gives a dip.

“- so I think we can maybe just start learning the full thing? If it’s too hard then we can just do some of the basics and go over lil’ techniques an’…stuff,” Vanessa clocks the cameras, changes the “shit” she was about to let out. “But the good news is we got two weeks to learn this one instead of one.”

“So there’s no excuse for it not to be perfect,” Brooke nods immediately. Vanessa freezes, taken aback. Brooke in turn looks almost as if she’s been caught out, and her face turns a little red. “Sorry. That probably seems way too keen, it’s just a fun dancing show-”

“Nah, keep that spirit. I’m a fan of that,” Vanessa smiles at her and Brooke, reassured, smiles back. The girl’s clearly a perfectionist. Vanessa adds that to her growing list of things she’s learning about her new partner. “Aight, I’m gonna show you how it’s gonna look. Lemme get my phone.”

Vanessa dashes over to her gym bag, scrambles about in it for a moment. She spent all of Sunday and stayed up all night finishing off the choreography with Crystal, who she’d also helped choreograph her first dance too, not that Crystal needed any help choreographing Latin. Or indeed ballroom. Or indeed any dance full stop. They’d brainstormed and drank gallons of water and chatted together excitedly the whole time. Being on the show with Crystal is nice because they practise their Spanish together so Vanessa doesn’t lose too much of it, and she understands what it’s like to be away from her huge extended family on days like Cinco di Mayo when the only real celebration of that in the UK is a display of Mexican party food in Tesco, and they moan together about the fact that neither of them have seen a single plantain on sale since arriving in the country. Finally finding her phone in her gym bag, Vanessa searches for the video she and Crystal took of the quickstep once it was all finished. Finding it, she plops down next to Brooke who’s sitting on the dusty floor and leaning against the mirrored wall. She hits play, holds her breath nervously and hopes Brooke will like what she’s come up with. Vanessa is relieved when a small smile grows on Brooke’s face.

“Are we actually doing it to _Pon De Replay_?”

“Damn right we are!” Vanessa replies proudly. She got her song request in early and the producers approved it on Sunday morning. She knows that she’s not as good at ballroom but she likes the fact that she can use songs she likes and twist the style to fit, making it more comfortable for her. The dance she’s created is clever, even if she does think so herself. First week is all about showcasing your celebrity and what they do, what kind of person they are, so Vanessa wants to give Brooke a challenge. The first half is a straightforward quickstep and the second is the same but everything mirrored and in reverse. There’s a silly bit at the start where Brooke’s going to pretend to be interviewing Vanessa to reflect her everyday career. It’s cheesy, but that’s Strictly.

The video comes to an end and Brooke is smiling from ear to ear. “Oh my God. I love it.”

“Ah! Amazing. I’m so glad,” Vanessa beams, happy and relieved all at once.

“I mean, it looks hard. But I didn’t think any of this would be easy.”

“It’ll get easier, though! Just needs practise. And remember, we’ve got two weeks!” Vanessa reminds her, standing up and shaking herself out. “So we’ve got ages. I mean. In between all the press and social media madness, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Brooke laughs, pushing herself up from the floor. “Right, come on then, teacher. What do we start with?”

Vanessa begins showing Brooke the routine, the complex and intricate little steps and hops of the quickstep taking Brooke a little bit of getting used to. But by lunchtime, they’ve gone through a little chunk of the dance already and they’ve run it without and with the music. Vanessa’s pleased with their progress and when they stop for their lunch break they’re both exhausted, sweaty, and smiling.

“You good?” Vanessa asks Brooke, who’s taking a long swig of her drink. Her eyes widen as she nods quickly.

“Yeah! Christ, it’s so tough. You’re a good teacher, though,” Brooke says, finally finishing her water. The praise makes Vanessa blush; she’s glad she’s already red from all the dancing so it doesn’t show as much.

“You’re doin’ great. Makin’ my job easy,” Vanessa smiles at her. She bites her lip before speaking again. “Hey, you wanna come have lunch with me?”

Brooke pulls a face and pouts. “Aw, that sounds amazing but I’ve got a meeting with my agent at quarter past. To make sure you’re not committing human rights violations against me or whatever.”

Vanessa snorts a laugh, tries not to look disappointed. They promise to meet back at the studio in half an hour, and Vanessa heads to the canteen where she knows some of the other girls will be having lunch too. The studios that a bunch of them have had the foresight to block-book are great and modern, and Vanessa feels bad for girls like Jan who’s having to rehearse in a draughty church hall near Jackie’s sleepy Hounslow suburb. Pushing open the double doors, she finds Phi Phi, Jaida, Monique, Crystal and Plastique already sitting at a table and eating lunch. Vanessa dashes over.

“Beep beep, hoes! Winner coming through,” she shouts over to them cheerfully, Monique laughing and rolling her eyes long-sufferingly as Jaida shakes her head at her.

“Take several seats, bitch.”

“One’s fine, thanks,” Vanessa flutters her lashes at her, causing the other girl to laugh.

“How did you even get in through the door with your head this big?” Monique scoffs, as Vanessa chucks her bag down and rakes through it for her lunch.

“Hey, you’d be crowin’ as well if you saw what my girl can do,” she points out, ignoring the way Monique’s eyebrows fly up her face at the _my girl_.

“It’s not about who’s got the best dancer from the start, it’s all about the potential,” Plastique shrugs at her. Vanessa gives a laugh.

“Aw, Scarlet’s got loads of that, right?” she jibes, the other girls laughing. Plastique rolls her eyes.

“We spent half an hour on a step-ball-change. Every object in the room slowly started to merge into implements with which I could kill both her and myself,” Plastique put her head in her hands. She’d ended up being partnered with the soap star and Monique, to her badly-suppressed delight, had been given singer Monet.

“At least she’s _trying_ to work hard,” Phi Phi sighed, her face taking on a sour expression. “Willam is killing me. She keeps doing shit wrong and if I point it out she just makes a joke about it. And she keeps dashing next door to show shit to Courtney! What the hell is up with that? Courtney’s got Blair to worry about, she doesn’t need a damn goofball interrupting her rehearsal every two minutes to add to that.”

“Where is Courtney, anyway?” Vanessa asked, taking a big bite out of her chicken and rice. She knows Courtney shares their studios too and she’s notable by her absence.

Phi Phi pulls a face in response. “Let’s just say her and Blair have a _lot_ of work to do.”

“Well, I can’t relate,” Monique smiles smugly. “Me an’ Monet have been doing amazing.”

“So’ve me and Gigi! She’s awesome,” Crystal pipes up excitedly. Vanessa swears she can see her pupils turn into little hearts as she speaks. “She’s so hardworking. We’ve done, like, half our dance already.”

“No you haven’t, stop lying,” Phi Phi nudges her under the table with her foot. Crystal rolls her eyes, resigned.

“Okay, not half, but maybe like a quarter. An eighth? A twelfth.”

The girls explode laughing and Vanessa actually has to wipe tears from her eyes. When she calms down, she asks Jaida how her rehearsals with Yvie are going so far.

“Alright, I guess. The girl’s really great, she’s got so much talent. But the bitch won’t stop filmin’ shit for her fuckin’ vlogs! I’d leap out the damn window but our room’s on the ground floor.”

Another roar flies up from the girls. It’s always funny to see how they all gel with their dance partners, and Vanessa has never got to experience it for herself until this year. She’s so happy she’s been paired with Brooke.

After the girls finish their lunch, Vanessa and Brooke continue to rehearse. The days pass like that easily with hours spent in hold, out of hold, stepping, hopping, watching Brooke tear her hands through her messy ponytail in frustration when she can’t immediately nail a particular move. Vanessa learns that Brooke’s hard on herself and, though she never snaps or yells, Vanessa knows it annoys her having to really properly work at the tricky bits. Truth be told, Vanessa gets annoyed at herself too. She curses herself whenever Brooke struggles with something, becomes convinced she should have made the dance a little easier for her. If Brooke doesn’t pick something up quickly Vanessa is irritated at her own teaching methods. She knows Brooke wants to be the best no matter how much she plays the competition off as simply a bit of fun, and she gets annoyed when it seems like she’s not doing enough to help her achieve that.

On the whole, though, Vanessa tries not to beat herself up too much. They do seem to be making really good progress in comparison to some of the other girls, and they’ve more or less learned the whole dance by the end of the first week. It bodes well for their next few weeks together, as they both know the two-week rehearsal process is a luxury that’s not going to be afforded to them for the rest of the series. Besides, next week is full of social media madness and promo filmings and they’ve got their It Takes Two interview with Cheryl on Friday. It’s going to be exhausting.

“It’s going to be exhausting,” Brooke smiles gently, contemplating the week ahead and rubbing her eyes at the end of their Saturday night rehearsal. It’s 10pm and probably far too late and Vanessa should’ve let Brooke get an early night but she got carried away polishing up little sections with her.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept you so late tonight,” Vanessa laments, frowning. Brooke frowns back, her face full of concern.

“Don’t apologise! I’m willing to stay as long as it takes. However long you think I need,” Brooke gives a small laugh, and Vanessa concedes and joins her laughter. The thought hits her that they’ve not shared too much on social media yet. Some of the pairs are giving round-the-clock updates as if they’re News 24 (she doesn’t think Aja and Farrah have stopped going live on Instagram since they began rehearsing but that’s what you get with a reality TV star as a partner), and Vanessa feels a bit guilty. She knows she’s got fans- it never gets any less crazy to say but it’s true- and she knows they’re as excited about her Strictly journey as she is. So she takes her phone out of her bag and waves it a little at Brooke.

“Hey. I know it’s late, but we’ve been workin’ so hard we kinda forgot about all the fun shit. Wanna take a few post-rehearsal selfies for Insta?”

She pauses as Brooke lets out a small laugh, suddenly feels embarrassed. “You know. If that’s your sorta thing.”

“I’m a TV presenter, Vanessa, I’m not the Prime Minister. I’m allowed to have fun,” Brooke laughs, struts up to stand beside her and faces the mirrored wall. “Go on then, Naomi Campbell, start the damn photoshoot.”

Vanessa laughs and her heart gives a little flutter as Brooke locks her fingers and rests them on her shoulder, leaning down and resting her head on them. She pouts and in turn Vanessa throws up a peace sign and sticks her tongue out. She takes a burst of five photos that will all look identical but she knows she’ll be able to find a tiny, minute difference in them all. Brooke leans over her phone as she scrolls through the photos, and suddenly jabs a finger against her screen.

“That one. It’s cute.”

Vanessa obeys orders and puts it on her Instagram story along with a timestamp and a little gif of a teddy bear falling asleep.

“Now do a video!” Brooke bounces on her toes all excited, and Vanessa has to laugh at how much she’s getting into the swing of things. Vanessa points the camera at them both, begins recording.

“Hey guys, Vanjie here with my girl Brooke Lynn, so it is…” she forgets the time, appeals to Brooke. “10.05? 10.06?”

“Way-too-late-o’clock,” Brooke chimes in, pokes Vanessa’s face teasingly. Vanessa rolls her eyes.

“We’ll go with that. An’ we have just finished a run of our full dance, you’re gonna love it, I can’t wait to show off this girl, y’all are not ready.”

Vanessa feels her face grow ever-so-slightly flushed as Brooke turns to her and smiles. “Aww. That’s cute, thanks! Oh, can we tell them what the song is?”

Vanessa faces her and laughs. “No way! We gotta wait til Monday, that’s when they all get released.”

“Please?” Brooke actually pouts. It’s too adorable and her face is so close to Vanessa’s in her attempt to fit into frame that Vanessa could totally lean forward and give her the tiniest little kiss if she wanted.

She doesn’t want to. Why the fuck did that thought just appear in her head?

“No! They’ll find out on Monday. And the dance too! No special treatment.”

“Ugh. I’m so telling my agent, this is definitely illegal. Should’ve stayed on the damn One Show.”

Vanessa bursts out laughing at Brooke’s joke, shakes her head at the camera. “I have to work with this diva. Jeez. Well, see you guys later!”

“Yeah, see you all later! If she hasn’t murdered me by then.”

“If I haven’t murdered her by then. Bye, love ya!” Vanessa signs off and stops recording, posts the video to her story as Brooke laughs. “You’re a natural at all this social media shit. Right, go get some rest. See you Monday, girl.”

“See you Monday,” Brooke smiles. Vanessa doesn’t miss the way she sort of hovers, lingering with the smile still on her face before looking to the floor and then leaving the room. Vanessa wonders what she was thinking. It couldn’t have been that important.

Before Vanessa begins to pack up she checks Instagram to see the reaction to the stuff she’s just dropped. There’s a few replies- she always gets them on her stories from fans and she tries to reply to most of them. One in particular catches her eye- a reply to the video which is peppered with heart-eye emojis and simply reads:

_OHMYGOSH!!!!! You guys are SO cute together!!!_

Vanessa doesn’t realise how long she’s been smiling until she’s left the studio and walking to the tube.

They both have a day off on Sunday- they all do. It’s been a long first week and they’ve all earned it. Vanessa has an ice bath because she’s forgotten how intense it is to be rehearsing all day every day with just one other person. It reminds her of the show she did that Summer with-

Well. It doesn’t matter now.

What matters now is Brooke, and Vanessa spends most of the daytime on Sunday sitting on the small sofa that’s squashed under the ceiling beam in her tiny narrow flat, curled up under a blanket and trying to figure out how to text her. She wants to make that connection with her partner, she wants her and Brooke to be close friends and to be able to go for lunch and talk about anything together and have their own little jokes and stuff like that. Lots of the dancers have that kind of connection with their girls already- Crystal and Gigi are averaging around two silly selfies a day on social media, Vanessa can hear Monique and Monet’s laughter ricocheting off the walls and down the stairs from their rehearsal room, and there is already some are-they-aren’t-they media speculation in the form of Jan and Jackie, who were papped going to get bagels in a break between rehearsals with their pinkies interlocked and small smiles on their faces. Vanessa’s not jealous of them, whatever it is they have. She’d asked Crystal about them, because she’s closer with Jan, and Crystal had laughed it off and said they’re just friends and they’re getting on very well. Vanessa has reason to doubt her, mind you. She knows chemistry when she sees it.

Vanessa finally decides to shoot Brooke a message at around six at night. She’s making a cheat meal of mac and cheese with a bunch of chorizo through it, because she damn well deserves a carb and some dairy and some oily meat. It’s when she realises that she’s made enough for a small village that she takes her phone out, messages Brooke before she can overthink it.

_V: i’ve just made way too much mac and cheese, u wanna have a rehearsal room floor picnic tomorrow? x_

The moment it’s sent she regrets how outrageously fucking pathetic she sounds. That is until she gets a reply around two minutes later, one that makes her face hurt with a smile.

_B: No chance you’re offloading your failed masterchef attempts onto me. How do I know it’s edible? x_

Her reply is flirtatious. Vanessa tries to explain it away but she can’t, so she positions her phone in front of the huge earthenware tray she’s just taken out of the oven, the breadcrumbs giving a satisfying crackle as she sticks a serving spoon into it and takes a boomerang of the strings of cheese and billows of steam that emerge as she pulls the spoon out and a golden slice of the baked pasta with it. She sends it off to Brooke without any written reply and for a moment she forgets about any potential response as hunger overtakes her. She grabs a white bowl with a small crack down its side and piles the pasta high into it, sitting back on the couch and pulling the purple blanket over her knees as she scans the channels for something to keep her company as she eats. She settles on a rerun of some 90s gameshow and as it eventually finishes, so does her dinner. It’s only then that Vanessa remembers her phone, and as she dashes back across to the kitchen counter her heart gives a giant thump of joy as she sees four messages from Brooke.

_B: Omg I take it all back, I will never doubt your cooking skills again x_

_B: Is that chorizo???????? I’m so hungry x_

_B: Are you mad at me because I said it wouldn’t be edible?? I’m sorry!!!!!! x_

_B: Please bring some for lunch tomorrow! I’ll get us a dessert, call it an apology x_

Vanessa looks at the little “x” after each one. She’s blushing before she even knows it and it’s almost like Brooke has planted real little kisses on both her cheeks.

_V: i’d say it’s a date but i’m not gonna give u the satisfaction x_

A reply from Brooke doesn’t come but somehow it doesn’t bother her.

They have their picnic on the floor of the rehearsal room the next day, just as had been promised. Brooke makes ridiculous noises as she takes her first bite of the mac and cheese and Vanessa pokes fun at her for buying the cakes and not baking them (but Galaxy cake bars are delicious, so she doesn’t complain too much). They make a silly video for Instagram- _“Hey guys! We’ve stopped for lunch and I brought a picnic!” “Hey, I made cakes!” “Bought cakes. Bought.”_ \- and they’re almost too full to practise afterwards but they do, until late into the night, and the day after that and the day after that. They squeeze in their photoshoot for the title sequence and an interview for the Radio Times and the days pass in a busy blur. Vanessa’s smile grows wider with each rehearsal as they become better and better at the dance and on Thursday night they run it through with no mistakes at all, Vanessa so happy that she jumps into Brooke’ arms and squeals with delight and Brooke squeezes her tight and does the same. Before they know it it’s Friday, they’re the last It Takes Two interview of the week, and the first show is a little over twenty-four hours away.

“You nervous?” Vanessa whispers to Brooke as they watch Cheryl interviewing one of the past contestants they’ve invited on to give their insight. The sister show of Strictly isn’t watched by a huge number of people but it is watched by the hardcore fans, and Vanessa is anxious to make a good impression.

“A little. I’m used to conducting the interviews, not giving them,” Brooke frowns a bit, sweeps her blonde hair over her shoulder. She turned up to the studios in a smart blue suit and orange heels and Vanessa is amazed that she hasn’t dissolved into liquid form under Brooke’s gaze.

Brooke is so beautiful, and Vanessa wonders if she’ll ever stop thinking that to herself.

Vanessa drops a shy hand to her side and takes Brooke’s, lacing their fingers together and giving them a squeeze. They hold hands and press their bodies together and look into each other’s eyes all the time as part of the dance so it’s not weird, it’s almost routine. When Brooke smiles at her, reassured and at ease, Vanessa relaxes by at least ninety percent.

They’re soon called out while a pre-recorded VT of their rehearsal footage plays and they whisper an excited _hey_ to Cheryl in all her fake-tanned, white-toothed glory, the very vision of an Essex girl-turned-professional. Vanessa’s been interviewed by Cheryl before, last year when she was on the bench and all she had to do were some silly challenges and goof around with the other pros. This is different.

Vanessa takes a quick breath in and holds it while she smiles maniacally at the camera and Cheryl does their introduction. “Alright, now, joining us for the last interview of the week- it’s Brooke and Vanessa!”

A cheer goes up from the production crew as they both wave to the camera, and it makes Vanessa’s smile turn more goofy than she’d intended it to be. She leans into Brooke’s side as she laughs and she notices that Brooke’s got an arm resting on the headboard on the sofa behind her.

“Now, Brooke, you’ve had a fortnight of rehearsals and had to work around your busy taping schedule- what’s that been like?” Cheryl asks, leaning forward with interest. Vanessa has always liked Cheryl, mainly because an interview with her feels like a chat with an old friend and she always genuinely seems interested in what someone has to say.

“Ugh, you know what? It’s been amazing,” Brooke smiles, and Vanessa’s heart lights up in affirmation. She turns to look at Brooke and she’s already smiling at her. “Obviously it’s been tiring at times, I think I’ve had a combined total of about 10 hours of sleep this week-”

Vanessa snorts, laughs at how dramatic Brooke’s being.

“-but I wouldn’t change it. I’ve learned so much, and V’s such a good teacher. I really struck it lucky with her.”

The production team let out an “aww”, and Vanessa tries to bite back a grin and fails. Brooke’s arm goes from the headboard to rest around her shoulders and Vanessa is scared to move in case she scares her away like a butterfly.

“Now speaking of- Vanessa,” Cheryl’s face breaks into a smile as she turns to her, and Vanessa’s stomach flutters a little with nerves. “You obviously felt you struck it lucky with Brooke too, let’s remind everyone of your reaction to getting paired with her.”

Vanessa lets out a wail of protest and buries her face in her hands as the clip of their pairing is played, and she can hear Brooke creasing with laughter beside her. Her embarrassment is rewarded with Brooke squeezing her shoulder in reassurance, and Vanessa supposes it’s sort of worth it. The clip comes to an end and, as Vanessa takes her hands away from her face, she knows she’s blushing hard.

“Now, you were…I think you were a bit happy?” Cheryl teases sarcastically. Vanessa playfully glares at her, and Brooke squeezes her shoulder again. “Are you still as overjoyed with having Brooke as a partner now you’ve started to rehearse with her?”

“Aw, I’m still as happy as I was on launch night. Honestly,” Vanessa smiles at Cheryl, turns and smiles at Brooke too because she can’t help it. “She just makes it so easy because- she doesn’t stop smiling, so rehearsals are fun, and she is just the hardest-working girl…that even a word? Hardest-working…most hardworking..I don’t know, but she’s it, you know?”

Her praise is rewarded by Brooke dropping her hand down to her waist, and Vanessa’s heart gives a judder. It’s not like she’s not used to Brooke’s hands on her, but the context is different, and it throws her off ever so slightly in the best possible way.

“I think what’s nice is- I’ve wanted to be on this show for so long and it’s V’s first year with a partner, so we’re kind of doing this whole journey together, and it’s special,” Brooke smiles, and Vanessa nods in agreement, as if the movement of her head will stop the blood rushing to her cheeks in a blush.

“It is nice! Because I suppose, Brooke, you ain’t gotta compare yourself to anyone because there’s not been any partners before you,” Cheryl adds with a shrug. Vanessa smiles at her words and nods, turns to Brooke as she speaks.

“Yeah. You’re my favourite.”

Brooke’s eyes have a twinkle in them as she smiles back at her. “Aw, thanks.”

The interaction is so quick that Cheryl’s already on to her next question before she can pick up on it. “Now, Vanessa, you chose a quickstep for week one, why was that?”

Vanessa sighs a little as she thinks about it. She doesn’t want to come across too cocky, come out with _because my girl’s the best and I knew she could do it in her sleep with her eyes shut_ , so she instead tries to come across as humble as she can. “I think because- it’s a fast dance, and it’s good to go right in at the deep end on your first week. I can see Brooke Lynn’s potential, and I know what she’s capable of, so we just sort of went for it and she’s coped so well. She’s thrived.”

“Not survived, but thrived! I love it!,” Cheryl laughs along with her. “Now, this pairing, I have heard…through the grapevine…this is a bit of a linguistically challenged pairing, am I right?”

Vanessa blinks at her. “What’s that even mean?”

Brooke howls with laughter beside her and Cheryl does the same opposite, and Vanessa pouts. She doesn’t like to look dumb, and the wounded part of her wants to remind them both that she’s the only one out of the three of them that speaks more than one language, but she lets it drop when Brooke explains it to her softly. “Like…words and stuff.”

“Oh right! Yeah, so Brooke’s got lil words for all the steps we’re doin’.”

“It just helps me remember the timing!” Brooke laughs, her turn to feel embarrassed as she covers her face with her hands.

“Yeah, so we go, like…step, hop, beans-on-toast!” Vanessa explains. Cheryl’s looking at Brooke as if she has two heads.

“What is beans on toast?!” she exclaims. Brooke shakes her head, gives Vanessa a look of admonishment.

“It’s just a little phrase, and it goes with the timing of the steps of the dance, and it helps me remember them…I won’t do it on the night, you won’t hear me say it!” Brooke laughs. She’s got the slightest hint of a blush hitting her cheeks, and part of Vanessa feels warm with the fact that the stage lights are too bright to pick up on it and it’s like a secret only she knows.

“Well, Vanessa, there’s also a revelation I’ve heard today that I’m a little bit shocked by…” Cheryl begins, and Vanessa feels nervous, as if Cheryl’s about to rip the butterflies out of her stomach and show them to Brooke as some sort of proof of any embarrassing little feelings she’s got for her. “…you’re a Strictly pro that can’t actually say the name of one of the dance moves?”

“Oh my God,” Vanessa lets out a groan. She knows instantly what Cheryl is referring to, and Brooke’s hand is wrenched from its position on her waist as she claps her hands with mirth.

“Can you say it now?” Brooke teases, and Vanessa rolls her eyes at her.

“Girl, you know I can’t!” she whines, prepares herself to try and say the offending word. “Sash-ay?”

“No!” Brooke laughs, the twinkle in her eye almost blinding.

“Sash-ay?” Vanessa hears herself, and shakes her head. “No, wait, I already said it like that.”

“It’s not like a sachet of sauce,” Cheryl supplies unhelpfully. Vanessa raises her eyebrows at her. She tries again.

“Chassé,” she finally comes out with, and a roar of satisfaction erupts from the crew behind the cameras. She laughs as she protests her lack of pronunciation. “Leave me alone, I got two languages to try an’ speak in!”

“And you can’t say chassé in either of them,” Brooke teases, sticking her tongue out at her. Vanessa finds it hard to rip her eyes away from her partner as Cheryl speaks again.

“Well, you two, you’ve been a joy to have with us today, good luck for Saturday night-”

“Thank you!”

“- Brooke and Vanessa, everybody!”

A cheer goes up from the crew, and Vanessa can’t help but giggle at the silliness that was the end of their interview. As Cheryl introduces another section of the show, Vanessa feels Brooke slip her hand into her own, squeezing it once. Vanessa squeezes back, and Brooke meets her eyes in a calm smile. It’s Friday evening, they’re off to rehearse as soon as this is over, and then it will be Saturday and their first live show as a couple. Vanessa is the best kind of nervous, and she finds herself shutting her eyes for a second as if to check she’s not dreaming.

Another squeeze of her hand from Brooke Lynn brings her back to earth with a bump, but she doesn’t mind.


	4. Chapter 4

_3rd October 2020_

Vanessa takes a deep, nervous breath and looks to the ceiling. The disco ball hangs high from it and creates tiny little square reflections, chunks of glitter against the light rigging. The lights themselves are purple and blue, matching those that snake along the balcony and up the stairs and arch over the huge projection of the show’s title card at the other end of the room. There’s another projection, a yellow one that dances across the shiny lacquered ballroom floor as if it’s practising too. The judges’ table is silver and glittering and intimidating to Vanessa’s right, despite the fact that none of the judges are even sitting at it yet. The band and singers are all set up underneath the huge arch of the stairs that Vanessa has practised walking down with Brooke and the other girls and knows she’ll be walking down again in just a few hours’ time.

“Right, Brooke and Vanessa, please. You’re up!”

A little “woo!” goes up from the couples assembled in the dark shadows of the empty studio. Peppermint and Shea are leaning with their backs against a pillar, their eyes supportive but analytical. Crystal and Gigi are sitting in some of the chairs at the far back row, clapping loudly with each new routine they manage to see and whispering to each other secretively between dances. Yvie and Scarlet are both in the front row off to one side, as Jaida and Plastique are off getting some last tweaks done to their costumes. They don’t seem to mind that their partners are away and are talking excitedly to each other, Yvie every so often making Scarlet laugh so hard that she reaches out and grabs her arm or knee or hand. And Monet and Monique are on the chairs behind Vanessa and Brooke, currently screeching their heads off and pushing them forward onto the dancefloor.

It’s Saturday, the day of their first show. It’s half past four and the sky had just been starting to take on that threateningly Autumnal look halfway between grey and navy when Vanessa had arrived at Elstree studios with Akeria, her friend having to listen to her excited babbling at the thought of getting to actually participate in the competition for the first time. Vanessa hadn’t stopped talking since- not when she’d greeted all the dancers and celebrities with similar excitement, not when she’d given all the hair and makeup artists a hug and thanked them preemptively, and not when she’d been non-stop texting Brooke. To be fair, her partner had started it, so excited was she since rehearsal that morning that she’d texted her practically every available moment since. When Vanessa had finally seen her at the studios they had squealed and joined hands and jumped excitedly on the spot in anticipation of seeing their costumes, trying them on, getting to dress-rehearse and experience their first live show together. So Vanessa has been chatting excitedly the entire day.

The only point where she has fallen quiet is when she had seen Brooke in her dress for the first time.

It’s light blue with satin straps that criss-cross at the back, a bodice that is studded with dimantés, and a long skirt with ostrich feathers along the hem. It’s not the most gorgeous dress in the world but Vanessa knows it’s going to look incredible during the routine, and besides, Brooke could wear a bin bag and still look effortlessly beautiful. Brooke had looked bashfully to the floor as she emerged from her dressing room in the dress, her face ever-so-slightly red.

“It’s hideous,” she’d whispered to Vanessa, out of earshot of the costume girls who Brooke hadn’t wanted to offend. Vanessa, without knowing what had possessed her, had put her hand on Brooke’s upper arm and given it a squeeze.

“Shut up. You look stunning,” she’d smiled reassuringly at her, and the flash of gratitude in Brooke’s eyes had been all Vanessa had needed in return.

She’s in her dress now and Vanessa’s in hers too, the exact same but a royal blue instead of the sky-blue shade of Brooke’s. Vanessa’s stomach is fizzing at the thought of them both dancing in full costume, makeup and hair with an audience watching them as well.

The dress rehearsal doesn’t always run in the running order of the show and today is one of those days. Brooke and Vanessa have had to wait for some of the other couples to run their routine through whereas this evening they’re up first. They’re the ones kicking off the whole show, and Vanessa would be lying if she said she isn’t nervous. They have practised as much as they can, they can do the routine well. Now all they have to do is show the other couples what they’re up against. It’s hard, though, for Vanessa to put everything she’s seen out of her mind and focus on her own dance with Brooke. Jaida and Yvie have just finished their Jive, huge smiles on both their faces as they hit every single beat throughout, the moves coming to Yvie effortlessly as if it’s a partnership of two professionals. Before that, Jan and Jackie rehearsed their Cha Cha Cha which contained so much tension and chemistry that Vanessa became convinced that their lips were going to meet at some point in the routine.

“How you feelin’?” Vanessa whispers to Brooke as they move onto the ballroom floor. The band swap around and tune up and the singers glug water behind them. Brooke looks the most nervous Vanessa has ever seen her.

“I’m fine,” Brooke lies. Her eyes dart around in a panic, wide and white. It unsettles Vanessa so she takes Brooke’s hand, rubs her thumb over her knuckles comfortingly.

“Hey. You don’t need to be nervous,” she reassures her, despite the fact she’s swallowing down her own nerves as she speaks. “You’ve got me. It’s going to be okay.”

Brooke takes a deep breath, her lips forming a tiny “o” as she breathes out. She manages to shoot a smile Vanessa’s way, and Vanessa is slightly more at ease.

“Ready to go?” she hears a producer shout.

“Yeah!” she shouts over, as Brooke Lynn drops her hand to give the producer a thumbs up. They sit in the two chairs that form part of the beginning of their routine, there is a click of drumsticks, and a silence falls across the studio. Two notes from a trumpet, the shuffle of papers on a music stand. Vanessa’s throat is so dry. Launch show feels like a walk in the park compared to this.

There’s a _one…two…one-two-three-four_ click from the drumsticks, the music begins, and the pair of them are off. Straight away, Vanessa can tell something isn’t right. Brooke is too in her head and it shows. When they move into hold she can feel Brooke’s hand shaking, feel her pulse through the hand on her back so fast and heavy that Vanessa wants to make eye contact with her, but she can’t- it’s dress rehearsal, and she needs to be a professional. She can feel Brooke’s feet opposite her, though, and she just knows they’re not doing what they’re meant to be doing. Brooke is trying to keep up and failing, and it’s so hard for Vanessa to push through and keep dancing when she knows it’s going so wrong. They reach their bit on the steps and Brooke stumbles, the steps all coming at the wrong time and in the wrong direction. The smile is still plastered to Vanessa’s face even though she wants to stop right there, cut the band off and just talk to Brooke, calm her down and reassure her. There’s a point in the middle where she finally gets to meet Brooke’s eyes and she tries her hardest to make them comforting and gentle in the few seconds they’re facing each other. It hurts Vanessa to see Brooke’s own full of resignation and disappointment. She manages to pick things up a little near the end of the dance but there are still a few mis-steps and blunders, and by the time it’s over and the others are clapping and cheering Vanessa can already see the hurt in Brooke’s fake smile and the slump of her shoulders. She takes her by the hand, squeezes it urgently.

“It’s just the dress run, okay?” she murmurs to her, panicking as she sees what could be tears welling up in Brooke’s eyes. “You can do this, baby. You know this.”

Brooke nods harshly, blinks once, twice, three times, and the tears- if they were ever there to begin with- vanish. Vanessa wonders whether or not to hug her and then allows her heart to take over. She pulls her in, reaching up to loop her arms around her neck and burying her face against her chest. As Brooke squeezes her waist, she decides that it was a good decision.

Of course the hug can’t last forever but their hands are joined as they leave the dancefloor and return to their seats. Nobody from costume comes over to make adjustments so they can watch some more couples, not that Vanessa particularly wants to. Monique and Monet are still in their chairs. Vanessa is reluctant to face her friend but a tap on her shoulder prompts her to turn around anyway.

“Hey,” Monique hisses, and as Vanessa turns around Brooke does too. Monique’s smile is caring and comforting as she addresses them both. “Don’t worry. First dress run is always off-puttin’, it’s a new environment and the lights are down and the band’s so different to a track. You’ll be great tonight.”

Vanessa is thankful for her words as they seem to put Brooke at ease a little more. She thanks Monique and, wanting to move the spotlight off the pair of them, asks Monet how she’s feeling.

“Ready! Excited! We’re gonna wipe the floor with all you bitches,” she teases playfully. Monique laughs supportively beside her and Vanessa wants to roll her eyes at how much of a ridiculously obvious lovesick puppy her friend is.

“Well, it won’t be hard after what just happened there,” Brooke jokes, her tone not dissimilar to Eeyore’s. Vanessa raises her eyebrows at her and points a finger in her face, channels a bit of her Abuela’s tough love.

“Hey! I’m not letting you talk like that, you’re amazing. We’re gonna be flawless tonight. Just you wait.”

She punctuates her telling-off with a tap to Brooke’s nose, which finally makes her crack a proper smile. A producer shouts over for Monique and Monet, and Vanessa and Brooke clap for them and wish them luck as they take to the stage in matching little glittery playsuits, assembling themselves in their starting positions. Vanessa takes the opportunity to talk to Brooke properly now they’re alone.

“What happened?” she asks. Brooke lets out a heavy sigh.

“Just like Monique said. It’s all so different to the studios and everything just…I don’t know…threw me off, I guess,” she mutters, picking at a bit of feather. Vanessa takes her fidgeting hand and holds it gently between both of hers. The gesture seems to surprise Brooke, and all of a sudden their eyes meet, green opposite brown.

“Brooke Lynn, listen to me. I want you to know this. You can do this fucking dance.”

“I know I can!” Brooke whines, exasperated. Her expression is pained and pouting. “That’s what fucks me off about the whole thing. We’ve done it literally perfectly before. I feel like the only time I was worse than when I just did that dance was the day we started learning it.”

“Well, that’s good! I’m glad you know that,” Vanessa says firmly, enthused by Brooke’s determination. “So. What’s our game plan for tonight?”

“Do it perfectly again,” Brooke says instantly, and Vanessa squeezes her hand between the both of hers. She can’t stop the grin that creeps onto her face at Brooke’s decisive tone.

“Let’s do that, then.”

Brooke’s returning her smile and hasn’t taken back her hand and the world seems right again.

Monet and Monique’s Cha Cha Cha is the best they’ve seen so far- granted it’s only the second they’ve seen so far, but it’s good. Monique’s choreography is funny and clever and as they dance the pair tell the story of a backing singer (Monet) upstaging the star (Monique). Despite the fun they’re having the pair of them manage to only make a couple of mistakes, and Vanessa is cheering for them at the end. Courtney and Blair are next, and _God_ , Phi Phi had been right when she’d said they had a lot of work to do. Blair plods her way through their Tango and visibly shows the mistakes she makes on her face, but Vixen still claps and cheers once they’re done as if she’s just witnessed a piece of modern art. Their performance seems to cheer Brooke up significantly, and Vanessa can practically read her mind- _at least we won’t be as bad as that_. As if Brooke’s able to read hers, she leans down and gives Vanessa a smug grin which makes her heart skip a beat.

They don’t stay to watch the rest of the couples. Instead they practise as much as they can in Brooke’s dressing room, which embarrassingly makes Vanessa nervous to even be in. Brooke’s all business, though, and they mark as much as they can of the dance in the space that they have.

They do it perfectly all three times.

Hair and makeup’s waiting for them, though, so they eventually relent and join the other couples who are all assembled in the huge room either getting combs and brushes swept through their hair, sponges dabbing at their face, or sitting and chatting. The pair of them are out of breath after their impromptu rehearsal, and when they enter the room a whoop goes up from Willam, who’s sat beside Courtney. Come to think of it, they both seem to be joined at the hip despite not being partnered and it’s as if the two of them are salt and pepper shakers, never one without the other.

“Oh! Strictly curse! Strictly curse! Dressing-room fucking!” she cries out, eliciting a laugh from half the room to Vanessa’s embarrassment. Before either of them can defend themselves, Phi Phi cuts in from her position in the hairdresser’s chair.

“They were probably rehearsing. Which is what we should be doing after that fuck-up of a dress run.”

Vanessa’s intrigued by the mention of how their dance went, but instead she ignores the comment and nods her head gratefully. Brooke replies, and Vanessa doesn’t miss the blush that’s crept onto her face. “Yeah, post-rehearsal sweats, not post-sex sweats. Sorry, Willam.”

Willam’s undeterred, and she shrugs lightly as she chomps on a cereal bar. “Give it time. I’ve never been wrong yet. I gotta sixth sense for this kinda shit, y’know.”

“Ooh, how come?” Courtney asks, crossing her legs and batting her lashes Willam’s way. Willam immediately swivels away from Vanessa and Brooke to give Courtney all of her attention, and Vanessa rolls her eyes long-sufferingly at her partner.

“Strictly curse, Jesus. As if,” Vanessa laughs, but it comes out more bitter than she’d wanted it to. There are still memories she associates with that phrase, she can’t help them, and even though time has passed she’s still got scars that are slowly healing.

Brooke gives a snort beside her, but Vanessa sees the way she doesn’t smile with her eyes, the way she looks almost wounded. Is Brooke…disappointed? Vanessa scrambles to follow up her comment.

“I mean, you know, some good comes out of it all the time. Obviously like Shea with Sasha…I just think…”

“It’s not something you’d ever fall victim to,” Brooke nods slowly, understandingly. Vanessa shakes her head.

“No, no, that’s not it at all! Like if I developed a connection to someone on the show like that, then of course!” she explains quickly. All at once she sees a small twinkle appear in Brooke’s eye, and it sends a spark of electricity up her spine. She feels she has to justify her earlier remark and she swallows before deliberately forcing her tone to be light. “It’s just, you know…obviously after what happened last year.”

Brooke makes a face as if someone’s just dropped a very heavy object on her foot. “Right. Right. Of course. Fuck, sorry, of course you have every right to hate people talking about it so much.”

Vanessa gives a soft laugh. It still hurts and the humiliation might never dissipate but she tilts her head and smiles at Brooke. “Don’t worry. It’s fine.”

They drop the topic, chat about the show instead and Vanessa explains to her how it’ll all work. The pros will do their group number first (Vanessa will change into her costume for that later, a strappy silver leotard with a fringed skirt that hangs low on her waist), which the dancers have been rehearsing all week. Then the judges come out and sit at their table and do a bit of chit-chat with Michelle. Then each of the couples come down the famous stairs and are introduced, and after that the show kicks off. With them. They are opening the whole show, Vanessa’s brain reminds her, and her stomach does a somersault. While they chat a couple of the other girls join in. Scarlet sits herself down in a free chair opposite them and chips in in between bites of mango, and Yvie pipes up every so often from her position in the makeup chair.

“Are the judges really terrifying?” Scarlet asks nervously, biting down hard on a piece of fruit. Vanessa shrugs, pulls a face.

“I mean, I wouldn’t know really. Never competed before, remember?”

Vixen pipes up from her place in the hairstylist’s chair. “Bianca can be a bitch but she’s alright when she ain’t behind the judge’s table. I think half of it is just her playing into the panto villain stereotype. Kennedy is just happy to be there, she always gives fair scores. Laganja is on a different planet, she’s hilarious. Always marks high. Shangie is lovely but you know she undermarks half the time and plays favourites the other half.”

“Well, I’ll just need to make myself one of her favourites,” Scarlet flips her perfectly curled hair and shrugs.

“You’re already one of my favourites,” Yvie says nonchalantly. Scarlet fixes her photoshoot-ready smile onto her.

“The only correct decision,” she points at her approvingly. Yvie laughs a too-loud laugh that makes Vanessa roll her eyes at just how lovesick and useless everyone in this cast seems to be. Then again, she supposes she can’t really talk. Scarlet’s talking to Yvie now as if they’re the only two people in the room. “How’re you feeling, baby?”

“Just excited! Ready to go and get some tens,” she laughs, although Vanessa knows she’s not really joking.

Vixen raises her eyebrows, amused by the girl’s cocky remark. “Reign it in, girl. They never give out tens on the first night. You wanna score above twenty-five, that’s a successful first week,”

“Well, at least nobody’s going home this week,” Scarlet shrugs easily. She’s right- there’s no vote in the first week, and all the scores are instead carried over to next week’s show. But Vanessa doesn’t see that as a chance to relax. Scores are combined with the public votes so she knows a high score in the first week puts them in a good position for the next. She knows she’s thinking ahead too much but she can’t really help it. This is a long game, like Akeria said on launch night, and Vanessa is playing it to win.

“How’re you feeling, Scarlet?” Yvie asks back. Scarlet pouts. Vanessa thinks it’s more than a little for Yvie’s benefit.

“I’m just nervous! I hope I do okay.”

“You’ll be amazing,” Yvie tells her, and Scarlet’s smile is back on her face. Yvie smirks as she finishes her sentence off with, “Like me.”

The girls all laugh. Brooke takes out her phone and scrolls it a bit, nudging Vanessa after a while.

“Cute backstage video?” she offers, and Vanessa nods happily, glad to see Brooke a little less subdued. Vanessa leans into her as Brooke tilts the camera at them both.

“Hey family, we’re just about to get our hair and makeup done, hoping they can do something to fix this,” Brooke jokes, gesturing around her entire face. Vanessa shoves her.

“Shut up, girl, you’re gorgeous.”

The compliment is out before Vanessa can stop herself, but she doesn’t miss the way Brooke’s smile gets slightly wider. She ignores the compliment with her words but her face acknowledges it. “We’ve just done our dress run, it went horribly-”

“Oh my God, the lies you are telling today!!” Vanessa’s jaw drops. She knows it hadn’t gone well, but she just doesn’t want Brooke being so down on herself.

“Tell me we weren’t bad.”

“We weren’t bad!!”

“Well we weren’t good, either,” Brooke laughs, and Vanessa has to hand that one to her. “So you guys better vote for us next week, because we’ll need it.”

“Yeah, vote, vote, vote!” Vanessa nods enthusiastically.

“For Willam and Phi Phi!” Willam ducks her head into shot, and Vanessa pushes her away as she bursts out laughing.

“Brooke and Vanessa!” someone from hair calls, and Brooke pulls a face at the camera.

“Ah! Right, that’s us! See you all later, love you,” Brooke squeals into her phone and stops recording. In lieu of a story she decides to post the video on her grid, with the caption:

_bhytes: 1 hour to go! Mood: terrified! Lucky I have @vanessavanjie dancing with me!_

Vanessa is heartened by the tag, promises herself she’ll reply with something later. As the hair stylist sprays Brooke’s hair to within an inch of its life, Vanessa watches in the mirror as Brooke scrolls her phone, then pauses, a stifled smile creeping across her lips and a hand reaching up to touch her face self-consciously. Vanessa narrows her eyes with interest and, refreshing the page, finds that five new comments have popped up on the video Brooke’s posted. Three of them are a series of emojis, one is well-wishes from Brooke’s One Show co-star Nina, and one in particular catches her eye.

_branjie5ever05: you GUYS i can’t take it you’re so good together!!! like an old married couple!! can’t wait to see you dance! branjie 5ever!!_

Vanessa allows herself to wonder if that was the comment that had made Brooke’s face light up before her mind tells her how utterly ridiculous she’s being.

Hair and makeup is a blur and once they’re done, Brooke takes Vanessa’s breath away for a second time. The pair of them never really get to see each other with a full face of makeup on- they would just sweat it off in rehearsals- so this is unfamiliar territory to Vanessa. Brooke’s beauty hits her all over again just as it had on launch night, and Vanessa feels herself dissolving into a bashful mess whose tongue has been cut out.

“Wow,” Brooke says quietly, her tone of approval sending another little spark through Vanessa’s body. The atmosphere is already so electric and Brooke doesn’t need to add to that but she won’t complain. Brooke gives her a small smile that’s almost shy as she manoeuvres herself out of the makeup chair. “You look so good.”

Vanessa smiles, mutters a soft thanks to her. Brooke keeps going.

“I mean, better than good, obviously. Really pretty,” she stutters out, and Vanessa has to try not to laugh at how endearing she’s being.

“Well, same to you, boo. If anything goes wrong, which it won’t, all you need to do is smile at the judges and then maybe they’ll ignore it.”

Brooke rolls her eyes, gives a small laugh. “Ugh, please. I’m not Scarlet, I’m not going to simp for the judges.”

Vanessa lets out a howl of a laugh which causes some of the other girls to turn their heads. She yells an explanation. “Brooke Lynn just used the term ‘simp’!!”

“What? Did I not use it right?” she blinks, unamused. Vanessa butts her head into her arm and hugs her, trying to explain how funny she finds a thirty year old TV presenter using a term she’s only ever seen on Twitter.

If Brooke’s Insta post is a countdown to the show starting, then their time is eventually up. Vanessa feels like Brooke hugs her extra tight before she goes out to do the pro dance, clingy in the best kind of way. They won’t be separated for long but Vanessa still feels her heart hammering in her chest as the dancers begin to assemble on the ballroom floor, walking through the audience who are silent in anticipation (or perhaps under strict instructions from the producers). There’s a countdown and Vanessa tries to forget that, unlike the launch show, this is live, her dancing instantly beamed into the living rooms of everyone watching. The lights begin to come up, and the commentator’s voice booms through the studio.

_“Live on Saturday night, this is Strictly Come Dancing!”_

The audience cheers, and the band play the first notes of _Boogie 2Nite_. Vanessa can hardly breathe as she watches Akeria and Phi Phi open the dance, not a single error between them as they kick and spin each other around the floor. When Vanessa and the other pros join in at the swell of the chorus there is another excited cheer that ripples through the studio and makes Vanessa’s smile hurt her face. She gets to her solo and feels as if she’s igniting as the lights beam down hot onto her and she spins, kicks one leg high into the air, melts and then finishes with a stag jump that she knows wasn’t perfect but she’s too full of adrenaline to care. She partners with Monique and the two of them have matching grins on their faces as they dance, Monique spinning Vanessa round, round, round until she’s almost dizzy. As the dance comes to a close, Vanessa hits her pose right on the last beat, holds it, and then after waiting for the audience to finish applauding she runs backstage along with the other girls, hurrying into costume to change into her quickstep dress. The wardrobe team help her change and before she knows it, she returns into the line that the partners are all forming at the top of the stairs, waiting for their names to be called out. As soon as Brooke sees her, her face lights up in a smile and she wraps her in a tight hug. She smells of hairspray and fake tan and peppermint chewing gum, and Vanessa never wants to step out of her arms.

“You were so amazing. Well, everyone was. But you were the best,” Brooke murmurs into her ear before she lets her go, and Vanessa’s whole body tingles at the praise. There’s hardly time to reply, however, before a runner is telling them that they’re to come down the stairs in just twenty seconds, and stand in the spot they’d been given earlier that day during the dress run. Vanessa’s palms are sweaty and she’s self-conscious of them as Brooke takes her hand.

_“Introducing your Strictly Come Dancing stars!”_

The commentator’s voice is loud through the speakers and Brooke’s thumb strokes Vanessa’s skin between her thumb and index finger as they look at each other affirmingly before stepping out onto the stairs. The lights are blinding in Vanessa’s face but she’s still smiling and waving at the top of the stairs as the audience cheers for her and Brooke.

_“TV presenter Brooke Lynn Hytes, and her partner Vanessa Mateo!”_

Vanessa sneaks a look at Brooke and she’s already looking at her. The coincidence makes them both giggle before they walk carefully down the stairs, Vanessa telling herself not to trip on her way down. They make their way to their space and watch and clap for the other couples while the anticipation fizzes in Vanessa’s chest. They’re first. They’re first. They’re first. If she’s this nervous, she doesn’t know how Brooke must be feeling. Eventually all the couples are assembled, and Michelle is introducing them.

“And kicking off the whole show…it’s Brooke and Vanessa!”

As the audience gives a whoop and their VT plays Vanessa takes Brooke’s arm and looks at her, making sure she’s okay. To her relief Brooke returns her gaze steadfastly and there’s a little sparkle in her eye. She doesn’t seem as anxious as she was before. The couples leave the ballroom floor, Monique, Akeria and Crystal making sure to tap Vanessa on the shoulder on their way past and whisper a quick “ _good luck_ ” to her and Brooke. They sit on the chairs that the set people are running about assembling, and Vanessa hisses across to Brooke.

“You good?”

Broke nods to her. “We’ve got this.”

Vanessa’s nerves instantly leave her body. Brooke’s truly back in the room and her head is in the game. There’s a countdown of five from a runner and the commentator’s voice booms overhead again.

_“Dancing the quickstep…Brooke Lynn Hytes and Vanessa Mateo!”_

The drum kicks in and their performance has begun. Already it’s nothing like the dress rehearsal. Brooke’s smile is genuine and easy during their silly interview-style bit, and when Brooke takes her hand as she rises from the chair Vanessa can feel her pulse again but it’s not heavy and frightened like before. It’s full of adrenaline and excitement and as Vanessa rests her hand on her upper arm and Brooke rests hers between her shoulder blades, something just seems to click. They’re off across the dancefloor and Vanessa knows Brooke’s steps and hops are in time with hers, the intricate footwork coming so naturally to her. As they go to cross the floor again, Brooke’s smile seems to falter as she stumbles. Vanessa doesn’t let this deter her and as they meet each other’s eyes she gives Brooke a wink.

“Beans on toast!” she reminds her mid-dance, and Brooke’s confidence is back as they do the next set of steps perfectly. Their feet are going so fast that Vanessa can’t even pick up on whether or not Brooke’s made any more mistakes yet, but the majority of their first dance has been good.

They reach their little section on the steps, and Brooke gives the slightest little falter as she makes eye contact with Bianca. The judge never gives anything away so her steely gaze might have rattled her, but as soon as they’re off the steps and back in each others’ arms Vanessa gives Brooke’s hand a squeeze.

“Almost there, last section!” Vanessa tells her encouragingly. They’re back to kicking, stepping and hopping their way across the ballroom floor to their seats where they finish, and as Brooke hits her final pose and Vanessa hits hers the audience gives a loud cheer. As soon as they’ve held it for a few seconds, Vanessa squeals, jumps up and meets Brooke’s waiting arms. She knows they’ve got to go over to Michelle to be interviewed but she holds the hug for a few more moments than necessary, raising her voice over the roar of the crowd as she speaks against Brooke’s rapidly rising and falling chest.

“You did it! So incredible!!” she gasps, all out of breath. To her shock, Brooke rests a hand on one side of Vanessa’s face and plants a kiss against the other.

Vanessa doesn’t know if the past five minutes could get any better.

They make their way over to Michelle. Brooke’s got one arm slung around Vanessa’s shoulders and Vanessa’s not moved her arm from her hips since their hug. Michelle is waiting for them with a bright smile on her face, seemingly as happy with their performance as they are.

“Congratulations you two, what an opening to the show!” she smiled encouragingly, and Vanessa gives Brooke’s waist a squeeze. “Brooke, how did it feel performing tonight?”

Brooke’s out of breath as she talks. “So amazing. So, so amazing. Dress run went so badly and just having the real thing go so well…wow. Just the best feeling.”

“I told y’all she was good!” Vanessa pipes up proudly beside her, and Brooke gives a laugh and pulls Vanessa in closer to her side.

“Judges! What did you think? Shangela?”

Vanessa’s heart stands still as she comes to the first judge, smiling gently at her desk.

“Well first of all, what a way to open the show! So much fun, and Vanessa, so great to have you as part of a pairing this year, that choreo was something else.”

Vanessa can feel Brooke’s eyes on her and she flushes pink from the praise, stutters out a thank you.

“Brooke, great job tonight, you lost your footing a little bit on the steps there, but overall a gorgeous start. Just work on strengthening your core, holding your frame a little bit better, and once you do that? Lovely, gal!”

Vanessa turns her head to see how Brooke’s reacting, She’s smiling and nodding and taking it all on board. Laganja speaks next, growing animated as she gives her feedback.

“I think we have one to watch here, mama!” she cries, and the audience gives a cheer. Vanessa looks up encouragingly at Brooke, gives her waist another squeeze because she can. “So much amazing potential! You just have a natural eleganza, all light and frothy like a latté! A couple of mistakes, girl, work on not showing that on your face. Cuz when you show it, we all see it, you know? But all that aside, well done.”

Bianca’s up next, and Vanessa clenches her core in preparation. The woman could watch Torvill and Dean dance Bolero on ice and still find something to say. “Uh, I thought the footwork needed tightening up, there were bits that were just a little bit too haphazard for me, your elbow was drooping just a little bit which is not great, you did lose your footing on the stairs here…”

Vanessa can feel Brooke drooping a little beside her, a bit like her elbow had allegedly been doing. The audience boos Bianca like the pantomime villain that Vixen had mentioned, but the woman’s face cracks into a small smile as she finishes her remarks. “But what I do love about you is your energy, you have a lot of great potential as Ganja’s pointed out, and I’m looking forward to seeing what you can do when you get just a little bit more technical.”

The audience seems appeased and claps her comments, and Brooke has perked up at Vanessa’s side like a flower that’s been given a drink. Michelle turns to Kennedy, the final judge to give her comments.

“Brooke! I think you started out a little bit nervous, and what was nice was that as the dance went on you kinda came out into your own a bit. You have a lovely feminine and elegant way of moving which is really nice to see in an all-female partnership, and you seem really comfortable in hold with Vanessa, which is lovely.”

Vanessa tries to fight the blush that washes her face at Kennedy’s comment and doesn’t succeed.

“Just work on your presentation a little bit and your confidence and…yeah. I’m living for you, miss, you’re gonna be dangerous.”

Vanessa is heartened by the way Brooke’s face lights up at the praise. Michelle thanks the judges and waves them off upstairs to be interviewed by Divina, her co-host, and the pair of them pick up the hems of their dresses and entwine their hands as they dash upstairs to the auditorium (or, as it’s commonly known between the dancers, the Divinatorium). Most of the other pairs are there having watched them dance while they wait for their turn, and they all clap the pair of them as they nudge their way through.

“You did it!” Divina smiles, giving Brooke a hug as she meets them both. “Congratulations! Now, nice comments from the judges- I know Bianca got a bit pernickety there, but how do you feel about them?”

“Really happy, yeah! I just can’t believe what Vanessa’s managed to do with me in the space of two weeks, she’s been amazing. It’s all been down to her.”

Vanessa can’t help the rays of sunshine that feel like they’re emanating from her face as she looks at Brooke. Divina turns to her.

“Vanessa, you’ve been benched for a couple of years now, how does it feel to have a partner finally?”

“You know what, it was worth the wait. She’s been an absolute star,” Vanessa beams, wrapping her other arm around Brooke’s waist and pulling her close just like Brooke had done once their dance had finished.

“Worth the wait! Too cute, you two. Well, the judges’ scores are in.”

Vanessa’s stomach gives a dip. She feels Brooke’s grip tighten on her shoulder as the voice of the commentator rings across the studio. This is the moment they’ve both been waiting for. They’re about to get their first ever scores.

_“Will the judges please reveal their scores. Bianca Del Rio.”_

Bianca holds up her paddle. Vanessa blinks and tries not to pull a face. Because what’s on the paddle is a number, a number that doesn’t correlate with the dance they both just did.

“Five.”

Hardly wanting to look away, she keeps her eyes fixed to the screen.

_“Kennedy Davenport.”_

“Five!” Kennedy is holding up an identical paddle. Vanessa can’t help it- she scrunches her face up, turns to Brooke.

“Five?” she shakes her head. Brooke shrugs and smiles but Vanessa knows the scores are hurtful to her. They’re being undermarked- okay, she knows the dance wasn’t perfect and they made just a couple of mistakes, but it was at least a six, perhaps even a seven.

_“Shangela Wadely.”_

“Five.”

Vanessa shakes her head, trying to keep a smile on her face but wanting to storm down the stairs and give those judges a piece of her mind.

_“Laganja Estranja.”_

“Six!” the girl cries happily as she holds up her paddle, and the audience lets out a cheer. Vanessa relaxes a little, and she can feel somebody pat her on the back encouragingly.

“Happy with those?” Divina asks a little gingerly, and Vanessa jumps in before Brooke can say anything.

“You know what? It’s week one, and it’s a start!” she shrugs firmly. She’s not going to let this dent her confidence or Brooke’s. This isn’t the first time she’s been undermarked or disappointed in her career and it sure as hell won’t be the thing that knocks her or Brooke down.

“The only way is up,” Brooke agrees beside her, nodding fiercely.

“Well, we all thought you did amazing,” Divina reassures them both, and Vanessa flashes her a grateful smile. Divina explains to the TV audience that they can’t vote until next week, and that the judges’ scores will be carried over to the next show. She closes their interview and the audience claps them and just like that, after all the buildup, their first dance is over and they head backstage.

The moment it’s just the pair of them, Vanessa instantly pulls Brooke into a hug because God knows if Brooke doesn’t need one then she definitely does. They’re in the cream-painted corridors where the dressing rooms are, and the light is harsh and bright around them when all Vanessa wants is just a moment of darkness. She wants to be under her duvet, pulling it up high over her head and letting the shadows envelop her. As her arms circle around Brooke’s waist she lets out a sigh. Brooke returns the hug and Vanessa takes a deep, calming breath as she feels the older woman’s strong arms wrap around her shoulders and pull her in close to her chest. Vanessa’s back is against the cold paint of the wall and it’s contrasting so much with the warmth Brooke’s body is giving off. They stand like that in silence for a moment, each of them grounding the other, and Vanessa can feel Brooke’s heart through her chest. It’s intimate and gentle, and not a single word has been spoken between them but Vanessa can sense a shift in the atmosphere. She feels something change between them, a difference that somehow pulls them closer together and connects them in a way that they hadn’t been before.

“That was undermarked. You were amazing,” she whispers in annoyance against Brooke’s chest. Brooke’s arms tighten around her in response.

“ _We_ were amazing,” she whispers back. Vanessa’s not sure why they’re whispering, but she likes it, makes the moment seem more _theirs_ somehow.

The thought appears in her head and it’s out before she can stop it. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

Brooke shakes her head above her and repeats her words back to her instantly. “No, I’m lucky. So, so lucky.”

Giving another sigh, Vanessa lets her arms slide down to her side and, taking her cue, Brooke slowly releases her, but not before resting her hands on her shoulders and giving her a smile that seems to say so much without saying anything at all. Vanessa wonders how long that hug could have gone on for if she’d let it.

“Put it out of your mind. We move,” she says decisively, and Brooke gives a single nod.

“Tomorrow’s a new day, and next week’s a new week.”

They link arms and go to be interviewed for the socials and, after the moment she’s just shared with Brooke, Vanessa knows that her smile won’t have to be faked.


	5. Chapter 5

_7th October 2020_

“And…one-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three-”

“Goddamnit shit cunt bitch fuck piss in my mouth,” Brooke exhales frustratedly all at once, and Vanessa holds back an involuntary chuckle. It would be funny if it didn’t hit so close to home. It’s only twelve o’clock and it’s day three of rehearsals but already Brooke’s entire body language is defeated, like a burst balloon, and Vanessa is worried.

It’s all her fault, really. The scores from Saturday night still burn her brain if she thinks about them too much, hot coals on a grate. Twenty one out of forty. If it were a grade in a test it’d barely be a pass, and Vanessa can practically see her eyes turn green in the studio mirrors if she thinks about the fact they were sixth on the leaderboard behind Jan and Jackie, Crystal and Gigi, Monique and Monet, Akeria and Asia and Jaida and Yvie. Vanessa does not do sixth. Vanessa does not do anything other than top three, and the fact that she ended last week in the middle of the leaderboard enrages her. Okay, she knows this isn’t her journey- it’s Brooke’s, but Vanessa has a reputation to uphold; it’s her first year and she cannot be seen as a dud pro. So on Sunday she’d channeled her fighting spirit into an appropriate dance, and this week they’re doing a Paso Doble. Well. They’re meant to be doing a Paso Doble, but it’s fast and it’s frenetic and Brooke isn’t managing to get her head around this one particular section. Vanessa feels like packing it in, to tell the producers they’re doing something else, but really what kind of person would she be if she pulled that stunt? So instead she’s been watching Brooke become increasingly irritated at herself since 8 this morning and tried to come up with a way she can teach it that’ll work.

“This is my fault,” Vanessa verbalises what she’s thinking and bites her lip. “I’ve made this too hard.”

Brooke suddenly freezes and glares at her. “Are you saying I’m shit?”

_PANIC_. “No, fuck no! That’s not it at all, I just-”

Vanessa suddenly relaxes as Brooke splutters a held-in laugh, thumping her on the arm. “Shut the fuck up, bitch! I was nervous.”

“Not as nervous as I am about this fucking dance,” Brooke sighs, running her hands down her face slowly. Vanessa looks at the clock and makes a decision.

“You hungry?”

Brooke shrugs. “I am quite, now you mention it.”

“Good. Get your jacket. We’re gonna get lunch.”

Brooke winces. “But I still haven’t got-”

“We have got all damn day to learn this motherfuckin’ dance, now will you put your jacket on and let’s go?” Vanessa says firmly, Brooke giving a little laugh, shaking her head in resignation before crossing the room to grab her things. Vanessa’s pleased, and there’s small fireworks going off in her heart. She’s just asked Brooke to lunch and she’s said yes, not that Vanessa gave her much of a choice admittedly. As Brooke holds the door of the studio open for her, Vanessa starts wondering about where they could go to eat. She’s distracted by the way they’re walking down the corridor side-by-side, the way that Brooke stays close to her despite the fact there’s plenty room for them to have their own space. Vanessa feels like putting an arm around her waist, then decides against it. That kind of contact is special, reserved for a Saturday night after their dance is over and they’re standing together in front of the judges.

They walk out into the chilly October air, and Vanessa’s regretting only taking her hoodie out with her. The weather is quintessentially British- it had been raining that morning but now it has subsided, so the paving slabs glisten with puddles and the cars that go by roll smoothly through the rain-sheened roads and the grey clouds still hang heavy and ominous in the sky. Normally weather like this makes Vanessa yearn for her trips back to Puerto Rico, where the October temperatures are what the UK could only dream of in Summer, but standing outside in the cold and damp doesn’t seem so bad with Brooke looking at her expectantly.

“Where d’you wanna go?” she asks her. Brooke shrugs.

“Starbucks? Take it back and we can eat while we practise?”

Vanessa lets out a laugh and rolls her eyes, both irritated and impressed by Brooke’s dedication. She has a think and then remembers that place a few streets along from the studios where she, Akeria and Monique had grabbed brunch one time before a pro dance rehearsal. The thought of poached eggs with golden yolks on avocado toast makes her stomach rumble and she jerks her head in its direction. “C’mon.”

The walk and the fresh, icy air works a treat at clearing Vanessa’s head and by the time she and Brooke grab a wobbly wooden table by the steamed-up window in the cafe she’s feeling loads better about their Paso even though technically it’s still a mess. She picks up the menu despite knowing exactly what she wants and gives it a scan before Brooke plucks it unceremoniously out of her hands.

“Hey!”

“What?” Brooke smirks knowingly. Vanessa doesn’t complain further, instead indulging in the way Brooke’s eyes dart about as she scans the dishes on the menu, the way her brow furrows and the way she bites her bottom lip as she thinks. When Brooke looks at her again, Vanessa rushes to pretend she hadn’t had her eyes on her first.

“They have some really nice stuff here.”

Vanessa nudges the fork on the table a little to the left. “Me, Kiki an’ Monique went here a couple weeks back. They both had pancakes and they were really good apparently, so…”

She tails off, and Brooke nods. “You’re close with them, huh?”

“Well, we’re all kind of like sisters. All the dancers. In, like…the most literal way possible. We bicker and bitch and steal each others’ makeup and clothes but we love each other underneath it all. But yeah, those two are my girls,” Vanessa smiles involuntarily as she thinks about her friends. She thinks before adding, “They helped me through all the shit last year.”

Brooke smiles sympathetically and nods. “That’s cute that you’re all, like, a family.”

“It’s real nice. ‘Specially since all I really have here is my Mom, and I don’t get to see her all that often.”

Brooke leans her chin on her hands, listening intently. Vanessa realises she’s left her last sentence a little cryptic, so she elaborates. “We came over from San Juan when I was two. Fuck knows why my Mom wanted to leave, but we did. The rest of my family’s still over there- my Abuela, my Tia and Tio, all my lil’ cousins.”

“Do you get to visit much?” Brooke asks. Vanessa nods a yes.

“Way more nowadays than I ever got to when I was little. Obviously when we first came here we didn’t have a huge amount of money but my Mom always made sure to save enough to fly back every Summer for the school holidays an’ stuff.”

Vanessa pauses and looks out of the window. Her stomach feels tight with guilt. “But obviously it got harder when I started wanting to dance, cuz hell, if this country don’t like giving out free school meals then they sure as hell hate subsidisin’ your dance classes.”

Brooke laughs humourlessly in agreement. Vanessa picks at her cuticles as she keeps talking, stares at the table to avoid Brooke’s eyes. “So there were sometimes Summers when we couldn’t afford to go back over because of me. That was hard. My Mom was always really good about it and encouraged me and said it was fine but I still remember her on the phone to my family and how much she cried afterwards…damn. I felt like shit. Guess I still do.”

Brooke pulls a sympathetic face. “But I mean, you’ve been able to go back since then, right? So what do you have to be guilty for?”

“I don’t know,” Vanessa shrugs sharply, frowns a little. “I guess it was just selfish of me. Lookin’ back I should’ve thought about my Mom more.”

“Yeah, but it all worked out for the best. You’re now able to fly her out way more frequently because of the career you’re in, because of the sacrifices you both made back then. Right?”

Vanessa feels something bloom in her ribcage as she smiles at Brooke. Her eyes are kind and she’s talking like a therapist and listening to all of Vanessa’s pent-up guilt and regret even though she has absolutely no responsibility or obligation to do so. “Yeah. Sorry. I just kinda dumped all that on you.”

Brooke shakes her head. “Don’t be silly. This is nice.”

Nice. It _is_ nice. It’s nice to sit in a busy, cosy cafe with Brooke while outside is cold and damp and talk about her life and be listened to. Vanessa feels content and peaceful for the first time perhaps since this competition started. Her mind hasn’t been this clear in a while.

“What about your family?” Vanessa asks. Brooke smiles involuntarily as she gazes at the ceiling. It’s cute.

“Aw, I miss them so much. My Mommy, my total queen and my rock. I love her,” she says happily. Vanessa can’t help but smile at her words. She knows what it’s like to cling to her Mom as growing up they only really had each other. Brooke folds her arms as she continues. “And then I’ve got my older brother and two older sisters who I love to death as well. But I don’t miss my sisters. Well, I don’t miss the way they borrow half my fucking outfits.”

Vanessa snorts a laugh as Brooke shakes her head long-sufferingly. “So you’re the baby of the family then?”

Brooke shrugs. “An overgrown baby at thirty years old, but yeah. All my siblings are either in relationships or married so you can imagine how fun that is whenever I go back to Canada, getting questioned by the fucking relationship Gestapo.”

The sentence makes Vanessa’s heart start climbing the stairs of hope, and she’s not even attempting to stop it. She fidgets with a corner of her paper napkin as she speaks again. “Oh, so you ain’t…you’re not seeing anyone at the moment, then?”

“Why, who’s asking?” Brooke cocks an eyebrow. Vanessa instantly feels her cheeks flood scarlet, and Brooke lets out a howl of a laugh. “Kidding, kidding! No, I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Right, right,” Vanessa nods as nonchalantly as she can. She thinks about testing deeper conversational waters, considers killing two birds of curiosity with one stone. They’re on the topic of relationships, and who knows when they’ll get onto it again, so she decides to dive in. “Just thought you might, y’know…have a boyfriend. Or somethin’.”

“No, no boyfriend,” Brooke says simply. She leans her head on the fist she’s made and raises her eyebrows a little, giving Vanessa a quick once-over. “Or girlfriend.”

It’s the answer she’s been hoping for, confirming her suspicions that Brooke’s into girls, but the flirting panics her and so Vanessa reaches for the discarded menu to fidget with as she lightly shrugs, moving the conversation along with all the tact and delicacy of a steamroller. “So you live on your own then?”

“Yeah. Just me.”

“Me too. You like it?”

Brooke pulls a face, looks down in thought for a second. “Sometimes. Part of me likes the feeling of being completely on my own, because I can do literally whatever the hell I want, take things at my own pace. There’s nobody to nag me or tell me what to do. I realise that makes me sound literally half my age, but it’s true. I can sing as loud as I want.”

“You sing?” Vanessa asks, intrigued. Brooke laughs.

“I didn’t say I sing well!” she snorts, and Vanessa lets out a giggle too. Brooke continues, her gaze focused on the world outside the window as she speaks. “It’s nice though, that feeling of freedom. On the other hand I just miss, like…coexisting with someone? I don’t know. Like when I came to uni over here and I had flatmates and there was that feeling of comfort to know that there was always someone in the next room to talk to, or make dinner with, or just watch TV with. Just someone to do normal shit with. You know?” Brooke narrows her eyes as she finishes her sentence, appealing to Vanessa.

“Yeah, I get it,” Vanessa replies, letting out a little sigh as she lets a few memories in and then slams that particular door firmly shut. “I miss that too, sometimes.”

The silence lingers between the two of them for a second before Brooke speaks again, her tone upbeat and cheerful. “But I mean, for the most part, my flat’s great. It’s part of this new-build, hi-tech apartment complex that only got done building last year. We’ve got a gym, there’s a shop at the bottom, there’s meeting rooms we can book…”

“Yeah, I think you told me about the gym once,” Vanessa nods in recognition, and Brooke’s smile widens as she has an idea.

“You should come round some time. You’d love it.”

Vanessa tries to stop the blush that threatens to hit her face. The invitation is personal and not rehearsal or show related, and that fact shouldn’t make her as happy as it does. She fixes Brooke with a smile and nods shyly. “Yeah. That’d be cool.”

Still visibly buoyed, Brooke reaches across the table and rests her hand on top of Vanessa’s, patting it gently. There’s a little spark of static when they touch, a metaphor come to life. When Brooke smiles at her, Vanessa feels comfortable.

“This was a good idea. Thanks for dragging me out.”

Vanessa shrugs, doesn’t move her hand. She smiles lazily at her dance partner. “It’s okay. We both needed a break.”

As the waiter comes to take their order Brooke’s hand flies out from its position on top of hers, but Vanessa doesn’t mind. There’s a connection that’s been forged that isn’t physical, and she knows it’s still there even if Brooke’s hand isn’t.

Rehearsal ends up going smoother the rest of that day. Okay- it’s not perfect, but Brooke starts picking it up and Vanessa’s mind is less cloudy. Thursday brings more rain and full runs of the dance that don’t go smoothly but Vanessa is relieved because at least they’ve fucking learned it. By Friday they’re exhausted and worn out and Vanessa hates this dance, hates this fucking dance, but it’s one step closer to being over for good. She’s disappointed when it occurs to her that they’re not going to get particularly favourable scores- their run is still riddled with mistakes, but at least Brooke’s worked hard on what she was critiqued for last week. Her core is stronger due to the planks Vanessa’s been making them both do at the start of every rehearsal and her elbow hasn’t drooped once- not that there’s much chance for it to during a Paso, but at least the judges will be able to see that she’s taking their comments on board. Vanessa’s proud of her. She tells Brooke so before they go home on Friday night, when it’s quiet outside and different shades of dark. She thinks Brooke might be blushing as she thanks her and says goodbye, but she can’t be sure.

Saturday happens in a frighteningly fast blur- there’s excitement but it’s nervous instead of anticipative, as everybody knows that tonight one couple will be eliminated. Vanessa’s not really worried about that though- the bottom of the leaderboard last week was comprised of Courtney and Blair, Plastique and Scarlet, Willam and Phi Phi and Aja and Farrah, so in comparison she supposes sixth isn’t too bad. Her aim for tonight’s dance had been to climb up the leaderboard a bit, but knowing how their Paso’s been going Vanessa will call it a success if they both stay where they are.

It turns out they drop down to seventh behind Shea and Peppermint, after their American Smooth has the judges on their feet. Brooke and Vanessa’s Paso goes…well, it goes. It’s not the best they’ve done it but it’s done, thank God, and they never have to do it again.

Unless of course they’re in the dance off. But Vanessa doesn’t permit herself to think about that. Instead, she thinks about the warmth of Brooke’s hand in hers as they walk through the corridor together after their judge’s critiques and their interview. Neither of them address the fact their hands are entwined, and that’s okay. Vanessa likes it like that.

“You okay?” she asks Brooke, halfway down the hallway, as their character shoes squeak quietly against the laminate flooring and they cast fleeting shadows against the manila walls.

Brooke sighs a little, gives a half-hearted shrug. “Yeah.”

“No you’re not. C’mere,” Vanessa frowns, using the hand she’s holding to pull Brooke into a hug. It’s gentle and tight all at once, the way Brooke’s strong arms are holding her close contrasting with the way her hands are light against her back. Brooke smells of a Saturday night: tan in a bottle and hairspray and Jimmy Choo Flash perfume. It’s not like her usual scent of freshly-washed hair and her fabric softener (Lenor Gold Orchid- Vanessa had smelt them all rather self-indulgently on her last trip to Tesco to work out which was Brooke’s).

“I don’t want to let you down,” Brooke whispers above her, and Vanessa can tell she’s got tears in her eyes without even having to look into them. She takes a deep breath and shakes her head against her chest.

“You could go out there, forget the entire dance and do the fucking Macarena for all I care. You _always_ make me proud.”

Vanessa feels Brooke press a kiss to the top of her head and it sets off a blush she can feel spreading down her face onto her neck and across her chest. Brooke had kissed her again after their dance had finished, quick and emphatic against her temple, and it had set off butterflies in her stomach that threatened to fly up into the rigging of the lights. Vanessa wants to get caught up in the moment, wants even to hold her gaze and see how she’d react if she asked to kiss her properly, but instead she pulls herself out of the hug. She keeps their hands connected though and as she meets Brooke’s eyes and finds that she’s smiling at her, Vanessa concludes it was the right decision to make.

“Fuck the scores,” she says, remembering each paddle ( _4, 5, 5, 5_ ) with a sting as if she’s been smacked with them. “The Paso wasn’t for us and it’s over now. On to the next one.”

“Unless we’re in the dance off.”

“Brooke Lynn, Bianca gave Blair a two. I think we’ll be fine.”

Vanessa isn’t wrong, and it turns out their position looks better compared to some of the other dances they see once they’ve been through makeup to get neatened up again. Poor Scarlet tries her best to get through her Jive with Plastique but her feet just aren’t doing the things Vanessa knows Scarlet wants them to, and the judges give them a combined score of fifteen. Scarlet looks deflated as she leaves the dancefloor and the moment their interview is over Vanessa watches as Yvie pulls her into a hug (Vanessa knows that type of hug because she’s just given Brooke the exact same one). Aja and Farrah’s Samba wasn’t great either and they earn themselves a mark of seventeen. Despite this, though, by the time the show finishes and they have to assemble to film the results (which are pre-recorded and then broadcast on a Sunday), they’re both a bag of nerves. She and Brooke are placed on the stairs with a spotlight burning down onto them, ants under a magnifying glass. The mood between the couples is decidedly tense, and as Vanessa looks down at the girls on the dancefloor she sees Monet squeeze Monique’s waist as Monique sighs and rests her head against the other girl’s shoulder. Vanessa wants to scoff at the fact they both seem nervous. The waltz they did almost brought the house down and they even got a nine from Laganja, so unless the only votes they got were ones they gave themselves, they’re very likely to be safe.

Michelle does her intro and, as the lights go down, Vanessa feels as if her heart is going to break her ribcage it’s beating so heavily.

“I can now reveal that the first couple safe and through to next week is…”

Long pause. The beat of a drum and Brooke’s pulse that Vanessa can feel through the hand she’s holding. Vanessa is so nervous that she casts her eyes up to the heavens. _Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee…_

“Jan and Jackie!”

Jan screams and Jackie falls gratefully into her arms as she yells a “thank you!” at the camera that’s barely heard over the applause.

“The second couple safe is…”

_Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus._ Vanessa gives a minute bow of her head like her Mom taught her to do at mass when she was little. Is it sacreligious to pray if you’re lapsed? Some priests probably think so. Vanessa hopes it’s working in their favour anyway.

“Heidi and Vixen!”

Vanessa can’t see their reaction as they’re positioned above them at the very top of the stairs, and she doesn’t want to turn around in case…it’s bad luck? She doesn’t know. At this point she’s not risking anything, not even looking up to see Brooke’s face.

“The next couple safe and through to next week is…”

_Holy Mary, Mother of God…you take away the sins of the world? Nah, that’s the wrong one. Fuck._

“Gigi and Crystal!”

Vanessa wants to roll her eyes, much as she’s happy for her friend. Of _course_ they’re safe. They were second on the leaderboard last week and first tonight after a scarily in-sync Charleston. It comes as no surprise to her.

“The first couple in tonight’s dance-off will be…”

Vanessa feels truly nauseous. It wouldn’t be impossible for it to be them, stranger things have happened on the show. _What the fuck is that next line? Holy Mary, Mother of God…_

“Blair and Courtney.”

Vanessa’s heart feels as if it’s been shocked by jumpleads. She feels Brooke give an involuntary squeeze of her hand, and Vanessa strokes her thumb against hers in return. They just need to not be the other couple in the dance off. It’s doable.

“The next couple safe and through to next week is…”

_…pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death-_

“Brooke and Vanessa!”

Vanessa doesn’t screech or scream. Instead she finally turns to Brooke, who’s meeting her smile with a matching one plastered across her own face. She falls into her outstretched arms in relief, and mumbles a “thank you” to the camera while Brooke holds her tight. They’ve made it. They live to fight another week.

_Amen._

Of course, one couple isn’t so lucky and, after a tense dance-off between Scarlet and Plastique and Blair and Courtney, it turns out Blair is the first celebrity to leave the competition. The girls get upset- the celebrities have all become a part of their big, crazy family now, and it’s sad that Vanessa will no longer hear Blair laugh at something Vixen has said, or compliment her on her makeup, or ask to get selfies with everyone in the dressing room. It’s Vixen, though, who is affected the most by Blair’s departure. Vanessa knows they’re good friends but she wonders if perhaps they’ll ever become something more as she watches Vixen cling to Yvie and sob and sob. The moment they’re all allowed, the pros and celebrities flood the dancefloor as Blair and Courtney dance their last dance. Vixen makes a beeline for Blair and Courtney graciously steps out of her way so the pair of them can hug and cry in tandem.

“Shit, this is rough,” Vanessa mutters to nobody in particular. Monique, who’s materialised beside her, shrugs.

“Yep, well. I don’t plan on havin’ to go through it, so it’s not a problem for me.”

Vanessa snorts at her friend’s cockiness, then pulls a sympathetic face as Blair approaches the pair of them, all streaming mascara and sniffles.

“C’mere, baby. You did so well, be proud of yourself,” Vanessa offers to her, and Blair smiles gently before her face crumples again.

“Just…look after my girl, okay?” she asks them hopefully. Monique smiles, rubs her forearm gently.

“Oh, sweetie, Courtney will be fine, she’s a big girl.”

“Courtney?” Blair asks, confused. Then she appears to realise something and she smiles back at Monique, a little embarrassed. “Oh no, um…I meant Toni. Can you both look out for her? Make sure she’s okay after I’m gone? I mean I know her and Heidi are going to go far, but…y’know.”

Vanessa wants to cock an eyebrow at Monique in recognition, but she doesn’t. Instead she gives Blair a reassuring look, takes her hand and squeezes it gently. “Sure we will.”

Appeased, Blair thanks them and gives them both a hug before moving on to say goodbye to some of the other girls. As she walks away, Vanessa hears Monique give a big sigh beside her. She tilts her head at her friend inquisitively. “You ‘kay?”

“Yeah, uh…” Monique sighs, rubs her eyes a little. “Could we do lunch at some point this week? Me, you, Kiki. I just need my girls’ advice.”

“About what?” Vanessa asks her. Then, as she follows Monique’s gaze over to where Monet is standing talking to Shea and Aja, the penny drops. “Oh. OH. Okay. Yeah, we’ll do lunch, bitch.”

Monique smiles gratefully at her, then gives her a hug and a goodnight as she’s starting choreography early tomorrow. The coming week’s theme is movies, which is always fun, and Vanessa already has a number in mind. It’s ridiculous, and so quintessentially Strictly. She can’t wait to show it to Brooke.

As Vanessa thinks of Brooke, she finds her eyes scanning the group of girls to see where she is. She’s smiling as she’s talking to Plastique and Scarlet, her smile bright and dazzling and her eyes kind. The lights are hitting her highlight and making it look as if she’s glowing, and her hair catches the light too in its smooth and glossy bun.

Vanessa feels her heart yearn, and she considers the possibility that perhaps it won’t just be Monique talking about the feelings she has for her partner when they both go to lunch with Akeria.


	6. Chapter 6

_11th October 2020_

As it turns out, Vanessa meets Monique and Akeria for lunch earlier than she’d expected. Okay, it’s at her flat instead of a cafe and it’s dinner instead of lunch, the three of them all easily agreeing to go back to Vanessa’s after the pro dance rehearsal on Sunday evening. Akeria had wanted to go to The Ivy but Vanessa had decided to make pernil in the slow cooker that morning after a facetime with her Tia had made her particularly homesick, and there was enough for the three of them anyway. Monique had been glad of the fact that they would be safe from any rogue journalists at Vanessa’s, and Vanessa had laughed and objected to the idea that any journalists would be interested in what was going on in their lives anyway.

Then again, that hadn’t appeared to be the case last year when everything kicked off with-

“V!” Akeria shouts over to her and interrupts her from the dreamlike state in which she’s fluffing up the rice. “You got any more wine?”

Vanessa laughs at her friend as she tips the pan over three bowls consecutively. “You’re rehearsin’ tomorrow morning, calm the fuck down.”

“Aw, let a bitch live! I did good last night, I deserve to celebrate.”

Vanessa thinks about how Akeria ended up fourth on the leaderboard with Asia and rolls her eyes. “Yeah, rub it in, girl. It’s fourth place, not Vicks.”

“Stop bein’ salty,” Akeria scolds her as Vanessa carries their dinner over to the huge sofa they’ve chosen to sit on instead of her tiny dining table. “You had a couple bum weeks, so what? This week’ll be the one.”

Vanessa wants to point out that it was really only one bum week and the other she was undermarked for, but she doesn’t. She lets it drop and instead turns her attention to Monique. “Right, bitch, let’s break bread and spill tea. What’s goin’ on?”

As Monique lets out a heavy sigh while she stabs at her food, Akeria claps her hands together and threatens to spill her dinner. “Yes! Thank God you said it, ‘cause I didn’t want to seem rude, but that’s the reason we’re all here, right?”

“God, I beg you both shut up,” Monique groans. “Okay so…me and Monet. You know we did that Waltz, right? And it was very…romantic, very intense.”

Vanessa and Akeria bob their heads like nodding dogs in response. Monique gives another heavy sigh and Vanessa is on the edge of her seat. “Well, it was like…our last full run before we finished up on Thursday. An’ we were both very much like…well, final run, let’s just give it all our energy. And it just got so intense, like, all the eye contact and the moments where we were all like…close, the bit where she picks me up and spins me-”

“Oh my God…did you kiss?” Akeria blurts out excitedly. Monique rubs both her temples with her hands.

“Akeria,” she raises her eyebrows. “We had sex.”

Vanessa lets out a scream. Akeria almost spills the entire bowl of pernil over herself as she reacts, waving her arms about so much Vanessa thinks she might give herself whiplash. “Sorry, sorry, sorry… _WHAT_?!”

“You can _not_ tell a single fucking soul on God’s green earth!” Monique groans, and Vanessa still isn’t sure if she’s over the information she’s just been given.

“HOW?!” Vanessa screeches out, ignoring Monique’s plea but promising her internally.

“It was my own damn fault-”

“FAULT?! How is this in any way a negative situation?” Akeria teases her friend with a shit-eating grin on her face.

Monique pouts in self-pity as she carries on with her sentence. “I kissed her. At the very end. I just got so caught up in everything, Jesus, I don’t know.”

“Tell me it was like the musical where there’s all the fuckin’ horn section and everything goin’ off in the background,” Vanessa butts in, remembering when she saw The Bodyguard on the West End last year. Monique knows the exact bit in _I Have Nothing_ she’s talking about, because she nods her head.

“It was exactly that part.”

Vanessa lets out a cry identical to Akeria’s. She’s picturing the scene in her head and it sounds like the most romantic kiss that’s ever happened to anyone outside of a fictional setting. “M’nique, that’s adorable, oh my God.”

“What happened after? Well, she obviously liked it,” Akeria shrugs, and Vanessa splutters a laugh. Monique looks vaguely like a babysitter that has to deal with a pair of five year old twins.

“She just kissed me back before I could even break away out of fuckin’ embarrassment. She was just holding me and kissing me for what seemed like ages…and then when I had to get air I was panicking and apologising and she…oh my God. She asked me if she could _take me home_.”

Akeria raises her eyebrows. “Damn. I have got _flutters_.”

“So you went back to hers? OH my God. You’ve been to Monet X Change’s _house_ ,” Vanessa gasps, impressed. Akeria gives a snort of disbelief, turns to look at her.

“She’s been inside her fuckin’ pussy, never mind her house!!”

They both howl, and Monique rolls her eyes before apparently admitting to herself that what Akeria had said was funny after all and giggling.

Akeria leans forward with intrigue. “And did you…have a nice time?”

Monique now can’t wipe the smile off her face as she puts both hands to her cheeks, an attempt to cover her blush. “Yes. We both did. It was a very _nice time_.”

“So what’s the problem?” Akeria asks her, blasé and black and white as ever. Monique gives a sigh of exasperation.

“Because we’ve not…spoken about it, we’ve not addressed it!”

“It didn’t seem awkward last night, you did a great job!” Vanessa frowns, spearing a chunk of pulled pork. Monique lets out a tiny helpless whine.

“Yeah, that’s because…” she begins, then trails off. Vanessa knows what she’s going to say already, but Monique finishes her sentence before she can properly connect the dots. “We did it two more times before the actual dance.”

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ!” Akeria shouts through a mouthful of dinner. “This ain’t fair! How come a God-fearing, good lil’ Christian girl like you can get laid three times in the space of three days an’ I get nothing?”

“Jeez Keeks that’s so far off the mark. Christian? Uh-huh. Good? No way,” Vanessa teases. Monique, for perhaps the twelfth time this evening, looks as if she’s severely regretting telling her friends anything at all, so Vanessa decides to be helpful. “When’d you bang again, then? Thursday night was the first. You stay over?”

“Yeah. We did it again the next morning and then in the studio on Friday.”

“IN the studio!” Akeria screeches. Vanessa wonders if she should apologise to her neighbours the next day. She, herself, has had sex quieter than Akeria’s screeching. “You are nasty as fuck!”

Monique has the good grace to attempt to look embarrassed before a proud smile takes over. “It was Monet’s idea. She told me she couldn’t keep her hands off me.”

“Well she’s nasty too. Y’all are well suited,” Akeria shrugs, and the three of them laugh.

“So why’re you pressed?” Vanessa asks her friend. She draws from her own experience as she follows up. “You in your feelings?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know!” Monique gives an anguished cry, dramatic as ever. “I just want to get to know her a lil’ more. I don’t want her to think I just wanna sleep with her _because_ she’s Monet X Change, y’know? Like sure, I have a crush on her, but it’s not like I ever had sleep-with-my-dream-girl on my bucket list.”

“Maybe on your fuck-it list,” Akeria supplies unhelpfully.

“Why don’t you ask her out?” Vanessa shrugs. It seems so simple when she’s giving it as advice but if anyone had suggested that as a solution to her feelings for Brooke she would’ve laughed them all the way to Oxford Circus.

Monique gives Vanessa a long-suffering stare. “We both know it ain’t that simple, V.”

“Well, why don’t you tell her what you’ve just told us?”

This time Monique pulls a face. “Well, maybe. I don’t know. Monet don’t seem like the type to catch feelings, though.”

“ _You_ don’t seem like the type to catch feelings. Shit, you _don’t_ catch feelings,” Akeria reminds her, Vanessa giving a laugh as she remembers every time Monique has had to pry girls off of her at a bar.

“Shut up. To be honest I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’m glad to have vented about it,” Monique shrugs in resignation, takes a sip of her wine. “Anyway Kiki, what’s the story with Miss Asia? Thought you were gonna sweep her off her feet an’ show her your Hitachi or whatever line usually works for you.”

Vanessa snorts as Akeria gives a smirk. “I wish. Nah, we get along great but we’re honestly just better as friends. It’s almost like all the hours spent rehearsing with our bodies pressed up against each other kinda ruined the magic a lil’. She’s great though. Could set her up with you, though, Vanj?”

In any other context, Vanessa would have a smart remark. However, the thought of being set up with someone else when Brooke Lynn seems to fill her every waking thought these days isn’t a desirable one, so she opens her mouth. “Well, uh…I mean, obviously Asia’s cute, but I’m not really…y’know-”

“Oh my God,” Monique cuts in, trying and failing to suppress a laugh. “You’re crushin’ on Brooke Lynn. You are! Oh my God, Kiki, look at that blush.”

Vanessa frantically shakes her head, willing the blood to flow away from her face. “No! No, it ain’t a crush. Shut up.”

“You’ve gone so red. Jeez. I’d hate to see the colour you go when you _are_ in your feelings, then,” Akeria laughs.

“She is so in her feelings! C’mon, deny it, bitch. _Try_ an’ deny it.”

“Jesus Christ will you both shut up!” Vanessa exhales with exasperation, now highly regretting the amount she’d wound Monique up. “Fine! Fine…it’s not a crush, but I just find the girl attractive, an’ it’s nice gettin’ to know her, is all.”

“That’s literally a crush,” Akeria stares incredulously at her. Vanessa rolls her eyes to the ceiling and aquiesces.

“…fine, maybe it’s a crush, god damn.”

The two girls opposite her explode. Vanessa stuffs more pernil and rice into her mouth with a feeling of resignation.

“Don’t tell me you two’ve been bangin’ mid-rehearsals as well?”

Vanessa breathes a laugh. “Stop it. No, just a couple hugs in the corridor after our dances. We went out for lunch together last week.”

Monique gasps. “You went on a date?”

“That’s not a date, Mo, shut up.”

“It is a date! You took a girl you like out for lunch, how’s that not a date?”

“Because she wasn’t aware it was a date. And neither was I! It was honestly the furthest thing from a date. It was a fuckin’…raisin.”

The three girls giggle, and in the conversational lull something occurs to Vanessa. “The only other thing is, uh…well, both weeks we did our dance for the judges, after we finished, she, uh…she kissed me.”

There’s another bomb of screaming from the girls that detonates in Vanessa’s living room. World War Two hasn’t got shit on Akeria and Monique.

“What?!”

Vanessa shrugs. “I mean it ain’t a massive fuckin’ makeout sesh, obviously! It’s just a lil’ cheek kiss, top-of-the-head kiss, that sorta thing. You can see her doin’ it, the camera got it both times.”

(There’s a fan account on Instagram dedicated to her and Brooke’s Strictly journey, and it’s posted the footage of the kiss Brooke gave her last night. Vanessa will not admit to the girls that she has watched it too many times for it to be explained away as normal.)

“So she likes you back,” Akeria states, as if it’s a fact and not something Vanessa’s been wondering about at random intervals throughout the day every day for the past week or so.

“We don’t know that.”

Akeria’s face turns scheming. She’s clearly got an idea. “Well, why don’t you choreograph a big sexy rhumba or something where you gotta grind up on her an’ get all nasty an’ shit? That’ll speed things along.”

Monique points her fork at Akeria in agreement. “Yes! ‘Cuz Jan and Jackie did that in, like, week 1, and they’re already fuckin’.”

Vanessa screws her face up. “Jan and Jackie ain’t sleeping with each other, shut up.”

“Oh my God, girl, I beg you buy a pair of glasses,” Akeria rolls her eyes, causing Monique to let out a laugh.

“Yeah, they absolutely are.”

Vanessa shoves another mouthful of dinner in. She’s hungry, and it doesn’t help when she’s trying to talk and eat. “Well, Strictly curse aside, it’s our Jive week this week, so that’s operation sexy dance out the window for at least another seven days.”

“Ugh. That’s annoyin’,” Akeria consoles her. After that, talk immediately turns to movie week and dances, and the conversation has moved on.

But it’s nice now that she’s admitted her crush on Brooke Lynn to Akeria and Monique. She’s got her girls to vent to when Brooke gives her a smile that comes with an extra added twinkle in her eye that sets Vanessa’s insides on fire, or to squeal to when Brooke brings her a coffee from the cafe they’d visited for brunch last week “just because”. She can’t take her eye off the prize too much though, even in the excitement of movie week. They’re doing their Jive to _Runaway Baby_ from the Madagascar franchise (Brooke insists it’s niche and Vanessa insists it’s not) where they’re dressed as animals breaking out of huge cage props and “running away”. It’s not going to be as iconic as Plastique and Scarlet’s _Dirty Dancing_ -themed Salsa, nor will it be as hot as Crystal and Gigi’s Rhumba (to _License to Kill_ , no less), but it’s theirs, and it’s fun, and it’s hilarious watching Brooke get to grips with the insane amount of kicks needed for a Jive to be a Jive.

“My feet feel like they’re going to fall off,” she groans, lying flat on the floor after a particularly intense Wednesday rehearsal. Vanessa hides a laugh behind her hands, sneakily pulls out her phone to film her.

“What?”

“I said my feet feel like they’re about to fall off,” Brooke repeats louder, for the unknown benefit of the camera.

“You ain’t much of a soldier, are you?” Vanessa scoffs affectionately. Brooke sits up on her elbows, noticing Vanessa’s phone.

“Are you filming this? You’re filming this,” Brooke asks and then confirms without Vanessa even having to say anything. “Well to anyone that follows Vanessa, I’d just like to say that this is human exploitation and you should not be supporting this.”

Vanessa howls with laughter, tries to ignore how good her name sounds in Brooke’s mouth. “She loves me really.”

“I love her really,” Brooke rolls her eyes, and Vanessa’s heart jumps at the words even though they’re part of a joke.

She stops filming, posts the video to her feed and leaves it as they keep practising. When they stop for lunch and they’re sitting scrolling, Vanessa’s eyes widen at the comment Monique has left, her friend taking her stirring to new levels:

_moheart: you two are so cute omg branjie 5 ever xxxxx_

As Vanessa’s contemplating using the cables that line the floors of Elstree Studios as garotting wire when she sees Monique at the show on Saturday, she taps on the comment’s likes (it’s got 85 so far). Her heart stops when she sees the familiar blue tick of _bhytes_ at the top of the list. Vanessa darts her eyes Brooke’s way as if her face gives anything away, and of course it doesn’t. Brooke’s scrolling casually as if she hadn’t liked a thing, and it manages to mess even more with Vanessa’s head. Vanessa enjoys the feeling though, this experience of having a crush on a cute girl again. She is so used to healing (she’s had to do it for the best part of a year now), and it’s nice to have butterflies in her stomach instead of an endless churning ocean.

Her feelings for Brooke aren’t helped by Cheryl and her ridiculous quiz on It Takes Two on Thursday night after their rehearsal. Okay, Vanessa supposes- every couple has done one, so it’s not exactly as if they’re being singled out. But when they finish their usual interview (how they felt regarding last week’s comments, how rehearsals are going, how they feel about the week ahead) and Cheryl pulls out two sets of glittery pink paddles (one saying _me_ and the other saying _her_ ) with an excited grin on her face, Vanessa does a bad job of masking her horror.

“Oh my God. Cheryl, what is this?”

“Welcome to…Mrs and Mrs!” Cheryl announces with a small flourish, and the film crew give a cheer. Brooke snorts beside her, just as dumbfounded. Cheryl continues. “Okay, Brooke and Vanessa, I’m going to ask you both a series of questions and you’ll need to hold up your paddle to show me who you think is the best fit as the answer- you, or your partner. Every time you both give me the same answer, you get a point. For example, if I asked you…who sweats the most in rehearsals?”

Vanessa rushes to hold up the paddle that says _her_ and as soon as she’s done it she cranes her neck to look at the one Brooke’s held up. She squeals when she sees _me_ staring back at her, a blush appearing on Brooke’s face as she giggles.

“I sweat! I’m very sweaty! I never wear grey in rehearsals!” Brooke pouts in anguish, and Vanessa gives a laugh. She leans into her in a show of sympathy, trying to ignore the way her pulse races as she catches the scent of her perfume. It’s not the Flash that she wears at the weekends, but it’s still just as intoxicating.

“Not sure we needed that much detail, love, but you get the idea! You’d get a point, because you both said Brooke,” Cheryl pokes fun at Brooke, before her gaze snaps back to the camera, all charisma and TV-presenter-smile. “Okay, your score to beat is five, that was set by Gigi and Crystal on Monday’s show and none of the other girls have beaten it so far! Ladies- are you ready?”

Vanessa raises her eyebrows, tries not to look at Brooke who she knows will be smiling like an idiot. “As I’ll ever be, I guess.”

“Okay. Let’s play…Mrs and Mrs!” Cheryl announces dramatically, and immediately holds up a set of glittery cards that the questions are written on. “Question one- who’s the most patient?”

Vanessa laughs and she can feel Brooke being set off beside her. She’s held up _her,_ and Vanessa’s held up _me._

“She’s so laid-back she’s horizontal!” Brooke laughs, and Vanessa swats her. She melts a little as Brooke’s gaze turns affectionate. “It’s why she’s such a good teacher. I’ve said it before, but I’m really lucky.”

Cheryl moves on before Vanessa can react to the compliment. “Who’s the best dancer?”

Vanessa hears Brooke scoff. Sure enough, Brooke has once again held up the _her_ paddle, and Vanessa has voted for herself too. Brooke laughs as she looks at Vanessa’s paddles. “Of course it’s her! Has any celebrity voted for themself?!”

“Willam and Yvie both did!” Cheryl giggles, and Brooke rolls her eyes so much that her body tilts back with them. “Okay, next question- who is the better cook?”

Vanessa holds up _me_ , and Brooke’s held up _her._ It definitely shouldn’t make Vanessa feel as good as it does.

“Brooke is like the kinda person who would struggle to keep a cactus alive, never mind her own damn self,” Vanessa laughs, and Brooke laughs along, agreeing rather than being offended.

“And Vanessa should go on Celebrity Masterchef one year. I swear to God.”

Vanessa looks at Brooke and smiles, happy for the compliment. She’s sure she’s not imagining that Brooke leans into her a tiny bit.

“Three points so far ladies, you’re on a roll!” Cheryl comments, impressed. “Who is more of a perfectionist?”

Vanessa fumbles with the paddles in her haste to hold up _her._ Brooke has indeed also voted for herself.

“She will make, like, one mistake and she’ll make us run the entire thing through until she gets it right,” Vanessa explains, Brooke giggling beside her in embarrassment. “I thought it was meant to be me that worked her hard, not the other way!”

Cheryl laughs from her interviewer’s chair. She reaches the next card and her eyebrows fly up her face. “Ooh, one for your massive egos here- who’s the most attractive?”

Vanessa’s heart gives a little jump and her brain thinks almost a hundred thoughts at once. She could play things off and vote for herself (because ultimately, she’s well aware of the fact she’s cute, she’s got a mirror), but part of her wants to see how Brooke will react to the compliment. Deciding all this in the space of about two seconds, Vanessa holds up the _her_ paddle. To her surprise and poorly-concealed joy, Brooke is also holding up the _her_ paddle. Vanessa’s trying to hide her smile and Brooke’s expression suggests she’s doing the same.

“I mean, I’m not gonna be big-headed,” Vanessa plays it off. Cheryl is looking at the both of them with a little scheming smile on her face.

“Well, nice to see that the first time you drop a point is because you’re both just too busy trying to compliment each other, in’t that sweet!” she grins. Vanessa wishes she had one of Cheryl’s cards to fan the blush away from her face. As Cheryl moves on to her next card, her mouth drops open. “Oh, right, this one’s a good ‘un. Who is most likely to have a crush on someone in the cast?”

_Fuck._ Vanessa can feel Brooke giving similar amounts of hesitation beside her, and the two of them share an awkward glance and a laugh. Without really knowing what she’s doing, Vanessa slowly holds up the paddle that says _me._ She’s almost scared to look at Brooke’s, but she leans forward anyway. Staring back at her from the paddle is the exact same word as the one she herself had held up- Brooke has also said _me._

Cheryl gives a reaction much as if she’s reporting on breaking world news. “Ooh, now that’s interesting! You’ve both said yourselves. Any reason? Do we actually have any crushes flying around the studio?”

Vanessa holds a tight, awkward grimace on her face, hoping she can avoid the question. She almost feels her soul leave her body when Brooke crosses her legs and sits straight. “You might think that, I couldn’t possibly comment.”

As Cheryl appears to stave off an aneurism, Vanessa cuts in with the best way of diffusing the situation she could manage. “Aw, you know I gotta crush on you, Cheryl, stop pretendin’ like you don’t know!”

Cheryl howls with laughter, turns to the camera and appeals to her wife who’s presumably sitting at home. “Blu, babe, don’t listen to her!”

Vanessa joins in with the laughter, suddenly willing the interview to be over.

“Okay Brooke and Vanessa, at the end of Mrs and Mrs, you have scored…four!”

The production team claps them, and Brooke turns to Vanessa to hi-five her. Vanessa accepts with a laugh. Cheryl shuffles her cards and turns to the camera.

“Well they might not’ve won Mrs and Mrs but they’re still gonna be dancing on Saturday- Brooke and Vanessa, everybody!”

There’s another clap, and their interview is finished. Thank God.

It’s only when they’re walking back outside afterwards after a little bit of small-talk about their plans for the rest of the evening that Brooke quirks a bashful smile at her. “So, uh…you think you’re more likely to get a crush on someone in the cast than me? Does this mean you’ve got one on somebody?”

Vanessa suddenly feels as if she might vomit up her own heart. She plays it off, narrows her eyes at Brooke. “Alright, Cheryl, damn! I thought the interview was over. Jeez.”

Brooke gives a small laugh. They’re walking close, and every time Brooke’s body brushes against hers Vanessa swears she sees sparks flying off them both. “Just asking. I said myself, remember?”

Vanessa already feels ever so slightly giddy, so she takes the risk. She cocks her head at Brooke as she walks. “Alright, since you wanna talk about crushes so much. Who’ve you gotta crush on?”

“I asked first,” Brooke shrugs easily, stopping as they both reach the doors to the exit. Vanessa lets out an exasperated laugh.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, we are full-grown adult women.”

Brooke splutters a giggle as she leans on the door and opens it, the freezing cold air smacking Vanessa across the face. They both leave the building and Brooke stands still, her face wearing a hopeful expression. The wind is whipping her long blonde hair over her shoulders.

_Damn, she looks so beautiful._

“So you’re not telling, then?” Brooke smirks. Vanessa thinks about it. She thinks about what Brooke’s honest to God reaction would be if she actually turned around and said _yeah, I’ve got a crush on you._ The thought of doing so almost makes her laugh.

“Well I’m not a fifteen year old high schooler, so no. Sorry to disappoint,” Vanessa smirks back at her. Maybe this is flirting. She’s not even mad about it. Thinking again, she cocks her head curiously as she shoves her hands in the pockets of her huge hoodie that she’s pulled over her interview outfit. “You gonna tell me?”

Brooke’s smile is still there, still cheeky. “No.”

“But you’ve got one.”

“I never said that,” Brooke shrugs easily. For a moment they’re both standing biting back smiles at each other, and Vanessa feels as if she’s caught in some form of stalemate. It’s Brooke that breaks it first, because of course it is, and she brushes some hair out of her face as she shrugs at Vanessa again. “Well, have a good night, anyway! See you tomorrow, bright and early.”

“Yeah, you too. Get home safe,” Vanessa says, the two of them sharing the usual friendly wave that comes with their goodbye. In spite of herself, Vanessa watches Brooke turn on her heel and walk in the opposite direction to her. Just as she’s about to start making her own way home, Brooke pauses, turning to look back over her shoulder.

The pair of them share one last bashful smile before they make their way back home and it feels as if Vanessa floats home on a cloud.

Saturday rolls around quickly, and Brooke has managed to transform herself from having feet made of concrete blocks to someone with featherlight ankles, so Vanessa is confident that they’ll score well tonight. She’s not really got scoring or the judges at the front of her mind, though, because movie week is entirely too much fun. It feels as if she’s at Universal studios as she walks through costume and hair and makeup, everyone dressed up in variations of movie characters. The best by far, though, is Jaida and Yvie’s. Any part of Jaida that isn’t clad in a grey leotard and skirt is painted entirely in grey body paint, with her hands in black gloves. Her hair has been expertly twirled into two long “ears” on the top of her head, and makeup has painted a blotted white stripe down the centre of her face. Yvie is wearing an orange and black striped morph suit, on top of which costume have given her a little red and white striped waistcoat with a buckle, a red cape, and, of course, a pair of boots to dance in.

And her face is painted like a cat.

“I’m going to see that in my nightmares this week,” Scarlet pipes up from across the green room, looking every inch the iconic Baby in her pink dress and glittery silver heels.

“More like your dreams,” Yvie winks at her, and Scarlet laughs, presumably to offset the pink blush on her cheeks.

“Yeah Scarlet, don’t you want her pussy?” Willam joins in from where she’s getting her hair swept into a low ponytail. Her costume is nowhere near as extravagant, but it’s classy nonetheless- a fitted tuxedo suit for her stint as a spy as part of her and Phi Phi’s dance to _4 Minutes_. Courtney laughs from her position sitting on the dressing table beside her. Even though she and Blair were voted out last week, Courtney’s role as a pro means she’s still part of the show’s group dances. It’s something that Vanessa thinks Willam is particularly grateful for (she’s seen the hand-holding when they think no one is looking). Courtney starts singing _Livin’ La Vida Loca_ under her breath absent-mindedly.

“Hey, listen, at least neither of us are Shrek,” Jaida consoles Yvie, who doesn’t look as if she needs much consoling.

“You guys, Courtney’s _right there_ ,” Willam pipes up again, the girls laughing as Courtney swipes at her playfully. Willam flinches in her chair, much to the irritation of the hair stylist.

The costumes aren’t all ridiculous, though. There’s a murmur of admiration when Gigi and Crystal emerge from wardrobe in skin-tight floor-length velvet gowns (one red, one black), each with a huge slit up the side. Akeria whispers something to Vanessa about Crystal stealing her idea of a _big sexy rhumba_ , and Vanessa tries to laugh from her current position in the hairstylist’s chair but the two thick plaits they’re weaving her mane of brown locks into makes it difficult. She can’t help but let out a gasp when Jan and Jackie emerge from their costume fitting, though, and neither can the rest of the girls: Jackie is dressed in black leggings and a red waistcoat and tails, covered in shining gold brocade and black detailing. It’s Jan, though, who takes Vanessa’s breath away. She looks like a muted version of Lily James’ Cinderella in a gorgeous, floaty powder blue dress which hits her calves, little dimantés and tiny butterflies stitched into the light fabric.

“Janet, holy hell! It’s Strictly, this ain’t fashion week!” Jaida cries, sticking her tongue out at the end to let her friend know she’s joking. Jan gives a shy laugh, sweeps her immaculately curled blonde hair over her shoulders.

“Yeah, all you’re missing is a tiara,” Scarlet agrees enthusiastically.

“Hey, I thought we were meant to be showing off our celebrities!” Akeria pipes up with a raised eyebrow. Before Jan can reply, Jackie takes her hand and smiles.

“I’m happy to let this one steal the show for this week. She looks gorgeous, she deserves to be in the spotlight,” she shrugs. Vanessa doesn’t miss the look Jan gives her partner or the way she squeezes Jackie’s hand. She thinks back to what Monique had said at dinner on Sunday. Maybe something is happening between those two after all.

“Vanessa! You’re up please, fitting,” one of the costume girls calls out for her, and Vanessa obediently dashes towards the room in question. Brooke’s been squirrelled away in her own dressing room having to do some prep work for her filming the next morning, so when Vanessa sees her in her own costume, it’s not what she expects. She can’t find the words to describe how Brooke looks.

“Don’t…say…anything,” Brooke warns her, but it’s too late- the laugh is already coming out of Vanessa’s body before she can stop it, and it turns into a howl when Brooke grabs her tail- her stripy, white and black tail- and gives a twirl. She is dressed entirely as a lemur.

It’s not long until Brooke is spluttering a laugh herself. “Don’t tell me this isn’t the hottest you’ve ever seen me look.”

Vanessa’s cheeks hurt from laughing. “I don’t think I can keep my hands off you, boo, I’m gonna be honest.”

“Well luckily you’ll be wearing the exact same thing in about five minutes,” Brooke quips back at her, and Vanessa pouts and groans. She doesn’t really mind though. Mad, extravagant costumes are a staple of Strictly movie week, and she’s just happy she gets to experience it with a partner this year.

Soon enough the show is starting, and Vanessa watches the first dance from the Divinatorium with her hand entwined in Brooke’s. Neither of them mention the contact- it’s apparently just another secret. That and both of their crushes. Willam and Phi Phi are first and it seems as if Willam’s technique is a little better after her somewhat dismal scores in the weeks prior. Monique’s told Vanessa she’s seen Willam getting extra lessons from Courtney during her lunch breaks, so she suspects that’s what is making the difference. It seems to have paid off, and they get a score of twenty five altogether. After they see that dance, they can’t stay to watch Aja and Farrah as they’re on third, so while Farrah lives her Disney princess fantasy waltzing to _Someday My Prince Will Come,_ Vanessa is marking the steps with Brooke backstage.

“This is gonna be a good week. I can feel it,” Brooke smiles at her, and Vanessa believes it. They’ve coped way better with the Jive than they did with the Paso, so she’s eager to show the judges what they can really do. Farrah and Aja get their critiques and their scores (a disappointing 17), and just like that, Brooke and Vanessa’s VT is playing and their massive cages are being rolled out onto the stage. There’s a distance between them in their two separate props, but Vanessa knows that Brooke’s feeling confident and so, in turn, does she.

_“Dancing the Jive…Brooke Lynn Hytes and Vanessa Mateo!”_

The electric guitar slices through the quiet of the room and with it sends an electric shock through Vanessa’s veins as she starts to dance. Her eyes are focussed on the audience, ever the professional, but she hopes Brooke is coping as well as she’s done in rehearsals. As soon as it comes to the part of the music where they “break down” the door of their cages and land into hold with each other, Vanessa can’t help it when the fake performance smile on her face turns into a real one as she faces Brooke (whose face, like hers, is painted like a lemur, complete with bright yellow eyeshadow). Brooke’s face is concentrating hard, and Vanessa knows she’s nailing all the steps as they reach the section where they figure-eight their ankles then change and do the same with their other foot.

_“See I ain’t try’na hurt you, baby, no, no, no, I just wanna work you, baby…”_

There’s not a whole lot of the dance spent in hold as it’s essentially a test of their synchronicity, Vanessa doing the _rightfootflick, leftfootflick, flick, flick, flick_ , _PIVOT_ and hoping Brooke’s doing the same beside her. But it’s fast and it’s fun and she knows her choreo is good and fuck it, they’re both dressed as _lemurs,_ so they’ve got a fighting chance of doing a decent job this week. Brooke takes her hand and spins her round all while doing the most complex footwork Vanessa’s taught anyone before, and her face is showing it. Vanessa knows she’ll get pulled up for letting her concentration show, but everything else, technically, has gone really well so far, which is just as well as Laganja is standing up to take in every single inch of the footwork.

_“Your poor little heart will end up alone, ‘cause God knows I’m a rolling stone, so you better run, run, runaway, runaway baby…”_

On cue, Brooke slides herself down on the floor then jumps up, and Vanessa puts her hand on her shoulder right on the final beat. The audience erupts, the clapping envelops them, and Vanessa can’t help but freak out a little. This is the first dance they’ve done where she really feels they completely nailed every single part of it, and she’s punching the air as Brooke picks her up by her waist, spinning her round and round on the ballroom floor. When she puts her down, Brooke pulls her into another hug, and Vanessa can feel the kiss she plants on the top of her head. It’s strong and insistent and Vanessa wishes it had been pressed to her lips, but she supposes she can’t wish for everything all at once.

Vanessa barely even takes in Michelle’s interview with Brooke, she’s simply too happy. As Michelle asks the judges what they thought, Vanessa hopes and prays their comments will reflect the dance they completed.

And they do.

Vanessa listens to them all in a happy haze- the words “immaculate footwork”, “light and precise”, “turned a corner”, and “breakthrough” all pop like fireworks in her head, and she can’t help but squeeze Brooke’s hand every time the judges give them a new compliment.

“Just one very little thing,” Shangela says at the end of her critiques. “You were concentrating so hard on that, and rightly so because it’s hard! But I’d love to see more of the chemistry you have with Vanessa, because you’ve got about two minutes to tell a story out there, and to see you both connecting with each other would be _lovely_!”

Vanessa tries to suppress a smile at her comments, and Brooke nods affirmingly at Shangela’s words. The incredible feedback is ringing in her ears so much that she hardly knows what she even says to Divina when they both run up to the Divinatorium after their dance is done, and when it pans to the judges for their scores Vanessa can feel her own hand unbearably sweaty in Brooke’s.

“ _Will the judges please reveal their scores. Bianca Del Rio.”_

Vanessa sees the paddle that she holds up and screams. “Seven!”

She’s so busy squealing and hugging Brooke in her delight that she almost misses the next few scores.

“ _Kennedy Davenport.”_

“Eight!”

Vanessa’s jaw drops so far open she’s momentarily scared she’s dislocated it. This changes everything. This is night and day to the scores they’ve had previously.

_“Shangela Wadely.”_

“Seven!”

_“Laganja Estranja.”_

“Eight!”

Vanessa can hear the other couples cheering and clapping for them both and she can feel a bunch of hands patting her on the back, but all she can focus on is Brooke’s heartbeat through her chest. She is euphoric. There’s no feeling like it.

“That’s a score of thirty!” Divina tells them, and when Vanessa pulls away she can see that Brooke is crying happy tears. The sight almost makes her want to start crying too. Divina pulls a sympathetic face. “Brooke, you’re clearly happy!”

“I am! I’ve just said from the start that I don’t want to let Vanessa down, and finally we’ve done really really well!” she sniffs, and Vanessa pouts and squeezes her waist. Thirty. Their score was thirty. Thirty out of forty. They’ve only dropped ten marks and it’s week three.

This is _good._

As Divina carries on interviewing them both, Vanessa feels her concentration drift away. She’s remembering Shangela’s comments about chemistry. Next week is their Salsa week. Vanessa remembers her conversation with Akeria, and _operation sexy dance,_ and in that moment she decides to make it her mission for the week to show the judges just how much chemistry she and Brooke have.


	7. Chapter 7

_18th October 2020_

Vanessa sits on the floor opposite Crystal, both of their knees tucked in under their chins, both of them glugging from their water bottles. It’s Sunday and Vanessa’s wasted no time in choreographing, having roped Crystal in to help her after their pro dance rehearsal. Crystal is doing a Waltz this week, which Vanessa could only be of minimal help with, but her friend didn’t really mind all that much.

“Ten of us left,” Crystal comments in the silence, and Vanessa nods with her. The dance off last night consisted of Scarlet and Plastique again and, to the shock of no-one, Farrah and Aja. The judges elected to save Farrah and Aja, and so poor Scarlet’s Strictly journey came to an end. Vanessa feels sorry for her but secretly she’s happy Plastique’s been knocked down a peg or two and has bowed out early this year. She doesn’t dislike the girl, but she’s too confident for her taste. Nothing wrong with being humble every now and again.

“Hard to believe this is dance number four.”

Crystal hums quietly in response. She’s got a sort of look on her face that prompts Vanessa to narrow her eyes at her.

“What’s the drama, mama?”

Crystal lets out a sigh, stretches herself out so she’s lying on her stomach and props her head up with her elbows. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Depends what it is, boo, I’m not tryin’ to be in no courtroom.”

Crystal laughs in her own, airy-fairy way. Then she sighs. “I think I like Gigi as more than my dance partner.”

“Oh, Lord above,” Vanessa mutters without thinking, the amount of schoolgirl crushes flying around Elstree studios becoming suddenly overwhelming. Crystal gives her a funny look and Vanessa waves her away. “Sorry, Crys. Ignore me, I’m just bein’ cynical.”

Crystal winces as if she’s put her foot in it. “Right. Yeah, God, sorry, Vanj.”

Vanessa thinks for a moment back to what Crystal’s told her. She cracks a smile. “You got feelings for a model, that’s when you know you’re fucked.”

“ _There’s a moment you know…you’re fucked_ ,” Crystal sings quietly. It makes Vanessa snort. Crystal pouts, lets out a whine. “It was all the Rhumba’s fault. Stupid sexy Rhumba.”

“Don’t blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the moonlight, don’t blame it on the good times…” Vanessa deadpans, and Crystal is already giggling as they finish the joke together.

“…blame it on the Rhumba.”

“It was a hot Rhumba, though. Nobody could blame you,” she shrugs. Vanessa is still riding the high of briefly topping the leaderboard last night, even if she was toppled off by Jan and Jackie, Akeria and Asia, and Crystal and Gigi themselves. But still…fourth is the best they’ve ever done, and she’s proud of them both.

“You’ve got a bit of a hot one this week, you know,” Crystal cocks an eyebrow at her. “Anything you want to tell me?”

Vanessa shoves her on the shoulder and sends Crystal rolling over the dusty floor. “Behave.”

Crystal shrugs in spite of the brief attack from her friend. “All I’m saying is I’ve seen the way Brooke Lynn looks at you.”

Vanessa’s brain hotwires and she says about twenty sentences at once. “Shut up! No, she doesn’t. That’s not…that’s not a thing, Crystal, you…how does she look at me?”

Crystal blurts out a laugh and Vanessa supposes she has to join in. As their laughter dies down, Crystal thinks for a moment. “It’s like she’s the moon and you’re-”

“The sun? Jesus, Crystal, how predictable can you be?”

“Will you let me finish my damn sentence! _Hostia…_ ” Crystal exhales in irritation, and Vanessa has to stifle a laugh at her swearing. Her face softens and she gazes at Vanessa with intrigue. “She’s the moon and you’re the stars. She’s happy to coexist with you, she’s happy to just be beside you and admire you for as long as you’ll let her.”

Vanessa feels as if her insides are glowing. She smiles at Crystal. “So you think she likes me back?”

“A- _ha_! I knew it! Back! You said _back_!” Crystal screeches, and Vanessa only has the willpower to roll her eyes, because _Brooke looks at her like that._ Crystal calms down, and then shrugs. “Well if she doesn’t want you now, she will after this Salsa. Fuck knows how the BBC allowed that song, but they did.”

“Is it too sexy?” Vanessa frowns, suddenly doubtful.

“Yes,” Crystal says instantly and seriously. She pauses before she allows a smile to spread across her face. “It’s perfect.”

The next morning, Vanessa has carefully strategised to ensure she looks the best she can in her rehearsal gear. She’s got her black exercise leggings on- the ones with the high waist that make her bum look good- and she’s gone for a red oversized jumper that’ll inevitably need peeled off when they start warming up. Underneath she’s picked a strappy sports bra that somehow doesn’t completely flatten her chest, and there’s a strip of toned skin between where it stops and her leggings begin. She’s pulled her waves of hair into a messy ponytail and she’s done an ever-so-tiny amount of makeup too- mascara, eyeliner, the tiniest bit of concealer, a little bit of liquid highlighter to make things pop. She’s standing looking at herself in the mirror when Brooke arrives, and she chooses to ignore the way her eyebrows raise involuntarily when she sees her. 

“Hey, boo,” Vanessa greets her lightly, giving her a wave. “How you feelin’? Still ridin’ the high of Saturday night?”

“God, yeah. That was incredible, we smashed it!” Brooke gushes, throwing her gym bag to the floor. “Fourth is good. We just need to stay there.”

“Or move up,” Vanessa shrugs. Brooke points and nods at her in agreement as she throws her hair into a ponytail. She looks good herself- she’s in an oversized t-shirt which she’s tied at a knot at her stomach and a pair of loose-fitting black shorts. Fuck, why hadn’t she thought of shorts?

“What’ve we got this week?” Brooke asks, hair finally fixed. Vanessa feels like taking a deep breath before answering.

“We’re doin’…a Salsa,” she reveals. Brooke claps her hands together, excited. Vanessa smiles. “Do you know much about what a Salsa involves?”

“Uh, I know it’s a Latin one,” Brooke shrugs, leaning against the barre so she’s opposite Vanessa.

“Cuban.”

“That’s what I meant.”

“Sure. Okay, well…the judges last week said they wanted to see some more chemistry,” Vanessa prefaces her explanation. “So a Salsa’s a bit of a hot one. We’ve done a couple’a fun dances, we did the angry Paso, and now we gotta sexy Salsa.”

“Okay,” Brooke nods, a little hint of a smile on her face. Vanessa had been waiting to see her reaction and it’s not what she’d expected- she thought Brooke would maybe get a little bit bashful about it, but Vanessa supposes the woman’s a professional. “I can do sexy, that’s fine.”

“I’m sure you can,” Vanessa finds herself saying before she can think, and as soon as the sentence is out of her mouth she turns away from Brooke, slaps a hand over her mouth and fiddles with her phone so that Brooke doesn’t see her blush. “Uh…you warmed up?”

“Yeah. Ready to get even more warmed up,” she replies, and when Vanessa turns around she sees that Brooke’s wiggling her eyebrows at her. It makes her laugh.

“Okay, sweet. I’m gonna show you what me an’ Crystal choreographed yesterday for it,” she says casually, despite the fact that her heart is beating out of her chest, so anxious is she to see Brooke’s reaction. Vanessa motions for Brooke to come close to her so she can see her phone and as soon as Brooke can see, Vanessa hits play.

The dance starts.

“Oh,” Brooke comments quietly. It’s only about ten seconds in and Vanessa’s already whining against Crystal who’s got her hands behind her head. “Oh, wow.”

The appreciative noise makes a proud smile spring to Vanessa’s lips. There’s a lot of very intricate arm movements to a salsa, and she explains this to Brooke as she and Crystal twist and twirl each other around the dancefloor, their arms moving and intertwining like clockwork. The song reaches the part where they both stop, press close together, and Crystal runs her hands up Vanessa’s thighs, her waist and her sides. The lyrics are loud through the speakers.

_“And baby I know what you’re after…it’s all in the details, and every inch of me matters…”_

“Oh wow,” Brooke comments again, her voice little above a whisper. It makes a little thrill of electricity shoot down Vanessa’s spine. “Oh shit!”

“Oh yeah, we’re gonna do a bit of a lift,” Vanessa explains a little late, as the video has just shown Crystal swinging Vanessa up and holding one of her legs tight so she can kick her other leg in the air while upside down.

“Christ,” Brooke laughs. The music is still blaring from the speakers. They’re both silent as the lyrics ring out, but there’s a certain atmosphere in the air and it’s making Vanessa anticipate the moment they start dancing.

_“I know you love it when you go down under, I’ll be moving for you like no other, so much body for your lips to discover…”_

Vanessa sneaks a look in the studio mirrors at Brooke’s expression. She’s got an impassive facade as she watches but Vanessa can see the pink blush on her cheeks, her face betraying her. She bites her lip in a smile as she looks back down at her phone. Vanessa’s hooked her leg over Crystal’s thigh as Crystal dips her and brings her up, her hands supportive on her back and Vanessa’s hair skimming the floor. They spin each other round again and then Vanessa stops, her leg positioned out. Crystal is down on one knee, runs a hand up her leg from her calf to her thigh. Brooke is silent as she watches.

“Me an’ Crys got the giggles so many times doin’ this,” Vanessa attempts to lighten the mood. Brooke gives a small laugh.

“I bet,” she murmurs. There’s something in her tone that makes Vanessa squeeze her thighs together.

_“Mmm, go back, go back…I think you missed a spot…”_

The dance finishes with Vanessa on one knee and her hands on Crystal’s popped thigh. She puts her phone back into her gym bag and fixes Brooke with a smile that she makes deliberately cheerful and light. “So! Thoughts?”

Brooke blinks about six times in quick succession. She runs a hand through the ends of her ponytail and looks to the floor. “God, um. Yeah. It’s definitely, uh…God. I’m flustered!”

Vanessa’s heart feels like singing. Her plan’s working and they’ve not even started dancing yet. “Good, it’s meant to make you flustered when you watch it! As long as you don’t get flustered dancin’ it.”

“That’s um…that is just a song about oral sex, right?”

Vanessa lets out a hoot of a laugh. “Oh, baby, it gets way worse.”

“Worse! How can it get worse?” Brooke laughs. Vanessa decides to wind her up a bit, starts swinging her hips as she sings the second verse that the BBC has insisted they can’t air before 9pm.

_“You wanna hit it, wanna hear me hit a high note, I let you rub it, touch it, lick up on this, I know-”_

“Aah!” Brooke cries comedically, planting her hands over her ears. Vanessa giggles, decides to stop teasing her.

Well. They’re about to start the routine, so she supposes she’s just going to start teasing her in other ways.

“We don’t really have a story to tell this week. We’re gonna be the story,” Vanessa explains, and Brooke nods, taking a deep breath at the same time.

“Right. Let’s get started.”

So Vanessa starts teaching Brooke. And it’s more fun than she’d ever imagined. She peels her jumper off too early just so she can feel Brooke’s hands on her bare skin a little more than usual. When they practise the part where Brooke runs her hands up Vanessa’s thigh she almost goes into cardiac arrest at the thought of doing it in costume, where both of them are going to be in tiny dresses and bare legs. But just because there’s lots of fun, sexy moments doesn’t mean the dance isn’t tricky, and a lot of their first rehearsal is spent getting the arm movements right.

“I think it’s going okay,” Brooke comments during their first break, after taking a long drink from her water bottle. “There’s this one bit though I think I need help with.”

“Okay, shoot,” Vanessa shrugs. Suddenly, she swears she can see a little glint in Brooke’s eye as she starts talking again.

“Uhh, the bit where you like…grind against me. What am I doing there again?”

Vanessa pauses for a moment before she speaks. She swears Brooke’s playing a game, but she doesn’t mind playing along. She shows her what she’s meant to be doing, says the counts at the same time. Brooke nods like she understands. “Let’s see you do it first?”

Brooke does it perfectly. Then, she speaks again. “Can we just run that section a couple more times?”

Vanessa narrows her eyes and quirks her a smile. Brooke laughs. “What? What is it?”

Some things are better left unsaid, so Vanessa bites the smile away. “Nothin’, nothin’. Okay, we can run it a couple times.”

They run it again three times and Vanessa makes sure to whine incredibly slowly and deliberately against Brooke each time. She certainly doesn’t mind, and from the looks of it neither does Brooke. Brooke then asks if they can run the bit where they’re pressed up against each other again, because apparently she’s forgotten what to do with her hands. Vanessa realises that she’s being well and truly played at her own game, but if she gets to have Brooke’s hands all over her again she’s not going to mind. She stands in position with her arms looped over Brooke’s shoulders and around her neck, and Brooke’s hands are on her thighs. They’re so close together that it’s almost painful.

“Okay so on the counts, you’re going-” Vanessa takes Brooke’s hands in her own and moves them confidently where they’re meant to be going. She instantly notices the way Brooke’s eyes fly open ever so slightly. “- thighs, ass, waist, ribs, like one, two, three, four. But obviously it’s gonna be a lot more fluid than that.”

Brooke looks like a deer in the headlights, so Vanessa smiles as she follows it up with, “An’ remember eye contact. Don’t be afraid to look at me, baby, ‘cuz your hands are already all over me.”

Brooke gives a sort of choked laugh. Vanessa counts her in. “Five, six, seven, eight-”

As Vanessa sways her hips she feels Brooke’s hands glide up her body, and it’s almost entirely too much. Brooke’s obediently taken direction about eye contact and her gaze is dark as she looks into Vanessa’s eyes. When she stops, neither of them move. Vanessa’s still got her arms looped around Brooke’s neck, and her face is so close. Brooke’s got both her hands positioned on either side of Vanessa’s back and her palms are touching the bare strip of skin Vanessa’s got on show. The skin-on-skin contact is almost burning.

They’ve still not looked away from each other, and Vanessa sees Brooke’s bottom lip drop over a little bit. She wets her own, bites it. Vanessa can feel her eyes fluttering closed-

“Morning!” there’s a loud, cheerful voice, and Vanessa almost leaps out of Brooke’s hold as the door to their studio is almost booted off its hinges by the film crew. “Just here for the first day rehearsal shots!”

Right. Of course. Because they’re filming a TV show.

Vanessa greets the crew politely and then looks at Brooke. She’s rubbing the back of her neck and looking to the floor, and when she looks up at Vanessa they share a guilty smile. Vanessa punctuates it with a wink before clapping her hands together and striding over to the film crew and asking them what they need from them both.

Because Vanessa hadn’t imagined it- they’d shared a moment, and they definitely, 100% had been about to kiss before the fucking film crew had strode in. The thought buoys the rehearsal process for the rest of the week, and the atmosphere between them, whatever it is, doesn’t dissipate. It takes Vanessa until Tuesday afternoon to realise that the “it” is sexual tension. The lingering looks between them during breaks have turned longer, the dance seems to flow way easier. Brooke’s paying attention to detail and getting things right every time, and it’s fast becoming their best dance, but the lift is still a bit of an issue. Every time they attempt it Brooke freaks out, doesn’t follow through because she’s scared of dropping Vanessa. Vanessa doesn’t mind, she doesn’t care, but she just wishes Brooke would at least attempt it.

And then it gets to Wednesday, the 21st of October.

The earth has turned on its axis 365 times since the event, and Vanessa wishes she didn’t remember the whole thing as clear as day but it’s hard not to when it’s exactly a year to the day since it all happened. She tortures herself that morning before Brooke arrives, looks up the articles written by tabloid newspapers, looks at the photos again even though they still embarrass her. Akeria and Monique send her supportive texts and Vanessa is appreciative of them but they don’t help. She blocks it all out of her mind and when Brooke arrives Vanessa is positive that they’re going to tackle that lift today. Brooke knows there’s something up, Vanessa can tell, but she doesn’t let on. She pushes and pushes her, makes Brooke practise it more than she knows she should, but when she’s rehearsing and dancing she’s not thinking about what happened a year ago so they do it again, twice, three times. Vanessa knows that Brooke’s also fallen silent, isn’t enjoying the repetitiveness.

“One more time. You need to get me higher off the ground so I can extend my leg,” she tells her. Brooke simply nods once.

It’s Vanessa’s fault when it happens. She starts counting Brooke in when she’s not ready, so Brooke is fumbling to support her and get her arm locked in place at her knee, but she doesn’t manage in time. She drops her, Vanessa’s head hits the floor, and Brooke recoils in shock.

“Fuck,” they both say at the same time, but for two very different reasons. Brooke then follows it up with two more while Vanessa rubs the back of her head. She didn’t fall that far but she did land on her head, so she can’t be too careful.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Brooke panics. Vanessa feels guilty, waves her away.

“No, I’m sorry. It was my fault, I was pushin’ you too hard.”

Brooke kneels down beside her, helps her up with gentle hands and strong arms. She puts one hand to her cheek and another to the back of her head, feeling for a lump. “Fuck, Vanessa…”

“Brooke, please, it’s not your fault. I’m sorry, you weren’t ready,” Vanessa sighs. She can feel a lump starting to form at the back of her throat. Why the hell is she so upset?

“I’m going to get you an ice pack. Stay there,” Brooke babbles, dashing out of the room. Vanessa’s head is sore but her heart is warmed by Brooke’s caring nature. She sits up. She’s not dizzy or sick which is a good sign but she shuffles over to lean against the mirror, puts her head in her hands and exhales in a bid to calm herself down. Brooke returns quickly carrying a bag of frozen chips wrapped in a blue paper towel. Vanessa can’t help but laugh.

“Jesus Christ, I know the NHS is underfunded these days, but is this what it’s come to?” she quips. Brooke smiles at her, glad to have got a laugh.

“It’s all the canteen had. Here, put it on the sore bit,” she says soothingly, sitting down close beside her and positioning the bag of chips against her skull. Vanessa thanks her, leans back against the mirrors and sighs. She can feel Brooke’s eyes on her.

“Anything you want to talk about?” she asks her quietly. When Vanessa turns to meet Brooke’s gaze she snaps her eyes away and down to her lap. She finds it endearing. Brooke’s voice is hesitant as she continues. “You don’t seem your happy self today.”

Her words are heartwarming, and God knows she needs them. She supposes it wouldn’t do any harm to talk everything through with someone other than a therapist, Akeria or Monique. 

“Uh, today’s a year since…everything happened last year. With, y’know. Kameron. And her dance partner,” Vanessa explains. Brooke screws her face up, winces.

“I’m sorry.”

Vanessa snorts a sardonic laugh. “You don’t need to be sorry, you didn’t fuckin’…do anything.”

Brooke sighs beside her. Vanessa knows that Brooke knows what happened. She will have seen the photographs the paps took of the pair of them in the street, pressed up against each other in a drunk kiss. She’ll have seen the papers with said photos splashed on the front cover. She’ll have seen the interview with the two of them where they both grovelled and sent their futile apologies to the viewers. For a moment, Vanessa is embarrassed. She voices this to Brooke.

“What do you have to be embarrassed about?” Brooke frowns at her. Vanessa shrugs helplessly.

“Just…I don’t know. I know you know what happened, everyone knows what happened. That’s the worst bit. That was the worst part about the whole thing. Everyone’s fuckin’…pity.”

Brooke cocks her head, thinks. “Yeah, but what would you rather have? Pity or the whole nation wanting your head on a stick?”

Vanessa laughs a little more genuinely this time. She sighs. “I know Kam didn’t do it to hurt me. These situations…I mean, fuckin’ look at our dance. You get close with people…I get that. Just…”

“She didn’t trip and fall on his mouth, Vanessa,” Brooke says sharply. Vanessa narrows her eyes at her, and Brooke shrinks back a little. “Sorry. That was out of turn. Just…in public too. Paps fucking everywhere. It wasn’t even like it was the one kiss and then she pushed him away, it was-”

“Yeah, I know what it was, thanks, Brooke,” Vanessa snaps at her. She instantly regrets it. “I’m sorry. That’s not fair of me to take my problems out on you.”

Brooke smiles sadly at her, reaches a hand out to lace in hers. Vanessa accepts gladly. Brooke mumbles as she speaks again. “I remember feeling so sorry for you at that time. Even though I didn’t know you then. To be cheated on is bad enough, but in the public eye like that…and with her partner too. I’m sorry it happened.”

“I feel more sorry for her,” Vanessa shrugs. “I mean she left the show…we tried to make it work but it just wasn’t there any more…and there’s no damage to his fuckin’ career. Because…of course there ain’t. You know apparently his new standup tour is actually about the whole damn fiasco?”

“Fuck, I hate men so much,” Brooke sighs. Her gaze turns steely again. “But you don’t have to feel sorry for Kameron, V. She still kissed him when she was with you and working with you on the show. That’s bad. That’s low.”

“It was so shit. She came home and she told me the next morning. I can still remember the whole conversation…” Vanessa says, her voice quiet. It’s not a lie. The memory sometimes jumps out and scares her just before she goes to sleep. The hurt, the betrayal. Trust cracking and breaking, a foot on a thin sheet of ice.

She feels Brooke tug gently on her hand, a soft _c’mere_ with it. Vanessa doesn’t resist and before she knows it she’s discarded the bag of frozen chips and Brooke’s holding her against her chest, the pair of them curled up on the floor. She doesn’t cry. She doesn’t hurt. Brooke is holding her, and it feels correct. She feels safe and protected, like her feelings will never be hurt again (she knows this isn’t true, but she goes with the feeling like a leaf floating on water).

“Just for the record, and I know you’ve probably heard this about a thousand times over the course of the last year,” Brooke mutters against her hair. “You deserve way more than that. I can’t imagine anyone being lucky enough to have you and then idiotic enough to cheat on you.”

Brooke’s right- Vanessa has heard it all before, but it means something different coming from Brooke. She feels her heart speed up as Brooke continues. “I would never do that to you.”

Vanessa feels as if her heart is a grenade and the pin’s just been pulled out. She must have stiffened in Brooke’s arms, because Brooke tenses up and relaxes her hug. “I mean, to anyone. I would never.”

Vanessa doesn’t follow it up because she can tell Brooke’s backtracking, but it’s already out- she would never do that _to Vanessa_ , Brooke’s promising her her trust and they’re not even…anything at all. She doesn’t know why she finds that so comforting. Maybe because there’s an unspoken element of _yet_ to it all.

“How’s the head?” Brooke asks swiftly. Vanessa cracks a smile, gives Brooke a wink.

“Ain’t had any complaints.”

Brooke grins back at her, softly pulls her up from their position on the floor. “Let’s try that lift again, then.”

They try it again. Then again, and again, until Brooke finally nails it and Vanessa can get her leg extended the whole way. The speedbump they hit in the rehearsal process has been steamrollered, and the rest of the days pass easily.

Until it gets to Saturday, the rehearsal before the performance later that evening, and Vanessa can’t really remember how she arrived at rehearsals or what they were doing before now- it’s odd. For some reason they’re also dressed in full costume even though they’re just rehearsing at their usual studios.

There must be a reason for it.

Vanessa can’t really concentrate though, as she and Brooke are rehearsing that part of the dance again, the one where Brooke’s got her hands all over her and their faces are close together and Brooke’s eye contact is dark and sultry. Brooke’s hands are on her thighs and Vanessa bucks her hips a little, all part of the dance, but then suddenly out of nowhere Brooke’s pulling her close and their lips meet, she’s kissing her and it’s deep and urgent and Vanessa’s moaning a little against her mouth and fuck, this feels so right. She pushes a hand into Brooke’s hair- it’s loose and down her back. She wonders why it’s like that in rehearsal (Brooke always wears it in a ponytail) but there must be a reason for it. Brooke’s hands are on her waist now, and Vanessa is suddenly acutely aware of the fact that her legs are still spread and Brooke’s are straight in between them. Brooke’s lips drop down to her neck.

“Fuck, wanted this since I met you,” she whispers against her skin, and Vanessa lets out a whine.

“Touch me.”

Brooke’s hands slide back down to her thighs, lips back against Vanessa’s as she keeps one hand steady against her leg and brings the other up to rub against the silk of her underwear, and fuck, it already feels so good and Brooke’s barely even touched her at all.

“Fuck, so good…”

“I bet you taste fucking amazing,” Brooke murmurs against her lips, and Vanessa lets out a gasp, brings her hand round to tug at Brooke’s ponytail-

Wait.

_How come her hair’s in a ponytail?_

But Vanessa doesn’t have time to question it because she can feel her orgasm building quickly with every little movement of Brooke’s fingers and she can hear herself telling her, and she squeezes her eyes shut as she starts to throb and when she opens her eyes-

She’s in her room. In her bed. She’s just woken up from a sex dream about her dance partner.

And she just came from it.

Vanessa is disorientated, confused, and wet. She feels on her bedside table for her phone. It’s Saturday morning.

“What the fuck?” she questions out loud. Then she gives a tired giggle. She rubs her eyes, still a little sleepy, and then scrolls to Whatsapp. Akeria and Monique are going to die when she tells them.

_V: guys i just woke up from a sex dream about her_

_V: like i literally just orgasmed myself awake_

She locks her phone after she’s sent the messages, sighing and shaking her head. Fuck her fucking brain. Vanessa lies in bed and stretches a little, a few minutes ticking by. She’s surprised that the girls haven’t immediately pounced on the message. She knows they’ll be awake- after all, they’ve got rehearsals to go to as well. Frowning, she unlocks her phone again to see if the message has sent.

It has sent.

But not to the girls.

The realisation dawns slowly and ice cold over Vanessa as she realises that, in her half-asleep state, she’s not sent the revelation to her group chat with the girls. She’s sent it to Brooke Lynn.

She shoots up in bed, at once entirely wide awake with horror and adrenaline. She could always un-send the messages and she contemplates doing so, but the two blue ticks beside each one and the “Online” under Brooke’s name glare back at her mockingly. So Vanessa’s heart sinks and she swallows her pride with a crimson face, typing frantically before Brooke can get there first.

_V: oh my god. Oh my fucking god. PLEASE ignore that it wasn’t meant for you_

She’s already cringing so much she thinks she might die, but Brooke’s reply makes it worse.

_B: Well good morning to you too x_

Vanessa wonders what she could even type to get herself out of the situation. At least she’s still leaving a kiss at the end of her texts.

_V: i’m cringing so much i’m SO sorry x_

_B: Who’s the lucky girl x_

Christ it just gets worse. But then as Vanessa’s head clears a little, she wonders if this is Brooke’s way of flirting with her. She plays it safe, decides not to risk things especially since she’s already embarrassed herself and it’s only eight in the morning.

_V: god can we please pretend this never happened x_

_B: Whoever she was she clearly did a good job x_

Vanessa’s heart thuds and she can feel the heat building between her legs again. She throws caution to the wind and decides to fuck the element of risk as she types her next message.

_V: Yeah she did x_

_B: She the same person you’ve got a crush on? x_

Vanessa’s heart is beating much the same as if she’s drunk three red bulls back to back (she knows because she’s done this before during a particularly stressful pro rehearsal day). She thinks about admitting, her body ruling her head, because the thought of some early morning dirty texts followed by sex in Brooke’s dressing room is entirely too tempting right now, but ultimately her head decides to make a sensible decision because being woken up via literal orgasm is probably the best she’s going to get today.

_V: Might be x_

_V: A lady never tells x_

_B: You’re no fun. See ya at dress run x_

Vanessa locks her phone and hops out of bed to take a freezing cold shower that she hopes will eliminate every iota of sexual thought out of her brain.

It works, until she gets to costume that night and sees Brooke in her outfit and her jaw almost hits the floor. She’s in red, a short dress with a plunging neck which stops midway at her chest and is strung together with glittering silver thread. It’s tight with a little skirt that flares out, and Vanessa knows it’ll look good during the dance. It’s also backless, and the sight of Brooke in it makes Vanessa instantly reach for her water bottle.

“Shit,” she says, and Brooke turns around in surprise. She can’t find any more words. “You look insane.”

Brooke smiles bashfully, motions to the hanger. “Thanks, baby. Yours is the same, it’s just black.”

Vanessa is suddenly gripped by nerves. She wonders if she’ll even be able to do this dance at all. But then Brooke’s smile grows on her face and she bounces on the balls of her feet. “I’m really looking forward to tonight. I think we’re going to do great.”

And if Brooke is so confident, who is Vanessa to let her down?

They’re up last tonight, so they get to watch most of the dances from the Divinatorium. Monet and Monique do a showstopping Jive to _Dance Apocalyptic_ and Vanessa thinks the applause they get might rip the roof off of the studios. Willam and Phi Phi Charleston to a version of _Fancy,_ but she struggles manfully and her scores plummet again. Vanessa can tell she’s disappointed but she doesn’t miss the hug she gets from Courtney once it’s over. Maybe that makes up for it, Vanessa doesn’t know.

Shea and Peppermint Viennese Waltz to _If I Ain’t Got You,_ and it’s lovely even if Peppermint does mess up the footwork a little. Akeria and Asia Quickstep to _Yeah_ (it shouldn’t work but it does), and Jan and Jackie are also doing a Salsa to _Wrapped Up_. Their performance is more fun and flirty than fiery and hot, and it worries Vanessa a little that she’s perhaps taken things too far. They also complete a lift, Jackie hoisting Jan in the air and holding her there at the end of their dance and making it look easy. They score 30 altogether, the same as Vanessa and Brooke last week. Vanessa’s stomach churns.

Eventually their time rolls around, and they’re standing in the darkness watching Gigi and Crystal Waltz to a version of _Perfect_ with no pronoun changes through gaps in the curtains. Vanessa can feel her pulse surging through her like the bassline of a dance track, her nerves only building with every passing moment. Brooke’s standing behind her to watch, and when she wraps her arms around her waist in a hug from behind it does absolutely nothing to calm her down. Brooke’s swaying softly as she watches Crystal and Gigi together, the two girls holding each other steadily and their gaze tender as they look at each other. The sight makes Vanessa’s heart melt. She lets herself be swayed in Brooke’s arms, and Brooke drops her head to rest in the crook of Vanessa’s neck, her lips moving against her skin as she softly sings along to the song.

_“I have met an angel in person, and she looks perfect…”_

Vanessa feels like telling Brooke everything. How much she likes her, how calming a presence she’s been in Vanessa’s life even though she’s only been in it for six weeks. How beautiful she thinks she is. But Gigi and Crystal’s dance comes to an end. They’re holding each other tightly on the dancefloor as the audience claps. Vanessa wonders if maybe Brooke’s holding her just as tight. She feels Brooke’s arms drop to her sides as she straightens up, takes her hand.

“Fuck. It’s us. You ready?” she whispers to her. Vanessa looks into her eyes. She doesn’t think she’s ever been more or perhaps less ready to dance with a gorgeous woman she’s partnered with and finds entirely too attractive, but she cracks a smile anyway.

“So ready. Let’s crush it.”


	8. Chapter 8

_31st October 2020_

“Ready, baby?”

“Always.”

Vanessa smiles at Brooke from her position on the platform she’s standing on. Brooke has an identical one beside her, a huge purple structure with a phone box drilled into it that’s strong and has definitely been checked by the health and safety experts at least six times. Looking down, the ballroom floor looks ever so slightly too far away, but Vanessa knows that’s just her eyes playing tricks on her. She knows that when the music starts and the time comes, she’ll jump off it without any problems. As the band continue to set up she picks at her skirt, all messy netting and tulle. Vanessa supposes she’s never seen a fashionable zombie.

Halloween week has crept up on her- she’s honestly been too wrapped up in her own thoughts to notice the passage of time. Instead of seconds, minutes and hours her days are now measured in dance steps, quick glugs of her water bottle in rehearsals, how many times Brooke flirts with her that day. Ever since last week they haven’t seemed to be able to stop flirting. They always seem to be laughing or smiling at each other, casually hugging or holding hands mid-rehearsal like it’s natural. It’s not, though, and Vanessa knows it’s only a matter of time before her feelings become unravelled. She can’t figure Brooke out yet, and she knows that there’s a chance she’s acting this way because she’s more comfortable with Vanessa, maybe that’s how she acts around all her friends. But still…she doesn’t know. She knows she’s not going to risk ruining anything, though, and she’s definitely not going to risk anything going wrong with their partnership after they scored 32 on Saturday for their Salsa, favourable comments pouring out of the judges’ mouths like water out of a jug. Laganja had stood up from her seat at the table and actually screamed when Michelle asked her what she’d thought, babbling about how hot and sizzling and perfect it all was.

“At one point I thought you two were gonna kiss!” she’d screeched, and the audience had all laughed. Vanessa had wanted to tell her that she hadn’t been that far from the truth. 

Their Salsa actually got higher marks than Jan and Jackie’s, which had put a spring in Vanessa’s step. The goal had been to showcase her and Brooke’s chemistry, and Vanessa feels like they definitely did that. It gets harder not to compare themselves to other couples though, especially when there’s only nine of them left now. Aja and Farrah are out of the competition after a dance-off with Willam and Phi Phi last week, so now that the strong have well and truly been separated from the weak things are coming very much down to the wire. Even Heidi and Vixen and Shea and Peppermint’s scores haven’t been all that favourable lately. Vanessa shifts on top of the platform. Dress rehearsal is usually fun but she’s overthinking things now and making herself nervous. She gives herself a little shake, looks at Brooke for a reassuring smile she knows will come. She can’t let Brooke know she’s feeling anxious. Their dance is, overall, quite an easy one- it’s their couples choice week, so naturally Vanessa has chosen Commercial as their genre, never one to shy away from the chance to behave like she’s in a music video. She knows it still needs to be sharp and synchronised, neither of them missing a beat. They’ve done similar in their Jive, so all they really need to do is transfer the same skills into this dance.

“Ready to go in three!” a producer shouts. Vanessa takes a deep breath and steadies herself, taking her position inside the phone box. From across the ballroom floor she can see Brooke doing the same.

A hush falls over the girls that are watching in the audience, the drumsticks click, and the song begins.

“ _Calling all the monsters, calling all the monsters…”_

Vanessa pops her hip as she acts out a conversation with Brooke, putting the phone down and stepping out of the booth as soon as the beat kicks in. She puts her hands to her heart and pulses them, getting ready to launch herself off the platform the moment she hears her cue.

_“Heart thumps and you jump…”_

Vanessa jumps, flying through the air-

And the moment she hits the ground she knows something’s not right. She feels her leg give out, a pop, and searing pain shooting through her calf. She’s fallen to the floor and every fibre of her body is screaming at her to get up; she’s the professional, and what kind of professional is she if she can’t carry on after a small mistake? The music is still going so she drags herself onto her knees, attempts to stand up. The whole dance is thrown off now. _Fuck._ When she puts her foot on the floor and tries to stand it’s too painful- she can’t do it. She can see some of the girls in the audience standing up, yelling, gesturing to producers and runners.

Brooke runs over to her and the music stops. Vanessa’s on her back and she’s drawn her leg up to her chest. She can hear Brooke asking if she’s okay and the concern in her voice, can feel her stroking her hair and holding her hand, and usually this would’ve warmed her heart and made her feel all soft inside but the pain is overwhelming and it’s all she can focus on. She’s embarrassed and aware of how weak she must look in front of the other girls- she’ll have just landed on her ankle funny, there won’t be any more to it than that. 

“I’m fine…it’s fine…” Vanessa protests, embarrassed at the amount of people now surrounding her. She’s got Brooke, a runner, a producer, and now someone from first aid. She tries to stand up again and is annoyed when everyone reacts much the same as if she’s pointed a gun at them, telling her to lie back down and fussing over her. All Vanessa can do is stare up at the ceiling and look at the rigging while the woman from first aid pokes and prods and massages her calf, the filters and lights all bright and overwhelming above her. Her gaze snaps away from the ceiling to rest on Brooke’s face. She’s wearing a troubled expression, little lines deep set into her forehead and her bottom lip trapped between her teeth. Vanessa hates seeing her look this worried and she’s horrified that it’s she herself that’s made her feel this way.

“Brookie, don’t worry,” Vanessa musters up a smile for her. Brooke blinks, and when she looks at her again Vanessa can see tears in her eyes. Vanessa carries on, squeezes her hand. “They’ll stick a bit of ice on this an’ then I’ll be ready to dance with you tonight, you’ll see.”

She watches Brooke take a deep breath, nod at her supportively. Vanessa isn’t lying- she truly believes in what she’s saying. She’ll be fine. It’ll just be a rolled ankle, nothing too serious. She panics, though, when she sees two runners with the studio’s stretcher, moving through the audience seating.

“That ain’t for me. Surely not.”

The producer is telling her it’s just a precaution, but it’s a precaution that’s made Vanessa’s worry spike. They roll her onto it, and Brooke doesn’t let go of her hand. The first aid woman is telling her she can’t go with them. Vanessa scowls, feels the anger build in her gut.

“But I want her there. She’s my partner,” she snaps. She’s never mean to anyone she works with, always goes out of her way to be kind, reassuring and understanding, but all she wants is to have Brooke by her side because everything is starting to sink in now and she’s scared. First aid insists there’s no way, and Vanessa lets out a frustrated sigh that’s too close to a growl.

“What should I do?” Brooke asks her, worry etched on her face. Vanessa gives her hand one last squeeze before the stretcher is hoisted off the ground.

“Practise. Just practise. Make sure you’re ready for me,” Vanessa winks at Brooke in a vague attempt at reassurance then suddenly she’s being carried away from her, away from the ballroom and the glitter and colour and into an off-white room with strobe lights and a brown examination bed. She’s transferred onto the bed and left there for a small while, the silence in the room almost crushing her.

What the fuck has she managed to do?

It’s crazy, but her only thought is Brooke. What will happen to her? Will she get given a bye, will she be taken out of the competition? Will she get a new partner? The thought creeps into Vanessa’s brain and lodges itself there like a tick. Vanessa wants to shake it out but it won’t budge. If her first year competing with a celebrity is ruined by her stupid fucking leg…

She squeezes her eyes tight shut. Maybe this is all a dream. It wouldn’t be the first time. When she opens her eyes she is still in the same room as before. _Fuck._ She looks down at her calf and mutters the same word as she sees how much it has swollen up underneath the grey tights she’s got on.

Soon enough, a producer enters the room with someone Vanessa doesn’t recognise. It turns out they’ve called in a doctor. Her dance shoes and tights are peeled off and after much poking and prodding, the doctor steps away and fixes Vanessa with a sympathetic smile.

“Okay, my love, I’d usually take you in for an ultrasound but from what I can see I’m confident that what this looks like is a grade two level torn calf muscle.”

Vanessa wants to be sick.

“What that means is that you’re going to need lots of rest, lots of ice and compression. Try to elevate it wherever possible. The producers are going to make sure you get a follow-up appointment to get it looked at so you know when you’ll be able to get back to dancing.”

Vanessa frowns. She refuses to believe it. They’ve not come out and said she can’t dance. Maybe if she does the dance just once tonight she can rest it next week. “But I’m dancing tonight, I…Brooke needs me-”

The doctor is smiling at her like she’s a child and it does nothing for Vanessa’s blood pressure. “I’m really sorry, love, there’s no way you can dance on this. For at least a week, but that’s in the best case. Sometimes torn muscles can take six weeks to-”

“No. No, no, no, no,” Vanessa blurts out. She can feel the tears in her eyes; they’ve sprung up out of nowhere but all she can hear ringing in her ears is _six weeks_. The final is six weeks away. She needs to be better. It can’t take that long. “I need to be here, I can’t withdraw, I need to…Brooke Lynn…”

She is reduced to crying on an examination table with a doctor and one of the producers simply watching her. The doctor hands her a tissue, clearly feeling guilty. “Look, it really just depends on how well you look after it. It would probably take six weeks if you were trying to dance on it immediately again! As long as you’re sensible and take care, your recovery time will be much less.”

This does nothing to reassure her. Vanessa fixes her eyes on the producer. “What’s gonna happen?”

He scratches his neck and shrugs. “Well, we’ll offer Brooke a bye for this week. We’ll need to give her a new partner though. Just temporarily, until you’re better.”

Vanessa pouts, feels herself whine like a baby. “This is so unfair.”

“I know. I’m sorry. S’pose this comes with the territory, though, doesn’t it? Injuries…dancing,” he rambles on. Vanessa wants him to leave. Vanessa wants them both to leave. She wants to be on her own. She just wants a big, therapeutic cry with nobody there to watch her. Vanessa communicates this to the two of them and they both nod understandingly before leaving. A runner comes in with some ice for Vanessa’s leg and some pillows to elevate it, and they disappear equally rapidly.

Vanessa tries to think rationally, but no rational thought comes. All she can keep thinking is _six weeks, six weeks, six weeks._ It feels like her Strictly journey is over already. She knows she’s being selfish, knows that it’s Brooke’s journey. She should be happy for her- she’ll still get a partner, she’ll still get to continue and succeed.

But it should have been _her_.

The tears are still streaming down Vanessa’s face when there’s a shy knock at the door. It’s Brooke Lynn, and she’s still in costume but she’s had her hair and makeup done as well. There’s prosthetic chunks of blood and gore all over her and her skin is painted all grey and decaying, but Brooke still looks beautiful to her.

“Hey, boo,” Vanessa gives her a soft smile, frantically wipes the tears away from her face. She feels silly. “Get it? ‘Cuz it’s Halloween.”

Brooke laughs a little, entering the room and coming straight over to the bed to give Vanessa a hug. Vanessa can’t describe how much better she feels in Brooke’s arms, how much easier everything suddenly is.

“How are you, baby?” Brooke asks her mid-hug, and Vanessa can feel her murmur against her neck. It’s nice.

“I tore my calf…they told me I gotta rest up, it might take six weeks to heal…fuck, Brooke, I’m so sorry…”

Vanessa feels herself start to cry again as she clings onto Brooke like a koala, and Brooke hugs her even tighter in response. “Don’t be ridiculous! It won’t take that long at all. Torn muscles are so common, think about how many people must tear things in dancing! You’ll be fine. Hey. No more crying.”

Vanessa obediently wipes the tears away from under her eyes as she pulls away and gives Brooke a smile. Brooke meets and mirrors it, then leans in and kisses Vanessa gently on the forehead. When she pulls away again she seems shy as she laces their hands together. Vanessa is gazing gently at her. She’s never been closer to telling Brooke…

And then it sinks in all over again that Brooke is in full costume. And she’s had her makeup and hair done. Why would that have happened if she had taken the bye this week?

Vanessa frowns a little, confused. “So, uh. They give you a bye?”

Brooke nods. “They offered me one. Or they said I could dance it but with one of the other pros, so I said I’d just do that.”

“Oh,” Vanessa says before she can stop herself. Brooke’s words manage to hurt her even more than her leg already is.

“What’s wrong?”

“No, nothing. Of course you wanna dance it. You need to, you worked so hard on it,” Vanessa says quickly. Of course Brooke wants to do the dance. She’s on a competitive TV dancing show, what the hell else was she going to do? Did Vanessa really think she was going to turn around and say no? She tries to squash the feeling of being slowly eaten up inside. “So, uh. You’re dancing it. Who with?”

Vanessa’s heart sinks. _Please don’t be-_

“Plastique. She’s in makeup now. She was literally the first pro the producers grabbed; she walked past as we were having the conversation and they just asked her if she would do it. Had to teach her the whole thing in like, 45 minutes. You would’ve been proud of me.”

Of fucking course she’s dancing with her. Of course. Vanessa can still remember the way Plastique had looked at Brooke across the room on induction day, all interested and intrigued. Vanessa doesn’t want to be dramatic but this has to be up there with one of the worst days of her life. She can see Brooke looking at her and waiting for a response, so Vanessa just smiles tightly. She doesn’t trust herself to speak; she’ll either say something she’ll regret or she’ll simply cry.

“I know you probably just want to get home, but you could stay and watch in the green room? Blair and Scarlet have come to visit to watch Toni and Yvie. You could sit with them!” Brooke encourages her. Vanessa wants to say no- there is nothing she wants less than to watch Brooke dancing with someone else, especially if that someone else is Plastique, but Brooke’s expression is so hopeful and pleading that Vanessa just quietly nods.

“Amazing! I promise I won’t let you down,” she beams at her. There’s a producer shouting for her in the corridor so with that, Brooke gives Vanessa another hug and Vanessa wishes her good luck.

She’s gone, and so is a part of Vanessa.

But she’s said she’ll stay and watch her so Vanessa takes her ice and pillows and hobbles through to the green room, finds Blair and Scarlet sitting on the big sofa in front of the TV screen. They’re equal parts excited and sad to see Vanessa, fussing over her and her leg and distracting her with stories about life post-Strictly. Blair has been contacted by some up-and-coming makeup company looking to make her the face of their brand, and Scarlet’s been filming in between meeting up with Yvie for dates. It turns out the both of them had made connections with some of the girls, as Blair’s here for Vixen who she’s been texting non-stop since she left the show. Vanessa finds it odd the amount of things that have managed to go on right under her nose only for her not to notice, but she supposes she isn’t surprised given how up in the clouds her head’s been over Brooke.

The show begins. They prerecorded the pro dance this week, and it’s weird for Vanessa to watch herself dance across the screen. The whole thing is weird, really. She shouldn’t be watching the show at all. She should be on it, she should be there, live, dancing. The pro dance ends and Michelle comes out to introduce the judges and the couples. Before they all come down the stairs, she explains why Vanessa won’t be on the show that night. Hearing her say that she won’t be dancing makes her tear up all over again. Blair pats her shoulder and Scarlet squeezes her hand in support. Vanessa thinks she might cut off Scarlet’s blood circulation the moment she sees Brooke descend the stairs with Plastique, the two of them holding hands, waving to the audience and smiling at each other gently.

Vanessa’s got ages to wait until she can see Brooke dance and she spends every second stressing and fretting and worrying. She wants to be at home, to just go to sleep and wake up when her leg’s better and she can go back to dancing with her beautiful celebrity partner. Instead she’s here in a green room with a melting bag of ice under her leg watching Willam struggle through a Paso Doble, with a girl on either side of her wittering on about the object of their affections. So when it cuts to a VT that the editors have obviously hastily scraped together of Plastique gushing about how much she’s looking forward to dancing with Brooke and Brooke talking about how she’s nervous to dance with somebody new, Vanessa sits up straight on the sofa.

“ _Dancing the Creepy Commercial for their couples’ choice…Brooke Lynn Bites, and Plast-eek Tiara!”_

Normally she’d crack at least a small smile at the ridiculous puns that get used for Halloween week, but Vanessa can’t draw her eyes away from the screen. There’s the both of them, and Plastique on _her_ plinth, bevelling in _her_ phone booth, about to dance with _her_ partner.

The dance begins and Vanessa is on tenterhooks. The pair of them spring off their plinths, land perfectly and continue with the dance. Brooke is hitting every beat so well and it makes Vanessa proud, but there’s a point where Plastique freaks out beside her, doing something that entirely wasn’t choreographed. She’s obviously forgotten the dance. Vanessa bites her nails as she watches Brooke gently guide her into the next section and they pick it up from there. When the dance finishes, the audience lets out rapturous applause. Three of the judges are on their feet.

Vanessa feels like crying all over again.

The only saving grace is that Brooke hasn’t given Plastique the same kiss she normally reserves for Vanessa. She can hear Plastique apologising to her as they hug, and Vanessa grows irritated. This doesn’t ease up when they receive their comments and the judges give the pair of them glowing praise. And then they get their scores.

_“Seven!”_

_“Nine!”_

_“Nine!”_

_“Nine!”_

They’re the highest scores Brooke’s ever received, and she got them while dancing with Plastique.

Vanessa feels like storming off home but she can’t, not with her damn leg being the way it is, so she goes to chill in makeup for a while. The team there are nice- they’ll chat to her, take her mind off things, and they certainly won’t be as loved-up as Scarlet and Blair seem to be. She needs to not be around loved-up people right now. So it’s fitting, so fitting for the day she’s having, that the moment she walks into makeup there’s Jan sitting getting her foundation re-applied after her Jive with Jackie, who’s sitting on one of the couches having already finished her touch-ups. The pair of them are singing along to the song playing softly over the speakers, and neither of them notice her at first until she gives a hiss of pain, her knee not liking all the movement.

“Oh! Vanessa!” Jackie exclaims, sympathy in her kind eyes. “How’re you doing, babe?”

Vanessa doesn’t miss the way Jan’s eyes snap open involuntarily at the pet name, the makeup artists cursing and the eyeshadow brush creating a white glitter spot against Jan’s orbital bone. The cogs turn quickly in her brain- if Plastique and Brooke have just finished their dance, it’s likely they’ll be heading to makeup soon too. Vanessa’s not petty, but she’s only human; Brooke has made her jealous, and it wouldn’t be fair if she didn’t return the favour.

“Not great,” Vanessa pouts, sitting on the sofa beside her. “It’s really fuckin’ sore. Great job out there, though. You both killed it.” 

“We did our best,” Jackie shrugs bashfully. Their Jive was a little undermarked this week- they’re all at the stage where anything under 30 is disappointing- so Vanessa knows a good tactic to get Jackie onside is to stroke her ego.

“Well, your best was amazing. Don’t beat yourself up,” she smiles at her, resting her hand on top of hers and patting it. She thinks Jackie might be blushing, but she’s honestly not sure (the green paint she’s got on in her witch costume makes it impossible to tell). Vanessa hams it up, hisses excessively in pain and grabs her calf. Jackie’s face twists into a concerned frown.

“Hey, have you ever had Reiki done before?” she asks. Vanessa shakes her head. Jackie perks up, clearly excited about whatever the fuck Reiki is. “I’m trained in it! I used to get it done so often and I loved it, so then I took a course and it’s what I did before I got into journalism. My parents said it wasn’t a real job, but…whatever, basically it’s energy healing transferred through palms. It can help with mental health or physical health. I could do some for you now, if you want! It might help things.”

Vanessa raises her eyebrows, nods a little. “Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll try anything at this point, they’re sayin’ this bitch could take up to six weeks to heal.”

Jackie tuts and motions for Vanesssa to put her leg up onto her lap. “Six weeks? No way. We’ve got to get you better for Brooke Lynn! Where’s it sore?”

Vanessa rubs the offending area on her calf and Jackie nods understandingly. She rubs her palms together to warm them up, places them both lightly against Vanessa’s bare calf. She leaves them there for a few moments before turning to Vanessa questioningly. “Any better?”

“A little, yeah!” Vanessa lies. Jan’s almost finished up in the makeup chair now and she can see her looking at the pair of them suspiciously.

“Jacks!” she calls over to her. Jackie looks up, smiles expectantly. She doesn’t take her hands off Vanessa’s leg. “Did costume not want to see you about that hem?” 

“Oh shit, of course! Thanks, baby,” Jackie beams at her, then smiles apologetically at Vanessa. “Sorry, ‘Ness. I hope that helped, anyway! If you ever want more done, just hit me up anytime!”

“I will. Thanks, Jackie,” she smiles back. She’s a little annoyed that Brooke didn’t even come into makeup when her impromptu jealousy plan was put into place. Vanessa doesn’t have too much time to think about that, though, as Jan’s approaching her from the other side of the room, a fake smile on her face.

“Hey, Jan.”

“Hey, V!” she begins, the cheer injected into her tone but not quite meeting her eyes. “Uh…what was that all about?”

“What was what? Oh, that?” Vanessa frowns, looking at the doorway Jackie’s just disappeared out of. “Yeah, Jackie does Reiki apparently. Fuck knows what it is, but she wanted to try it out on me, so…”

“Um, cool!” Jan smiles, fiddling with the hem of her fluffy white dress a little awkwardly. “Hey would you mind, um…I mean…it was just kind of weird. That’s all. I don’t really appreciate you doing all that in front of me, you know?” 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Vanessa snorts a laugh. Then the penny well and truly drops- obviously the rumours about Jan and Jackie aren’t rumours at all. They’re facts. Jan rolls her eyes at her, laughs sardonically.

“Oh my God, have you been living under a rock? I thought me and Jackie were like, the worst kept secret of the season,” she gestures, as if everything had been so obvious. Vanessa supposes it was obvious, but she kind of _has_ been living under a rock. Jan’s face drops in response to her blank expression. “Oh. You really didn’t know.”

“No.”

“Right.”

“Well, uh…” Vanessa begins. She shrugs. “Sorry, I guess.”

“No, it’s fine!” Jan backtracks kindly, visibly relieved. “I was just worried, you know, and obviously with you and Brooke Lynn…”

Vanessa screws her face up, confused. “Wait, what?”

Jan mirrors her facial expression. “Are you two not…?”

Vanessa puts two and two together and gets one million. She blushes furiously, can already feel her face hot. “Oh, uh…no. No we’re not…there’s nothing happening there.”

“Fuck, I am _so_ sorry,” Jan grimaces, embarrassed. “I just assumed- you’re so close, and you’re always flirting, and near each other, and…”

Vanessa watches as Jan trails off. They’ve both managed to completely embarrass themselves, and Vanessa is about to open her mouth and mercifully end the conversation for the pair of them but Jan gets there first. “Guess I should go make sure Jackie isn’t Reiki-ing half of the damn costume department, huh?”

She gives a weak laugh which Vanessa politely joins in with. Before she leaves, she flashes her a smile.

“For the record, though-” Jan leans down to squeeze her hand, winks at her. “- you two would make an awesome couple.”

Jan’s turned her back and is leaving before Vanessa can even respond. She doesn’t even know what she’d say, truth be told. Her head is too packed, and she’s full of too many emotions. Vanessa decides she’s had enough of Elstree for one night, and she hobbles out of makeup and orders an Uber to take her home.

She’s half-asleep and tossing and turning in bed with her leg propped up on too many cushions when Brooke texts at roughly one in the morning.

_B: Hey omg so sorry I didn’t text til now, tonight was just crazy! So sorry I never got to see you before you left but totally understandable, hope you’re feeling better? Idk if you got to see our dance or not but we got 34!!! Highest ever!!! Wish I could’ve been doing it with you but hope I made you proud. Sending loads of love xxx_

The text should make Vanessa happy, make her feel reassured and warm and cared for, but all she can take from it is that Brooke had been too busy with Plastique to text her earlier, she hadn’t come to seek Vanessa out after her dance, and those high scores just twist the knife. Vanessa knows Brooke won’t have meant it like that but she’s still down about it, and she turns her phone over without replying and tries to get some sleep.

A new week comes after a day spent with her leg in a bucket of icy water, and Vanessa spends it sitting on the studio floor with her leg elevated and wondering why she’s there. Saturday night brought a shock of a dance-off- Yvie and Jaida against Shea and Peppermint- and in the end it had been the latter of the two couples that had to bow out when everyone was least expecting it. As a result, everyone is working even harder to make their dances perfect and stay in the competition. Vanessa watches Brooke rehearse with Plastique, watches them laugh together and hold each other and smile at each other. It’s been agreed that Plastique would choreograph their dance this week and Vanessa would attend rehearsals in case she was better and ready to dance it by Saturday. But she’s not taking any of it in, none of the steps, none of the twirls, because of _course_ it’s their Viennese Waltz week and of _course_ Plastique has picked the most emotional, heart-wrenching song to do it do, and as the pair of them glide across the floor with their bodies pressed together in hold Vanessa closes her eyes and listens to the lyrics and feels the tears bubble up under her eyelids with very little reason behind them.

“ _So it goes…one foot after the other, til black and white begins to colour in…”_

But there _is_ a reason. The reason is that Vanessa has connected with Brooke Lynn more than she’s connected with anyone else since Kameron, she knows her body without them even having so much as kissed, her heart lights up whenever Brooke smiles at her or flirts with her or even so much as texts her and she likes her, really fucking likes her, but now that’s all been thrown into a tailspin and as Brooke and Plastique gaze at each other while they dance, and as the music continues to play Vanessa feels as if her heart’s being ripped in two. She’s been distant with Brooke this week, damage limitation. Instead of laughing uproariously at her jokes she gives a small smile, instead of launching enthusiastically into conversation with her if she asks her a question she keeps her answers to a sentence and doesn’t follow up. There haven’t been any moments where it’s been just the two of them this week and she feels worse off for it. At times she can see Brooke looking at her with concern in her eyes, wondering if there’s something wrong, wondering if she’s done something to hurt or offend her.

She hasn’t, and that’s the worst part.

It gets to Saturday night again and Vanessa stays home to watch the show. She could’ve gone into the studios and sat in the audience, should’ve done so, but she couldn’t bring herself to see everything being danced out live in front of her and not be able to join in. She’s also seen Plastique and Brooke dance through their Viennese so often together that she doesn’t think she can face it live, in their dresses and full makeup and hair with the lighting and the band. She doesn’t know what she was expecting but watching them dance it on screen hurts equally as much, the camera focusing on the soft gazes they give each other and the way Brooke holds Plastique tight.

_“I’ll bow out of place, to save you some space…for somebody new…”_

Vanessa would’ve laughed at the irony of it all if she wasn’t so upset. She’s only got herself to blame. The fact she’s developed feelings for Brooke is ridiculous; she’s a walking cliché, developing a crush on your partner is like the Strictly equivalent of crushing on your roommate- it’s such a massive don’t, one that’ll only end in tears. When Vanessa thinks of all the couples that’ve come from the show, though- Shea and Sasha, one of the old dancers, Roberta, and that newsreader Alexis- it makes her feel a little bit bitter that she and Brooke didn’t work out. She supposes she’s giving up before she starts. She doesn’t really _know_ her chance with Brooke is over, she shouldn’t give up, but as the judges’ comments drift into her stream of consciousness and she hears Kennedy complimenting Brooke and Plastique on “ _what amazing chemistry you both have together, so obvious and heartwarming!”_ she nearly throws the remote through the TV. She sends a text to the group chat she shares with Akeria and Monique, even though she knows they won’t receive it til after the show. Vanessa is sure they’re both fed up of hearing her mope about Brooke Lynn (they’ve had to put up with sad texts all week), but they’re cheaper than a therapist, so Vanessa hits send anyway.

_V: this is so UNFAIR why do i need to watch Kennedy telling B and Plastique that they’re basically meant to be together???? :(((((((_

A reply comes back from Akeria instantly. Vanessa supposes she’s just danced, having gone before the pair of them, and has got her phone while she gets her makeup retouched.

_A: stop wallowing and just tell her how you feel already xo_

But there’s no way Vanessa’s going to do that, not after the week she’s had and certainly not as she watches the TV and realises that Brooke and Plastique’s Viennese Waltz has earned them a score of 35. Brooke’s scores keep improving with Plastique as her partner. Maybe she’s just a better teacher than she is. She’s about to switch the TV off and have a self-indulgent cry (even though she should really keep the TV on so she can watch Monique’s dance and be a good friend) when her name makes her shoot her eyes up from her phone to the TV screen. Brooke’s looking into the camera.

_“Vanessa, babe- I know she’s watching at home- that one was for you! Get better soon so we can dance together again, okay?”_

Vanessa’s heart instantly jackknifes into the air. Brooke was dancing that for her, she wants to dance with her again, she called her babe on national television and _oh my God the papers will have a field day with that_ but Vanessa doesn’t even care. She needed that validation and reassurance so badly. Looking down at her phone again, she opens up her messages with Brooke and is typing before she knows it.

_V: dedicating that dance to me was real sweet of you. you did so well, i’m so proud of you, you’re killing it. seeing doctor tomorrow so will let you know how I get on. sorry i’ve been a lil distant this week xxx_

When Vanessa wakes up the next day the reply is simply a series of love heart emojis, which both lifts her spirits and disappoints her. She can’t overthink for too long, though, as she’s got two messages from Monique that’re sitting unread as well.

_M: fyi- Willam and Heidi danceoff, Heidi left xx_

Vanessa frowns, disappointed. She got on really well with Heidi in her time on the show, and she kept everyone in stitches in dress rehearsals by whistling through her teeth (which drove the producers mad). Vanessa will miss her. She turns her attention to the next message, which has a blue link pasted into it.

_M: also ur bae’s caused quite the stir with that cute lil pet name she used last night_ 👀

Vanessa frowns, feels herself blush as she clicks the link. It opens up on a Daily Mail article with the title, “ _Strictly 2020 star Brooke Lynn Hytes causes Strictly curse speculation_ ” and Vanessa feels her stomach give a dip. The article talks about the shoutout Brooke gave her last night, the selfies and videos they both have posted on Instagram of their rehearsals. It also recaps the entire Kameron situation, at which point Vanessa clicks off the article. She texts Monique back and tells her to shut up, but the article has done nothing to lower the hopes she’s already got raised so high.

Vanessa tries to put all that out of her mind as she makes her way to her doctor’s appointment in the late November afternoon. The weather is cold and drizzly, and it’s dark outside even though it’s only four o’clock. She’s nervous and she’s desperately hoping they’ll tell her she can dance again. Vanessa has hardly moved all week, her calf resembles a vacuum-packed piece of meat with the compression bandages she’s used, and she’s sure that her leg is still so numb from the constant ice that she could get a six-inch needle shoved into her leg and wouldn’t feel a single thing. Her heart is in her mouth as the doctor rubs gel on her leg and runs the ultrasound scanner over it. The smile she gets in return sends her pulse racing in anticipation and hope.

“Well, it’s good news! You’re healing really well. This is the quickest I’ve seen a tear like this heal in a while, you must’ve done everything by the book!”

Vanessa wants to laugh. Her doctor doesn’t know the half of it. “So am I good to dance again?”

The doctor gives her another smile. “Since these pictures are looking so promising, I’m going to say yes.”

Vanessa wants to scream and cry all at the same time. It’s the happiest she’s been all week.

“But don’t overdo it! You don’t want to go flying back to square one. Take it easy for as long as you can. Don’t go high-kicking into any splits or whatever you dancers do.”

Vanessa frantically promises her doctor that she’ll take it as easy as is physically possible, promises herself internally that she’ll just mark everything for the majority of the week because she’ll take what she can get.

_Six weeks? Kiss my ass._

She would’ve skipped out of the doctor’s surgery but that would’ve broken every promise she’s just made, so instead she walks calmly as she makes her way to the pro rehearsal and texts Brooke frantically.

_V: i got the all clear to dance again!!!!!! see ya Monday!!!! Xxx_

A reply comes back almost instantly that makes Vanessa way too happy.

_B: !!!!!!!!!!!! The BEST news!!!!! So excited to see you xxx_

It’s embarrassing but Vanessa almost wants to hold her phone to her chest like a lovestruck idiot. She _is_ a lovestruck idiot. Her good mood is made even better by the cheer she gets when she arrives at rehearsal, the dancers all running to hug her and welcome her back. As Vanessa gently warms up and joins in with learning the group dance (marking it all and resolving to only perform it properly on Saturday), she can almost feel her heart singing. The only thing she’s missed more than Brooke is the dancing, and she’s so glad she gets to do what she loves best in the world again.

She doesn’t think her day can get any better, that is until rehearsal ends.

Jan and Jaida are the first girls to leave and they open the door, greet somebody, then turn immediately back into the room, their faces scheming.

“Vanessa?” Jaida shouts over to her, a little twinkle in her eye. “You gotta visitor.”

Vanessa’s confused and she’s pulling her jumper over her head so she can’t really see. It’s only when the other girls file out of the room and it’s completely empty that the visitor in question comes in, and Vanessa’s heart stops at what she sees.

It’s Brooke, and she’s holding a huge bouquet of flowers. Vanessa doesn’t quite know how to react- she knows she’s gone shy and red, and she doesn’t even want to assume the flowers are for her because that would really Mean Something if they were and _God_ , the way Brooke is smiling at her, all nervous and reserved, is giving her way too many butterflies.

“Hey,” Brooke greets her, her voice all quiet. Vanessa laughs out of sheer relief of just being able to have her all to herself again, and she rushes forward to hug her. Brooke accepts gladly, and the two of them stand with their arms around each other and Vanessa holds her tightly as if to convey how much she’s missed her. They break the hug but they don’t let go, and they stay in each others’ arms as they talk.

“How come you’re here?” Vanessa asks her, her smile entirely too big and too happy but she can’t in any way help it. Brooke tucks some hair behind her ear then returns her hand to her waist.

“I wanted to see you,” Brooke shrugs. Vanessa’s heart inflates so much it almost pops, an overfilled helium balloon that’s soaring up to the ceiling. Brooke removes her arms from Vanessa’s sides and holds out the flowers to her. “For a few reasons, really. The first one was to give you these- congratulations on getting better!”

Vanessa laughs, thanks her as she accepts the flowers. They’re beautiful- clusters of tiny purple flowers arranged amongst tall stems with yellow-orange petals wrapped in florist’s paper and a lilac ribbon. Brooke’s still talking to her as she’s examining them.

“And second of all-” Brooke holds up her phone. “I was wondering if you wanted to dance with me.”

Vanessa gives Brooke a funny look, still unable to stifle her smile. “I mean, sure, but you know we got rehearsal tomorrow?”

Brooke grins, crosses over to where Vanessa’s speakers are still plugged in and connects her phone. “Yeah, but…I never got to dance the Viennese with you, and I want to.”

Vanessa can feel tiny fireworks going off in her nerve endings. Or perhaps that’s just her pulse thudding through her veins with alarming intensity. Either way it’s intoxicating.

“Alright,” Vanessa shrugs, pretending it’s the most normal thing in the world. “I guess I could dance with you. Since, y’know, you came all this way.”

She sticks her tongue out and Brooke laughs, although even though she’s acting carefree Vanessa’s stomach is fluttering with nervousness as Brooke hits play on the song and the piano introduction rings out into the echoey silence of the room. She doesn’t know why she’s nervous, it’s just dancing- scratch that, she knows _exactly_ why she’s nervous, and when Brooke stands ready to hold her Vanessa gives her a shy smile

“Just follow my lead.”

Vanessa snorts quietly. “Hark at Miss Celebrity.”

“Shush.”

Brooke leads her effortlessly and it only makes Vanessa’s sense of complete, all-consuming _longing_ worse. She twirls under Brooke’s arm, marvelling in the way the girl makes her feel like a princess in a pair of sweatpants and a baggy gym top. She’s so infatuated and it’s dangerous, but Vanessa doesn’t care.

_“You can have Manhattan, the one we used to share…the one where we were laughing, and drunk on just being there…”_

The choreography falls away and they slip into just swaying, Vanessa resting her head against Brooke’s chest. The chords of the song reverberate off the walls of the rehearsal room and Vanessa doesn’t know why, but tears start forming in her eyes. Maybe it’s the relief of everything being back to normal again, maybe it’s the sadness of the song, maybe it’s the happiness of Brooke doing all these sweet things for her. The tears roll down her face silently as she clings to Brooke, and Brooke doesn’t notice she’s even upset until presumably she feels her tears begin to seep through the black t-shirt she’s wearing. She steps out of hold and Vanessa looks to the floor, can’t bear to face her with tears in her eyes.

“Hey, hey, hey. What’s wrong?”

Brooke gently tilts Vanessa’s chin up with her fingers so that their eyes are level. Her gaze is gentle and kind and all at once the safest place Vanessa has known. Quickly and suddenly Vanessa leans in and bridges the gap between them, and before she can overthink things she’s meeting Brooke’s lips with her own just like she’s wanted to all these weeks. She’s got a hand on either side of Brooke’s face, her touch urgent just like her kiss, and as good as her lips feel it hits Vanessa with a sobering clarity that _Brooke isn’t kissing back oh God why isn’t she kissing back-_

And it’s just as this thought hits her that Brooke gently tugs herself away, frowns at Vanessa with concern and sweeps away a tear from under her eyelid. “Vanessa…”

Vanessa feels sick. So many thoughts are running around her mind, but in her vast panic she immediately latches onto three of them.

1: Brooke didn’t kiss her back.

2: Brooke broke away from the kiss.

3: She needs to get out of this room before she humiliates herself any further.

Brooke hasn’t stopped holding her which she supposes is a good sign but she can’t focus on that now. She wriggles out of Brooke’s arms, ignoring her protestations and blindly snatching up the flowers Brooke gave her (she’ll later realise she forgot both her speakers and her jumper). Trying to stop the tears of embarrassment that are now streaming down her face, she dashes quickly to the door.

“Fuck…V, wait-” Brooke urges, but Vanessa doesn’t. Brooke doesn’t follow her and she’s glad of it as she bursts out of the studio and down the corridor towards the exit.

The closing chords of the song that’s still playing ring in her ears in harmony with Brooke’s pleas, and it’s the worst kind of music Vanessa has ever heard.


	9. Chapter 9

_8th November 2020_

The rain has got worse.

It’s evolved from drizzle into a full-scale downpour, but Vanessa supposes it’s covering up the tears that are streaming down her face as she walks down the streets with only the orange of the streetlamps lighting her way in the dark. Her jumper is still in the rehearsal studios and she’s soaked to the skin, her hair plastered against her scalp and feeling much the same as if she’d just jumped in the shower.

She is so confused and hurt. Brooke has been so kind to her, she’s been supportive and caring and brought her flowers, for fuck’s sake, flowers that Vanessa’s still holding in her grasp but perhaps she should let go because let’s face it, she’s got to let go. Vanessa was so so sure she hadn’t misread the signals but…maybe she was wrong about the whole thing, maybe she was wrong about Brooke’s feelings.

She feels so embarrassed.

She gets to the end of the road and sighs. Her phone is in the pocket of her sweatpants and when she brings it out it’s immediately covered in raindrops. It takes her three attempts to unlock it in the rain and before she knows it she’s scrolling to Monique’s contact and ringing her. She’s lucky that Monique lives close by, and before she picks up the phone Vanessa has already made the decision to start walking in the direction of her flat.

“ _Hello hello?”_

Vanessa takes a shaky breath in because she’s got absolutely no idea what her voice will sound like when she speaks. “Mo, I need to come round. I wouldn’t ask and I know it’s late an’ you’re probably exhausted but I…I really need a friend right now.”

There isn’t even a single pause between what Vanessa says and Monique’s response. Her voice replies instantly, comforting and reassuring and urgent all at once. “Come straight round. You want wine or tea?”

“I don’t even know. Tea maybe,” Vanessa shrugs, supposing that a hangover would be the last thing she needs tomorrow considering she’ll also have to face Brooke again.

“Gotcha. See you in five, boo.”

Even the small chat she’s had with Monique has made her tears dissipate slightly. It helps Vanessa feel reassured as she quickly crosses the road, her feet landing in all different depths of rapidly-forming puddles. By the time she’s outside Monique’s stairwell and pressing its buzzer, she feels like a submerged sponge.

_“Come right up.”_

Vanessa takes the stairs two at a time and when she gets to Monique’s door her friend is already holding it open. Maybe it’s because she’s seeing a friendly, kind face or maybe it’s because she can finally let out her emotions in peace but when she gets to Monique she falls into her arms for a hug and starts to cry all over again. Monique holds her steadily, not even making any comment about the fact the pink flannel pyjamas she’s wearing are getting drenched by proxy from Vanessa’s half-drowned frame. After a few moments spent this way, Vanessa feels Monique step away and motion her into the flat.

“C’mon, girl.”

Vanessa follows Monique into her bedroom. She’s been here before, probably hundreds of times, but the fairy lights and soft, patterned cotton bed sheets and heavy, dark curtains are comforting to Vanessa, helping her feel relaxed. She’s standing in the middle of the room as Monique looks at her with a single raised eyebrow of confusion, taking in her drenched clothes and mascara train tracks that adorn her cheeks and the bouquet of flowers that she’s still holding in her right hand. Vanessa can almost see the cogs in Monique’s brain turning.

“Alright,” she begins slowly. “Plan of action…I’m gonna make us tea. While I’m doin’ that, you’re gonna take a shower an’ borrow a set of my pyjamas. Make sure you choose comfy ones, Lord knows you need ‘em. Uh, I’ll take these too, I guess? Put ‘em in water.”

Monique points at the flowers and Vanessa wordlessly gives them to her. Monique examines them with an appreciative gaze.

“Huh. Heliotrope an’…somethin’ else, I don’t know that one.”

Vanessa scrunches her face up. Monique’s just given her the first laugh she’s had in the past half hour. “Since when were you the queen of horticort…horitic…plant knowledge?”

Monique quirks her a smile. “Hey, if you get given enough bouquets after dance competitions you start to recognise a flower or two.”

Vanessa shrugs in agreement and, as Monique leaves the room, she does what she’s told. She jumps into Monique’s en suite, strips down and takes a hot shower. On top of being wet outside it had also been freezing, so the warm water and all the steam feel like a big hug both physically and mentally. Vanessa grabs one of the clean fluffy towels that sit on the small bamboo shelves Monique’s put up and wraps it around herself as she pads back through to the bedroom. She’s been friends with Monique for so long that she knows which of the old battered wooden antique drawers holds which item of clothing (top drawer underwear and socks, second drawer down is tops, third drawer down is bottoms and bottom drawer is pyjamas) so she grabs a soft cotton pair of pyjamas that’s comprised of an oversized t shirt and some long, baggy pyjama pants. She tucks herself up into a little ball on the bed and the moment she’s finally comfy Monique returns with two steaming mugs of tea and a packet of biscuits tucked into the crook of her elbow and pinned to her side.

“You turned up on my doorstep at the right time, girl, I got the good shit earlier on today,” Monique smiles as she hands Vanessa her mug and gets herself comfortable under the duvet next to her, pointing at the biscuits which seem to be more chocolate than biscuit. Monique offers them to Vanessa, and she declines before Monique shrugs and rips into the packet herself. As she bites into one, she gives Vanessa a questioning and concerned gaze. “You wanna talk about it?”

Vanessa hums as she thinks, winces a little as the memory of what has happened barges into her mind again. She is momentarily distracted by the wet tendrils of hair dripping through her pyjama top, the towel-drying only doing so much. She turns to Monique and pouts. “Can you braid my hair an’ I can vent?”

“Sure, doll.”

So Vanessa vents. Tells her everything, the whole situation. Monique listens and by the time Vanessa is done her hair is in two perfect braids.

“So you’re tellin’ me-” Monique begins, once Vanessa is finished talking. “- that you were a cryin’ mess when you went for the kiss?”

Vanessa scrunches up her face in a frown. “I guess so?”

“Well, bitch!” Monique shoves her and lets out a huge exasperated sigh. “Why else you think she pushed you away? Would you wanna smooch with someone cryin’ their damn eyes out?”

Vanessa pauses as she considers Monique’s words. She might have a point, but then again she didn’t see the look Brooke had given her. In Vanessa’s mind, the only possible explanation is that Brooke is disgusted with her, she’d read all the signals wrong, and that she’s probably phoned up a producer already and quit the show.

Okay, maybe she’s being a little dramatic.

Vanessa doesn’t answer Monique’s question. Instead she reaches for the phone she’s discarded on Monique’s bedside table, looks at her notifications.

**2 missed calls: Brooke Lynn**

_B: Vanessa I’m so sorry_

_B: If you want to just forget it all happened that’s okay, just please don’t be embarrassed xxx_

Vanessa reads the text over again. The wording of the second one is weird and it messes with her head. The fact that the ball’s in her court, the fact Brooke is telling her not to be embarrassed, the kisses…

_No. Don’t get your hopes up, bitch._

“She text you?”

Vanessa sighs, feels her whole body deflate like a balloon. She nods, wordlessly passes Monique the phone. She watches her eyes dart over it quickly, Monique’s face smirking as she hands her the phone back.

“Oh my God, Vanjie. She’s panicking just as much as you are.”

“Panicking ‘cuz she’s partnered with some crazy bitch tryna pull moves on her when she’s a professional just there to take part in a competition,” Vanessa huffs. She feels herself pout a little as she looks down at her phone. “I really liked her, Mo.”

“Will you stop usin’ past tense? It’s not over! You gotta go in there tomorrow morning, hold your head high, be a professional an’ act like nothing’s happened.”

Vanessa suddenly has a thought. “Oh my God.”

“What?”

“I choreographed a fuckin’ Argentine Tango.”

Monique lets out a howl of a laugh as Vanessa puts her head in her hands and sinks down against the pillows. If Brooke thought their Salsa was hot Vanessa doesn’t even know how she’s going to react when she reveals the dance they’re doing tomorrow.

And tomorrow rolls around quickly. Vanessa drags herself into the studios, borrows rehearsal clothes from Monique which are ever-so-slightly too small for her but are preferable to wearing the crumpled outfit she’d been wearing in the rain yesterday. Monique flanks her as she walks with her from her flat, keeping her distracted with mindless chatter and silly jokes which Vanessa pretends to laugh at. Monique doesn’t seem to mind the fake laughter though, and when they arrive at the studios she gives Vanessa a tight hug and tells her to text her to tell her how things go.

Vanessa waits. She paces the rehearsal room and thanks God that they don’t have their filming slot first that day. She barely slept the night before, her mind racing as she tried to figure out how to play the situation, and she’s concluded that if Brooke is giving her the option to pretend that Sunday never happened she’s going to take her up on that. Though she feels her already flimsy resolve breaking down as she finally sees Brooke enter the room, her face pale and her eyes puffy indicating a similar lack of sleep. Her hair hasn’t been brushed and her ponytail is what can only be described as bumpy, stray hairs sticking up from her scalp at all angles. She’s wearing a huge baggy hoodie with her exercise leggings and it’s swallowing her up, though from her expression it seems as if Brooke doesn’t mind.

For a moment there’s a sort of standoff. Vanessa waits for Brooke to speak first and it seems as if Brooke is doing the same for her. It’s Vanessa that finally speaks first, her guilt overtaking her.

“Morning,” she says simply. It’s only then that she registers the fact that Brooke is carrying a plastic bag.

“Hey. You, uh. You left your jumper and your speakers, so I brought them in today.”

“Thanks.”

Vanessa scuffs her shoe against the floor, casts her eyes to the ground. Brooke seemingly takes this as her cue to speak.

“Do you want to talk about what happened yesterday?”

Vanessa cringes. She hopes she doesn’t do so visibly. She casts her eyes back up to Brooke, makes sure she’s got eye contact when she delivers her words. “Why, what happened yesterday?”

Brooke frowns, opens her mouth as if to remind her then snaps it closed again as she clearly realises what Vanessa wants to do. She gives a small smile which doesn’t meet her eyes. “Nothing.”

“Okay,” Vanessa nods curtly. She takes a deep breath, because Brooke is still her dance partner and they’re still competing and they’re still going to be on TV in six days’ time, so she pulls her shoulders back and fixes her with the best smile she can manage. “Let’s warm up. Then I’ll tell you what we’re doin’ this week.”

The kiss doesn’t get brought up again. That’s good. Vanessa’s glad. There’s nothing to say, so instead of talking they rehearse. They rehearse and rehearse and rehearse and they barely talk apart from that. Vanessa saves her communication for her choreography, in touches and Ochos and the way her body moves in Brooke’s hold. Vanessa’s still marking the majority of the dance, careful not to push herself too far, but she makes sure to put extra effort in when she’s teaching Brooke the Ganchos and they hook their legs together. Vanessa is sure Brooke gets extra quiet during those sections, and her eyes go all dark and heavy. She wants to believe Brooke likes her, wants to believe maybe she did want to reciprocate their kiss on Sunday, but the last time she got her hopes up that high Brooke had pulled away so she’s wary of doing so again. Still, though, the Argentine suits Brooke. The way she takes control and leads, the power in everything she does. Vanessa’s head is already a concrete mixer of emotions and horny is one she really doesn’t want to have to add to the list, but when Brooke puts one arm around her waist, lifts her up and drags her across the rehearsal room floor while Vanessa’s thigh is hooked over her hip it’s hard not to have some sort of visceral reaction.

The tension builds over days. They’ve been entirely professional all week, not even exchanged so much as a text and it’s eating Vanessa up inside. So when it gets to late evening on Wednesday and it’s dark outside and Vanessa has peeled off her jumper and sweats and is wearing a pair of little cycling shorts and a sports bra to rehearse in, she honestly doesn’t know how it’s going to go when she suggests a full run of the dance.

“If we get it so that we’re nailing it by tonight then we got Thursday, Friday an’ Saturday morning to polish it,” Vanessa explains to Brooke as she walks over to her phone and makes to re-start the music.

“Sure. Sounds good,” Brooke nods easily. She adjusts the table and chair that they start off their dance with, makes sure the napkin is in place. Vanessa swallows her anxieties and presses play, dashing over to the chair and sitting down in it.

“Full energy, okay?” she reminds Brooke, although she’s not sure she needs a reminder given that Brooke’s been putting her all into even tiny counts of eight.

The music starts and on the first beat Vanessa stretches out, places her hand against the table. Right on cue, Brooke has grabbed her forearm. Vanessa whips her head around to face her and Brooke draws their faces close with the palm of her hand flat against Vanessa’s cheek. Their eyes connect and for a second, Vanessa thinks she can see what looks like longing in the dark of Brooke’s pupils.

It’s just the dance. She has to be imagining it.

As quickly as she’s there Brooke is suddenly gone, spinning around and slamming her hand against the napkin in time with Vanessa. They raise it up so it’s level between them and Vanessa uses it to twirl in close to Brooke, their bodies instantly pressed together. Brooke’s got both hands on the napkin now and she’s using it to keep Vanessa close to her as she leans back then spins between Brooke’s left and right side. As Brooke lets go of the prop with one hand and Vanessa twirls across to the other side of the ballroom, she watches her scrunch the napkin up and slam it to the floor. The action makes her catch her breath. Brooke’s a good actress, and they’ve done this section hundreds of times, but the passion and frustration with which she’s doing it this time almost knocks Vanessa off balance.

_Is she…? No._

They reach the section where they’re in hold but showing off the footwork. Vanessa doesn’t do it all, only makes sure she’s connecting legs with Brooke for the Ganchos, but it’s probably for the best as the eye contact they’re giving each other and the close proximity between their faces is almost burning. Part of Vanessa wants to look away it’s so intense, but they’re running the full dance and she did tell Brooke to give full energy so she has to hold up her end of that. They’re perfectly in sync the entire time, Brooke having memorised the choreography so well. Brooke lifts her to drag her across the floor and if Vanessa deliberately hooks her leg a little higher on Brooke’s waist then it’s simply a happy coincidence.

The next section flows well (Brooke makes a few little mistakes she’ll pull her up on) and when Brooke lifts Vanessa to spin her round her cheek is pressed against her chest and it sends a shockwave down Vanessa’s spine. Their faces are close again as they walk across the rehearsal room floor, Vanessa dipping down facing away from Brooke to extend her leg between Brooke’s open ones. Her arms lock around Brooke’s thighs for support and Brooke grips onto them as she helps her up, the power and force she uses when she spins Vanessa round and presses their foreheads together sending Vanessa up in flames. They’ve danced through these individual sections so many times but put together it’s almost too much. There’s an atmosphere in the air and Vanessa realises it’s the exact same as when they’d rehearsed the Salsa. They cross the floor once more and it reaches the point where Vanessa jumps up to straddle Brooke’s waist with both her legs. Brooke spins her round and Vanessa brings her arms up to cradle the back of her neck. As Brooke slows her spin she reaches the part where she’s meant to dip Vanessa, lower her to the ground, but she’s stopped dancing, electing instead to keep her eye contact steady and burning with Vanessa’s. Vanessa knows she should maybe lower one of her legs, or perhaps both of them, but she’s still got them both wrapped around Brooke’s waist and the fact Brooke’s still holding her without even so much as a tremble is too much. Brooke leans in, presses her forehead against Vanessa’s, and Vanessa can only hold her breath as Brooke squeezes her eyes shut. They’ve never been physically closer to each other and Vanessa knows she should do something, knows she should move the dance along, but her heart is begging Brooke to say something, to do something. She’d do it herself but making the first move didn’t seem to work out for her so great last time.

“Tell me that Sunday happened,” Brooke murmurs, and Vanessa’s heart stops. “Tell me you kissed me.”

Vanessa flushes red. Momentarily, she wonders if this is something Brooke’s doing to build chemistry between them during the dance. If it is then she’s quitting the entire show. Vanessa closes her own eyes, almost embarrassed to admit it. When she opens them, Brooke’s opened hers too and fuck, her eye contact is _searing_.

“I did,” she confirms. Then, because she’s petty and can’t let her off the hook easily, she raises her eyebrows. “But you never kissed back, remember?”

Vanessa sees the regret flash in Brooke’s eyes for only a second and then the sparkle is back. “No, that doesn’t sound like me. I don’t think that happened. Maybe I’m remembering it wrong though, maybe you need to remind me.”

Vanessa feels as if her synapses are melting. She’s basically being invited to kiss Brooke again, she’s confirming to her that it wasn’t a mistake, she wants it to happen again, that her pulling away the first time was…down to something else? She’s still not going to give Brooke what she wants that easily, though, so she cocks an eyebrow, tilts her head thoughtfully as she pulls back a little. “I’m sure you can remind yourself.”

Brooke doesn’t look deterred by this. She shrugs, fixes Vanessa with a soft smirk. “Okay.”

When Brooke gently leans in and meets Vanessa’s lips with hers, Vanessa is sure she sees fireworks going off in the dark of her closed eyes. She feels them too, they’re happening in every cell of her body because _Brooke is voluntarily kissing her_ and she doesn’t know what this means but she’s going to take a wild guess and say that maybe, just maybe, Brooke likes her back after all. Brooke kisses like she dances- passionate, careful, fucking _perfect._ As Vanessa kisses back she’s trying not to speed things along, trying to make the moment last as long as she can, but it’s hard not to be eager and urgent and to kiss Brooke with a hunger she hadn’t known she was in possession of until now. She’s brought her hands around from the back of Brooke’s neck- one tangled in her hair, the other softly cupping her cheek- and she tries to channel all her gentleness into them, stroking her skin with her thumb gently as if Brooke is breakable and fragile like the moment they’re sharing.

It’s Vanessa who pulls away first (if only so she doesn’t give Brooke the upper hand of being the first one to pull away twice) and, as she’s depositing herself back on the floor to stand up, she can’t help but break out into a smile because Brooke is blushing and beaming at her and her arms are still wrapped around her waist.

Vanessa doesn’t really know what to say. That…happened. She’s confused, though. Just over twenty-four hours ago Brooke had been pulling away, not pulling her in. Vanessa thinks it’s almost too good to be true.

“Can we talk about all this?” Vanessa says before her brain has a chance to weigh up if it’s a good idea or not. Brooke’s smile falters and Vanessa feels guilty. “Not in a bad way, I just…like, my head is mush.”

“No, no, I get it. Of course we can,” Brooke nods, slides her arms away from Vanessa’s waist. “Here? Or in the canteen? We could go back to mine but it’s a bit far away.”

Vanessa pulls on her oversized jumper and then the green parka she’d wrapped herself up in to protect from the November cold. “I know a place.”

Vanessa drags the pair of them onto the tube and they travel to the Thames embankment, where they stop off at a nearby chippy to grab a styrofoam carton of chips each. The atmosphere between them has shifted- gone are the frosty silences and short conversations. Instead the two of them talk easily, bicker and laugh and flirt about nothing in particular. Vanessa knows they’ll talk things through once they’re comfortable so she settles on rolling her eyes at Brooke making fish puns in the middle of the chip shop (“ _when you said you knew a place I didn’t think you meant an ACTUAL plaice”_ ). It’s quiet on the embankment, locals all home from work and tourists preferring the pull of the Houses of Parliament or the Eye across the river, so they don’t pass many people and they ones they do pass don’t seem to recognise them. Everything is calm and relaxed and easy, like the inky sky and the clean cold of the air and the smooth surface of the river that’s opposite them as they find a bench with only a few small puddles of water on it and settle down. Vanessa’s heart is thumping hard in her chest as Brooke sits down beside her, sitting diagonally so she can see her as they discuss things. It’s a small thing that Vanessa notices and appreciates.

“So,” Brooke says around a particularly hot chip, her mouth making an ‘o’ and steam flying out of it. “You wanted to talk.”

“Uh, yeah. ‘Cept now we’re here I don’t really know what to say.”

“Do you want me to start?”

Vanessa shrugs, bites into a chip delicately. “If you wanna.”

“Okay, well,” Brooke begins, then looks out to the river. The lights of the Eye are reflected in her own, blues and reds meeting greens and creating a kaleidoscope from which Vanessa never wants to look away. She pauses and takes a deep breath before meeting Vanessa’s eyes. “I’m really sorry for hurting your feelings on Sunday. If you’d kissed me in literally any other context, I wouldn’t have reacted like that. Honestly. I just…didn’t want to take advantage of you.”

Vanessa gives a laugh. She’s confused. “Take advantage?”

“No, I don’t mean like that, I mean…” Brooke frowns as she’s searching for the right words. It’s kind of adorable. “You were upset, you’d had a shit week. The music was all sad and you were crying and then you kissed me and I…didn’t want you to be doing that just because you felt upset. I didn’t want you to do that and then think you’d made a mistake.”

Vanessa pauses. She hasn’t considered that Brooke might have thought Vanessa would regret kissing her. To her the idea is so ridiculous that it almost makes her want to laugh but she doesn’t, because this means that Brooke was overthinking their kiss and trying to talk herself out of the idea of Vanessa possibly liking her back.

_Now don’t that sound familiar._

Vanessa tries to stifle a smile as she tilts her head to look at Brooke. “It wasn’t a mistake, baby, I meant the whole damn thing.”

She wants to squeal when Brooke’s face breaks out into an enormous grin, one that Vanessa is sure must hurt her face. Vanessa likes the fact that Brooke is talking, likes the fact she’s saying everything first because it means she gets to hold her guard up just that little bit longer before this girl tears it down and even though she’s ready for that, it doesn’t mean she isn’t ever so slightly scared of it.

“So, uh…” Vanessa asks her, her tone light and teasing. Brooke crosses her legs and Vanessa has to try to stop herself getting any ideas. “That cast member you got a crush on. You gonna tell me who it is now?”

Brooke bursts out laughing, tipping her head back and lacing her hand with Vanessa’s at the same time. “Shut up. Are you really going to make me say it?”

Vanessa simply raises her eyebrows at Brooke, lets her know she’s waiting on her answer. Brooke gives another laugh as she gives in. “Fine! Well…she’s one of the dancers.”

“Uh huh.”

“I saw her on the induction day and I thought she was hot. We had a bit of a flirt and it was all fun and games. Then I followed her on Instagram because I was thirsty. Thought for ages about how to slide into her DMs but I was too much of a scaredy cat so I just commented on one of her pics instead,” Brooke continues to explain. Her admission makes Vanessa giggle, sends her heart leaping into the air because _oh my God_ , Brooke had wanted to talk to her before the series even started too. She was thinking about Vanessa for the same amount of time Vanessa had been thinking about her. “Then it got to the intro show and I was like…screaming inside. I knew I wanted to be partnered with her, I knew even before the induction day because she’s so, so good at what she does. In fact, she needs to believe in herself more, but that’s besides the point. Anyway, we got paired up. I was so fucking ecstatic that night. She drunk-texted me and I actually lay in bed squealing and flailing like a teenage girl because I got so excited that she was thinking of me.”

Brooke is so animated when she’s talking about her crush. _Her_. She’s talking about her, and Vanessa is so happy and emotional she almost wants to cry but that would be _peak_ pathetic so she squeezes Brooke’s hand instead, the hand that’s still entwined with hers.

“I keep growing closer to her and finding out more about her and she trusts me with stories about her life, trusts me to fling her body around the rehearsal studios despite the fact I’m so fucking clumsy I could drop something that’s superglued to my hand-“

“Stop lyin’, shut up,” Vanessa rolls her eyes at Brooke’s self-deprecation, and Brooke gives a gentle snort of a laugh.

“- And I just keep liking her more and more with every day,” Brooke smiles at her, her face all dreamy and dazed as if she’s sleepwalking. It suddenly snaps into a smirk, her eyes dark and playful, and it’s Vanessa’s turn to cross her legs. “And she doesn’t help any of it by looking like a Gymshark model and sticking her cute little butt out any time we rehearse.”

Vanessa screeches out an outraged laugh which Brooke’s quick to join in with. “Hey, I had to get your attention somehow!”

As their laughter dies down Vanessa fixes Brooke with a smile, scoots closer to her on the bench. “So go on, then. What’s her name?”

Brooke pulls Vanessa close with the hand she’s holding and when she says Vanessa’s name in response she feels worshipped. Suddenly, Brooke’s eyes fly open a little in what seems like panic. “Sorry. Fuck. That was all too much, wasn’t it?”

“Brooke Lynn,” Vanessa laughs. “I’ve had the most huge, embarrassin’ fuckin’ crush on you since God knows when. I really like you. Chill.”

Brooke’s still got a soft little smile on her face and it makes Vanessa wants to kiss her again so much so she pushes the images of long lens cameras out of her mind for the moment and leans in, kisses Brooke soft and gentle and slow and Vanessa doesn’t think she’ll ever get bored of the way Brooke kisses her back.

When Vanessa pulls away she’s right beside Brooke on the bench, so she slings an arm around her waist and rests her head against her chest for good measure. It’s still cold outside but Vanessa hopes that isn’t the only reason for Brooke cuddling her back, linking their hands together like a little chain. Vanessa’s happy, but her mind is still full of thoughts.

“How good are you at keeping secrets?”

“Depends what it is,” Brooke replies. Vanessa tilts her head up before she speaks again because this is important, she needs to see Brooke’s reaction and make sure she says this in the right way.

“I can’t do the whole…paparazzi, me-in-the-papers, invasion-of-privacy thing again. It was bad enough when me an’ Kam broke up,” she begins, and Brooke nods understandingly. “So I guess what I’m askin’ is…can we be careful? Whatever ‘we’ is. I don’t know yet but I don’t mind just figuring things out along the way.”

Brooke nods slowly, taking things in. “So you want to keep us secret for now?”

“Just until the show ends,” Vanessa reassures her, tries to ignore the triple somersault her heart does at the word ‘us’. “I don’t want people thinkin’ it’s a publicity stunt or tryin’ to take attention away from the other couples or anythin’ like that. Also I don’t want this getting ruined for us.”

Vanessa’s heart stands still as Brooke thinks for a second. She’s relieved when a grin spreads across her face. “Can I still flirt with you on Instagram? That’s fun.”

“Flirt with me anywhere you want, boo.”

“God, you know I’m so going to play into this? Think of all those fan accounts for us all those fourteen year olds run. They’re going to implode,” Brooke smiles, bouncing in her seat on the bench excitedly. It’s so endearing it makes Vanessa smile more than she already is. Her heart is still fluttering nervously; there’s butterflies trapped in there and as long as Brooke is holding her hand and smiling at her like that with her eyes all soft Vanessa is not really sure if they’ll ever go away. She doesn’t care, though. 

They stay on the bench for a while until their chips are finished. Brooke takes a photo of Vanessa who smiles brightly at the camera, carton of chips in her lap and her hair all messy over her shoulders but she doesn’t even care because she’s happy, so happy and relieved and when they walk back to the station together it feels like she’s walking on little clouds. They don’t kiss goodbye because it’s busier in the station but Brooke does sneak a peck against her neck when they hug and it makes Vanessa feel gooey inside. When Vanessa gets home that night she has both an Instagram tag and two messages from Brooke. She opens the message first.

_B: I’m so glad we talked, I had the best time tonight. Can’t wait until I can take you on a proper date!! See you tomorrow cutie xxxxxx_

_B: (Sorry if cutie is ick I’m just going to try out a bunch of pet names because I can xxxxxx)_

Vanessa feels her heart almost burst open at everything Brooke’s said to her. The confirmation that she enjoyed her company, the promise of a date, the pet name (which she definitely won’t say no to). It’s all like a big hug for her mind which had previously been exhausted with overthinking. Vanessa doesn’t realise how much she’s smiling at her screen as she types out her reply until it physically hurts her face. 

_V: me too. you’re so amazing. for ref i like Zoilo if we going bougie or Franco Manca if we broke. cutie gets seal of approval from me… u a bit of a cutie urself xxxxxx_

Before she gets ready for bed that night she decides to open up Instagram to see what Brooke has tagged her in. It’s the photo of her on the bench from earlier, and Vanessa wants to blush at how happy and smiley she looks. She scrolls to Brooke’s caption, and if she wasn’t blushing before she’s definitely blushing now.

_bhytes: Post-rehearsal chips by the river with this diamond. I could get used to this._ 🧡

Their fans are in meltdown in the comments, and Vanessa is melting herself.

Saturday comes quicker than Vanessa wants it to. It’s maybe because she never wants her time with Brooke to end whether that’s on or off the show. They’ve done full runs of their dance each day, the pair of them sneaking kisses with each other sometimes even mid-dance.

“You know we need to stop doin’ that, right?” Vanessa warns Brooke with a smile after Brooke kisses all down her neck mid-Tango in a bid to wind her up (she’d succeeded, and if Vanessa might need to take a cold shower later that’s nobody’s business but her own.)

“Why?”

“Because we’re gonna end up doin’ it on the night an’ then the cat’s outta the bag after what, three days?”

Vanessa doesn’t miss the way Brooke runs her tongue over her lips a little. She’s got a smirk on her face as she pulls her in close, slides her hands down her sides and hooks her fingers over the waistband of her leggings. “Well if you _are_ going to keep wearing things that make your butt look so good, I _am_ going to find it hard to stop kissing you.”

Brooke snaps the elastic of her waistband and Vanessa feels a fire ignite low in her stomach. She’s not told Brooke that she was the girl from her sex dream, she’s been saving that information for another day. She wonders when that day’s going to come, though. If Vanessa had her way she would lock the rehearsal room door, throw herself at Brooke and practically beg the girl to raw her, but she doesn’t know what Brooke’s thinking or feeling and Vanessa doesn’t want to risk ruining the high levels of sexual tension they’ve cultivated over roughly a month by asking her when they’re only 24 hours away from performing another incredibly sexy dance. By Saturday night the pair of them are ready to perform and their biggest challenge, Vanessa thinks, will be to try and act as if they’ve not started seeing each other and are in the complete honeymoon phase of whatever it is they are.

And soon enough Vanessa is sitting on a chair in the middle of the ballroom floor dressed in a long sparkling nude-effect dress with a split up its side, facing away from Brooke who’s in black tailored suit trousers and a white shirt with rolled-up sleeves buttoned up to the neck and an undone bow tie around it. The audience are silent as their VT plays, and then the familiar voice of the commentator is booming overhead.

“ _Dancing the Argentine Tango…Brooke Lynn Hytes and Vanessa Mateo!”_

There’s four clicks of drumsticks smacking together before the music starts and the pair of them hit the first beats of the dance. There’s even more electricity between them now and when Brooke grabs her arm, reels her in with the napkin, pulls her close so their bodies are pressed against each other, Vanessa feels as if she’s burning up inside. They added in a little bit of choreo after their kiss and their riverbank date on Wednesday night, and Vanessa’s back is to the audience and the cameras as she gives Brooke a wink, hooks her fingers around each side of the lapels on Brooke’s shirt.

_“I’m tellin’ you to loosen up my buttons, babe, uh-huh-”_

Vanessa rips the velcro she knows the costume designers have concealed in the lapels and reveals a little strip of Brooke’s chest, her collarbones exposed. The roar that goes up from the audience in response has Vanessa feeling as if they’re dancing in a football stadium rather than the ballroom at Elstree. The shirt isn’t even open enough to expose any of Brooke’s cleavage but Vanessa suddenly realises how people in old-timey costume dramas feel when they see a woman’s ankle. As they press their foreheads together and cross the ballroom floor Vanessa finds it hard not to break character and smile like an idiot at Brooke Lynn, the girl that likes her back, the girl that maybe one day she’ll get to call her girlfriend, the girl that she can kiss any time she likes. She could technically kiss her now as she drops to the floor and Brooke comes with her, still holding her hand with her arm around her waist, but she focuses on getting the Ganchos right because they _need_ a good score. Vanessa needs to show Brooke, show the judges, show every fucking person watching at home that she is a force to be reckoned with, that she can teach and choreograph and make Brooke progress.

Still, it’s hard not to just reach her lips forward and press them against Brooke’s as she drags her across the floor, Vanessa making sure to get her leg as high as it’ll go on her waist just to show Brooke what she’s capable of. As Brooke lifts her up and spins her, Vanessa sneaks a look at the judges’ table. Bianca is watching impassively as usual, Shangela is smiling from ear to ear, Kennedy is screaming and Laganja is leaning almost over the desk, her mouth wide open.

If ever there was a desired reaction to her choreography, it’s probably that.

There’s a point in the middle of the dance where the two of them pause in hold and just give each other an incredibly lingering look. Vanessa doesn’t have to act for this section and as she slowly brings her eyes up from Brooke’s chest to meet her gaze, she feels her knees turn ever-so-slightly weak as she catches the hunger, passion and fire in the other girl’s eyes.

If they don’t get at least 35 in this, Vanessa is going to quit the show and take Brooke with her.

Vanessa can hear the screams from one of the judges as she and Brooke walk slowly across the dancefloor with their hands cradling the back of each others’ necks. Brooke gracefully lowers her to the floor and pulls her up again, Vanessa making sure to press their bodies tight together once she’s in front of her. She catches the way Brooke’s eyes grow ever so slightly wide and she’d be lying if she said it didn’t fill her with a sense of pride. They get to the part that makes Vanessa’s pulse speed up every time- her legs wrapped around Brooke’s waist, Brooke spinning her around- because of all the memories attached to it. This time Brooke doesn’t kiss her, though- she dips her down one way then the other with her strong arms supporting Vanessa’s back.

Vanessa feels safer in Brooke’s arms than she’s ever felt with any six-packed, world-champion male partner. But of course, she knows exactly why that is.

The dance is coming to an end and Vanessa puts her all into walking Brooke back, her hand against her chest. Brooke sits down in the chair, spreads her legs before reaching out and letting Vanessa twirl into her arms, where she leans into her and wraps her arms around Brooke. She knows she’s got her chest pushed right up in Brooke’s face and all she’ll probably be able to smell is her perfume, but Vanessa doesn’t really mind and she’s got a feeling Brooke doesn’t either. As the final notes of the music ring through the studio, the audience are yelling and clapping the place down. Vanessa doesn’t even know if Brooke made any mistakes and at this point she doesn’t care because they did that dance proud, she knows they did, and as Brooke wraps her arms tight around her waist Vanessa feels her press a kiss to her collarbone that makes her giddy. Vanessa squeals with happiness and she feels Brooke pick her up in their hug and walk her over to where Michelle is standing. As they finally break apart she can see the smile on Brooke’s face. Vanessa throws caution to the wind a little, plants both her hands on either side of Brooke’s face so that her eyes are firmly locked on her own.

“We did it, baby,” she whispers to her, and she’s not even sure it’ll be audible over the cheers of the crowd but Brooke nods rapidly in happiness and Vanessa knows she’s been heard.

Michelle finally manages to pry Brooke off of her and get some form of reaction about how she feels the dance went.

“Oh my God, it felt amazing,” Brooke smiles. She’s laced her arm around Vanessa’s waist and Vanessa’s done the same, and Brooke gives her a little squeeze and a smile down at her as she continues. “We’ve obviously had a bit of a crazy week…you know, Vanessa coming back from her injury, but she’s just such a great person and such a great teacher that she still managed to recover and teach me all this, and I’m just so grateful for her. I’m so glad I’ve got her back. She’s not allowed to leave me again!”

Michelle laughs as Brooke puts her other arm around Vanessa to hug her, and Vanessa happily reciprocates.

“Vanessa, how do you think Brooke Lynn got on this week?”

Vanessa pries herself out from under Brooke’s arm and simply smiles up at her in response. “She knows how amazin’ I think she is, I’m gonna let the judges tell her instead.”

Michelle gives another laugh and so do some of the judges. Vanessa doesn’t miss the single raised eyebrow that Bianca shoots towards her. Her stomach dips. Maybe they hadn’t been as good as she’d thought…?

“Speaking of judges- Bianca, let’s come to you first. How did Brooke do?”

“Well…” there’s a silence as Bianca shuffles her notes a little. Vanessa feels her heart stand still. “I thought…that it was absolutely brilliant.”

The audience erupts. Vanessa is so shocked and happy that she can’t help the grin that breaks out on her face, and she and Brooke both instantly reach for each other to hug. There’s a rare smile to Bianca’s voice as she continues. “Brooke Lynn, there’s one thing that Vanessa can’t teach you, in fact nobody can teach it, and that’s chemistry. The chemistry you had with Plastique last week was great but the chemistry you have with Vanessa is incredible. The Argentine is all about that, it’s the passion and the fire, and you encapsulated that so well. Watch with the Ganchos that your feet are pointed all the way down, we should have a full 180 degrees there which I know you can do because I’ve seen it before- and it should be more of a light motion, you’re not churning butter…but other than that, a great job this week, well done.”

Vanessa looks up at Brooke and she’s still smiling as Michelle comes onto Shangela. She and Kennedy both give them glowing praise, the pair of them also mentioning the chemistry between them, and then it’s Laganja’s turn. The audience are already giggling in anticipation- they know she’s theatrical, and her reaction is going to be big. Vanessa watches as she sits composed in her chair, narrows her eyes, and points at them both with her pen.

“Is there…something going on…?” she asks. Vanessa feels her hand tighten around Brooke’s waist. She clenches her teeth together as she smiles. _Fuck._ Have they been too obvious? Laganja pauses dramatically as Brooke gives a laugh Vanessa can tell is fake. “I mean…first that American Smooth, and then that Viennese, and now THIS? Is there something in the air tonight, Fernando?!”

Vanessa lets out a relieved laugh as Laganja references Gigi and Crystal and Jan and Jackie’s dances, realises she’s not asking specifically about her and Brooke.

“LADIES, _ma’am_ , I don’t have any earthly _words_ for what I just witnessed!! The connection you two have is just incomparable…Brooke, you’ve been so great the past two weeks but I can tell you’re at your most comfortable and your happiest when you’re dancing with Vanessa, it’s like you’re here, you’ve arrived! This is _elevated,_ mama! I don’t know if you could hear me screaming when you dragged Vanessa across the floor-”

“New Zealand heard that scream, Laganja,” Bianca cuts in deadpan, and the audience laughs.

“- yes thank you, Simon Cowell! Maybe your feet weren’t as pointed as they could’ve been during the Ganchos- you know what, I honestly don’t care! I wasn’t looking at your feet! I spent that entire dance wondering if you were going to smooch each others’ faces off midway through!”

Vanessa bursts out laughing as she feels Brooke do the same beside her. They’re both squeezing each others’ sides for dear life. If they only fucking _knew_.

“Great job, Brooke, and Vanessa- welcome back, ma, that’s how you return after an injury.”

The audience clap them as Michelle sends them upstairs, and Vanessa’s hand is tight in Brooke’s as they run up to the Divinatorium and are greeted by Divina herself. She interviews the pair of them but Vanessa can hardly speak, she’s practically vibrating with excitement beside her partner. Their comments were so encouraging, the best they’ve had. Brooke’s never had a 10 from any of the judges before. Maybe tonight is the night?

“ _Will the judges please reveal their scores. Bianca Del Rio.”_

Vanessa’s screaming before Bianca can even speak, because there, on the paddle, is an, “Eight!”

Brooke’s arm flies around her waist in a hug but Vanessa can’t yet accept it, her eyes glued to the screen.

“ _Kennedy Davenport.”_

“Nine!” she says happily, and Vanessa is so happy that she can almost feel tears stinging her eyes.

“ _Shangela Wadely.”_

“Nine!” she beams at the camera, sticking her paddle into the air. Vanessa’s heart lifts itself up into the rafters as the camera pans to Laganja’s seat. She gave them the most favourable critiques. Maybe…?

“ _Laganja Estranja.”_

“I hope y’all are ready for this…TEN!” she screeches as she stands up, and Vanessa can barely take in the amount of things that happen at once. Her pulse skyrockets, Brooke practically leaps on her in her haste to wrap her in a hug, the other couples are screaming and cheering and clapping for them, and her eyes basically spring a leak. She has no idea why she’s so emotional but Jesus Christ, she’s allowed to be after the past few weeks she’d had. Laganja thought their dance was a ten. A perfect ten. Flawless. Impeccable. They’re second on the leaderboard behind Jan and Jackie (who scored thirty-eight). Vanessa feels like running back down the stairs and kissing the judges, never mind Brooke Lynn beside her.

But of course, the thought of kissing Brooke is one that isn’t too far away, and they’re walking down the corridors, laughing and chatting after their reaction interview and about to go back to makeup when Brooke slows beside her dressing room door, laces her hands in Vanessa’s.

“Um…” she casts her eyes downwards, and when she meets Vanessa’s gaze again there’s a little glint in her eye that makes Vanessa squeeze her thighs together. Brooke puts on her very best, professional, TV presenter voice as she talks. “Vanessa. Would you mind helping me with something for two minutes in my dressing room?”

Vanessa almost feels her pupils blow as Brooke gently tugs her in. The moment she steps through the dressing room door Brooke wastes no time in closing it, spinning her round and pressing her up against it as she crashes their lips together. Vanessa has to stop herself from sliding down the door, feeling like a snowman in July as Brooke’s soft lips press against hers and her tongue licks gently into her mouth. If Brooke’s tongue can make her feel this weak when they’re just kissing, Vanessa almost doesn’t dare think about how good it could feel elsewhere.

Vanessa can give as good as she gets though, and she likes to have the upper hand so she drops her lips to Brooke’s neck, presses frantic kisses down down down to her collarbone where she sucks at the skin, bites ever so gently then licks over the mark she’s just created, kissing hard against it once, twice, three times before she feels Brooke lean down to murmur into her ear.

“That better not’ve left a mark.”

Vanessa’s spine feels like an electricity pylon. “Does it feel like it didn’t leave a mark?”

Her breath hitches as Brooke slams her knee in between her thighs, cages her in. Brooke’s voice is a low whisper as she kisses her neck, making Vanessa whine. “You’re so bad, fuck.”

“You like it when I’m bad, huh?” Vanessa teases, dropping both her hands to Brooke’s waist as she bucks her hips against her. The friction has got her feeling tightly wound and she needs more, way more than this.

“God, yes,” Brooke sighs, brings her mouth back up to kiss her again. It’s not as frantic as their first; this time it’s slow, teasing, and driving Vanessa absolutely insane. They’ve not talked about this, where this is going to go, and Vanessa doesn’t want to assume anything but still…Brooke’s got her in a pretty compromising position. She’s still going to check though, so she pulls back, murmurs against Brooke’s lips as she places both her hands on either side of her jaw.

“What do you want, baby?”

Brooke gives a sigh mixed up with a gasp as Vanessa trails a finger down her neck, stops it at her chest right where her shirt’s buttoned up. “Ah…want you to-”

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK._

Vanessa launches herself away from the door, almost jumps into Brooke’s arms Scooby-Doo style in shock. Brooke’s got her arms around Vanessa, her eyes equally wide and her mouth just as slack-jawed. She steps away quickly as whoever’s behind the door starts speaking.

_“Brooke Lynn? You and Vanessa are needed in makeup.”_

Vanessa can see Brooke swallowing thickly, the rise and fall of her chest as she tries to compose herself. The very sight of that alone makes Vanessa’s mouth dry. “Okay, no worries! We’ll be down soon!”

The pair of them stand in the dressing room in silence listening to the sound of the runner walking away. It’s funny- the pair of them sneaking around like they’re in high school or some shit, and it makes Vanessa press her lips together in an attempt to stifle a laugh. She looks at Brooke Lynn, who’s got much the same expression on her face. It’s Brooke that cracks first, and soon the pair of them are standing giggling together.

“Nothing like getting the absolute shit scared out of us to really kill the mood,” Brooke laughs softly, reaching out and tucking a piece of Vanessa’s hair behind her ear that has come loose from its bun. Vanessa smiles, sighing a little and taking her hand.

“We should go. It’ll be a batterin’ ram next.”

“Right,” Brooke shrugs a little, stroking the back of Vanessa’s hand with her thumb. Vanessa can see she’s holding something back and just as she’s about to ask her what it is, Brooke meets her eyes. “You think we’re going through to Blackpool?”

Vanessa has almost forgotten what week it is next week; where the dancers all travel up to the iconic Blackpool Tower ballroom for one night away from Elstree. They pull out all the stops that night and they’re allowed backup dancers and even sometimes a set instead of just props. She tilts her head in thought- the fact that by the end of tonight there’ll be just six of them left in the competition is wild to her, the whole thing is going so quickly. She can see in Brooke’s eyes that she’s not forgotten, though, the nerves almost visibly clouding her vision, so Vanessa leans up and presses a soft kiss to her lips and feels Brooke relax against her.

She pulls away and shoots Brooke a soft grin. “After that performance? You might as well start packing your case, baby.”


	10. Chapter 10

_20th November 2020_

Vanessa is giggling as Akeria sits with an enormous plastic bag of snacks in front of her on the hard plastic train table. She’s looking at them with the long-suffering eyes of a wearied mother, casting her hands over them as if she doesn’t quite know where to start. She finally picks up a bag of chocolate buttons, stands up in her seat and yells out into the train carriage.

“Okay, whose are the buttons?”

“Oh! Those are ours. Thanks, Kiki,” Jan stands up from the two-seater she’s got beside Jackie and behind Vanessa and Brooke, leaning forward over them to grab the snacks.

“Strawberry laces?”

“Mine!” Crystal cries happily, leaning over Gigi from the table seat they’re sharing with Jaida and Yvie opposite them. She snatches the sweets out of Akeria’s hand and follows it up with a _thank you._

“Barbecue Pringles- wait, that’s Yvie’s,” Akeria immediately cuts herself off, leaning over the aisle of the carriage and handing Yvie the tube.

“I’m nothing if not predictable,” she shrugs, ripping off the plastic covering and the paper on top to grab a crisp and then offer one to her dance partner.

“Tangfastics?” Akeria yells out. There’s a pause where nobody claims them. Akeria gives a long-suffering roll of her eyes and yells a little louder. “Tangfastics?!”

Vanessa watches Monique give a jolt in the two-seater she’s sharing with Monet. “Shit, sorry Keeks, that’s ours!”

(Vanessa suspects that Monique’s delay in hearing her snack might be because of the way Monet’s got her hand resting on her thigh and had been whispering something to her moments before, but she’ll park that for now, use it to make fun of her at a later date.)

“God damn, stop gazin’ in Monet’s eyes for two whole seconds,” Akeria teases her, to a hoot of laughter from the other girls and a glare from Monique herself.

“Can’t help it that they’re so dark and intoxicating,” Monet pipes up with a dramatic gesture. Asia yells at her to shut up from over her headrest. A little further down the carriage, Vanessa can see a businessman shaking his head in despair.

“Gigi, that’s your fruit platter,” Akeria hands the tub across the aisle, already able to tell the model’s choice of snack. Vanessa silently takes the bags of Starbursts and chilli heatwave Doritos that she’d asked Akeria to pick up for her and Brooke respectively. “Whose are the Haribos?”

There’s another silence. Vanessa has to hold in her laughter at Akeria’s growing frustration. “Girls, I swear to Jesus, y’all cannot send me to the shop to grab all your motherfuckin’ snacks and then not claim ‘em! Who ordered the goddamn Haribos?!”

Asia blinks suddenly, looks up from her phone and tugs Akeria’s sleeve. “Bitch! Those are ours, we got them! Sit your dumb ass down!”

The girls all roar with laughter as Akeria sheepishly sinks back into her seat. Vanessa can’t help but give a little bounce in her seat from excitement because they’ve made it; she’s off to Blackpool with a girl that likes her back, her two best friends, and the rest of the dorks they’re sharing the competition with. They’ve got a Cha Cha Cha this week which they’ve practised, polished and perfected, and Vanessa can feel a little bite of excitement to the cold air which makes her think maybe…maybe this week it’s their time to get a few more tens and perhaps be top of the leaderboard this week. She’s confident, and she knows Brooke is too. They chatted through their thoughts about the week ahead when Vanessa walked Brooke to the tube station the night before, and her heart still gives a little excitable thud when Vanessa remembers the way they’d stolen a kiss in the dark just beside the entrance.

Whatever it is they are feels like one of the fairytales Vanessa used to watch when she was little on VHS tape, the ones she used to rewind the moment they were done to go all the way back to the start. She and Brooke are still focused on the competition obviously, so for now they’re still content with stealing kisses behind the scenes of It Takes Two, going for dates that aren’t really dates and are more mid-rehearsal lunches, long and lingering goodbye cuddles where Vanessa rests her head against Brooke’s chest and wishes she was going home with her instead of to her own empty flat. It’s nameless and exciting and a bit of a foray into the unknown, only Vanessa knows it’s not really so much of an unknown because she trusts Brooke, she knows she likes her back and how much she’s devoted to her. It’s the way Brooke nuzzles against Vanessa’s hair and mutters a compliment about how talented she is, or the way she’ll stop mid-kiss to just murmur about how beautiful Vanessa is against her lips, or the way she links their pinkies together midway through a rehearsal break and shyly comment on how lucky she is. It all makes Vanessa’s heart feel huge and light and fast in her chest, a helium balloon filled with butterflies.

“Guys! Train selfie!” Crystal cries suddenly, jolting Vanessa out of her daydream. Vanessa leans onto the middle of the table to squeeze herself into shot and yelps when Brooke tugs her back.

“You just totally Mike Wazowski’d me!”

“Oh like anyone could miss you in any photo, fuckin’ lil miss beanstalk bitch!” Vanessa teases her, the girls all laughing in response.

“So funny that half your fans think you’re datin’. You two fight like cat an’ dog on the daily,” Asia rolls her eyes and snorts. Vanessa feels her body spark with electricity as Brooke takes her hand under the table and squeezes it a couple of times in secret.

She feels guilty as she looks to Akeria who’s raising her eyebrows at her, still very aware of her crush. It’s not that Vanessa has kept things secret from her and Monique intentionally. It’s just that she and Brooke have been so wrapped up in each other and their rehearsals, not to mention the fact that they haven’t had a girls’ night in forever. Vanessa resolves to tell them this weekend, having to bite back a smile as she thinks about their potential reactions.

“Guys, get in the fucking selfie already! My arm is hurting!”

Vanessa leans back into Brooke’s chest and feels something in her ribcage blossom as Brooke puts her arms around her in a hug for the photo.

The train starts moving and all the girls give an excited squeal of delight which makes two old ladies a few seats down look at them all suspiciously. There’s a flash of recognition in their eyes after a second and their attitude changes, judgemental eyes becoming kind. Vanessa wonders if it will ever fully sink in that she’s ‘famous’, a public figure. Right now it just feels as if she’s going on some big mad girls’ weekend away with her second family and a girl she really fucking likes.

The evening is mostly taken up by the train ride, all the girls having rehearsed during the day and trundled their suitcases to the train when they were done. Yvie vlogs, Crystal and Gigi chatter excitedly, and Akeria and Asia bicker about who’s eaten the most buttons. Vanessa and Brooke for their part hold hands underneath the table, share little smiles that speak both volumes and a thousand words, and flirt just enough to make Vanessa’s heart beat out her chest but not enough to arouse suspicion. All the while they speed past towns that she’s never heard of and will never visit, blurs of green and grey shrouded in the dark of the Autumn night sky.

The train doesn’t go all the way to Blackpool so they have to change at Preston, which Vanessa knows nothing about other than the fact it’s got a train station. The girls find the platform for their connecting train and mill about, stopping once to take photos with an adorable little Strictly fan who can’t be more than eight years old. Vanessa chats away with her way more than the other girls do because the little girl’s dark hair, nut brown skin and huge brown eyes make her miss her own little cousins back in Puerto Rico. She asks her about school, and if she dances, and what she wants to be when she grows up.

When the girl replies, “a dancer like you”, Vanessa almost tears up.

She tells her not to give up on her dreams- because it’s what eight year old her would’ve needed to hear- and then waves her and her Mum goodbye. By the time she’s finished chatting and she turns back around, Brooke is waiting for her with a little smile on her face.

“What? What’s that look for?” Vanessa laughs a little. She wants nothing more than to wrap her arms around Brooke’s waist in a hug but the platform is busy and the other girls could see them.

“Nothing. Just you’re really cute with kids.”

Vanessa smiles bashfully, looks to the ground. When she looks up again Brooke has come a little closer to her. Vanessa pouts as she very gently threads the tips of their fingers together, the closest they can come to holding hands in public.

“I wanna kiss you so bad right now.”

“Let’s do it,” Brooke giggles quietly, a little sparkle in her eyes. “Let’s just start making out and watch how the girls react. Yvie would put it in one of her fucking vlogs.”

“ _Storytime- my Strictly co-stars just kissed?_ ” Vanessa jokes, and Brooke wheezes a laugh which in turn makes the other girls turn round. Vanessa immediately drops their hands as Asia eyes them both with suspicion.

Brooke looks back at her and Vanessa can feel her pulse speed up at the adoration that’s in her eyes. “You look so good today, let me take a candid that’s not really a candid.”

“A plandid,” Vanessa shrugs back, then screws up her face. “I look like shit though. I sweated all my makeup off in rehearsal, my skin’s all dry from that train heater an’ I’m wearing sweatpants I’ve owned for six years.”

“Still cute though,” Brooke winks, and Vanessa tries to suppress a smile as she relents, shakes her hair out and looks down the platform. She’s surprised to find the train making its way up the tracks and after a second she leaps back, grabbing her suitcase and Brooke’s arm and yelling to the other girls.

It’s only when they’re on the train again when she gets an Instagram tag and realises that Brooke managed to take the photo, and she has to admit she doesn’t look too bad. She’s confused, though, when she sees what Brooke has captioned it.

_bhytes: sls_ 🧡

Vanessa looks quickly at Brooke before tapping out a message to her.

_V: what’s sls mean??? x_

She watches Brooke’s reaction in real time as she receives the message. Her eyes widen a little and a pink blush appears on her cheeks, almost as if she’s been caught at something. Vanessa watches her fingers hover over the screen, typing against the air as she tries to figure out how to reply. Eventually, Vanessa’s phone buzzes again.

_B: Oh I meant to type sis!!!! Silly typo x_

Vanessa narrows her eyes- she’s not buying that for a second. Sure enough as she goes back to Brooke’s Instagram page there’s a small “Edited” beside her caption, and it now reads what Brooke had just told her she’d allegedly meant to type. Feeling a little guilty for snooping, Vanessa scrolls through the comments- there’s one from Yvie already, and another from Jackie, and some from Brooke’s friends and colleagues of course, but eventually she reaches the fans.

_branjie2020: SHE EDITED IT IM-_

_strictlybranjie: Brooke we see u girl_

_brookelynnbites: not little mix secret love song…………_

Intrigued, Vanessa looks up the lyrics and instantly she knows why Brooke had been shy with her. Now blushing herself, Vanessa puts her phone face down on the table and loses herself in thought. She thinks about the lyrics. _Why can’t I say that I’m in love…_ it’s just a song, Brooke probably just meant the sentiment generally, but still. Vanessa can’t help but wonder if maybe they could make something of whatever it is that they are, a fling between two members of a TV show. Maybe they’ll be together when this is all over, and maybe…well. Vanessa hasn’t told anyone that she loves them like that since Kameron, and it would be a big deal if she said it to somebody else again. She’s not falling for Brooke yet; that would be ridiculous, especially given that they’ve not even so much as seen each other naked, but all Vanessa knows is that she _really_ likes her, cares for her so much that it almost scares her, and whenever she’s around Vanessa feels as if she’s levitating.

Vanessa puts her jacket over her lap and wordlessly takes Brooke’s hand underneath it. She doesn’t miss the smile on Brooke’s face when she squeezes it reassuringly.

They all eventually reach Blackpool, the windy seaside weather and the sound of the seagulls greeting them as soon as they’re out of the train station. Their hotel isn’t far from the Tower Ballroom and Vanessa’s glad that they’re not staying at some run down B&B although the BBC, always eager to cut costs wherever they can, has booked them all in with each other in twin rooms. Vanessa isn’t mad about that. Admittedly after that moment they had in Brooke’s dressing room last Saturday she’s been thinking ever since about how she could engineer some form of sequel. She’s narrowed it down to finding an excuse to crawl into Brooke’s bed at night, bullshitting something about it being too cold in her own and how it would be so much warmer if they just slept together. That’s if she needs to be subtle, of course. Knowing how Brooke had practically slammed her against her dressing room door last week there’s probably not going to be much need for subtleties.

“I hope you don’t snore,” Brooke laughs, rolling her suitcase out of the lift and onto the carpet of the hotel corridors. Vanessa lets out an incredulous snort.

“Bitch! Do I seem like the kinda girl who snores? I’m insulted.”

“No, that’s true. I need to worry about you talking in your sleep instead. The loudest girl in the fucking cast,” Brooke laughs, Vanessa kicking a leg forward to knock Brooke’s suitcase off-balance as revenge. Even though it wobbles on its wheels, Brooke is undeterred. “I’m going to be trying to get to sleep and just as I think I’m drifting off all I’ll here is… _AN’ FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!”_

“Shut _up_ ,” Vanessa giggles, giving Brooke a push as they both arrive in front of the hotel room door. Brooke presses the key card to the pad and walks in first, and Vanessa is too busy struggling with her case to gauge her reaction at first. That is until Brooke turns around from the spot she’s rooted to in the middle of the room.

“Oh.”

Vanessa frowns. She doesn’t really know why Brooke’s grown so awkward and quiet all of a sudden until she takes three steps forward and can see their room properly.

‘Oh’ is right. Because there, in the middle of their room, is a double bed. No, not double. King-sized, a king-sized fucking bed that’s probably the size of a small country village and is just for the two of them. All Vanessa’s plans go out the window because this is…new, and unknown territory. A quick makeout session in Brooke’s dressing room is one thing but the two of them haven’t even stayed over at either of their flats yet, they’ve never shared a bed in any context before. Vanessa bites her lip.

“Well…” Brooke says finally, trails off. Vanessa realises that she’s not going to finish her sentence.

“Um. I can go down and get ‘em to change it?” she offers, regretting it as soon as she’s said it because despite it all being new territory she’s not exactly opposed to it.

“No! No, it’s fine,” Brooke says- a little too quickly, Vanessa thinks, which causes her to suppress a smirk and try not to let her thoughts get carried away. “I mean, we’re both adults, it’s fine. Plus it’ll probably be comfier, right?”

“Yeah. Sure, right,” Vanessa nods and agrees, trying not to seem too eager.

It’s late by that point, so the pair of them unpack, trying to chat easily but the elephant in the room shaped like a king-sized bed is still very much present. Vanessa showers before bed and changes into her pyjamas, a little embarrassed at how scruffy her small black cami top and mid-length bottoms are. When Brooke comes back from her own shower, though, already changed into her pyjama set, Vanessa’s mouth dries up. She’s dressed in a matching set made up of a little pink satin shirt and shorts, the black cording at the hem of which is only drawing Vanessa’s eyes to Brooke’s thighs and not at all helping the bed situation.

Brooke clearly sees her looking and raises an eyebrow. “Cute, right?”

Vanessa snaps out of her daze. “What?”

“The pyjamas. They’re from like…Asos or Missguided or something? One of them,” she replies, hopping into bed and under the covers on the other side. Vanessa inches away from her a little, careful not to make their bodies touch because this is different to dancing and it’s not as simple as just being able to wrap her body around Brooke’s or make some stupid move because there’s no performance high or adrenaline or alcohol, it’s just…them. The pair of them in the same bed with the silence of the room surrounding them and the dark of the night outside hidden from view by the blinds Vanessa pulled down. As Brooke gives her a quick kiss and leans over to her side of the bed to turn the light off, she gives a quick look back to Vanessa.

“Night, babe.”

Vanessa gives a small, nervous smile back as she says goodnight. They shuffle under the covers to get comfortable and the silence falls again. Vanessa should say something, do something, reach out and take Brooke’s hand or lean in again. But everything is new and different and the time just isn’t right and she has no idea if Brooke even wants to go there with her yet, so instead she closes her eyes and attempts to sleep.

But in the morning, things are different. The moment Vanessa stirs she can tell there’s something in the air. She blinks open her eyes, the sun peeking through the slats of the blinds already too bright. That’s not it, though. That’s not what’s different.

And then as she gains a little bit more consciousness it hits her like a ton of bricks.

Brooke’s leg is thrown over her thigh, her arm around her waist, and her body is pressed up against hers. Vanessa feels a little tingle flash between her legs. For one thing, it’s cute that Brooke’s sought Vanessa out to cuddle during the night- whether she was asleep or awake for that decision Vanessa doesn’t know, but it’s nice either way. But on the other hand, Brooke’s little satin shorts have risen up to expose most of her thigh, and it’s not helping Vanessa think rationally right now.

Slowly, Vanessa starts tracing soft patterns on Brooke’s arm in a bid to wake her up: little figures of eight, then her name, then love hearts because if Brooke’s asleep she can’t work out that that’s what they are. Brooke’s leg shifts against her, and Vanessa can feel a heat against her thigh which she can’t decide whether or not helps or worsens the situation she’s in. Just then, she feels Brooke’s thumb give a little movement, a small stroke against the skin of Vanessa’s stomach where her cami top has risen up during the night. When her thumb moves again, Vanessa knows she’s woken up.

Neither of them have spoken yet and Brooke’s still stroking at her stomach, so Vanessa shuffles back in her arms just in case she’s still half asleep. She hears Brooke give a stifled yawn on the pillow behind her, hears her breathing shallow out. She’s awake, so Vanessa can take things up a gear. She moves her fingers from her arm to Brooke’s thigh, keeping her touch light and gentle as she traces a little patch of skin just at the outside. She feels Brooke shift against her in response, tries not to think too much about her thighs or what’s in between them because she knows she’ll overwhelm herself, flip round to straddle her and end up begging her to make her come apart. This moment is good. It’s gentle and tense all at once, the pair of them just touching and teasing each other, a mutual understanding even though nothing’s been said. This is different to last night- there’s no awkwardness, there’s no tentativeness, there’s just Brooke’s body wrapped around Vanessa’s and there’s only so many places that situation can lead. 

Vanessa feels Brooke press a small kiss to her shoulder blade and it makes her heart flutter, a hummingbird caged in her ribs. Brooke’s fingers trail a little higher to stroke under the material of her top and Vanessa feels herself melt. She wiggles in Brooke’s lap, knowing how it’ll drive her crazy given the amount of comments the girl’s made about how much she loves her ass and how completely obvious she’s made it. In response, Vanessa feels Brooke sigh against her neck, kissing it once, twice, three times.

Vanessa feels her resolve cracking so she traces a little higher on Brooke’s leg, decides to break the silence. She tries to keep the smirk out of her voice but it’s hard when Brooke bucks against her thigh again. “Good morning.”

Brooke gives a little whine against her neck which makes Vanessa press her thighs together, raising her own hips in an attempt to gain some sort of friction. “Morning.”

Vanessa presses her lips together in a suppressed smile, her next move falling into place in her head. “Y’know, I think I’m gonna get up an’ start gettin’ ready.”

“No,” Brooke whines, the arm around her waist pulling her closer, and Vanessa can hear the pout in her voice. She feels Brooke rub against her thigh again and it’s almost impeding her ability to think straight at this point.

She’s having fun winding her up though and she knows she’ll be able to have Brooke begging for her if she keeps it up, so she attempts to turn around a little to face her. She can’t really manage it, but she doesn’t mind too much. She just wants to see Brooke’s face when she delivers her next line, keeps her tone light and ever-so-slightly mocking. “Why not, boo?”

Vanessa decides to shuffle round, can hear Brooke whine in frustration now that she no longer has something to grind against. When she sees Brooke blushing, biting her lip with her hand now pressed between her thighs, it’s the hottest thing Vanessa has seen in probably years.

Brooke’s still not answered- instead she’s trying to shuffle close to Vanessa, presumably to kiss her, but Vanessa’s enjoying her moment of being in charge, so she lays her hand against Brooke’s chest to stop her and narrows her eyes. “Uh-uh. You gotta tell me why I shouldn’t leave this bed.”

Brooke only blushes harder, and Vanessa’s knocked for six. Brooke is actually _shy_. This confident, stone-cold goddess is getting embarrassed at the prospect of talking dirty to Vanessa in bed.

Vanessa’s brain is hotwiring.

“Don’t go quiet on me, princess,” Vanessa murmurs, bringing her other hand down to stroke at Brooke’s exposed skin again, this time against the visible strip of her inner thigh. “Can’t give you what you want if you don’t tell me what it is.”

“Please…kiss me, fuck-”

Brooke’s barely got the words out when Vanessa bridges the gap between them, meets Brooke’s lips with her own and kisses her softly and gently. She knows Brooke wants more, knows she’s getting herself worked up beside her but Vanessa’s enjoying having the power for now because knowing Brooke it won’t be long before she tries to take it back. When Vanessa pulls away Brooke is pouting, all disappointed that Vanessa’s lips are no longer on hers. Vanessa hears Brooke give a little gasp and then a whine as she takes her hand, the one Brooke’s grinding against, brings it out from between her thighs and places it by her side. There’s an unspoken rule between them that Brooke’s not allowed to replace it.

“Please, ‘Ness,” she pouts, and Vanessa would find it cute if her hands weren’t trailing up and down her waist. Brooke paws at her, needy and desperate, stops to rest her hands on her ass.

“You’re so polite. Such a good girl for me,” Vanessa praises her, kissing her pouty lips and delighting in the way Brooke moans against her. Vanessa strokes her hair with the hand she’s not propping herself up with and she can tell Brooke wants it somewhere else.

“Please,” Brooke says again, her eyelids heavy and her pupils blown. Vanessa feels herself give a small laugh.

“I don’t know what you want, baby.”

“You know what I want, fuck,” Brooke whines, her eyes fluttering closed. She thuds her head against the pillow in frustration, grabs at Vanessa’s ass in an attempt to pull her closer.

“You want me to touch you?” Vanessa murmurs, and Brooke nods her head frantically in response. She trails her hand down Brooke’s neck and down her chest, stops when she sees Brooke’s nipples poking through the satin fabric of her pyjama top. Vanessa bites her lip as she flicks her thumb against one, squeezes her thighs together for the hundredth time when she hears Brooke let out a moan. She teases her slowly and gently, can feel her own breathing deepening as Brooke writhes against the sheets. Brooke’s hand drifts from Vanessa’s ass to the waistband of her own shorts and Vanessa stops touching her, moving her hand to her wrist instead.

“You want me to just sit and watch you touch yourself? Sit here on the bed with you fuckin’ yourself with your fingers instead of letting me fuck you instead?” Vanessa asks her, making sure to keep a warning tone to her voice as she draws away. Brooke whines, instantly ripping her hand out from between her legs and pulling Vanessa close with it instead.

“No, baby, I’ll be good.”

“You gonna be good for me?”

“Uh-huh.”

Vanessa feels sorry for her at this point so she lies on her side against the mattress, tucks herself in beside Brooke and traces the skin just above the waistband of her shorts. Brooke is letting out a litany of whines as Vanessa inches her hand under the material, stops and presses a gentle finger against Brooke’s slit. Vanessa feels herself gasp as she feels how wet she is already, slick against her finger and dripping on the inside of her thighs.

“Fuck,” Vanessa whispers, leans in to kiss Brooke’s neck. She’s managed to find herself an actual Aphrodite and she’s never felt more religious in her life. She tilts her head as she slides a finger up to brush against Brooke’s clit, eliciting a gasp from Brooke who bites her lip and squeezes her eyes shut. “What would people say if they knew that Brooke Lynn Hytes, confident, boss-ass, sex-on-legs bitch, turns into a lil’ whiny, bratty, needy princess when she wants to come so badly?”

“Vanessa, please,” Brooke practically sobs in response. Her hips lift high off the mattress as Vanessa rubs little circles against her. Vanessa desperately wants to feel how wet she is again but she’s wondering if she can wind her up even more, so she moves her lips up to whisper in Brooke’s ear.

“Remember when I sent you that message by accident?” Vanessa asks, her voice a low murmur. Brooke hisses in response and Vanessa sees her grab a fistful of the duvet.

“Shit, you know I got myself off to the thought of you lying in bed all wet and needy after you had that dream,” Brooke gasps out, and Vanessa’s eyes fly open in shock. If Brooke didn’t have her knees bent and propped up then she would probably straddle her thigh and try to ride it until she came because God, the idea that Brooke touched herself thinking about her in the morning and then came into the studios and acted as if it had never happened with her afterwards is just too much. Almost as a reward for the information Brooke’s just given her, Vanessa slides a finger inside her and hears Brooke moan in response. 

“Y’know you were the girl from the dream,” Vanessa drops her lips down to Brooke’s neck, kissing it hot and slow as she slides a second finger into Brooke and presses the rest of her hand gently against her clit. Brooke gives a gasp that’s almost sacrilegious.

Brooke is writhing beside her, frantic and desperate and frustrated and Jesus fucking Christ if Vanessa couldn’t just come from the sight of that alone. “Tell me. Tell me what happened.”

So Vanessa whispers in Brooke’s ear about how she’d kissed her, how Brooke had told her how much she’d wanted her, how Vanessa had begged her to touch her and how Brooke had got her off through her underwear, and she hears Brooke gasp and moan and whine in response to each new revelation. Vanessa fucks her gently with her fingers and Brooke is so wet around her that it’s sending her into a frenzy herself. Suddenly, Vanessa has an idea.

“And you told me you thought I would taste good,” Vanessa tells her, tipping her head up a little to gauge Brooke’s reaction.

“Fuck…want to taste you so bad,” Brooke pleads.

All her shyness seems to be gone now that she’s riding Vanessa’s fingers desperately, and even though Vanessa thought shy Brooke was cute, this version of Brooke- the Brooke that knows what she wants, the Brooke that’s loud and vocal and messy- is her favourite. Vanessa gently removes her hand from between Brooke’s legs, ignoring the nearly apocalyptic whine Brooke lets out in response to the lack of contact, and takes Brooke’s hand from where it’s still digging into the duvet. Vanessa shifts a little, spreads her own legs as she guides Brooke’s hand between them, and her heart is almost beating out of her chest as Brooke eagerly brushes two fingers over her, hears her gasp as her fingers slide up her slit easily from how wet she is.

Brooke’s fingers feel like heaven as they push softly inside her, pumping gently, and Vanessa’s moan is cut off by Brooke’s lips against hers. Brooke’s kisses are slow and wet and she teases Vanessa’s tongue with her own as Vanessa bucks her hips underneath her. For a moment, her plan to make Brooke come is thrown into disarray as she thinks maybe she could just lie here and let Brooke tease her and finger her until she does instead.

“Oh my fuckin’ God you feel so good,” Vanessa whispers out in one breath, the way she sounds so broken already making her blush and bite her lip. Brooke’s gaze is dark- she’s watching the way Vanessa bucks her hips up to meet her fingers as they slide out of her, greedy and desperate just like Brooke had been.

“So wet and I never even touched you,” Brooke whispers, the little bit of awe in her voice sending Vanessa into the stratosphere. “You got this worked up over me?”

“You should see how good you look when you wanna come so bad,” Vanessa murmurs back, turning to watch as Brooke takes her fingers and wraps her lips around them, slides them into her mouth and sucks on them.

Every single time Brooke does something new Vanessa thinks it’s the sexiest thing she’s ever seen, so the fact that Brooke’s no longer touching her isn’t helping at all. Brooke’s a goddess though and she wants to worship her properly so Vanessa leans over her, doesn’t even bother trying to manoeuvre around the waistband of Brooke’s shorts this time and instead just trails her fingers up Brooke’s inner thigh, moves the material to one side and teases her again with her fingers. She rubs gently against Brooke’s clit and can hear her breathing coming in short gasps, knows she’s close so Vanessa kisses her, deep and fiery and hot, then murmurs against her lips as Brooke’s hisses and whines get increasingly louder.

“You know once you come I’m gonna let you do whatever you want to me.”

Brooke gasps and Vanessa watches her eyes roll back into their sockets. “Fuck, I’m gonna get you back for teasing me so fucking bad you won’t be able to sit right for a week never mind fucking dance- ah!”

Brooke’s reacted to Vanessa pulling her hand away. Vanessa’s making sure her eyes are dark, giving Brooke a warning. “Is that trash talk, or are you gonna be good for me?”

“ _Please_ , Vanessa!” Brooke nearly yells into the room, and Vanessa thinks that perhaps she’s put the poor girl through enough so she replaces her fingers, works Brooke’s clit until she’s gasping beside her, little shudders racking her body.

“‘Ness, I’m gonna- ah!”

As Brooke comes, Vanessa crashes their lips together, and the sound of Brooke’s muffled whines gives her a better high than any drug ever could. When she’s sure Brooke’s finished Vanessa leans back against the mattress, exhausted. Her left side is practically numb from propping herself up, her neck is tense and her right hand is aching but _fuck_ if that hadn’t been the best sex of Vanessa’s life and she hasn’t even come yet.

“You good?” Vanessa asks Brooke once she’s got her breath back. Brooke is on her back, her eyes wide and staring up to the ceiling, her hair plastered all over her face and her chest shiny with sweat. Vanessa watches as she moves her mouth once, twice, trying to come up with something to say and failing.

“I don’t have any words,” she finally says, and Vanessa bursts out laughing beside her. Brooke giggles, then suddenly scowls, reaches behind her head for her pillow and thumps Vanessa with it.

“Hey! What the fuck was that for?”

“You were so _mean!_ ” Brooke half-pouts, half-laughs and she leans over Vanessa, cages her in with her arms. Even after sex she still looks incredible in her pyjamas, and Vanessa finds herself rubbing her thighs together, trying and failing to find something to rut against. Brooke obviously notices this and Vanessa watches the little flash in her eyes as she grabs Vanessa’s wrists, pins them above her head in one swift motion.

Vanessa almost dissolves.

“You know I’m used to being in charge, right? That was very out of character for me,” Brooke cocks an eyebrow at her. Vanessa smirks back at her, anticipation building low in her stomach at the thought of Brooke bossing her around and roughing her up a little.

“Well then maybe you need to put me in my place.”

When Brooke straddles her, leans down and meets her lips in a kiss, Vanessa feels as if she’s made entirely of embers and flames. She pulls away and Vanessa realises that she’s tugging her pyjama bottoms off so Vanessa brings her knees up to her chest to help make things easier. Once they’re off Vanessa’s heart crashes against her ribcage as Brooke takes her legs and spreads them apart quickly, her palms holding Vanessa’s thighs down. As Brooke leans between her thighs Vanessa tangles one hand in her hair, her heart rate rising in anticipation as she feels herself throb. She waits for the contact of Brooke’s tongue, tipping her head back against the pillow.

It doesn’t come. Instead, she hears Brooke’s voice.

“You know, maybe I’m tired now after you played with me so much earlier. Maybe I just need to go back to sleep.”

Vanessa brings her head back up in shock and looks at Brooke’s face. She’s got a glint in her eye and a smug smile on her lips and Vanessa has never wanted to kiss the smirk off her face more. As much as she thinks the girl is a goddess, there’s no way she’s giving her what she wants that easily. “Uh-uh. I ain’t beggin’ you, Brooke.”

Brooke raises her eyebrows lazily, lightly scratches her nails down the insides of Vanessa’s thighs and in turn making her rapidly regret her last comment because she knows she’s going to be yelling Brooke’s name in probably a matter of minutes once she puts her mouth on her. “That’s some awfully big talk from someone who moments ago was trying to grind against air.”

“But I know you wanna feel how wet I am an’ hear what I sound like when I’m about to come,” Vanessa whispers, bucking her hips up because Brooke’s touching every little bit of her except the place she needs the contact most and it’s starting to kill her very slowly. “You want me ridin’ your face.”

Vanessa sees Brooke blink slowly, the composure and power she’s just built up wavering just a little. Then she makes eye contact again, presses kisses up Vanessa’s inner thigh that make her feel as if she’s burning up.

“Yeah,” Brooke murmurs against Vanessa’s skin, punctuating her sentence with kisses. “But I also know that I want to hear you beg me for it, and you’re not going to come until you ask me nicely.”

“Fuck,” Vanessa whines, letting her head thud against the pillow. She regrets teasing Brooke so badly. Actually she doesn’t at all, but her behaviour is coming back to bite her and it’s not fun. She’s shocked into a gasp as Brooke licks up her slit, the contact gone almost as soon as it’s there. “Brooke, baby, c’mon, this ain’t fair.”

“Is it not? I think it’s perfectly fair,” Brooke laughs softly and traces patterns into her inner thighs that make Vanessa want to scream. “I had to be a good girl for you, now you have to be one for me.”

“Honestly you could be doing whatever you want to me right now an’ all you want is for me to say fuckin’ please?” Vanessa hisses, frustrated and incredulous and ready to fucking _explode_.

“I want you to be good for me. Good girls use their manners.”

As if to drive her point home Brooke kisses up her thigh and then licks against her again, too much and not enough all at once. Vanessa needs Brooke’s mouth and her tongue and her lips and so her resolve cracks all too quickly like a sheet of ice.

“Okay, okay, okay, God fucking damn it…please, Brooke.”

“Can’t give you what you want if you don’t tell me what it is,” Brooke replies instantly. The bitch is using Vanessa’s own words against her for her own gain and it’s infuriating Vanessa as she bucks her hips in the air, writhes against the mattress.

“Want you to use your mouth, fuck, please.”

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

All at once Vanessa feels as if she’s been shot out of a cannon because when Brooke’s tongue finally licks at her clit slowly and gently Vanessa thinks she’s ascending to heaven at about a million miles per hour. When Vanessa brings her hand back to tangle in Brooke’s hair, Brooke takes her wrist and holds it down with one hand, putting her even more in control. Vanessa can still use her hips though and she does exactly what she said she was going to do- rides Brooke’s face as her tongue brings her closer and closer to the edge and makes her even more wet than she’d been in the first place. Vanessa would probably feel embarrassed at how much she’s writhing and whining and moaning underneath Brooke if her mouth didn’t feel so fucking perfect, and with every flick and swirl of her tongue Vanessa feels more and more like a raging fire that needs to be put out. 

“Brooke Lynn, _fuck,_ you’re gonna make me fuckin’-”

Brooke’s nails dig into her thighs as Vanessa comes with a loud cry, the blaze burning her up finally extinguished. Vanessa sinks back into the pillows and Brooke simply relaxes with her head against Vanessa’s stomach. It makes her wish that they could just spend all day in their hotel room and learn each other’s bodies, figure out everything the other likes in the space of a single day.

“Wish we didn’t have to get up,” Brooke sighs against her skin, presses a kiss to her stomach which makes it flutter. Vanessa smiles lazily, laces their fingers together which makes Brooke smile in turn. Brooke’s voice is soft as she keeps talking. “So was that, um…good? For you?”

Vanessa starts giggling, gives Brooke a gentle kick with her foot. “Jesus, dare you to sound any more like a 19 year old boy who just lost his virginity.”

Brooke gives an offended cry, plants her lips to Vanessa’s stomach and blows a giant raspberry against her skin that makes her howl with laughter and curl in on herself like a woodlouse.

Vanessa fights through her laughter. “Oh my God okay, okay! I’m sorry. Of course it was good, fuckin’ amazing. The whole fuckin’ buildin’ prolly knows how good it was, think I damn near yelled the place down.”

“Not entirely great for the whole keeping-us-on-the-down-low thing, though.”

“I guess you’d know, havin’ just spent a decent amount of time on the down low,” Vanessa wiggles her eyebrows and causes Brooke to yelp a laugh.

Charmed by the other woman’s reaction, Vanessa gently slides herself out from underneath her and steals the duvet to wrap around herself as she crosses the short distance to the window and pulls the string on the blinds to open them up. She smiles as she’s greeted by the seafront view: the sea icy but blue under the sunny November sky, the golden sand of the beach, the little rattle of the tram that’s making its way along the waterfront. The smile is still on Vanessa’s face as she turns to take in the sight of Brooke still splayed out on the mattress. She’s got that post-sex glow with the light hitting her toned skin and her hair all messed up around her face like a scribble of a halo.

Vanessa feels a tug on her heart, a longing even though she knows Brooke is hers.

“Welcome to Blackpool, baby. Let’s get those tens.”


	11. Chapter 11

_21st November 2020_

“Someone was havin’ some nasty-ass sex this mornin’.”

Vanessa watches Crystal almost spit out the water she’s currently glugging down after their full cast dress rehearsal. If she hadn’t just finished her own bottle Vanessa would’ve probably done the same. Akeria’s comment is casual but Vanessa knows her enough to work out its intentions; she wants to know who’s banging, specifically who did so in the last eight hours. 

Crossing her legs, Vanessa thinks back to the day she’s spent with Brooke Lynn so far. Obviously the events of the morning are still playing on her mind, fresh and still searing hot like lava. But after that it was almost as if they had been on another date. They’d headed out into the crisp, bright morning and grabbed breakfast at a nearby cafe, where the tables were sticky and the menus were stained and the ketchup bottle had rings of old sauce around the outside. They had both ordered matching fry-ups and Brooke had tried black pudding for the first time, claiming it didn’t taste as bad as it looked. 

“If we get picked for the tour just wait. I’m gonna make you try haggis when we get to Glasgow. It’s fuckin’ _horrible_ ,” Vanessa had teased her, Brooke fake-gagging and making her laugh.

Then they’d had a walk along the beach, the cold stinging their faces and the wind whipping at their hair and making Vanessa wish they could just hold hands without the fear of being caught by someone videoing them on their phone. It had still been nice to share it with Brooke, though, and before they’d had to be at rehearsals they’d gone to the arcade and played on the penny falls machines, Vanessa laughing at Brooke as she got way too excited because _“it’s like real life Tipping Point!”._

And now Brooke is sitting beside her, calm and composed as Akeria brings up the sex that Vanessa is still recovering from which was apparently so noisy and loud that it managed to wake her up.

“I didn’t hear anything,” Gigi says all too quickly, which piques Vanessa’s interest and makes her wonder why she’s so quick to rush to denial. 

“Nope. Neither,” Jan shakes her head, the clear attempt to make her face look impassive not fooling Vanessa in the slightest. Narrowing her eyes, Vanessa casts an eye over a guilty-faced Monique and Monet. 

She’s starting to question whether or not she and Brooke were the only ones that got some action this morning. 

Brooke herself has got a small smirk on her lips as she opens her mouth to speak. “How did you guys _not_ hear that? It was so loud. Sounded like somebody having the best sex of their life.”

Vanessa almost chokes on her own tongue in her desperate attempt not to react. Akeria is nodding emphatically. 

“This morning? I must’ve been out for my run,” Jackie shrugs nonchalantly. She’s got the best poker face out of them all. 

“It was somebody really whiny,” Brooke adds casually. Vanessa slowly turns her head and narrows her eyes at her. Brooke raises her eyebrows, tilts her head innocently. “You hear it, ‘Ness?”

Vanessa kind of wants to melt because she that’s how she feels every time Brooke calls her that and she _loves_ it, but also she’s winding her up too much and Brooke must _know_ Vanessa wants to clap back about how Brooke wasn’t complaining at the time, or how whiny she’d been when Vanessa had been teasing her with her fingers and whispering in her ear.

“Jeez, I mean, I must’ve been in the shower.”

“No, I think you would’ve been able to hear it.”

"What name'd they call out?" Asia shrugs. Brooke's reaction is visceral- Vanessa watches her give a sort of panicked cough. 

"What?"

"Well. You girls hear ‘em yell a name? That'll give a lot away."

Most of the girls are silent and holding their breath. Crystal, Gigi, Jan, Jackie, Monet, Monique, Vanessa, each one hoping their own worst or best-kept-secret isn't spilled. Even Brooke who was gleefully winding Vanessa up moments ago has fallen mute and is looking at Akeria quietly. Vanessa's brain is flicking through a rolodex of snapshots of the morning she and Brooke shared, trying to pinpoint any specific moment where either of them had begged the other just a little too loudly.

Akeria, for her part, gives a sniff and a shrug. "Hmm. Nah. Just moaning."

“Well whoever it was, I hope they had some lovely sex,” Crystal babbles, her face guilty as sin as she finishes buckling up her dance shoes. She’s laughing nervously as she desperately tries to move the conversation along. “God, when will this band be ready? Like, how long does it take to tune a trumpet? Right?!” 

Monique enthusiastically jumps in and agrees, and the conversation is dropped. Although Vanessa still tilts her head at Brooke questioningly and, as the girls become embroiled in a new conversation, she leans into Brooke’s side and whispers to her.

“If you think I ain’t gonna make you pay for that later, you’re wrong,” she murmurs, keeping her eyes trained on the other girls. 

“Cute that you think you’re going to make me pay for anything, it took me what, two minutes to make you crack?” Brooke replies, and Vanessa can hear the smile in her voice. Vanessa, once again, can’t resist (it’s becoming a theme) and she turns her head to meet Brooke’s eyes, the twinkle in them still sparkling relentlessly. 

“Whiny? Really, bitch?”

Brooke tips her head back casually. “I know we’re dancing to _Let’s Get Loud_ but you know that’s just a song title, not an instruction, right?”

Vanessa tries to stifle a giggle, attempting to maintain her unimpressed charade. When Brooke looks at her again the endeavour fails, and they both end up laughing together. As their laughter dies down, Brooke sighs and Vanessa watches her pick a little at her outfit. They’re both in co-ordinated showgirl costumes- Vanessa’s green, Brooke’s pink- and even though Brooke objectively looks incredible Vanessa can tell she doesn’t feel entirely comfortable. 

“Hey. You good?”

Brooke sighs. “This is just very...out of my comfort zone. I’m a TV presenter, God, I’m pretty sure the BBC would rather I was just a floating head half the time. No limbs, no boobs, no butt, no skin. Maybe a skeleton, actually. I’m just not used to getting my legs out. Or...anything out, really.”

Vanessa feels herself frowning in concern, a little embarrassed at how quickly she rushes to boost Brooke’s confidence. “Hey, listen. If you don’t feel like you’re fuckin’ sex on legs after this morning- shit, scratch that, every damn day- then I’m not doin’ my job right. You look perfect.”

Under the orange lights of the ballroom and the sparkle of the glitterball Vanessa swears she sees Brooke blush a little. She smiles and touches Vanessa’s arm gently. “Remind me what I did to deserve you?”

“Nothin’, you just ran off with my heart on that induction day an’ never gave it back,” Vanessa sticks her tongue out at her. Brooke grins and Vanessa wants nothing more than to lean in and kiss her right there and then, in fact she swears that Brooke’s edging closer to her and maybe they could just give each other a small kiss, maybe everyone else would be too distracted, maybe-

“And here we have one couple who keeps saying that they’re Definitely Not Romantically Involved With Each Other At All,” comes a voice, and Vanessa realises who it is as Yvie sits herself down on the chair beside her, filming a video on her phone. Vanessa covers her face in embarrassment.

“Delete that,” Brooke says, and just by her tone Vanessa can tell she’s rolling her eyes. 

“Why? Too on the nose?” Yvie laughs, and as Vanessa looks up again she can see Brooke fixing her with an unimpressed glare. Yvie sighs, sulks and stops filming. “Fine! Fine, God. But you know if you had nothing to hide, you wouldn’t want me to delete it.”

“Listen, you just _think_ everybody is as loved up as you are because you’re so happy with Scarlet. How is she, by the way? She coming up to watch you or has she got filming?”

Vanessa relaxes, impressed with Brooke’s ability to steer the conversation off course as Yvie is happily distracted by talking about her girlfriend. While Yvie speaks about Scarlet and gushes about how amazing she is and how lucky she feels to be with her and how she never thought she’d find a girlfriend through a TV dance show, Brooke makes sure to bump her knee a little bit against Vanessa’s with each new compliment, a little gesture that speaks so many words without Brooke having to say anything at all and lights Vanessa up from the inside out, so much so that she feels like the glitterball hanging from the ceiling, sparkling and dazzling.

Rehearsals soon end and the girls all move into the green room backstage to chat about nothing in particular, laugh at the top of their lungs like teenagers at the back of a bus, and eat tiny amounts of pizza that they’ll finish after their performance when it’s cold. Vanessa’s heart is so full she feels as if it might burst because she’s _here_ , she gets to dance in the tower ballroom on the biggest TV dance show in the country. Okay, she’s danced here before- for competitions and showcases- but tonight she’s getting to do it _with Brooke_. Vanessa feels silly for having that mean so much to her. They’ve only been seeing each other for about a fortnight and she shouldn’t feel this deeply, but every time she tries to self-regulate and pull her feelings back Brooke ruins her plans with a smile, or a burst of laughter, or a squeeze of her shoulder or her leg that turns Vanessa to jelly and puts her right back in her feelings again. 

Again. As if she could ever possibly be out of them when she’s with Brooke. 

It’s not long until the audience all file into their seats and the ballroom lights go down, and Vanessa’s heart is almost beating out of her chest as Brooke gives her a quick kiss on the cheek for luck in the dark of the heavy curtains backstage. As she makes her way to the middle of the dancefloor with the other pros ready to begin their dance, Vanessa can’t even bring herself to wonder if anyone saw the moment they’d just shared because under the hot yellow lights and the huge glittering orb hanging from the ceiling and surrounded by the ornate gold that seemed to decorate every inch of the ballroom, Vanessa simply feels giddy and light just like any other infatuated girl. 

_“Live from the Tower Ballroom...this is Strictly Come Dancing!”_

The music from the band blares, the audience breaks out in cheers, and even though she’s in Blackpool Vanessa feels as if she’s home. The pro dance this week is full of joy and sparkle, and as she dances Vanessa’s smile reflects on the faces of the five other girls she’s dancing with. It’s not her performance smile, nor is it a fake one; her face is radiating genuine joy, sunbeams that she hopes light up even the living rooms of whoever’s watching. When Brooke and the other celebrities join them for the last part of their dance Vanessa gravitates towards her and they snap together in hold. She can feel the excitement pulsing through Brooke’s veins as she takes her hand, and they’re smiling at each other with such ferocity that they end up giggling for the last section of the dance. On the final beat of the song they all freeze together, and Vanessa rests her head on Brooke’s chest as she relaxes. There’s golden confetti raining down on them and a little piece nestles itself in Brooke’s blonde locks of hair that Vanessa never wants her to brush out.

“Blackpool,” she hears Brooke murmur above her, so nearly inaudible she’s panting so much. 

Vanessa looks up at her, cheeks hurting from her grin. “Blackpool.”

The girls all run off to get changed into their individual dance costumes they had worn before. Vanessa is glad that Brooke seems a little more confident in her outfit; she doesn’t know whether her new-found self-assuredness is down to Vanessa’s pep talk earlier or the adrenaline rush of performing, but she’ll take happy Brooke over nervous Brooke whatever the reason. Brooke looks the best out of all the girls- okay, Vanessa knows she’s biased, and in fairness everyone looks amazing. Crystal and Gigi are done up as little astronauts for their Salsa to _Cosmic Girl_ , huge perspex space helmets over their heads with their faces covered in glittery highlight and little stars. Asia and Akeria look like early 00’s girlband members in matching green camouflage cargo pants and black bodysuits. They’re doing some sort of cool thing with aerosol cans for their Commercial dance to _Scandalous_ and Vanessa’s promised Kiki that she’ll get into a good position in the auditorium to watch them both. 

Although as everybody begins to dance, Vanessa slowly becomes less excited and more nervous. She mentally repeats each couple’s score in her head like some sort of meditational mantra- _Yvie and Jaida 29, Akeria and Asia 37, Jan and Jackie 36._ They range from unthreatening to panic-inducing, and as she and Brooke make their way backstage while Crystal and Gigi’s VT plays, Vanessa can feel the anxiety climbing in her throat, can feel her feet shaking in her shoes with every step. 

“Hey,” Brooke stops suddenly in the darkness, her tone concerned and a little worried frown set on her face. “I can _feel_ you worrying. What’s the matter?”

Brooke is beginning to thread her hand in Vanessa’s own, and she accepts. She already feels it grounding her, but her breathing is still shallow and her stomach is still in knots. “Just these scores...fuck, Brooke Lynn, I want us to be on top so bad. I want _you_ to be on top so bad.”

“Yeah, you seemed to like it earlier,” Brooke winks at her, as Vanessa instantly realises what she’s said. She splutters a laugh, clamps her hand over her mouth in case they’re picked up over the microphones even though Vanessa knows there’s no way they could be. Brooke’s smile softens as she takes Vanessa’s other hand, swings them a little. 

“Look. Do I care about being top of the leaderboard? Sure! But this, this whole thing has become less about the competition for me and more about getting to dance with you every week. Knowing we can go out there and be amazing no matter what the judges say, knowing I can showcase your amazing choreo and bring it to life, and being able to show you off and watch you be talented and incredible and clever. If we get the scores, we get the scores. But even if we don’t I want you to know that there’s nobody else I’d rather dance with, nobody else I’d rather be sharing this journey with. You’ve made it so special for me just because you’re you.”

Vanessa feels herself lean into Brooke’s touch as she takes a little curl that’s framing her face and tucks it behind her ear. She can feel something tumble and fall gently inside her- maybe she’s developing more feelings or maybe it’s a barrier breaking, she doesn’t know- and in that moment she throws caution to the wind and pulls Brooke in, their lips meeting softly as Crystal and Gigi start their dance through the curtain beside them. Vanessa’s heart thuds in her ribcage as she thinks about the fact that that’s all that’s separating them from the ballroom and the cameras and the millions of viewers. If the curtain were to fall…

She melts into the kiss and she can feel her anxieties melting away; Brooke is a gentle wave on the shore and Vanessa is sand and the occasional broken piece of shell, shifting under her and allowing herself to be drawn in. As Brooke pulls away Vanessa pouts her lips in disappointment, so Brooke gives her one, two, three little pecks before stepping back for good this time. 

“Better?”

Vanessa can feel her pulse racing, but this time it’s excited nerves rather than anxious ones. She fixes Brooke with a little smile. “Yeah. Better.”

“Okay. That being said, let’s go get that top spot.”

The audience cheer Crystal and Gigi, and Vanessa’s skin prickles as she realises she and Brooke Lynn are dancing _soon._ They make their way to the wings where they’re met by a runner who eventually shows them out onto the floor. Vanessa takes a deep breath in her spot on the lacquered wood underneath a spotlight. She looks over to Brooke who’s on a little plinth, all lit up with a wall of halogen bulbs behind her, and gives her a little wink and a thumbs up. Brooke looks just as nervous as she is, but the smile she gives Vanessa goes some way to reassure her. 

And then, a few seconds which feel like minutes later, the commentator’s voice booms overhead. 

“ _Dancing the Cha Cha Cha...Brooke Lynn Hytes and Vanessa Mateo!”_

The halogen lights behind Brooke blind Vanessa as she looks at her, suddenly confident and poised, a huge smile on her face on the stage. She looks like a real professional. Fuck, Vanessa’s so proud of her. 

“Blackpool!” Brooke yells as loud as she can. “Let’s...get... _loud_!”

Pyro goes off behind the wall of light as the music starts, and the audience screeches as Brooke descends the stairs and practically runs to Vanessa, holding her hands tightly as they start their dance with matching smiles on their faces. A cha cha cha is a technical one, all about the footwork and arms, and they can’t really hide behind their obvious chemistry this time. But they’ve worked hard, so fucking hard, and Brooke can do it without a single mistake, Vanessa knows this. 

Vanessa jumps up into a lift, Brooke holding her in her arms and spinning her round and making her giggle involuntarily. Maybe Brooke is right, Vanessa thinks, as she is gently deposited down and they jump back in hold again. Maybe none of this matters any more; the competition, the scores, the TV show. Maybe all this has to be is Vanessa dancing with Brooke and having fun, the pair of them growing closer with every passing second, and Vanessa coming dangerously close to falling for someone again with every passing day. 

As Brooke faces forward and Vanessa does the same, then drops to the floor and wiggles her way up Brooke’s legs, it also occurs to her that it could also be about the great fucking sex they’re having. Well, have had. But Vanessa knows there’ll be another time, maybe probably very soon judging from the way Brooke’s now gliding her hands down Vanessa’s body. 

She can’t let her concentration wander, however, so Vanessa’s brain is back in the game as they step, twirl each other round, Brooke dips her confidently before they go back to stepping quickly again, twirling effortlessly into a New York. As the horn section from the band blasts, Vanessa gauges the audience reaction. They’re cheering and clapping along and the judges are leaning forward, engaged and impressed. Even Bianca’s got a little smile on her face. In spite of everything, Vanessa feels her heart begin to rise. 

_“Ain’t nobody gotta tell ya what you gotta do…”_

As the song ends, Vanessa holds Brooke’s hand as they whip out their final party piece- Brooke drops to the floor in an effortless split, and the crowd raises the roof. Shangela is screaming from her position behind the judges’ table and Brooke is screaming too as she swings her legs round and stands up, crushes Vanessa in a hug who’s already got her own arms out waiting for it. Vanessa mutters praise into Brooke’s chest and she can feel her planting a kiss to the top of her head in response, their little tradition that she’s glad Brooke hasn’t stopped.

As they cross over to Michelle Vanessa is grateful that Brooke is carrying the interview, as she can hardly speak out of her own gripping nerves. She knows that dance went well, she knows it’s the best they’ve ever done it. So when Michelle hands over to Shangela, Vanessa isn’t sure that she breathes for roughly ten seconds. 

“I...thought…” Shangela starts, and Vanessa’s lungs almost give out. “...that that was the best we’ve ever seen you dance, Brooke Lynn.”

The audience erupts and Vanessa looks up at Brooke and beams, squeezing her tightly and refusing to let go. Brooke’s eyes are still on the judges as Shangela’s compliments continue. “Your footwork and your synchronicity with Vanessa...it was all just so, so polished, I mean a lot of celebrities when they come on this show, they can find the syncopation really difficult and you just- I mean it was like asking you to count to ten! You had a great night tonight, well done.”

The audience cheer her comments, and then it’s Kennedy’s turn to give her feedback.

“Yeah, I agree with Shangela. You are at your peak in this competition, and that was your best night yet. That was absolutely flawless, I just...I don’t have anything left to say at this point.”

Vanessa’s breath is heavy and laboured, trying to calm her rising hopes at all this praise Brooke is receiving. After Kennedy is Laganja, and she’s practically on top of the table as she yells about the pair of them, how much chemistry they have and how faultless Brooke’s performance was and how their Cuban breaks were perfection incarnate. 

“And if this doesn’t get the score it _should-_ ” she finishes, shooting Vanessa’s pulse through the roof with a catapult. “- then I’m leaving the show!”

As the audience laugh and applaud Laganja’s comments, Vanessa feels Brooke’s grip on her waist tighten as it reaches Bianca’s turn. The crowd is silent, and if Vanessa squints she can see Brooke’s rapid breathing beside her. 

_Come on...come on…_

The whole room seems to hold its breath. Bianca’s face is impassive as she opens her mouth to speak. “I couldn’t fault that if I tried.”

Vanessa’s face drops in shock and she feels Brooke lurch beside her, the levels of praise they’re receiving from _Bianca Del Rio_ hardly registering. The audience is almost deafening at this point and Vanessa’s ears are straining to hear the rest of the judge’s comments. 

“The Cha Cha Cha...I mean it’s a fun dance, it’s a cheeky dance, but it’s so rarely a showstopper, and that just stole the show. Shangela is right, there are so many things that meant you could’ve butchered that entire dance- hello, you’ve got one of the best Latin specialists in the country coaching you, hard not to be a little intimidated- but you took it all in your stride and it was like watching a fish swim, the effortlessness of it all. But one of the things I loved most about it all was just how much _fun_ the pair of you were having. It was like neither of you seemed to realise that you were dancing in a competitive setting, and it felt as if we were all here to watch you on tour or something. Really well done tonight, Brooke Lynn, you did yourself proud.”

As the crowd claps for them both and Michelle sends them up to the Divinatorium, Vanessa clutches Brooke’s hand tightly. She sneaks a look at her as they run up the stairs and giggles as she finds Brooke’s eyes already on her. As Divina talks to them both and Vanessa feels Akeria squeeze her shoulder from behind her, she can barely concentrate on anything as her whole body vibrates in anticipation. Vanessa does manage to tune in, however, when she hears her name mentioned. 

“Bianca did say it must’ve been intimidating for you to have Vanessa coaching you on a Cha Cha Cha- did you feel the pressure this week?” Divina asks Brooke, and Brooke just laughs, puts an arm around Vanessa’s waist and pulls her close.

“I mean there’s always that little bit of pressure when you’ve got someone like Vanessa coaching you, because she’s so talented and perfect at what she does,” Brooke smiles down at her, and Vanessa’s heart feels completely stuffed full of affection. “But she’s never intimidating, and she never puts pressure on me. In fact she puts way more pressure on herself, which she needs to stop doing, because look how well we both did tonight!”

Vanessa feels herself blush and all she can do is wrap another arm around Brooke’s waist as Divina continues to speak. 

“Well, Brooke Lynn, I can confirm the judges’ scores are in. Let’s see what they thought.”

And then there’s the all-consuming feeling of holding her breath and gripping Brooke’s side as if she’s her lifeboat. Vanessa’s heart is just going and going and going because _maybe, maybe, maybemaybemaybe..._

_“Will the judges please reveal their scores. Bianca Del Rio.”_

“Ten.”

_“Kennedy Davenport.”_

“Ten!”

_“Shangela Wadely.”_

“It’s a ten!”

_“Laganja Estranja.”_

“TEN!”

They have done it. Forty out of forty.

Brooke has wrapped herself around her like an octopus with half its limbs cut off and is screaming in much the same matter. Vanessa can feel her nails dig into her back, a few tears drop down onto her shoulder and something inside her just breaks, and before she knows it she is simply holding Brooke and crying and Brooke is doing the exact same to her. The cheers from the other couples on the balcony turn into _aww_ s, and a box of tissues is shoved towards them. Vanessa soon realises that Divina is attempting to talk to her so she takes a tissue, sweeps it under both her eyes quickly. 

“Sorry...that was a big reaction, it just meant a lot to the both of us. Brooke Lynn’s been working so hard every week so to get that sort of acknowledgement means the world to me. I just want everyone to think she’s as amazin’ as I do.”

As Divina reads out their voting details then signs them both off, everyone claps and Vanessa takes Brooke’s hand again. This time her grip is gentle as if Brooke will crumble apart on contact. When Brooke pulls her into her dressing room, there’s not the fire and heat that there had been last week; instead they hold each other softly, and Brooke rubs her back slowly while murmuring quiet, affectionate words into her hair in between pressing kisses to her forehead. 

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” she says after a pause, and Vanessa’s stomach does a bungee jump. 

“Stop it,” she replies quietly, if only to deflect from the fact that she’s thinking the exact same thing about Brooke but doesn’t dare say it back; she’s scared to say it out loud because the last time she felt this way about someone it all ended up in heartbreak and hurt and mess. 

“It’s true,” Brooke insists simply, but she doesn’t push it or overdo it- her statement is her statement, and Vanessa’s glad she’s letting it be. 

The perfect score, being top of the leaderboard, everything Brooke’s said to her tonight- Vanessa’s on cloud nine. That is until the results show is filmed, and one of Vanessa’s worst fears about being on the show comes true. 

“I can now reveal that the second couple in the dance-off and joining Yvie and Jaida are…”

Drum beat. Drum beat. Vanessa’s ribcage is tight and constricted, and she daren’t let herself relax even though their scores were so perfect, even though they did exactly what they’d set out to do because maybe their fans could get complacent, maybe they didn’t vote as much this week…

“Monet and Monique.”

Vanessa’s guts feel as if they’re plummeting to the floor. She breaks away from Brooke, cranes her neck and looks over at her friend whose spotlight has changed colour leaving both Monique and Monet bathed in a sickening red. Monique had told her their dance hadn’t gone great- they’d performed directly after her and Brooke, and the pressure of having to follow their perfect score had rattled Monet to the point where she’d made too many basic errors- but Vanessa didn’t for one second think they’d land in the bottom two. Monique catches her eye, gives her a helpless, sorrowful smile, and Vanessa feels her eyes fill with tears. 

As the other dancers are led up to the Divinatorium to watch the couples, Vanessa and Akeria gravitate to each other like little magnets, take each other’s hands with grave faces and emotional eyes. Brooke rests a hand on her shoulder and leans down to whisper to her.

“It’ll be alright. Yvie got under 30, God love her. She’s great, but Monet’ll overshadow her. Monique isn’t out, don’t worry.”

Brooke can usually say all the right things to calm Vanessa down, but not this time. She, Akeria and Monique had been so excited the moment they found out they’d all have partners this year, and Vanessa remembers the drunken pact they’d made after the launch show that they’d be the last three standing in the competition, the best of the best. It had been a silly joke, but watching as Monique takes to the floor and holds Monet in her arms, it’s never meant so much to Vanessa to have her friend share this journey with her. 

As the music begins and Vanessa watches Monet and Monique glide across the ballroom floor effortlessly as the sparkling glitterball casts its mirrors over their bodies, she feels Brooke wrap her arms around her from behind and rest her chin on her head. Without thinking they fall into a soft sway and even though Vanessa’s heart is still in her mouth- because the two girls can’t leave the competition yet, it’s not their time, and she, Monique and Akeria _have_ to be in the final together- Brooke’s gentle rocking manages to ground her and calm her without her even having to say a single word. Vanessa thinks back to what she had said backstage, how much Brooke had completely lit up her heart, and she wonders if she truly meant it all. The song’s lyrics drift into Vanessa’s consciousness as she watches Monet lift Monique gently, spin her around like she’s the dancer twirling around in a music box.

_“What you say you can't take back, no takebacks, don't take that back...'cause your words mean the world to me...”_

Vanessa feels like laughing. _Ain’t that the truth._

Monet and Monique finish their dance well with only a couple of noticeable faults, and then Jaida and Yvie do their Tango once again. It wasn’t too strong the first time and the clear pressure that comes with being in the bottom doesn’t help Yvie, as she makes a few visible mistakes. If the judges have eyes, Vanessa knows they’ll save Monique and Monet. Then again...stranger things have happened on the show. 

Michelle consoles both pairs as they take their places under another spotlight each on the dancefloor. Monique and Monet’s hands are joined together tightly, and Yvie has her arm around Jaida’s shoulders, a light smile of defeat on her lips as if she knows the result already.

“Judges, I am now going to ask for the name of the couple you want to save and take through to Musicals Week next week. Starting with Bianca.”

Bianca shuffles a few papers and fixes both couples with a calm stare that flips Vanessa’s internal organs. “Well Yvie, I think you’ll agree that there were a few mis-steps there that couldn’t really be ignored, and Monet, conversely, you managed to elevate your performance in the dance-off. So tonight, I’m saving Monet and Monique.”

Vanessa feels Akeria squeeze her hand, her grip damp from the nervous sweat on her palm. 

“Kennedy.”

Kennedy frowns, a pained expression on her face. “I mean it’s hard, because both dances had some errors here and there. However I’m going to go with my gut and the person I think deserves to stay and improve is Yvie. So I’m saving Yvie and Jaida.”

Vanessa lets go of Akeria’s hand, brings both of her hands up to cup her cheeks and exhales heavily. As Shangela is head judge her vote holds the most weight on the panel, and so Michelle next comes to Laganja. 

“Yes, as Kennedy said, neither was a perfect dance. But I personally think one couple managed to improve on their initial performance, and so tonight I’m saving Monet and Monique.”

Brooke squeezes Vanessa’s waist and holds her tightly as finally, Shangela makes to cast her vote. Vanessa feels ill. She can only imagine what’s going through Monique’s mind as she stands in her character shoes, gripping Monet’s hand with her gaze very firmly locked on the floor.

“For me...it comes down to the connection between one couple in particular, and the emotion and the storytelling behind their routine. The couple I’m saving...is Monet and Monique.” 

Vanessa melts out of Brooke’s arms and instead turns to hug Akeria, holding her as tightly as she’s holding Vanessa back and feeling her heartbeat through her chest. Vanessa feels Brooke put a light hand between her shoulder blades reassuringly, and the double dose of human contact helps bring Vanessa right down to earth from the rafters her sky-high anxiety levels had perched her up in. When the show ends, Yvie and Jaida share one final dance, and the others are allowed to invade the dancefloor and say goodbye, it’s not the eliminated couple Vanessa runs to but her cherished friend instead. Akeria joins them and the three of them hold each other and shed tears, relief not even being able to cut it. 

It’s Yvie’s idea to go for drinks after the show- she’s happy even though she’s been knocked out, though Vanessa thinks that’s got something to do with the fact Scarlet has travelled up to watch her after all. So it’s a pleasant feeling when Vanessa finds herself clambering off the emotional rollercoaster she’s been strapped into all night and instead beginning to take on a more mellow form of happiness induced by the three pornstar martinis she’s managed to knock back so far. Even though they arrived at short notice the dancers and celebrities have all managed to secure a huge booth near the back of Revolution, where it’s dark and private and everyone else is too glammed-up and full of flavoured shots to notice a huddle of TV personalities. Vanessa looks fondly over at Brooke who’s dancing with Yvie, Scarlet, Jaida and Jackie who collectively are making her wonder how they’ve managed to lose the co-ordination and grace they show on TV every Saturday. Gigi and Crystal are on the other side of the booth, sitting close and having what looks to be a deep, meaningful heart to heart, and Jan, Monet and Asia are nowhere to be seen (either smoking area or bathrooms is Vanessa’s best guess). 

Vanessa cheers as Monique returns to the booth with Akeria, carrying a stick of shots and a huge fishbowl of purple liquid respectively. The pair of them squash themselves down beside Vanessa and they grab a shot glass each, toasting to them all surviving another week in the competition. 

“I can’t lie, my heart was in my damn asshole when Michelle said your name,” Akeria points at Monique, her turn of phrase making Vanessa snort out half her drink. 

“Excuse me! _You_ were the one panicking? I was the one that had to dance the damn thing all over again!” Monique clutches at her chest incredulously. Vanessa wiggles her eyebrows at her friend. 

“Well ain’t it lucky you and Monet have that _connection_ that managed to save you.”

Akeria jumps on Monique’s bashful expression like a cat on a mouse. “Yeah, how’s that situation goin’? Seems okay by the looks of things.”

“We had a long chat on Tuesday,” Monique brushes a bit of hair out of her face and looks at her lap. “I was honest with my feelings and so was she. Turns out she actually really likes me back. Crazy, ain’t it? My actual real-life celebrity crush likes me like that.”

Vanessa and Akeria squeal excitedly, and Vanessa sips from the fishbowl as Akeria asks where this leaves them both. 

“Well, we’re both just focussed on the competition just now. Need to beat both you bitches, don’t we?” Monique sticks her tongue out, tinged blue from all the cocktails she’s been drinking. “But we’ve been doin’ more cute stuff, not just all the nasty shit. She came round to mine the night before we got the train up here an’ we had some wine and watched a movie an’ just talked an’ cuddled.”

“Ugh, puke. I don’t know what’s worse, havin’ to hear about your rehearsal-room bangin’ or havin’ to hear about all the diabetes-inducing shit you do now you’re both all in your feels,” Akeria gags jokingly, and Vanessa chuckles as Monique pushes her friend, unimpressed. Suddenly, something seems to occur to Akeria. “So wait. Was it you two I heard this mornin’ then?”

Vanessa’s tipsy and she doesn’t want to keep Brooke a secret any longer, at least from her two best friends. So as Monique shakes her head, she grimaces and gives a slow shrug.

“Uh...I think I can answer that.”

Akeria blinks at her and Vanessa can practically _see_ the cogs turning in her brain. Monique gets there first though, and she emits a high-pitched shriek that soars above the speakers and makes Gigi and Crystal jump about twenty feet in the air from across the booth. Vanessa frantically shushes her, and that’s when Akeria catches on. 

“Oh my God. Oh my God. Lord Jesus. It was you an’ Brooke Lynn, wasn’t it? Tell me I’m right,” Akeria grabs Vanessa’s wrist, shaking her so excitedly and violently that even the table manages to shake too. 

“You sorted your shit out? When?! Where is Jesus!” Monique squeaks at a pitch that, if Vanessa couldn’t make out herself, she would be convinced only dogs could hear. 

“God, okay, it was after that night I came and stayed at yours. You know, when I kissed her and then she got weird with me and I told you both about it on the group chat,” Vanessa explains, starting from the very beginning. “Anyway it was that week we did the Argentine and it’s hard not to feel a way when you do that kinda dance, y’know? So it ended up happenin’ again an’ we actually talked this time. She told me she had this big crush on me, an’ obviously I felt the same. So...yeah. We’re...well, not together, but we’re a thing for sure.”

In the midst of Monique’s excited reaction, Akeria narrows her eyes. “What, when you did that Tango? Girl. That was what, a whole-ass week ago? More? Why’re we only just getting told about this?”

Vanessa pulls a face. “Well, we’re both trying to keep it low key. You know what happened with Kam, an’ I don’t wanna get too invested too fast. Plus if it gets into the papers…”

“That’s fair. Got it, girl. We’ll keep it all secret,” Akeria reassures her instantly, taking her hand and leaning into her side in her tipsy state. “This is dead cute, though. I’m happy for you, babe.”

Monique gasps in outrage. “Oh, so when Vanessa gets a girl it’s cute but when I get a girl you gag?”

“Yes. Because Vanessa don’t bang her girl on the rehearsal room floor,” Akeria frowns at her, and Vanessa explodes a laugh. She’s so full of love for her friends, and she’s beyond glad that tonight’s been her night. So when their song comes on over the speakers and Akeria starts yelling it out in her own off-key way, Vanessa drags them both up to join the clump of girls already on the dancefloor, and when she dances over to Brooke’s side she can’t help but feel a little warmth flow through her veins as Brooke’s vision sparkles at the sight of her. 

They all end up dancing til closing time, and as they spill out onto the streets like the club has coughed them up Vanessa has to fight the drunken thoughts her mind is producing that are urging her to take Brooke’s hand on their walk back to the hotel. There could still be a camera anywhere, even at one in the morning, and Vanessa doesn’t want to risk the small beginnings of whatever it is she and Brooke are sharing. 

Still, when they’re back in their hotel room they’re free to act as affectionately as they want, and Vanessa has never been more glad of the fact they’ve been given a double bed as they fall back against the mattress, giggling and kissing each other like the worst kind of honeymoon phase idiots the world has ever seen. 

“Can’t be bothered to put m’ pyjamas on,” Brooke murmurs, her speech impeded by the espresso martinis she’s been drinking and the lethargy that’s rapidly taking over her. Vanessa laughs softly, turns over onto her side and tucks a strand of hair behind Brooke’s ear. Her lipstick is faded, one of her eyelashes is sticking up at the side, and there’s a little patch of smudged eyeliner at the corner of her eye, but Brooke’s still perfect to her. 

“Jus’ sleep naked,” Vanessa says, attempting to sound seductive but getting betrayed by the yawn that escapes her mouth mid-sentence. Brooke laughs. 

“You really know how to charm a woman into bed, Ms. Mateo,” she teases her, tapping her lightly on the nose with her finger. Vanessa bares her teeth at her, biting at the air and causing Brooke to dissolve into giggles. 

“You’re a mess.”

“Hey, so are you!” Brooke laughs incredulously, and Vanessa has to concede. She watches as Brooke sighs wearily, sitting up against the pillows and pulling off her lashes one by one. Brooke leans over the side of the bed for the packet of makeup wipes in her bag and Vanessa can’t help but smack her butt that’s sticking in the air. Brooke responds by launching the makeup wipes at her, hitting her square in the face and causing the pair of them to burst out laughing again. 

Vanessa takes out two wipes and hands one to Brooke, and somehow the pair of them end up taking each others’ makeup off, their hands swiping at each others’ faces haphazardly like faulty windscreen wipers on an old car. 

“This is the worst facial I’ve ever had,” Vanessa jokes disdainfully, and Brooke waggles her eyebrows. 

“I’ll give you a facial later.”

Vanessa snorts ungracefully as Brooke breaks out into a ridiculous grin and ends up with the makeup wipe in her mouth. “Shut the hell up!” 

They eventually end up in their pyjamas, but not before Brooke gives Vanessa the world’s worst striptease (Brooke attempting to take her pants off but instead getting them caught around her ankles and falling onto the floor, rendering Vanessa incapable of speech during a laughing fit that lasts a solid five minutes). Vanessa’s not sure what time it is when they finally turn off the lights, get under the covers and sleepily wrap themselves around each other, but she knows it’s pitch black outside and the seagulls are silent and she can just about hear the waves crashing onto the beach if she listens hard enough.

She’s so busy trying to hear the sea against the shore that she doesn’t register Brooke is saying something until she hears the tailend of her sentence, only aware Brooke’s lips have been moving against her skin when they stop.

Vanessa stretches a little. “Hm?”

She feels herself melt as Brooke pulls her closer, hugs her tighter and shakes her head a little. “Doesn’t matter. Night, ‘Ness.”

“Night, Brooke Lynn.”

It’s only once Vanessa is ever so close to falling asleep that she feels as if something was missing, like she wanted to say something more- but the words elude her and she is too tired to think too much about it, so she lets herself be carried off to sleep in Brooke’s arms, comfortable and relaxed inside and out.


	12. Chapter 12

_27th November, 2020_

The bursting open of the rehearsal room door makes Vanessa jump, her head jolting off its position on Brooke’s shoulder from where they’re both slumped against the mirrored wall, having glugged the contents of their water bottles after a full run of this week’s dance. Her racing and paranoid heart, however, relaxes instantly when Monique and Monet strut obnoxiously into the room.

“Hey hey hey!” Monique greets them both, way too fresh and bouncy and cheery for Vanessa’s exhausted self.

“What’s with the fuckin’ SWAT team entrance? You the sex police now, is that what this is?” Vanessa deadpans, and Monet gives a chuckle as she loops an arm around Monique’s and makes her go all shy. 

“It’s not Strictly _Cum_ Dancing,” she sticks her tongue out, and as Brooke splutters Vanessa snorts. 

“Strictly Come Boning,” Monique chips in. Vanessa can feel Brooke narrowing her eyes beside her. 

“Your girlfriend’s was better,” she retorts, and Vanessa watches as the two of them visibly baulk. She digs Brooke very firmly and squarely in the ribs, realising a little too late that that was probably entirely too visible. They’ve not had that conversation yet. Neither have her and Brooke. That’s okay though. They’re focusing on the competition. It’s not like the only thing Vanessa wants with every iota of her being is to call Brooke officially hers. 

“What’d you two come to bug us about anyhow?” she not so much segues but handbrake turns, steering the conversation off the cliff Brooke’s hanging the metaphorical car off of. 

“You eaten?” Monique asks with a shrug. “Me n’ Mo were gonna go try that new Mexican that opened up round the corner. You know, where the old burger place used to be?”

“Well anything’ll be a step up from gettin’ shut down by environmental health.”

“Shit, what happened?” Brooke’s face contorts in horror. Her eyes open up all wide, eyebrows fly up to her hairline. Every expression she pulls suits her, makes her look even more adorable than usual. Even when she’s sad, though Vanessa would do everything in her power to stop Brooke from ever feeling that way ever again.

“Lil’ rat shits through the plastic cheese slices. Shame, ‘cause their chilli cheese fries were awesome,” Monique pouts, and Monet fixes her with a quizzical eyebrow. 

“You’d really risk getting bubonic plague for a basket of damn fries?”

Monique looks incredulously at her. “Babe, you never ate them. You don’t know what you missed out on.”

“Much as I’m heartbroken that I too won’t get to taste food seasoned with rat shit anytime soon, no, we’ve not eaten. And I’m quite hungry, so I’m down to grab food,” Brooke interjects, before they can entertain this conversational topic any further. 

So they end up all leaving for lunch together- the shared and mutual understanding between the four of them that they all want to hold their girls’ hand, or curl their pinkies together, or slide an arm around their waist unspoken and yet deafening. It’s nice to get out of the studio for a bit, though. She and Brooke have been putting so much effort into their dance this week- a Waltz- and they both want it to be perfect.

“Just like you,” Brooke had said, before tapping Vanessa gently on the nose and setting off a spark in her stomach.

They reach the restaurant and all crush round formica tables on chairs with wobbly legs and gossip and chat and vent. It’s nice to see Brooke and Monet getting along so well- Vanessa knows Brooke was close with Yvie and now she only really has Jackie as her other celebrity friend in the competition, so it’s nice to see the beginnings of a friendship blossom between her and Monet. As she listens to Monet and Monique bicker about their choreography this week Vanessa secretly keeps her eyes on Brooke, catching little moments that she knows Brooke won’t even remember but Vanessa will secretly treasure; the way Brooke brings both hands up to hide her teeth when she laughs, the way her eyebrows draw together minutely when she’s concentrating on whoever’s speaking, the way she picks up each of the nachos she’s ordered delicately with her thumb and index finger leaving the rest to fan out into the air like a bird’s wings. 

Vanessa feels as if she’s been living a dream all week. She’s nervous, because she knows there’s only an amount of time until she wakes up from it. Knowing Brooke likes her back and getting to share little moments with her is like the feeling of being wrapped in a cosy duvet- safe, secure and calm, and it seems like everything is too good to be true. She’s trying to enjoy their time together though, really drinking in every moment just in case it’s ripped away from her at any time. 

As if she’s able to read her mind, Monique points at her and furrows her brow. “So who d’you think’s going home tomorrow?”

Vanessa flinches, because she hasn’t thought about it. Doesn’t _want_ to think about it. Despite their high scores last week Vanessa knows that out of the five of them that’re left, it’s the other couples that the judges seem to favour. She knows how heavily she and Brooke rely on their fans to get them through (they’ve done two Insta lives this week as a thank you) and how it’s been a few times that they haven’t got the scores they’ve deserved. 

So she swallows the nerves that Monique’s question has triggered and shrugs, pokes her tongue out at her friend. “You, with any luck. Won’t have to listen to you bang on about how hot you think Monet is all the damn time.”

Monique almost chokes on her burrito and Brooke and Monet roar a laugh. When she collects herself, she’s pointing an accusatory finger Vanessa’s way. 

“Well screw you, bitch! I hope you break a leg for real,” she jokes at her, and Vanessa smiles smugly back at her in response. 

“It’ll be Gigi and Jackie in the bottom, leaving us, Akeira and Asia sailing through to the semis,” Monet nods her head, convinced. Vanessa wishes she had the same levels of confidence. “You three are the most talented pros, it makes sense.”

“Aw! Thanks baby boo,” Monique smiles at her, charmed. Monet cocks an eyebrow at her. 

“You, barely. You’re there by the skin of your teeth. Akeria’s Mutya, Vanjie’s Keisha. You’re Heidi Range.”

Vanessa and Brooke burst out laughing at Monet’s niche Sugababes reference, and Monique yelps in protest beside her. As talk turns to girlbands, the thought of elimination is forgotten for now. 

That is, until lunch is over and Vanessa and Brooke are arriving back in the studio, and Vanessa lets out a nervous sigh which Brooke quickly picks up on. 

“Hey,” her forehead wrinkles, crossing over to take both of Vanessa’s hands. Brooke’s are cold from the icy air outside but the gesture still manages to make Vanessa feel a little warmer, a little slice of July on a November day. “Talk. Speak.”

Vanessa lets out a soft chuckle at Brooke’s orders and as she looks up and meets her kind eyes, she lets her worries out. “I’m just rattled. Mo got me thinkin’...we really are gettin’ down to the wire now, an’ everyone left is so talented. What happens if we gotta dance again tomorrow?”

“Then everyone gets treated to the best Waltz that’s ever graced Elstree two times instead of once,” Brooke shoots back instantly, making the knot in Vanessa’s stomach begin to unravel. “In fact I think all our fans are going to vote for other people _just_ so they can see it done twice.”

“God, don’t say that,” Vanessa shakes her head and half-groans, half-laughs. She sinks her body against Brooke’s, wraps her arms around her waist and lets out a shaky exhale. “I’m never nervous when I dance, but I’m gonna be nervous this time, you know? I just don’t want to let you down.”

Brooke splutters a disbelieving laugh. “A world Latin champion is telling her TV presenter partner that she doesn’t want to let her down. We are truly through the looking glass.”

“Shut up,” Vanessa mutters against Brooke’s chest, looking up at her and seeing the little twinkle in her eye that flips her stomach. 

“Make me.”

Vanessa rolls her eyes at her before leaning in and meeting her lips in a soft kiss, Brooke greedily deepening it after a few seconds and pressing their bodies close. Vanessa feels a pleasant wave of heat wash over her and, as she slides her arms round to rest on Brooke’s hips, she’s reminded about their morning in Blackpool, something she’s thought about constantly since it happened. They haven’t had a round two since, they’ve both been too focused on wanting to do well. Still...maybe they need a way to let off steam, and Vanessa’s beginning to wonder if all the hassle she’s given Monique over hooking up in the rehearsal room has been justified given how much she’d risk getting walked in on by a camera crew for Brooke’s tongue to be back between her legs-

And then Brooke breaks away, strokes her cheek with her thumb from where her hand’s cupping her jaw and winks at her. “Kissing’s not going to get us those tens, sweetie. Let’s get to work.”

So, obediently and only somewhat reluctantly, Vanessa rehearses. Their dance means a lot to her this week, even though it’s musicals week and they aren’t really her thing. She’s never seen _Waitress_ \- she’s not seen many musicals- but Jan, self-confessed queen of musicals week had a playlist on the speakers last year and a song in particular had come on which prompted Vanessa to ask for its name. It reminds her of her, little Vanessa starting out at dance school thousands of miles away from the rest of her family, and her Mama who’s always supported her through everything she’s ever done. And now it reminds her of Brooke, too. All the good things in her life and all the dreams that have somehow managed to come true. She knows that full marks are the highest they can get, but she still wants more. The pressure she’s heaping on herself is crushing, but it’s good because it helps her concentrate. She wants to do her best for Brooke. She cares about her so much that she finds it a little bit dangerous.

Saturday rolls around in mere hours, and the day passes as a blur. Vanessa bites the skin around her nails so much that she bleeds and Brooke chastises her, goes to find plasters from the medics. She’s so nervous that she can’t even enjoy roasting Monique and Monet about the fact they’re dressed entirely as nuns (a Charleston to _Sunday Morning Fever_ ) or find hope in the fact that Gigi’s hands are shaking as she practises her hand jive with Crystal. She moves through the pro dance in a daze, not even the fact that it’s all being broadcast live affecting her. The pro dance is simply an inconvenience, something she needs to get through before the main event. 

And then, thank God, they’re dancing first. She doesn’t need to wait too long before they’re both sitting on their set- the countertop of a diner, soft blue lights illuminating the studio- and finally, the commentator’s voice can be heard overhead.

_“Dancing the Waltz...Brooke Lynn Hytes and Vanessa Mateo!”_

Vanessa already feels emotional as the guitar strums out through the studio, filling the silent room with its warm sounds as Vanessa rolls her neck one way then the other, catching Brooke’s eyes. 

“ _Sugar...sugar, butter…flour…”_

Resting a palm against the blue countertop, Vanessa presses against the flecks of glitter that have been sprinkled there by the prop department and brings her arm softly over her head, letting the sparkling silver flecks scatter over her as Brooke mirrors her movements too. They do the same with the other arm; soft, slow movements that Vanessa takes her time over because this dance is precious to her and she doesn’t ever really want it to be over. Vanessa looks at Brooke and they share a smile, blowing a handful of glitter at each others’ faces just like they’d practised in rehearsal over and over. 

“ _Sometimes I still see her...my mother, the dreamer...she’d say nothing’s impossible, child…”_

Brooke lowers herself off the counter, picks Vanessa up on the last beat with her strong arms holding her waist. Vanessa pushes down on Brooke’s shoulders to elongate her frame as Brooke spins her around, then gently deposits her on her feet. Their foreheads are pressed together as Vanessa takes Brooke’s hand and they end up in hold; one elbow bent, the other slightly extended out in front of them as they hold hands. Brooke keeps her other hand on her back and Vanessa rests hers on Brooke’s forearm as they move across the ballroom.

_“A dream needs believing...to taste like the real thing...like some stranger you recognize…”_

The movements come to naturally to them both, their feet meeting and stepping in the classic 1-2-3, 1-2-3 style, and Vanessa’s sad she can’t turn and face Brooke, can’t look her in the eyes with adoration like she wants to on that last line because it’s crazy; this BBC One presenter that started out as some cute girl that flirted with her on the induction day has become someone Vanessa cherishes and cares for so much, and all from the fact fate put them together to dance as part of a TV show.

_“So pure...so pure, so electric, so sure...so sure, so connected…”_

They both extend out from each other then Brooke twirls Vanessa across to the other side of her, the little skater skirt on her diner costume kicking out into a perfect circle. They then do the same again- out, in, twirl across, swaying together like calm waters. 

_“To those little believers inside…”_

As Vanessa meets Brooke and their bodies end up pressed together, she extends her leg up in a long, slow kick and keeps her other leg steady as she balances on the ball of her foot. Brooke walks her round with her arm around her waist, and their eye contact has a level of depth Vanessa’s not sure she’s shared with anyone she’s ever danced with before. There’s something more to it- this is more than a routine, it’s Vanessa expressing everything that Brooke makes her feel because at this point _she’s_ Vanessa’s dream, her dream come true.

“ _May we all be...so lucky…_ ”

Back into hold again, and the pair of them cross the floor in the same 1-2-3, 1-2-3 that they’ve practised so many times now. Vanessa wants to rest her head against Brooke’s shoulder, throw all tradition to one side if only to be closer to her for a little moment. 

_“But dreams are elusive…”_

Vanessa twirls from hold to rest her hands on Brooke’s hips, and Brooke places her hands on her back as she spins Vanessa around in her arms, her feet working overtime as Vanessa extends her legs and points her toes.

_“The kind we've gotten used to is nothing I can feel, nothing I can hold, nothing I can have, nothing that I know...”_

They come to a stop; both facing forward, with Brooke’s arms around Vanessa’s shoulders and Vanessa gently holding her hands as Brooke pulls away, stepping back (two, three), back (two, three) away from her, and Vanessa finds herself involuntarily tearing up because even though it’s just a _dance_ , for Christ’s sake, it still hits too close to home; that feeling of Brooke leaving, the thought of whatever it is they have fizzling out once the competition is over being just too painful to even contemplate. 

“ _Dreams come and they...go…”_

Vanessa whips around and runs to Brooke, jumping to her and wrapping her legs around her waist and her arms around her back as Brooke spins her around again.

“ _But hold them and keep them…and know that you need them...”_

Back into waltz hold, and at this point Vanessa is unsure how she can see with the tears misting up her vision, lucky she’s not needed to look at her feet to dance since very probably 2008. Just like it had done in the dress rehearsal there’s silver confetti and glitter raining down upon them, and Vanessa wants to bottle how she feels right now, this equilibrium of nostalgia and sorrow and happiness.

“ _When your breaking point’s all that you have...a dream is a soft place to land.”_

They walk slowly and carefully over to the diner counter they began their dance on, swinging their entwined hands in time to the strum of the guitar. Brooke reaches the counter and sweeps the rest of the glitter away with a perfectly straight arm, clearing the surface before she pushes onto it and hoists herself back up with pointed feet. 

_“May we all be...so lucky…”_

Vanessa joins Brooke sitting on the countertop and they finish with Vanessa resting one hand on top of Brooke’s and bringing the other up to cup her jaw gently, pressing their foreheads together again and reminding Vanessa all too much of kissing her. She wants to so much, but she settles for bringing her lips as close as she can to Brooke’s without touching as they both close their eyes. 

_“Sugar, butter...flour.”_

When Vanessa’s eyes open, they’re filled with tears. Brooke’s green ones are the same, and Vanessa lets out a laugh of relief as the audience’s cheers fill the air. They both did the dance justice, and they did themselves proud. As they hop off the countertop and hold each other in a tight hug Vanessa tells Brooke as much, and Brooke nuzzles her head in the crook of her neck kissing her once, twice, three times. 

Michelle calls them over excitedly and interviews Brooke. All the while Vanessa can feel her heart going like a freight train, so full of affection and pride for Brooke but so full of anticipation and nerves for what the judges will say. And as Michelle comes to Bianca first, Vanessa holds her breath. 

Bianca moves her papers around on her desk, and if Vanessa had been in a chair she’d be on the edge of it. Bianca pauses, looks up, finally opens her mouth to speak. “Well that, I thought, was beautiful.” 

Vanessa flinches as Brooke punches the air beside her, then brings her arm round to wrap around Vanessa’s waist in an excited hug. Vanessa is bouncing on the balls of her feet in happiness. Is it too much to hope for another forty a week after their first one?

“Your timing was excellent, the emotional connection you both have is just unparalleled, everything was just so very clean and beautiful. Unfortunately…”

The audience starts booing in anticipation of Bianca’s next comments, and Vanessa’s heart sinks. 

“...I can’t give you a perfect score for this Waltz, because there were a lot of Contemporary elements in there. They were beautiful, and I did love the dance! But sadly, not really a pure Waltz. But you should still be very proud of yourself, Brooke Lynn, well done.”

Vanessa tried to make the smile on her face seem genuine as the audience clapped Bianca’s comments and the spotlight moved to Shangela.

“Yeah, um…” Shangela began, her face set in a frown of concern which made Vanessa’s guts twist. There was a pause as she looked down at her desk, then back up at Brooke. “I mean, Brooke Lynn, you know I love you, girl, and there’s absolutely no denying that dance was _gorgeous..._ however…”

The audience begin booing again as if they’re at a pantomime, and Vanessa can feel all the perfect little pieces of choreography she’d spent so much time on and worked so hard on slowly crumble to dust. 

“...as Bianca said, it’s a hard one to judge because you know I love my Ballroom, and that wasn’t... _really_...a Waltz? But whatever it was, it was very beautiful. I just hope that it doesn’t put you in a precarious position tonight.”

And with that comment, Vanessa’s whole world freezes over. 

Worry consumes her. She can hear Kennedy and Laganja speak, see their lips move, hear the audience laugh at some joke Laganja makes, but nothing registers in her brain. Shangela’s last sentence just repeats on a loop in her head. It doesn’t stop as she and Brooke make their way up to the Divinatorium, as they’re interviewed by Divina, and as the camera pans to the judges. Vanessa feels sick as Bianca holds up her paddle. 

“Nine!”

Shangela holds up hers. “Eight!”

“Nine!” Kennedy smiles. 

“Nina!” Laganja agrees. 

Thirty five. They’ve dropped five marks since last week, and it’s nowhere near what they should be scoring at this stage of the competition. 

Vanessa is frightened. 

Brooke is smiling at the scores but by the way her grip tightens around Vanessa’s waist she can tell something is wrong, and by the time they get backstage Vanessa can barely hold back the tears that are dotting her lower lashes. 

“Woah, woah,” Brooke stops her, takes both her hands and steps close to her as Vanessa sniffs uncontrollably. “It’s okay, baby. It’s going to be okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Vanessa whispers out, heartbroken. “I should’ve just kept it to a normal Waltz...if we have to dance again it’ll be all my fault…”

“Hey. Listen to me,” Brooke says sternly, dropping one of Vanessa’s hands to point at her. “What did I tell you in Blackpool?”

Vanessa, even though she’s upset and scared, can’t help the little twinkle that leaps into her eyes. “You told me a lot of things in Blackpool, 'specially in that hotel room.”

“Christ, stop talking. I’m trying to be serious here,” Brooke exhales a laugh, looking at the floor bashfully. “Before we danced and you got nervous. I said that this isn’t about the competition for me anymore. It’s about getting to dance with you and see you every day. I meant that, ‘Ness. If we have to do that dance again, then we go out and we have the best time doing it, especially if it could be our last time. I don’t want you being upset. You know if you start crying it’s only a matter of time before I join you.”

Vanessa sniffs, wipes at her tears delicately with one finger. “I guess part of me is so sad because...if we get knocked out then I don’t get to see you every day any more. You’ll go back to bein’ busy at work, an’ I’ll still have pro rehearsals...we’ll just fall out of touch and drift apart.”

“Excuse me? Who the hell says?!” Brooke laughs in incredulity, and her outrage makes Vanessa’s spirits lift a little. “You can’t get rid of me that easily. God, Vanessa, I care about you so much. If you think all this is for me is just a random hookup while I learn to fucking two-step then you’re so far from the truth.”

Vanessa’s heart gives a flutter and a huge thud which sets her pulse off racing. She wants to ask Brooke what the truth _is_ for her, what she means by all this, but there’s already too much happening tonight and Christ, if there’s ever a time that she needs to focus on the competition, it’s probably now. So instead she looks up at Brooke from under her lashes, composes herself and smiles softly at her. 

“That’s not at all what this is for me either.”

Brooke squeezes her hands, smiles back at her gently. “Well. Good.”

Then, darting her eyes up and down the corridor, she leans in and plants a soft kiss to Vanessa’s forehead. Vanessa closes her eyes and smiles, until she opens them and sees Brooke recoiling in horror. 

“Fuck. I forgot I was wearing lipstick.”

Vanessa splutters a laugh, rubs furiously at her forehead and inspects the heel of her hand where there’s a bright red smudge as if she’s squashed an insect. 

“Dummy. Guess we better get ourselves to makeup.”

It’s easy to forget about the prospect of the dance off when she’s mucking around in makeup with the girls and Brooke, or when she’s watching the other girls dance in the Divinatorium, or when she’s performing her second pro dance to be broadcast on Sunday’s results show. But when the couples all gather on stage again to stand under their single spotlights and the results are imminent, well. It’s frankly impossible for Vanessa’s heart to stop racing, for her mouth to be any more dry, for her stomach to stop flipping over and over and over again as if it’s on a wash and dry cycle. Michelle opens her mouth and Vanessa’s nerves shoot through the roof.

“Couples, I can now reveal who is going through to the semi-finals...and who will be dancing to stay in the competition another week.”

The studio lights go down and envelop everything their spotlight doesn’t touch in shadows, and Vanessa immediately feels as if she’s five years old and scared of the dark all over again. She’s got one hand around Brooke’s waist and the other holding the hand Brooke’s slung over her shoulder, and she can feel both their palms slick with sweat as Brooke grips her hand tightly. 

“The first couple safe and through to the semi-final is…” 

The drum beat rings out into Elstree, and it is as if time stands still. Vanessa feels as if she’s frozen, her fate hanging in the balance of a presenter and an earpiece. 

_Dum-tsh-tsh, dum-tsh-tsh, dum-tsh-tsh…_

“Gigi and Crystal!”

Vanessa’s heart plummets as she claps and smiles tightly. She’s happy for Crystal. She’s happy for her friend. Of course she was going to get this far, she’s one of the best pros in the competition. But this means that now there’s less chance of Vanessa, Akeria and Monique all being in the semis together. Vanessa tries to take a deep breath but it comes in all shaky and paper-thin instead. 

“The next couple safe and with a place in the semi-finals is…”

She feels Brooke take her arm and squeeze it. It’s the action that reassures her that she hasn’t, in fact, gone numb. Vanessa feels as if she’s disconnected from her body, floating high above it like she’s on morphine. If this place goes to Jan and Jackie, it means the three of them won’t get to keep going together. And that’s a horrible thought. 

“...Jan and Jackie!”

As Jan screams in delight and jumps up and down on the steps, Vanessa wants to scream for a very different reason. She looks over at Monet and Monique as she claps, her gaze meeting Monique’s in a similarly mournful expression. 

_Love you_ , Vanessa mouths. Monique says it back. 

“Okay, Akeria and Asia...Monet and Monique...Brooke Lynn and Vanessa. That means there is only one guaranteed place left in the semi finals. I’m now going to say the name of the couple earning that place, and the remaining two will be dancing for survival. The last couple through to next week...is…”

_Dum-tsh-tsh, dum-tsh-tsh, dum-tsh-tsh._ Vanessa feels herself tremble in her character shoes. She can feel Brooke gripping her hand with such intensity and perhaps it would’ve hurt if her whole body wasn’t completely filled with adrenaline, anticipation, hope and fear. Vanessa can hear the minute catch in Michelle’s throat as she goes to speak and every muscle in her body tenses up. 

“Monet and Monique!” 

_Fuck._

A lot happens at once. Their white spotlight suddenly flushes them in red, Vanessa feeling like Carrie on prom night. Monet and Monique wrap each other in a hug, the pair of them wearing very relieved but incredibly upset expressions. Vanessa can see tears begin to stream from Monique’s eyes. If she leans forward she can see Akeria looking at her with a grim smile, her body language resigned and deflated. 

When Vanessa turns to look at Brooke, she has to take a deep breath to hold back her tears. Brooke instantly wraps her in a cuddle, whispers into her ear. 

“It’s not over, babe...it’s not over, don’t worry...we can do this.”

Vanessa breaks away, nodding, and when she goes to hug Monique her friend only ends up sobbing harder. Vanessa knows how she must be feeling, because she’s feeling it too- it would’ve been so amazing to progress the whole way with her two friends all together, and now that one of them is guaranteed to be leaving it hurts badly.

“That means that Akeria and Asia...Brooke Lynn and Vanessa...I’m sorry, you four, but you will be facing the dance off.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Vanessa mutters, hoping all too late that it isn't picked up by her mic. From the fact that nobody’s given a cataclysmically horrified reaction, she can safely assume it wasn’t. 

Michelle announces that Akeria and Asia will be dancing first. They were doing an Argentine Tango, and Vanessa knows how hard it is. She’s so torn. Part of her wants her friend to keep going, to win the whole thing on her behalf. The other part of her selfishly wants her and Brooke to stay in and knock them out, to progress and prove how amazing Brooke is. Not that she’s biased. 

As Akeria and Asia take their positions on the dancefloor in their leather jackets and wet-look leggings, Brooke and Vanessa stand to the side, their fingers tangled together as they not so much hold hands but cling to each other. The music begins and so does the girls’ routine.

_“This is weird...it’s weird...this is weird...super weird…”_

Vanessa gives a bitter, mirthless chuckle. _You got that right, song._

“What can we even improve on? Technique wise, we were fine. The judges just didn’t think it was a Waltz,” Brooke frowns at her side, whispering. Vanessa knows she has to put her professional hat on, look at it from a competitive perspective. 

“So we gotta make sure we nail the sections in hold. And really amp up the emotion. Which’ll be easy, ‘cuz I feel like my heart’s about to break out of my ass.”

Brooke’s hands fly to her mouth as she covers up her snort of laughter. Vanessa smiles guiltily at her. After a second’s thought, she takes her hand again, gentler this time. 

“But most of all…” Vanessa concedes, taking the first properly deep, calming breath she’s been able to manage as all of Brooke’s words from earlier run through her mind. “...we enjoy it. We make the most of it. ‘Cuz if it really is my last dance with you, then it better not be shit.”

Vanessa thinks she sees the shimmer of tears in Brooke’s eyes before she laughs and looks to the floor. “Okay. I promise. It won’t be shit.”

And as the audience clap, Vanessa realises it’s their turn at last. Michelle congratulates Akeria and Asia and wishes her and Brooke luck as they take to the floor and perch on the diner counter that a runner has hastily trundled on. 

“Dancing for a place in the semi-finals, please welcome...Brooke Lynn and Vanessa!”

The guitar strums out again as Vanessa rolls her neck one way and then the other. 

“ _Sugar...sugar, butter…flour…”_

And their dance _is_ as good the second time round. It’s better, and Vanessa feels more. She completes the entire dance on the precipice of tears, holding tightly to Brooke whenever there’s an opportunity because dreams come and they go, and Vanessa doesn't want to let go. Brooke’s reassured her thousands of times how much she means to her, and it hits Vanessa with a startling clarity that that means more to her than any title, any competition, any trophy. 

When their dance finishes and their foreheads press together, it takes everything in her power not to throw caution to the wind and kiss Brooke, try to communicate everything she feels without speaking, without anything a mic could pick up on. As they grip their hands tightly together and go to join Akeria and Asia in front of the judges’ table, Vanessa can only wrap an arm around Brooke’s waist and use her as an anchor. 

“Akeria and Asia and Brooke Lynn and Vanessa have now done all they can. Judges, I’m now going to ask you for the name of the couple you wish to save and put through to next week’s semi final. In the event of a split decision, head judge Shangela, you will have the deciding vote. Good luck to both couples...this is it.”

There’s a pause as Michelle comes to the first judge. “Bianca, who do you want to see in next week’s semi final and why?”

Vanessa can only take a few short, tiny breaths as Bianca replies to Michelle. “I really loved the refreshing fusion of this particular dance, _and_ I thought it was performed very, very well. So the couple I am saving is Brooke Lynn and Vanessa.”

Vanessa feels like deflating in shock. Brooke Lynn leans down to her ear, whispers a _see!_ which she wants to believe with all her heart but there’s still three judges left to vote and she’s not getting complacent yet. 

“Kennedy. Coming to you now, who would you like to save?”

Kennedy lets out a huge sigh, as if she’s the one whose future in the competition is being decided. “Honestly, I have to say...this decision gets harder every single week. It really does. You were both brilliant and I loved both performances...but I’m going to save Brooke Lynn and Vanessa.”

Another vote in their favour. Vanessa feels a little as if there’s a knife twisting in her stomach as she looks over at Akeria and Asia, the two girls hanging their heads sadly as they clap for the pair of them. 

“Two votes for Brooke Lynn and Vanessa, that means that if Laganja votes to save them they will be going through to next week’s semi final. Laganja, coming to you now. Who would you like to save and why?”

Laganja sucks air in through her teeth. “It truly does get tougher every week, Michelle, but purely based on what I’ve just seen...I have to save Akeria and Asia.”

Vanessa’s heart plummets. She claps for her friend as the vote moves to Shangela, but her pulse is going entirely too fast and her hopes are raised so high and she holds her breath and she holds Brooke’s hand as Shangela begins to speak. 

“Well as the others have said, this is a very difficult decision this week, and both dances were outstanding. But for me, it’s a matter of personal taste and I have to go with the couple I felt had the most content...I’m saving Akeria and Asia.”

And it’s done. 

Their journey, just like that, is over.

Asia’s mouth is hanging open and Akeria’s hands fly to her face as Vanessa and Brooke clap for them. Vanessa is proud of her friend. She is, she’s not bitter, but she wishes with all her heart things could have been different. Her pulse slows to a gutted, disappointed decline as Michelle confirms what they already know- that she and Brooke Lynn are leaving the competition. Vanessa crosses over to the other couple and, as Brooke hugs Asia in congratulations, Vanessa clings to her friend and grips her in a tight hug. 

“Fuck, V...I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-”

“Hey. Listen. You an’ Mo are doin’ this for me now too, okay? Go get that fuckin’ crown. You both deserve it so much,” Vanessa mutters back urgently, truly meaning it all. If neither of them win she’s not going to speak to them for a month. She’s kidding. Probably. 

Michelle beckons them over as the audience claps and cheers for the pair of them. It’s the exact definition of bittersweet, and Vanessa presses a hand to the small of Brooke’s back as Brooke hugs Michelle with one arm. 

“Brooke Lynn, you have been amazing...look at the audience, all on their feet, the judges on their feet...have you enjoyed your time on the show?”

“Oh, goodness, to be here dancing every week...I’ve just truly, truly loved every minute, and I have to say thank you to everyone behind the scenes that makes this show happen, I have literally lived out a dream being here...and I have to thank my dance partner...c’mere-”

With that, Brooke breaks off, turns and hugs her, and Vanessa can feel the lump that’s already in her throat becoming impossible to ignore. She can’t cry; it’s Brooke’s moment, and she can’t take that away from her, but the opportunity to tell the nation how amazing she is overwhelming.

“You’ve been brilliant, and you got to dance with two pros! Not many Strictly stars can say that,” Michelle smiles at Brooke, and Vanessa almost forgets about Plastique. That whole scenario seems so long ago now, and it makes her want to laugh. Michelle casts a hand over to the monitor beside the camera, prompting them both to look. “Here are some of your best bits before you leave us.”

And they watch it all. Vanessa watches little sections of each dance they did intercut with Brooke talking about her own journey- how happy she was when she got partnered with her, how she opened the first show, how their breakthrough dance was _Runaway Baby_ and how things only got better from there. How special Blackpool was (Vanessa gives her a little dig in the ribs in response to that). And then it shows the comments Vanessa has been asked to give about Brooke, where she’d basically just gushed at the camera. 

_“To me, Brooke Lynn is what Strictly is all about. I’m so proud of her and what she’s achieved...and I can’t put it into words how much I’ve loved being partnered with her. Next year’s partner is gonna have a hard time coming close.”_

To finish, production has put a clip of them finishing their Waltz into the final clip of the video, and Brooke’s voice can be heard over it. _“It’s been a dream come true doing Strictly...and it’s been a truly magical experience.”_

As the clip ends, Michelle turns to them both and directs a question to her. “You’ve been an amazing partnership...Vanessa, what would you like to say to Brooke?”

There’s a beat of silence in which Brooke turns to look at her, and it’s happening- Vanessa can feel the tears burning her eyes. She takes a deep breath, takes both of Brooke’s hands tightly and sighs. 

“Oh my God, so much. So much I wanna say...I’ve been sayin’ it all competition but I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I got somethin’ better than the glitterball...I got you, and you were the best,” Vanessa hears her voice crack, and the audience starts to clap and cheer in encouragement. When Vanessa looks back up at Brooke, she sees two black mascara tears running down each cheek. She can’t help but laugh nervously at how ridiculous they must look. “You’ll never know how amazing you made this experience for me...just by being you. So thank you so much. You’re incredible.”

With that she crashes her head against Brooke’s chest, throws her arms around her and tries to hold back the rest of her tears. She can hear Michelle beckoning them onto the dancefloor for one last dance and then reading out the information about next week’s show. 

“I wish I could’ve taken you further,” Vanessa sniffs, shaking her head sadly. Brooke’s got a nostalgic sort of smile on her face as she breaks away from the hug and takes Vanessa’s elbow, leading her out onto the dancefloor. 

“I wouldn’t change a single thing about any of this,” Brooke squeezes her arm, places both her hands on Vanessa’s hips as Vanessa slides hers around Brooke’s neck. Brooke’s face breaks into a bittersweet grin as she winks at her. “Okay, no more crying. It’s our last dance in Elstree, I don’t want to have to spend it trying to find you a tissue.”

Vanessa bursts out laughing at her joke. For the millionth time that evening, it occurs to her just how much she wants to kiss her in front of everybody. 

Michelle announces their last dance and the pair of them begin to step as the music starts. When Vanessa realises what the song is, she throws her head back and laughs at the cheesiness of it all. 

_“We got a little world of our own, I'll tell you things that no one else knows, I'll let you in where no-one else goes...what am I doing without you…”_

As the key change kicks in, Brooke picks Vanessa up and spins her around fast, Vanessa squealing happily as Brooke shows off by holding her with only one arm wrapped around her. She still feels safe, though. She always feels safe when she’s with Brooke. And even though their Strictly journey is over, she can’t help but feel excited for the new one they’re about to embark on together- navigating their feelings for each other after the show, which from the way Vanessa is feeling as Brooke smiles at her and looks into her eyes is dangerously close to something she once felt for another dancer a little while ago.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a minute! i'm so sorry. work has been absolutely mad so i've barely had time to breathe but i see all ur comments and love and i just want to say thank u so so much. i'm a lil bit more active over at @artificialortega on tumblr in case u ever want to scream somewhere else lmao
> 
> (also im the WORST at remembering to thank my betas jfc THANK U SO MUCH WRIT ur feedback was truly the best ever im still laughing at some of those youtube links)

_6th December 2020_

Vanessa’s in the wine aisle of Marks and Spencers when she sees her again. 

Her hair’s been dyed- she already knew that, she’s seen pictures of it on her Insta feed- and the demure tones of the honey-brown balayage are a contrast to the blonde ombré she’d had when they’d been together, but it suits her. She’s in sweatpants and a cropped jumper, because of _course_ she is, and Vanessa recognises the matching pink set emblazoned with the Playboy logo from Missguided adverts on bus shelters. She’s wearing some form of chunky white trainers and Vanessa isn’t proud of the fact that she feels a little flame of satisfaction light up in her gut when she sees that they’re splattered with mud, contrasting with her clean outfit and perfect makeup. 

Vanessa turns back to the green bottles in front of her, staring at them for so long and with such intensity that she thinks she might rip the fabric of reality in two. She consciously blocks out her peripheral vision so that all she can see is the label of one bottle of white which she reads over and over again. _A light, dry white with citrus notes and lively green fruit flavours. Grown in the spectacular setting of the sun ripened vineyards of central Spain. Goes with fish, chicken and salads._

She doesn’t, in any way, shape or form, know how to play this situation, because this is the first time she’s seen Kameron in person since they decided to call it quits. One one hand she could just keep staring at the wine bottle, attempt to blend into the shelves via osmosis and completely avoid her ex, but on the other hand...Vanessa doesn’t really know what the other hand is, because she doesn’t know what a conversation between the two of them would look like. There’s a part of her that wants to find out. 

And suddenly, with a cry that Vanessa recognises as hers, the decision is made for her. 

“Vanjie?” 

Slowly, timidly, Vanessa turns around to meet her eyes. Soft, brown eyes that Vanessa had once looked into and seen her whole world and future. 

God, it’s fucking crazy how she used to be so in love with her and now she feels completely apathetic.

“Kam! Hey,” Vanessa smiles tightly, waving awkwardly with the hand she’s not holding her shopping basket with. “How are you?”

“I’m fine! Well, actually, not amazing. I tried to make this really fancy, complex coq au vin for dinner last night but I don’t know what the hell I did wrong because it tasted like fucking ass. So I’m here getting ingredients again because Mama didn’t raise a quitter. It’ll probably still taste like garbage though, you know what I’m like,” Kameron reels off, which makes Vanessa smile in spite of herself. Kam was never the best at cooking and it was usually Vanessa who made the dinners when they were together, but there were still a couple of times when she’d tried at something and had failed spectacularly. Kameron seems to pick up on what she’d said as a little look of discomfort flashes in her eyes before she follows her sentence up with, “How’re you? God, it’s been ages.”

“It has,” Vanessa shrugged a little. So much has changed since they’ve last spoken that Vanessa isn’t really sure where to start. “I’m good. Things are pretty great, really. Obviously had a good run on the show for my first year competing, so hopefully I’ll get a partner next year too an’ win it next time.”

“I know, you did so well! I was really shocked you didn’t make the semis at least,” Kameron frowns, and the flattery does admittedly soften Vanessa up a little. Kameron’s face lights up as she adds, “God, your girl was so amazing though too! Brooke Lynn Hytes, right? She was super talented. Now I know how good a dancer she is I can’t help but feel like she’s sort of wasted as a presenter.”

“Yeah, she’s incredible,” Vanessa nods emphatically, unable to help the heat she feels spreading to her cheeks whenever she gets to talk about Brooke with somebody. Kameron’s expression changes a little as she clocks Vanessa’s blush, and a cheeky glint appears in her eye. Vanessa frowns. “Hey. Behave.”

“I didn’t say a word!” Kameron laughs, and as she trails off there’s a smile on her face that’s affectionate and helps Vanessa warm up to her ex even more. “Listen, what’re your plans? I’d honestly love to catch up. It’s been too long.”

Vanessa tilts her head in thought. The conversation isn't going too badly, and her only plans are going round to Brooke’s later on to watch the semi-final results and have dinner (hence the reason she’s gone to M&S to get wine and not the Tesco Metro round the corner from her). So Vanessa surprises herself when she shrugs, giving Kameron a little nod. “Okay, yeah. Lemme get this wine and then we can get coffee.”

The way Kameron’s face lights up makes Vanessa think that her decision was the correct one. 

They’re sat at a little table at the window of a nondescript coffee shop roughly ten minutes later, Kameron stirring the hell out of a vanilla latte that’s sat in front of her and creating a tiny whirlpool in the coffee that puts Vanessa in mind of a Pirates of the Carribean movie. Kameron’s talking about the flat she’s in just now- she bought it after she rented for a while when she moved out of Vanessa’s place- and how furniture is so expensive. 

“I mean I could just go to IKEA and just furnish the entire thing for, like, two grand, but I actually want some really nice stuff, you know? Like it’s a big girl professional flat, not a uni rental,” she screws her face up as she finally takes a sip. Vanessa bristles a little opposite her- she knows Kam doesn’t mean it, but Vanessa wants to remind her that most of _her_ furniture is from IKEA, because they’d gone and bought it all together when they first moved in. Kameron doesn’t seem affected, though, and keeps talking. “What about you? You still living out at Finsbury Park?”

Vanessa nods. “I’m still in the same flat, I never moved.” 

A look of shock passes over Kameron’s face and Vanessa can read her like a book- the fact she’s still in that flat where they made so many memories together is obviously surprising. Vanessa can’t help but laugh. “Kameron, chill. You don’t roam the fuckin’ halls like a ghost, I don’t burst into tears whenever I go into a room. It’s a decent flat at a decent price, I wanted to keep it.”

“Right. Sorry. Ego check,” Kameron smiles sheepishly, and Vanessa feels bad for poking fun at her. Kameron perks up after a second, laughs a little. “I like how you said ‘halls’ plural. Like it’s a stately home and not a fucking matchbox with an intercom system.”

Vanessa’s taking a sip of her own hot chocolate and she almost chokes on it in a laugh, Kameron howling and slapping the table in response. Vanessa’s forgotten that Kam used to make her laugh, still can. She always used to see it like some sort of secret privilege she had access to, the quiet girl’s funny side rare and only popping out on special occasions. That hasn’t changed over the years. 

“How’s work, anyway?” Vanessa asks her as she composes herself. Kameron shrugs easily. 

“Pretty good. I did a Dua Lipa music video the other week, that should be coming out in a month or so.”

“Is she actually as bad a dancer as that video made her out to be?”

Kameron smirks. “She had a shit choreographer; she’s actually alright. Not pop girl standard, but you know. My agent’s trying to get me on the Blackpink tour next, so I should hear back from that soon.”

Vanessa’s glad that work hasn’t dried up for Kameron- the backing dancer industry is treating her well. 

“Anyway,” Kameron bats her lashes, looking at Vanessa coyly from behind her glass. “Tell me more about this dance partner of yours, miss.”

Vanessa feels herself blush, a bashful laugh escaping her lips before she can stop it. It’s weird- after they first broke up Vanessa always used to think she’d love the chance to rub her ex’s face in a new relationship, but it feels ever so slightly odd now she’s actually about to talk about Brooke in front of her. “Honestly, we’re just seeing each other and keeping things casual. Y’know, while the series is still goin’. We’re not even official or public.”

“Yet,” Kameron smiles cheekily at her, and Vanessa can’t suppress the smile she returns to her. 

“Okay, yet. But it’s going really well. I really like her. She’s sweet, an’ she’s caring, an’ she’s the best listener.”

“And she won’t be a fucking idiot and cheat on you.”

“No, I don’t think she will,” Vanessa shrugs, the fact that Kameron’s brought the situation up casting a small grey cloud over the conversation. It’s clunky and awkward, a puzzle piece jammed in a place it shouldn’t be. It’s been brought up now though, so Vanessa grimaces and adds, “But then I never thought you would, either.”

Kameron’s face screws up in regret, and before Vanessa knows it she’s rested a hand on top of hers and is giving her a tentative smile. “I know I said it about twenty million times when we were together but I’m honestly so sorry, Vanessa. You didn’t deserve that.”

“Kam, you gotta stop beatin’ yourself up about it,” Vanessa cuts in and says swiftly. Her own words shock her; they’ve come from virtually nowhere, and she’s amazed at the raw sympathy she’s just shown her. “You were drunk, it was a kiss. Strictly is...it’s a weird show. You saw him more hours in the day than you saw me. Kisses between partners happen all the time, it just...sucks that it happened between you two.”

Kameron nods quietly, and Vanessa puts her other hand on top of hers. “I forgive you. Give yourself a break.”

Kameron squeezes her hand, shoots her a soft smile. “Thanks, Vanjie.” 

They let go of each other’s hands and each take a sip of their own drink, the silence between them somewhat symbolic like someone wiping words off a whiteboard. Vanessa watches as Kameron swallows a gulp of her coffee and grins. “Hey, do me a solid and put in a good word with Asia O’Hara for me, okay? I really want to slide into her DMs but I need some context first.”

“Your face can be the context, fuckin’ look in a mirror,” Vanessa snorts, and the two of them laugh together. 

It’s nice. This huge, big, massive event she’s built up in her head for all these months is happening- she’s bumped into Kameron and she’s speaking to her. She doesn’t need to build it up anymore, or wonder about how it would play out because she’s living it, it’s playing out and she never has to see Kameron for the first time since they broke up ever again. A wall crumbles down in her mind without warning and once the dust settles she realises that she feels somewhat lighter. 

Vanessa has been carrying this burden around with her for all this time without even having known it.

The pair of them eventually finish up- hug goodbye outside the coffee shop and tell each other how nice this all had been and then go their separate ways. They don’t promise to keep in touch, but Vanessa knows they’ll probably like each others’ Instagram posts or occasionally tweet each other support or that kind of thing now. Little things that remind them they’re still on good terms. 

As Vanessa heads to the tube, her mind drifts to Brooke and how excited she is to see her. The week has been long and Brooke’s been busy, but true to her word she’s messaged Vanessa whenever she’s had a spare moment, updating her on her day and asking her about her own. On Tuesday she’d invited Vanessa round to her flat on Sunday night as she has a day off on Monday and they can spend the night together. She’s not just abandoned her or left her hanging, and if there’s about to be a gap between her messages she always pre-warns her. Brooke’s treating her well. Almost like a girlfriend. Exactly like a girlfriend.

Vanessa still doesn’t know what they really are. She’s so far told herself that that’s alright, but now they’re out of the competition that answer isn’t really satisfying her any more. She wants to call Brooke hers, she wants to be with her properly. As Brooke’s apartment building comes into view, Vanessa wonders if she’ll bring it up tonight. 

As she buzzes Brooke’s intercom, though, Brooke’s tone throws everything into a tailspin.

_“Hello?”_

Vanessa frowns. Brooke sounds ever-so-slightly icy and fed up. She wonders if she’s imagined it. “Uh, hey! It’s Vanessa.”

_“Hey. Come up.”_

As the door buzzes open and Vanessa steps into the building, she waves away the thoughts in her head. She’s probably overthinking things, and as she steps into the elevator and lets herself be carried up to Brooke’s 12th floor apartment Vanessa tries to calm her nerves. It’s the first time she’s been to Brooke’s flat- in fact it’s the first time either of them have been at either of their flats- so she’s a little anxious. It’s another layer of the relationship they’re adding on, and the thought of things getting a little more serious makes Vanessa’s heart flutter. 

So her head is thrown into a tailspin when the elevator doors open onto a landing and she’s met with three doors- two closed, and the other (Brooke’s, a little gold _111_ set into the smooth grey exterior) is ever so slightly ajar. Vanessa narrows her eyes, tentatively stepping out of the lift, crossing the hall, and pushing the door open a little. 

“Brooke Lynn?”

Brooke’s voice replies, still something to it that Vanessa can’t quite work out. “I’m in here.”

Frowning, Vanessa steps through the doorway and into Brooke’s flat. The whole situation is so strange that she can barely take in everything she sees; a long, narrow hallway lined with high heels that leads down to what looks like a sunken living room with a cream sofa and a floor-to-ceiling view of London. There’s a room to the right halfway down the hall, though, and it seems to be where Brooke’s voice came from, so Vanessa closes the front door and hears the click of the lock behind her as she follows it. Maybe she’s in the middle of something. Maybe she’s just busy and she wants Vanessa’s company while she finishes whatever it is she’s doing. 

And then, as Vanessa turns into the room, the situation becomes immediately apparent. 

Brooke’s bedroom is dark- the blinds are drawn and the only light comes from a few candles that are sitting on the tidy grey dressing-table under the window and the soft pink salt lamp that sits on the bedside table. The large bed pushed up against the wall takes up most of the room, and its sheets are white and perfectly ironed and crease-free. 

They serve as a perfect backdrop to the sight that’s currently greeting Vanessa- Brooke, in a matching set of black Calvin Klein underwear, curled up against the pillows and scrolling her phone. The dark material makes Brooke’s pale skin pop, and the sight of her toned thighs and stomach forces Vanessa to squeeze her thighs together in spite of herself. Brooke looks up as she enters the room and smiles smugly, clearly happy to get the reaction Vanessa’s given her. 

“Hey, sweetie,” she says, her voice light and sing-song and making the entire situation worse because the fact she’s so perfectly put-together while Vanessa is slowly becoming a melting, gooey mess in front of her is, for some reason, only making her want to rip Brooke’s clothes off even more than she already does. “Come sit.”

She gently pats the space on the bed next to her and Vanessa almost knocks herself out kicking her trainers off and letting her jacket fall to the floor as she scrambles up onto the bed. She feels herself blush as Brooke gives a soft laugh (presumably in response to just how eager she is) then decides she doesn’t really care how she’s coming across as Brooke leans in and closes the gap between them, kisses her with soft Chapstick lips that Vanessa feels as if she’s addicted to. Vanessa expects the kiss to be more than it is- flames of seductive fire that make one thing lead to another all too quickly- but instead it feels as if Brooke is deliberately holding back, teasing her a little. It’s not helping Vanessa’s desperation at all, and just as she brings a hand up to rest on Brooke’s hip, Brooke breaks the kiss. 

“So,” Brooke begins cryptically, as she reaches for her phone where she’d discarded it against the sheets. “I was just scrolling Instagram, you know, as you do. And, uh, I felt a little bit confused.”

Vanessa frowns in tandem with Brooke, who finally appears to reach the post she’s been looking for. Brooke’s voice keeps its light tone as she continues. “Because _apparently_ , according to these photos...it looks like you had a cute little reunion date with your ex today?”

Vanessa’s heart drops as Brooke turns her phone to show her the long-lens photograph posted by The Sun’s Instagram account. It’s her and Kameron at the coffee shop window, taken at the exact moment that Kameron had reached out and taken her hand and Vanessa had shot her a forgiving smile and taken hers in return, probably the most affection they’ve shown each other in a whole year. 

But Jesus Christ, has it been taken out of context and then some. 

She’s panicking, and she can feel her mouth opening and closing rapidly as she attempts to explain herself. The one saving grace about the whole situation is that Brooke appears to be...calm? Relaxed? She’s not flown off the handle, anyway, which Vanessa wouldn’t exactly have expected, and there’s also the fact she’s in a matching underwear set so clearly can’t be _that_ mad at her. So Vanessa finally finds her voice, tells Brooke everything- how she’d only bumped into Kameron in the shop, and how it was just a coffee and nothing more, and how she’d actually finally received closure for everything that had happened between the two of them. 

As she speaks, part of Vanessa wants to bring up the fact that she and Brooke aren’t even _together_ together, so why Brooke’s so pressed about all of this Vanessa doesn’t know. 

Unless Brooke wants them to be more than what they already are. And Vanessa has fucked it. 

_Shit._

“It’s just all a massive misunderstandin’, honestly,” Vanessa finishes, and she’s relaxing a little more now that Brooke’s body language is warmer. “I maybe should’ve texted you but I was gonna tell you tonight anyway, I promise. I wouldn’t...I just wouldn’t mess you about like that, Brooke.”

Brooke slowly lets a bashful smile creep across her face as she nods softly. “Okay.”

And, just because she can, Vanessa pulls her in for another kiss. This time there’s a little more heat to it which makes Vanessa’s stomach flutter in anticipation, but she still feels as if Brooke’s holding back. It’s only then that Vanessa remembers how Brooke had told her she liked being in control, how much Brooke got off on hearing her beg for what she wanted the first time they’d slept together, and it all falls into place. 

_Oh._

Before Vanessa can say anything, Brooke’s trailing her hand from its position cupping Vanessa’s jaw down her body to rest on her waist, and Vanessa’s mouth goes ever-so-slightly dry. Brooke’s face is still close as she speaks again. “See I thought that would be the case, because I know you’d never do anything to hurt me.”

Vanessa responds by mirroring Brooke’s touches, resting her own hand against her exposed thigh and delighting as she watches something darken behind Brooke’s eyes. Her tone changes a little as she continues. “But it did get me thinking...what if you _did_ forget how good you had it one day?”

“Won’t happen,” Vanessa shakes her head, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth as Brooke pushes up the hem of her oversized white t-shirt, rests the palm of her hand against the bare skin at her waist. Vanessa squeezes her legs together again and she watches as Brooke flicks her gaze down, suppresses a smirk badly. 

“It won’t?” Brooke pouts mockingly, and Vanessa loves it. “Well, just in case...I thought I’d show you what you’d miss if you ever did think you could do better than me.”

“Fuck,” Vanessa verbalises what she’s thinking in a hiss, as Brooke tugs at the bottom of her top and removes it quickly without Vanessa having to do anything other than raise her hands above her head. 

Brooke dips her down so that her head’s resting against the pillows and presses kisses to Vanessa’s jaw, neck, collarbone, right down to the lace of her bra. Vanessa’s pulse is racing and she finds herself already spreading her legs, unable to help the way she needs Brooke to touch her. 

“God, you’re so needy,” Brooke tuts disapprovingly into her skin, briefly reaching her hands under Vanessa’s back in an attempt to unhook her bra. Vanessa’s stomach tenses as she lifts herself off the mattress to help her, and soon the bra that she spent entirely too long picking out this morning is thrown halfway across the room onto the dark wood of Brooke’s bedroom floor. 

“Says the girl that’s trying to get my boobs out in the first two minutes of foreplay- ah!” Vanessa cuts herself off as Brooke sucks a hickey into her collarbone. If she wanted to get Vanessa to shut up she’s succeeded, and so Vanessa instead focuses her attention on trailing her nails up and down Brooke’s back, delighting in the way the other girl shivers gently at the contact. 

Brooke brings her lips up to meet Vanessa’s and she licks gently into her mouth as she strokes her thumb over one of her nipples, the contact making Vanessa flinch against the bed in the best kind of way. Vanessa trails a hand up Brooke’s back and pushes her fingers into her hair, and when Brooke breaks away her stomach flips at the way it’s all messed up and imperfect. Paired with Brooke’s blown pupils and plush lips, it’s a sight that makes Vanessa buck gently into the air almost without realising.

“Jesus. It really doesn’t take much, does it?” Brooke laughs gently as she loops a finger under the waistband of her leggings, and Vanessa shakes her head and pouts self-indulgently. 

“Brooke…” she begins, then trails off when she doesn’t actually realise what she wants to say. She’s very happy to let her be in charge if this is what happens as a result, and when Brooke moves to straddle her it renders her twice as speechless as she was before. 

“If this is you now, I’m almost scared for how you’re going to react when you see what I’m planning on doing to you,” Brooke says softly, the fake concern to her voice sending shockwaves rippling through Vanessa’s body. Before she can respond Vanessa gasps as Brooke pulls off her leggings, leaving her in the red thong she’d agonised over and the white ankle socks she’d put entirely less thought into. Brooke is left kneeling between Vanessa’s spread legs; dark heavy-lidded eyes, mouth hanging ever-so-slightly open. When she speaks, her voice is ragged. 

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” she says, and maybe it’s the simplicity of it but Brooke’s words make Vanessa feel completely naked despite what she’s still wearing. 

“You’re beautiful,” Vanessa breathes out in an instant reply. 

Brooke pouts and trails one of her short acrylics up Vanessa’s inner thigh, ripping a whine from her. “You sure Kameron isn’t more beautiful?”

“Jesus,” Vanessa throws her head back against the pillow and lets out a breathy laugh. “I didn’t have you down as the jealous type at all.”

When she tilts her head up Brooke’s got an unimpressed eyebrow raised at her. “You’re already in trouble, this isn’t helping your case.”

Vanessa can’t resist the urge to tease her and so she sticks her tongue out in response. “Oh what, you gonna punish me? You gonna tie me to the bed an’ spank me?”

Brooke’s gaze darkens. There’s a pause as she crawls up the bed, hovers over Vanessa with her face close. Vanessa keeps her own eyes sparkling as she stays still, challenging her to see if she’ll crack even though she wants to grab her jaw and kiss her with the same intensity they’d shown each other earlier. 

“Brooke Lynn’s jeal-ous,” she sing-songs right in her face, and when Brooke pulls back she’s wearing a dark expression. Vanessa brings her hands up to rest on Brooke’s waist, traces the outline of her waistband. 

And when Brooke leans over to the top drawer of her bedside table, Vanessa’s eyes widen as she instantly realises what she means. 

She produces a wireless pink wand vibrator, and Vanessa’s body hotwires. 

“Fuck.”

“Mm-hm,” Brooke murmurs, lips quirking in a smile. “You’re going to get punished for the stunt you decided to pull today.”

“Oh no, I hate orgasms! What a terrible punishment,” Vanessa smiles back at her, sarcastic and indulgent.

“Who says you’re going to be allowed to have any?” Brooke frowns.

Vanessa instantly realises her mistake.

“Wait...but-”

“Yeah. I’d suggest you better start being extra nice to me,” Brooke interrupts her, resting the wand down on the bed beside one of Vanessa’s thighs and hooking her fingers around the waistband of her underwear to tug it off. While this is happening Vanessa shuffles against the sheets in anticipation, something curling tightly in the pit of her stomach and the throbbing between her legs becoming impossible to ignore. She wants so badly to be touched, wants Brooke to feel how wet she is and for her eyes to go all wide when she realises she’s the one that’s got her this worked up, but instead of her fingers or her tongue she’s using that stupid fucking vibrator and she’s not even going to be allowed to come. 

_Fuck_.

“Please, Brooke Lynn,” Vanessa pouts, letting a hand trail up Brooke’s thigh from where she’s positioned herself between her legs. 

Brooke gives a short laugh. “You think you’re begging me now, wait until I get started.”

“Promise I’ll be good for you,” Vanessa insists, the end of her sentence almost getting cut off with a gasp as Brooke presses the wand against her. It’s not even switched on yet but it’s something that Vanessa can grind against, and she bucks her hips gently against the head. 

“If you want me to turn it on you better keep those hips still,” Brooke says quickly, and Vanessa groans in resignation, lies still like she’s been asked. 

She’s rewarded with a soft hum and a gentle buzz against her slit, and she can’t help the moan of satisfaction she gives in response as Brooke holds the wand there for a few moments, letting Vanessa get used to it. After so much build-up it feels like heaven, and the feeling leaves Vanessa wondering how long she’s going to last. 

Brooke starts to swipe the wand up and down against her; lazy, slow motions that leave Vanessa squirming against the mattress every time she feels the vibrations brush against her clit. It’s not helping that Vanessa can see Brooke’s own chest rising and falling increasingly quickly, her pink, flushed cheeks, her hair all unkempt from Vanessa running her fingers through it.

“This good, babe?” Brooke asks, her tone ragged and her voice hoarse. When she snaps her gaze up to meet Vanessa’s eyes her pupils are blown and black and it sends an arrow through Vanessa’s heart that instantly shatters it as if it’s a piñata full of confetti. 

“Mm,” is all Vanessa can manage, along with a rapid nod against the pillow.

“Not quite hearing a yes or a no there,” Brooke raises an eyebrow. “Maybe I should just turn it off-”

“No, no, no, no! It’s good, it’s good, fuck, yes, please don’t stop,” Vanessa instantly reels off as if it’s a frantic prayer. Brooke’s probably the closest thing to religion she’s experienced in months. 

“You sure? You sure Kameron wouldn’t do it better?” Brooke says teasingly, wiggling the vibrator against her clit as if to make a point and sending Vanessa into the stratosphere.

“No, I promise, I promise, babe, please, please, please,” she whines. She can hear herself pleading and she hopes it’ll help Brooke come round to the idea of letting her orgasm because if Brooke ups the setting on her wand then there’s no way she’s going to be able to exercise any form of restraint. 

Brooke switches back to slowly sliding the vibrator against her, and Vanessa can feel Brooke’s grip on her thigh tighten. 

“Fuck, I can see how wet you are from here.”

Vanessa feels herself throb, her body responding to Brooke’s words before she can. She fists both her her hands into the sheets, can’t see her knuckles but knows they’ve gone white. “You wanna taste me so bad.”

“So much,” Brooke pouts, nodding slowly. “But...you need to lie there and take your punishment.”

“Fuck. I miss when you were too shy to talk during sex,” Vanessa huffs, grumpy, and she’s immediately stopped from saying any more as the wand buzzes that little bit more intensely against her. Brooke brings it back up to her clit, rubs it in slow, small circles that drive Vanessa wild and render her almost incapable of thought. 

“Sounds like you’re the one who can’t talk during sex,” Brooke deadpans, squeezing Vanessa’s thigh to punctuate her point. 

She can feel how slick the wand is against her, only illustrating how wet she is. The hum of the vibrator and the gasps Vanessa can hear herself making are heightening her senses; it’s too much and not enough all at once. Both Brooke’s teasing and the sensation of the wand vibrating against her is making Vanessa’s inevitable orgasm build inside her, and it’s only a matter of time before she hits boiling point. 

“Brooke- ah!- please...don’t know how much longer I’m gonna last…”

“Oh, no way,” Brooke says darkly, and in an instant the vibrator is off and Vanessa’s back is arching off the bed in frustration as she cries out in disappointment. “You don’t get to come yet, babe, not after the sass you just gave me.”

Vanessa instantly regrets opening her stupid mouth and teasing Brooke more than anything she’s ever regretted before in her life. She whines, reaches her hips up into the air as if she’s going to generate friction from nowhere, and Brooke’s pouting in mock-sympathy. Vanessa knows she could just spring up from her position against the bed, grab Brooke’s face and kiss her and pin her down and take the control back, but there’s part of her that knows how unbelievably satisfying it’s going to be when she does get to come if she’s this worked up already. 

Brooke’s watching her with heavy-lidded eyes as she traces up her leg then fans her fingers out over her inner thigh and rubs her thumb against her clit. The contact makes Vanessa’s eyes almost roll into the back of her head; the wand has heightened her sensitivity and she’s by now so slick and wet from all of Brooke’s teasing that with every little rub of her thumb Vanessa can feel the fire between her thighs become completely out of control.

“God, you have no idea how much I’ve wanted to do this to you every fucking day since Blackpool,” Brooke bites her lip, and Vanessa bucks against her thumb helplessly. “We’d be having to rehearse but all I wanted to do was just to make you beg for it again and again, fuck.”

“Should’ve told me.”

“Mm. I almost texted you about it. One of the nights I was lying in bed fucking myself with my fingers and remembering how good yours felt...remembering how you felt like fucking heaven underneath me...I could’ve sent you so many pictures that night…”

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ you need to stop talking or I’m gonna come,” Vanessa squeezes her eyes shut. Brooke’s still teasing her clit and Vanessa knows she’s deliberately applying just not quite enough pressure. She’s so on edge and it feels like the most incredible form of torture. 

“You want the wand back, sweetie?”

“Please, fuck, yes,” Vanessa begs, almost wanting to sob. When Brooke’s thumb gets replaced by the vibrating head of the wand she feels lightheaded, lets out a cry that she instantly knows Brooke’s neighbours will hear but she doesn’t care. Brooke’s teasing her badly, holding the wand against her, taking it away for a second, then replacing it, and Vanessa feels so sorry for herself that she starts pleading with her. 

“Keep it on me, please,” she gasps out, and when she looks up at Brooke she’s smiling at her wickedly. 

“Like this?”

Brooke ups the intensity the moment she makes contact and Vanessa can practically _feel_ herself give a little gush against the wand. Her breath is coming in shallow gasps now, and she’s only just registering the fact that Brooke’s got her hand that isn’t holding the wand down under the waistband of her own underwear, playing with herself. There’s a light sheen of sweat against her chest that’s making her glow like an angel and the way her chest is rising and falling is mirroring Vanessa’s. 

Vanessa now realises why people yell out declarations of love right in the middle of their orgasm. 

“Why don’t you tell me how much you like it?” Brooke murmurs. Vanessa can see her bucking against her fingers and the sight makes her press herself down against the wand, the way the vibrations roll over her clit in waves making her want to scream. 

“So much...so fucking much…”

“Anyone else gonna fuck you like me?”

“No, baby, no-one else, just you, fuck, only you,” Vanessa whimpers. She looks up at Brooke and the sight of her eyes closed in ecstasy, grinding against her fingers and her nipples hard through the fabric of her bra is enough to tip Vanessa on a very gradual decline over the edge. “Fuck, can I come, please?”

“Yes, babe, you can come.”

When Vanessa feels her clit sieze up then pulse frantically against the vibrations of the wand, she shouts out into the bedroom, the pace of her _fuck, fuck, fuck_ in sync with the waves of her orgasm flooding through her body. Brooke holds the wand against her until she’s sure she’s finished and Vanessa can only lie against the mattress, completely worn out and exhausted, as she watches Brooke take the wand and hold it between her own legs, the thin material of her underwear dark between her legs as Vanessa realises just how wet Brooke must be as well. 

And even though Vanessa’s too worn out to help her out in the way she wants to, it doesn’t stop her from sliding a lazy hand up her thigh. She takes a couple of shallow breaths before pouting up at Brooke.

“Aww. Did watching me get you too worked up, baby?”

“Mm-hm,” Brooke hums in reply, running her tongue over her bottom lip as she squeezes her eyes shut. It gives her an idea.

“Not used my mouth on you yet. Bet you wish I was doin’ it now.”

“Fuck, Vanessa, keep talking.”

“You don’t get to boss me around any more, princess. Keep talking what?”

Brooke’s face contorts into a frown as she ruts against the wand, eyes still closed. “Keep talking please.”

“Good girl,” Vanessa purrs, and she almost feels as if she could go for round two as she hears the way Brooke gasps in delight at the praise. “You want me to tell you how much I want to put my tongue between your legs and taste you and watch you come apart under me?”

“Ah…”

“Maybe you don’t want that, though. Maybe you want to sit on my face instead. Ride my tongue and shut me up so I can’t talk back to you and drip all over my face all dirty while I just lie there and take it like a good girl.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Brooke hisses out. Vanessa’s surprising herself with what’s coming out of her mouth and how absolutely filthy it all is but she’s going with it because she knows Brooke’s close. 

“Tell me how much you want it.”

“Fuck, want it so much.”

“You’re so close, aren’t you?”

“Vanessa...fuck, please…”

Vanessa regains enough strength to sit up and cup Brooke’s face with her hands, meeting her lips with her own and teasing her with a slow, deep kiss. Vanessa flicks her tongue inside her mouth and when she rubs it over Brooke’s she cries out against her lips, her moans almost-but-not-quite swallowed by Vanessa’s kiss as she comes. 

Brooke breaks away as she falls against the mattress and Vanessa follows her, lying down beside her and gently switching the wand off. They lay there in silence, Brooke’s gasps and the buzzing in Vanessa’s ears the only things she can still focus on until Brooke reaches out a hand to curl around one of Vanessa’s. Vanessa throws a leg over Brooke, pulls her closer so that Vanessa can rest her head against her chest and feel her frantic heartbeat. 

“Fuck me,” Brooke whispers breathlessly, and Vanessa lets out a chuckle. 

“What, again? Thought you’d at least want a break first.”

“Shut up,” Brooke giggles. There’s a pause as she presses her lips to Vanessa’s head, mouths something Vanessa can’t hear or see. Then she mutters again, a little louder. “You’re so amazing.” 

“ _You’re_ amazing,” Vanessa replies childishly, though the way Brooke’s chest judders against her in a laugh Vanessa assumes she doesn’t mind. She flinches a little as Brooke’s stomach gives a loud rumble. “Oh yeah. Forgot you were meant to be making dinner.”

“Hey, I _have_ made dinner thank you very much! It’s in the slow cooker. Cuban beef and rice if that’s okay?” Brooke asks, and Vanessa doesn’t miss the little nervous tone in her voice. It’s adorable. 

“Sure it is.”

Brooke lends Vanessa some pyjamas to shove on in lieu of the outfit she’d arrived in, and Vanessa’s heart swells a little at the implication that she’s going to be staying over. She’s not sure if she’ll try and breach the subject of what they are tonight- the evening is already so perfect and Vanessa doesn’t want to ruin anything, especially not when they’re curled up on the sofa with bowls of warm food in their laps and laughing guiltily at the way Jan is sobbing because she and Jackie have become the latest ones to leave the competition after a tense dance-off with Crystal and Gigi. 

“It’ll be a close final, though. Like that’s everyone been in the bottom now,” Vanessa contemplates, tilting her head in thought from her position at the other side of the sofa. Brooke nods, then snorts again.

“God. I feel for Jan, but she just has such a memeable crying face. Like Kim K,” Brooke snorts again, as some ridiculous BBC One gameshow that seems to be based around celebrities strapped into a wheel starts in the background.

“Jan’ll be fine. She’ll recover, she’s a big girl. She’s got Jackie anyway,” Vanessa shrugs. Brooke hums in response, and then there’s a palpable silence that fills the room, almost like Brooke is about to say something. Vanessa waits. 

“So today got me thinking,” Brooke finally says, reaching out and curling her fingers around Vanessa’s. Her eyes are in her lap and she’s not meeting her gaze. Vanessa is, in every sense, on the edge of her seat. 

“Uh-huh?”

“When I saw those pictures of you and Kameron,” Brooke continues, the reminder making Vanessa’s heart drop. “I got so envious...and then I thought, well...what’s the only way I can make sure Vanessa’s just mine?”

Brooke finally looks at her, and every fibre of Vanessa’s being lifts in hope. “So, uh, I was wondering...if you would want to be my girlfriend.”

And when Vanessa blinks, she can see fireworks explode behind her eyes. She’s unable to help the huge, dumb smile that breaks out on her face as she blushes shyly, gives a nod.

“‘Course I would, baby.”

The smile that bursts onto Brooke’s face mirrors her own, and Vanessa can’t help but lean in and pepper Brooke’s face with kisses, wrap her arms around her in a cuddle. 

“Officially yours, now,” Vanessa smiles excitedly, as she rests her head against Brooke’s chest. She can’t see Brooke’s face, but she knows she’s smiling too. 

And suddenly, a little sentence appears in Vanessa’s head, three very small and simple words that she’s not thought about in a long time but just make sense in that moment. She looks up at Brooke, meets her gaze and feels her heart thump.

Maybe she can save that for another day.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the overwhelming response this fic has recieved- all the comments, kudos, bookmarks etc, i could not be more grateful! when i'm not turning tv shows into aus u can always find me on @artificialortega over on tumblr :)

_12th December, 2020_

The glitterball is casting a thousand mirrors onto the dancefloor and the bodies of the girls around her as Vanessa moves gracefully across the ballroom, twirl, twirl, twirl, STOP, kick-and-kick, kick-and-kick. She feels like a little clockwork doll as she completes each move perfectly in sync with Crystal and Courtney beside her, and with all the lights beaming down on her and the knowledge she’s got her girlfriend out there watching her it’s as if she’s made of a million diamonds.

“ _All these bad times I’m goin’ through, just dance_... _got canned heat in my heels tonight baby…”_

On the last beat she freezes back to back against Phi Phi on her other side, and as the pros all hold their positions the celebrities in the audience cheer and screech and clap loudly for them. Vanessa supposes it’s weird to still be calling them _the celebrities_ ; they’re part of the huge big Strictly family now, and it’s so sad that in a matter of hours the whole experience will be over for another year and they’ll have to say goodbye to each other. Well. In theory they will, but for the endless amount of them who seem to have struck up relationships over the course of the show not much will probably change. 

Melting out of their poses, the dancers all laugh, hug and hi-five each other, glad they managed to do so well in the dress rehearsal. As they all walk back over to the seats in the audience Vanessa sees Brooke’s bright smile and twinkling eyes as she puts her hands together in a series of tiny little claps just for her. 

“You were so good out there! Well done,” she gasps encouragingly, holding her arms out to her for a hug which Vanessa gladly accepts. 

It’s crazy how Brooke’s arms have become such a familiar and comforting place for Vanessa, and the feeling of her girlfriend all warm and soft around her makes her feel like her stomach’s full of butterflies. As the hug breaks, Vanessa tilts her chin up to kiss Brooke once, twice, three times, the pair of them smiling at each other all goofy and dumb and happy. They never really announced their relationship to the other pros (apart from to Monique and Akeria, of course, who received a number of loud voicenotes from Vanessa in the Uber back from Brooke’s the morning after she’d stayed over). To their credit, the other girls have barely batted an eye to the occasional coupled-up displays on show; apart from Crystal squealing and gushing about how cute they are and Jan giving Vanessa a sneaky wink and mouthing a _told you so_.

Vanessa doesn’t mind, though. Being with Brooke feels like being on a boat in a harbour; calm, anchored, safe. They’ve only really been girlfriends for a week but in Vanessa’s eyes it feels like a lot longer. If she’s been worried about not seeing Brooke after they were kicked out of the competition then Brooke has done everything she can to assuage those fears. On Tuesday they went for late-night drinks at a quiet bar in the middle of buttfuck nowhere to make extra sure there would be no press lingering about. On Wednesday Vanessa had picked Brooke up from filming and Brooke had introduced her to her co-presenter Nina, who’d gasped and hugged her and said she’d heard _so_ much about her (which in turn made Brooke blush, to Vanessa’s delight). And on Friday Vanessa had stayed at Brooke’s again ahead of their busy day today, and they’d made cookies together and taken them in for everyone to snack on during the dress run. It all feels like paradise, the best kind of dream that Vanessa wants to stay in forever. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop bragging about how my girlfriend is the best pro dancer on the whole show,” Brooke says proudly, Vanessa going all giggly and flattered in her arms. Just then, Jackie leans forward from the row of seats behind them.

“Aw, don’t tell me you and Jan have been having an affair?!” she teases lazily, and Brooke makes a childish face at her as she sits down on her own seat, dragging Vanessa with her onto her lap. 

“I said best pro dancer, not best crier,” Brooke deadpans, then flinches and gives a cry as she’s hit on the back of the head with an empty plastic water bottle. As Vanessa howls with laughter, she turns around to see who the culprit is- an incredibly unamused Jan. 

“Hey, you two cried when you left too!”

“Only cried because I thought I’d never get to grind against Brooke again,” Vanessa jokes, getting a laugh from the two girls behind her and a long-suffering glare from Brooke. As if to punctuate her point Vanessa wiggles a little in her lap, and the glare turns challenging with a minute raise of Brooke’s eyebrows. If Vanessa has anything to do with it she’ll be paying for that later. She can’t wait. 

“Are we talking about grinding against our girls?” Crystal asks inquisitively from a few seats along. “Gigi’s impossible. Her hipbones are like razor blades.”

“Hey, I’m not _that_ skinny!” Gigi objects from beside her, Crystal placating her by taking her hand and kissing it as the other girls laugh. Vanessa’s not sure when those two actually got their shit together, but she’s glad they did. She knows how much Crystal had been crushing on Gigi, and she’s happy that another set of girls get to be happy too. 

“You done with your fitting then, Crys?” Vanessa asks. She knows all the finalists got called to wardrobe straight after their rehearsal, and it still looks as if Akeria and Monique aren’t done yet. 

“Yeah. The skirt is so long, though, God knows how I’m gonna dance in it.”

“How’re you feeling, Gigi?” Jan asks politely, the finalist going vaguely green beside her partner. 

“Like I drank a bucket of cold sick.”

“How poetic,” Crystal rolls her eyes. “You’ll be fine! Better than fine. You’ll be amazing. You’ve got me!”

“That’s the part I’m worried about,” Gigi deadpans, and as the girls roar with laughter Vanessa catches Gigi reassuring Crystal that she was only kidding, kissing her cheek for good measure. 

Vanessa cranes her neck, searching the studio. When her eyes don’t fall on the people she's looking for, she turns to Gigi and Crystal again. “Hey, you know if Kiki and Monique are done yet?”

“Nah. Still there,” Gigi says, sipping from her water bottle on one hand with her other still curled round Crystal’s.

“Right. I’m gonna go wish ‘em good luck in case I don’t see them before the show,” Vanessa says decisively, making to stand up. Brooke pulls her back into her lap, fixing her with a pout and a kissy face. 

“Needy,” Vanessa teases, before pressing three little kisses to her lips that the other girls either simper, fake-vomit or wolf-whistle at. 

It’s not hard to find Akeria and Monique; they’re both still in wardrobe with their partners, although Monique looks as if she is done and Akeria is dressed in her showdance dress, a riot of silver and gold sequined fringing. Asia’s is matching, and they both look like identical twins as they’re prodded with pins and needles and measured with lengths of tape. 

“Wow, you two look stunnin’,” Vanessa says by way of a greeting, to which Akeria’s face lights up in delight. 

“Hey boo!” she beams, holding her arms out for a hug and then forgetting she’s practically rendered immobile for the time being.

Monique greets her too, but she’s muted and quiet as she sits on the small sofa beside Monet. She looks nervous. It’s rare that Monique gets nervous. In all the time Vanessa's known her and all the contests they’ve competed in together, she has hardly ever seen Monique look anything other than 100% sure of herself. 

“How you all feelin’?” Vanessa asks, laughing as Asia sticks her tongue between her teeth and makes a noise like a big wet fart. 

“Nervous as hell. I’m just gonna go out there and have a good time, though. If we win, we win, and if we don’t, well...the public have no taste.”

Akeria points at her in approval and agreement, and Vanessa’s gaze turns to Monet. 

“I’m just excited! I’m not ready for the whole thing to be over. Think I’m just gonna go out an’ have fun, like Asia. But I’ve not been able to get a word out of this one all day,” she gently nudges Monique with her knee, threads her arm around her waist. “And y’know, usually I’d be overjoyed about getting a bit of peace, but it’s unnerving. I think she’s more nervous than I am.”

Monique looks up at Monet with a small smile, but her brow’s still furrowed in worry. 

“I just don’t wanna let you down. You work so hard every damn day an’ you deserve the win so much. I mean what if I do fuck somethin’ up? Forget a step or do somethin’ wrong?”

“Monique,” Vanessa interjects, her lip curling in disbelief. “You are a literal dance champion. You have _three_ trophy cabinets at your family home- don’t deny it, I’ve seen ‘em. You’re a professional dancer, for Christ’s sake! Why are you so nervous about this in particular?”

“Because she wants to win it for her boo,” Akiera raises her eyebrows at the pair of them on the sofa, and Vanessa doesn’t miss the way Monique grows all bashful and Monet develops a slightly smug smile.

“That ain’t it at all! It’s just...it’s my first final, and yeah I’m nervous, and not gonna lie, I wanna win. And…” Monique trails off as she looks at Monet. “...okay, I kind of am putting myself under more pressure because it’s you.”

Vanessa and Akeria cast each other a knowing glance, one that lets Akeria communicate to her just how correct she was. 

“Babe,” Monet chuckles, pulling Monique closer. “I got six Brit awards, two MOBOs, two number ones an’ a top five album. Winning tonight would be nice, but...there’s more important things to me, like the pair of us havin’ fun together. Besides. I already won when I got partnered with you, so.”

Monet tails off, a little embarrassed at how soppy she’s got in front of the others, but Vanessa thinks it’s worth it when she sees how Monique lights up at her words. 

“Go on, kiss her. It’ll make Akeria sick, an’ that’s funny,” Vanessa teases, and as Akeria rolls her eyes at her Monique peppers Monet’s face with grateful kisses. 

“Now listen,” Vanessa speaks again, her tone sincere as she steps forwards and takes her friend’s hands. “If I don’t see you both before the final...go get that glitterball, okay? Do it for all three of us, we said one of us would take it. Have fun, do your best. But whatever happens, I’m so proud of you both.”

“Shut up. You’re gonna make me cry,” Akeria says stoically, but Vanessa knows there’s love behind it. 

“Love you, V,” Monique smiles tearfully, untangling herself from Monet’s arms and moving to hug her. 

“Fuck it,” Akeria shrugs, gingerly putting her arms around the pair of her friends. 

Vanessa hopes she’s conveying with her hug just how much she loves her sisters, how desperately proud of them she is and how much luck she’s wishing them both. It’s so crazy for her to think about the three of them, in their late teens with their hair scraped back into tight buns and too much makeup on their face, meeting for the first time at the tower ballroom all those years ago. Now Akeria and Monique are in the final, and Vanessa gets to watch them. 

She can’t quite believe this is her life. 

In the green room all the other girls are chatting excitedly, happy they’re not under any pressures tonight other than to do the group dances well, have fun, and cheer loudly for their friends. Some of the girls are doing some last-minute touch-ups at the mirrors and some have spilled out onto the floor, surrounded by boxes of pizza that remind Vanessa of how hungry she is and make her stomach rumble. Her eyes eventually land on Brooke, tucked up in a corner eating a slice of pepperoni and busy scrolling her phone which is plugged into the wall. She’s wearing one of the dressing gowns that production provides them with, clearly too cold in her opening dance outfit. The sight makes Vanessa’s heart melt a little bit and she crosses the room to meet her. 

“Hey! Woah, watch!” Brooke laughs, as Vanessa wraps her whole body around her- arms around Brooke’s head, thighs around her waist- and clings to her like a koala. “You’ll get pizza grease on your dress and then costume will shout at you.”

“You looked cold,” Vanessa mutters against her hair, by way of explanation. 

It’s too late when she notices Brooke editing the photo for her Instagram story- Vanessa’s head resting on top of hers and Brooke pulling a silly face for the selfie. 

_Sleepy baby ahead of the finale,_ Brooke types, and Vanessa’s heart grows all warm. 

“That’s gonna raise some suspicion, y’know,” Vanessa smirks, tapping her nail against the word _baby_ as she releases her girlfriend from the full-body hug and settles herself down beside her. 

“What? You _are_ a sleepy baby. It’s just a fact,” Brooke shrugs, making Vanessa laugh. Brooke’s reaction makes her consider something. 

“Hey, d’you think we should wait til we’re asked about us to say that we’re together? Y’know, in like, an interview? Or should we make like...an announcement?” she asks her, Brooke snorting at her last sentence. 

“An announcement! We’re not the royal family, baby, let’s chill,” she taps her on the nose, and Vanessa huffs beside her. 

“Well! Our fans might still want to know. I don’t know if you’ve looked at either of our comment sections lately, but they’re both full of kids wanting to know if there’s anything going on between us.”

“I think wait to be asked,” Brooke shrugs, to which Vanessa raises her eyebrows at her. 

“We already got asked! And we denied there was anything at all going on!” she laughs, thinking back to their It Takes Two elimination interview where Cheryl had grilled them on their relationship status, and they’d had to smile and laugh and say they were just friends. 

(Although the way Brooke had pushed her up against the wall backstage to kiss her afterwards, unable to keep her hands off her, begged to differ.)

“Well, they’ll ask again! I’ll be mad if they don’t,” Brooke huffs, making Vanessa giggle all the more. 

There’s a lull in the conversation where Brooke leans over to her side, hands Vanessa a pizza box with three slices of pepperoni inside it. “Saved you some. I knew these vultures would be ruthless. I think Willam’s had five slices already, fuck knows how she’s going to dance.”

Vanessa laughs out a _thank you_ , taking a slice that’s gone from hot to warm but biting into it regardless. As Brooke nibbles on her crust and the pair of them chew contentedly, Vanessa nudges Brooke’s calf with her foot. 

“What’re you doin’ this week? I wanna see you.”

Brooke tilts her head in thought. “I’ve got Wednesday off filming. Other than that I’m free most afternoons and...Friday night.”

Vanessa pouts. “So I can’t stay over Tuesday?”

“I’ll get back from filming at, like, nine. But you can stay over, of course you can! You might need to make dinner, though. Ooh, or we could get Chinese?”

It makes Vanessa feel all excited and tingly, the fact that she and Brooke get to do this. Plan their week together and what they want to do; endless little futures, dreams becoming real. Each time Vanessa spends time with her girlfriend she swears she’s one step closer to telling her exactly how she feels about her, words she’s not said properly in quite a while. It’s a scary feeling, but an exciting one, like being on a rollercoaster or doing a bungee jump. 

Brooke sees the dopey smile on her face and laughs. “What?”

“I’m just happy we get to do this. Just be together an’ do coupley shit. Never thought I’d be able to do all this again with someone,” she smiles shyly, and her words make Brooke lean in and kiss her forehead. Vanessa suddenly remembers something and flinches. “Pizza grease lips!”

“Oh, relax. They’ll stick some foundation on it and you’ll be fine,” Brooke pouts, cuddling her closer. “Hey, when do you fly back home for Christmas?”

“20th. You?”

“21st,” Brooke says, then sighs and takes Vanessa’s hand. “Will it give you the ick if I say I’m going to miss you? Like, a lot?”

“Shut up, not at all!” Vanessa tips her head back to laugh, incredulous. She brings Brooke’s hand up and kisses it three times in quick succession. “I’m gonna miss you too. But hey, when we get back we’ll have rehearsals an’ then the tour. It’ll be almost like we’re back doin’ the show!”

Brooke perks up beside her, and Vanessa uses the small pause in conversation to take another bite of her pizza, being ever-so-careful not to have it touch her lipstick. 

“Where’re you most excited for?”

Vanessa looks back at Brooke and blinks, her train of thought lost. “What?”

“On the tour. Where are you looking forward to the most?” Brooke asks again patiently. Vanessa thinks, then raises her eyebrows as she decides. 

“Belfast is nice. Good places to eat, good nights out. An’ the river is so gorge when it’s night and all the buildings around it are lit up.”

Brooke waggles her eyebrows. “You’re going to be taking me on some romantic midnight walks, then?”

Vanessa laughs, winks at her. “If you’re lucky. What about you, boo, where you excited for?”

Brooke tilts her head in thought. “Aberdeen interests me.”

Vanessa can’t help the laugh she splutters out. “Oh, baby. Aberdeen is dead, there’s fuckin’...nothin’ there. If we’re talkin’ Scotland then Glasgow is the best. They know how to party in Glasgow. I remember the first year we did the tour me an’ a few of the other girls had a night out there. Well Lord Jesus if it wasn’t the most chaotic night out we ever had. It was like a renaissance paintin’ or some shit. Kiki an’ Monique were just standin’ there open-mouthed at everything but me an’ Crystal were lovin’ it. Reminded us of nights out back home but on steroids.”

Brooke laughs, hums as something occurs to her mid-pizza slice. “Newcastle, though. That’s a good night out.”

“Y’know what we need to prioritise? Cute date venues. That’s what we can do while we’re both away! Make a list of all the cities on the tour an’ look up good places to eat an’ things to do,” Vanessa says enthusiastically, watches Brooke’s face light up in response. It makes Vanessa’s heart happy to know that Brooke’s as invested in the pair of them as she is, the concept of them being _them_. 

The pair of them spend the time leading up to the finale chatting excitedly with the other girls, singing loudly along to the songs playing through the speakers with the other, and finishing off the pizza. Vanessa thinks it’s interesting seeing how all the different new couples behave. Vixen and Blair are low-key and subtle; a squeeze of each others’ hand here, a shared look of affection there. In contrast, Jan and Jackie can’t help but kiss each other on the cheek every few minutes or so, vocal and proud of each other and wanting all the other girls to know it. Willam and Courtney’s budding relationship seems to be built on Willam gently bullying Courtney, and Yvie and Scarlet’s built on Yvie laughing at things Scarlet does, even if she doesn’t mean to be funny. Gigi and Crystal are shy and still a little nervous and Jackie thinks it’s funny to call them out on it every so often and make them blush furiously. Monique is bashful and secretive and Monet is loud and public, clearly wanting everyone to know how loved-up she is.

It’s funny the way that a simple dancing competition has brought so many different girls from so many different walks of life together, who might not ever have met otherwise but now have the chance to build a future with each other. It’s nice, Vanessa thinks, as she puts her arm around her own future that’s sitting beside her, howling at a joke Yvie’s made. 

Soon enough, the girls are all called through to assemble on the ballroom floor. Vanessa slips her hand into Brooke’s as they make their way through the corridors that are hidden from view with huge black drapes, her heart pounding in anticipation. It’s a bittersweet feeling; the last time she and Brooke are going to be dancing together on the ballroom floor, the last time she’s going to be dancing with the other pros for a while at least. But she wants to make it count, and she wants to be the best she can be, so she tips the scales in her mind to the more positive side, squeezes Brooke’s hand and kisses her on the cheek as they wait to be told to assemble. 

“So proud of you,” Brooke murmurs against her hair, having not quite pulled away yet. 

“So proud of us,” Vanessa corrects her, squeezing her waist. She wants to say it, she wants to just say _I love you_ like it’s the most simple thing in the world. 

Not yet. 

When they all dance together for the last time and the audience claps and cheers, Vanessa’s heart feels full and lit up. She’s happy, and she’s no longer carrying the burden of _what-happened-last-year_ around with her. She feels as if she’s walking on air as she makes her way up to the Divinatorium with Brooke’s arm around her shoulders, ready to watch her friends all dance their hearts out for a chance at the glitterball. 

The finalists had to prepare three dances: their favourite of the ones they’d performed all season, the judges’ pick, and a showdance. The couples’ pick is up first, and Vanessa watches with interest at each of their choices. She smirks up at Brooke as Monet and Monique perform their Waltz to _I Have Nothing_ again, explaining to her that their first kiss had been when they’d rehearsed for it. It’s still beautiful and mesmerising though, just as it had been the first time around, and when they get a perfect score of 40 Vanessa swears she’s the loudest member of the audience there is. 

Akeria and Asia are next, and they’ve picked their Argentine Tango from Musicals week. Their reasoning is clever, Vanessa thinks; it was a semi-recent performance so it’s still fresh in their minds, and it was the one they performed in the dance-off so they have the opportunity to redeem themselves for the judges. When they’re scored 38, Vanessa’s heart bursts with pride. 

The last couple to perform their first dance are Gigi and Crystal, who’ve chosen their movie week dance to _Licence to Kill_. Vanessa smiles as she watches the pair of them, remembering how Crystal had told her how gorgeous she’d thought Gigi looked in her Rhumba dress. Watching the pair of them dance now it’s filled with so much more passion and heat, and Vanessa will eat her own hands if they don’t score 40. They end up receiving 39 thanks to Bianca and her stubborn scoring, but Vanessa’s proud of them anyway.

“What would we have chosen if we’d made it this far?” Brooke asks Vanessa, as there’s a break to allow some guest performer to showcase their new single. Vanessa doesn’t even have to think twice. 

“Argentine for sure. Wait no- maybe the Salsa.”

“You just want an excuse to do sexy dances with me again, then?” Brooke pokes her tongue out, murmuring quietly. Vanessa gives her girlfriend’s butt a squeeze in response and has to clap a hand over her mouth to stop herself laughing as Brooke lets out a squeak right in the middle of the performance. 

“I’d do our Commercial. I never got to do it with you the first time around,” Brooke says, after she’s calmed down. Vanessa raises her eyebrows and nods in approval, liking the idea. Maybe they could do one of each on tour. 

The evening soon progresses to the judges’ choice dances. For Crystal and Gigi, they’ve chosen their week one Samba- a choice that, Vanessa is sure, the girls will be cursing them for as it’ll have required a lot of re-learning. However they still perform it well, and they earn a 38. Monique and Monet perform their Jive, and as Vanessa watches it she becomes all excited for her friend, because it’s shaping up to be one of the most iconic dances in the show’s history. They receive 39, another amazing score. Akeria and Asia perform last- their Commercial, which Vanessa is pleased about. Commercial is easy and almost guarantees a good score. Sure enough, the judges give them 40, and Vanessa practically leaps on her friend when she’s finished with her interview. 

After a pro dance, the final dances of the evening- the last attempt to win some votes- are the showdances, designed and choreographed to be a showcase of all the celebrities have learned over the course of the competition. Vanessa’s excited- she hasn’t seen any of the girls’ rehearsals and she’s deliberately not looked at the songs they’ve chosen, and so she’s going into the dances blind.

She clasps Brooke’s hand excitedly as she watches Akeria and Asia go first, the fringing to their dresses Vanessa had seen them be fitted for earlier making her realise it’ll have elements of a Charleston. The opening chords of _I Got Rhythm_ blast out into the studio, and the girls immediately throw themselves into their dance. Vanessa watches it all with delight, so relieved and happy at how well the two girls are doing. When it gets another score of 39, Vanessa screeches so loudly that Aja gives her a glare, deafened from her position on the other side of her. 

Gigi and Crystal are next, and their matching pink dresses are perfect for their dance to _Sparkling Diamonds._ They hit every beat effortlessly, and it’s clear that they’ve both put everything into rehearsals as the dance is executed perfectly. They are scored 39 too, and Vanessa bounces on her toes impatiently, a little irked. The judges are handing out the perfect scores sparingly tonight, and Vanessa badly wants Monet and Monique to get another. 

When the last couple take to the dancefloor underneath a giant halo of fairy lights, Vanessa gasps. Monet’s hair is loose and curled down her back and Monique’s is matching, a little sparkling silver butterfly clip pinning some of it back from her face. They’re in long white dresses of taffeta and lace, dotted with sparkling silver diamantes and sequins, and they’re barefoot, indicating a contemporary theme. Vanessa’s heartened by how stunning they look. 

And, as the piano begins playing, Vanessa hears Brooke let out a little gasp beside her. 

“Oh my God, this is going to be beautiful,” she whispers, and Vanessa nods excitedly in agreement. 

As the singer begins, Monique and Monet start to move; slowly, gracefully, gently, like two little figures in a music box.

_“I close my eyes and I can see, the world that's waiting up for me...that I call my own...”_

Vanessa is close to letting out a gasp herself as the two girls move across the ballroom floor with skill and agility, tumbling and twirling through the air. It’s not just how perfectly they’re executing the dance though. It’s the way Monique’s looking at Monet with adoration, it’s the way Monet smiles back at her, just happy to be dancing with the girl she cares about. It’s the way the dance is illustrative of what’s blooming between them- fragile, delicate and beautiful- and Vanessa wonders if Monique intentionally choreographed it that way. 

_“Every night I lie in bed, the brightest colours fill my head, a million dreams are keeping me awake…”_

As the song reaches its climax and the pair of them run over to a huge circular platform, Vanessa lets go of Brooke’s hand and cups her face with both of her own, awed and stunned. Because carpeting the platform are shimmering circles of white and silver confetti, and as Monet and Monique conclude their dance, kick up and scatter it, it surrounds them like stars. Vanessa doesn’t know if it’s the music, or the choreography, or simply the connection between the two girls, but she finds her eyes beginning to fill with tears, so much so that Brooke notices and pulls her in close for a hug. They watch the dance finish with their arms around each other, and that’s how the girls end too; Monet’s arms anchoring Monique tightly and Monique’s wrapped around Monet’s waist. 

The judges are crying, and, to Vanessa’s unbridled delight, the girls are given full marks for their showdance. 

As Vanessa gives her friend a quick hug before they have to go back on stage for the winner to be announced, she whispers to Monique.

“That dance just won you the competition, baby. Well done.”

Monique pulls away and makes a face. “C’mon, Vanj, we don’t know that for sure.”

But Vanessa _does_. So after the VT is shown of the recap of the full season and Michelle announces that the votes are closed, Vanessa holds her breath. From her position at the bannister she can see Crystal and Gigi, Monet and Monique, and Akeria and Asia, all of them standing within about two metres of the glitterball trophy and within touching distance of being announced the winners. Vanessa would love it to be any of the girls, but she’s sure of who is going to take the trophy. The lights go down, the audience holds their breath, and Brooke clings tightly to Vanessa from behind. 

“Crystal and Gigi…” Michelle begins, her voice full of suspense and anticipation. “...Akeria and Asia...Monet and Monique. The votes have been counted and independently verified, and I can now reveal that the Strictly Come Dancing champions of 2020 are…”

Drum beat. Drum beat. Drum beat. Vanessa is holding her breath so much she feels as though she could be sick. She can feel Brooke’s heart beat through her chest against her back, and Vanessa feels as if her whole body is shaking as she looks down at the girls. Crystal has her arm around Gigi as the other girl looks to the ceiling, taking deep breaths. Akeria’s holding Asia’s hand, both of them looking to the floor nervously. And Monique is tucked in to Monet’s side, their arms wrapped around each other and both of their eyes squeezed tightly shut. 

Drum beat. Drum beat. Drum beat. 

“MONET AND MONIQUE!”

Vanessa immediately flinches against Brooke, almost knocking her out as she launches herself roughly ten feet in the air and screams so loud she feels as if her vocal cords will snap. When she begins crying it’s as if a massive bank has burst, the relief and the pride and the love she feels for her friend so overwhelming and euphoric.

Monique is doubled over in shock, sobbing as she launches herself away from Monet, and Monet, for her part, is simply screaming “ _WHAT?_ ” over and over again. The two other pairs are laughing and beaming as they cheer for the winners and Akeria is jumping up and down, clapping so hard Vanessa’s worried about the skin on her palms. 

Michelle ushers the winning girls over, and Vanessa melts against Brooke with bliss as her girlfriend presses a kiss to her temple. The win is as much for the three friends as well as Monique and Monet themselves, and Vanessa wants nothing more than to throw herself off the balcony and run to Monique and Akeria, to crush them both in a hug and never let go. But Monet is being interviewed, her arm tight around Monique’s waist as she’s asked how it feels to win. 

“I still don’t believe it!!” she cries, her face a picture of disbelief as she looks at Monique with incredulity. “It feels absolutely crazy, crazy and surreal, I mean the fact that we _won_ in amongst all this talent...I never expected it, not one bit. But you know...I _should’ve_ expected it, I should, because I have the best teacher, the absolute best teacher and friend and straight-up best _person_ I could’ve asked for to share this experience with, and she deserves this win so much, I just...I mean, you know how I feel about you, babe, so I’m just gonna shut up.”

The audience cheers as Monet pulls Monique in for a hug, and Vanessa can see Monique’s frame shaking as she sobs against Monet’s chest. Vanessa knows how unlucky Monique’s been with her previous partners, she knows how much she’s wanted this for so long. Michelle is smiling as she gestures to Monique.

“Monique, what would you like to say to Monet, to the girl that got you the glitterball?”

Monique pulls out of the hug, takes a few deep breaths to compose herself and breaks out into a coy smile as she looks at Monet, a little twinkle in both their eyes. 

“What would I like to say to Monet...many, many things, so many things...I mean, first up, thank you, Lord, thank you for bein’ the best student, for giving your everything every single damn week, for…” Monique gestures to the trophy. “...for _this_...but also for bein' the best person to share this whole crazy journey with, and it _has_ been crazy, it’s been crazier than I ever imagined, but I’m so grateful for it all.”

Vanessa can feel the tears stream down her face as she watches Michelle rest a hand on the glitterball trophy. “Well, Monique and Monet, it gives me great pleasure to present you with this trophy, and to officially announce you...Strictly Come Dancing champions!”

The audience cheers in anticipation of the two girls lifting the trophy, but there’s a little pause as Vanessa watches Monet turn to Monique, whisper something into her ear with a little questioning look to her gaze. Monique looks to the floor bashfully, then bites back a smile as she gives a little nod. It’s when that happens that Monet turns to Michelle again, her hand on the trophy. 

“Actually, Michelle, can I say somethin’ else before we lift this up?” Monet asks, and Michelle smiles indulgently. 

“Make it quick, girl, we've got two minutes of screen time left.”

“Okay. I also just quickly wanted to say thank you so much to everyone involved who commissioned this series...it has been an absolute triumph, to see and to work alongside twenty three other women who’ve all proved their talents and who’ve all proved that same-sex pairings _can_ work, and that the world doesn’t implode if you let two girls dance with each other...and I hope future series are going to reflect this too. And finally…” Monet smirks, curling her fingers around the trophy as Monique’s hand rests on top of hers and joins it. “...it wouldn’t be my career without me doing or saying something controversial, so why change the habit of a lifetime? THIS ONE’S FOR THE LESBIANS!”

With that, Monet and Monique lift the trophy in the air, the pyrotechnics go off in the background, and the two girls crash their lips together in a kiss that’s instantly broadcast to roughly nine million people. The audience is almost cheering the roof off the studio, Brooke is punching the air, and Vanessa screeches so loud and for so long that she’s momentarily worried for her lungs. Michelle smiles wryly as she concludes the show and the competition for another year, and the girls in the Divinatorium are given the green light to flood the ballroom floor, descending on the winners and the runners-up and showering them in hugs, kisses, and congratulations. And, just as she’d wanted, Vanessa sweeps Akeria and Monique into a tight hug, the three of them teary and euphoric, happy they’d done what they set out to do from the start. 

Vanessa supposes she doesn’t need any alcohol at the afterparty given how completely drunk off Monique’s success she feels already, but she ends up being three glasses of celebratory champagne in anyway. It would be rude not to, and she’s never one to turn down free alcohol, but judging by the way the other girls are swaying around the hotel function room, she’s not holding up too badly in comparison. Blair has already been dispatched back to her flat in an Uber, Vixen’s coat thrown over her head to prevent any of the paparazzi getting any less than desirable photos. The Strictly afterparties are always riotous, and adding Willam into the mix doesn’t help matters either. So when Brooke taks Vanessa’s hand and tugs her in the direction of the fire exit to grab some fresh air, Vanessa is happy to follow and get a small break, some peace and quiet. 

It’s nearing half past midnight and the street outside is becoming coated in a thin sheen of frost, one that makes the pavement sparkle under the yellow halo glow of the streetlamps. The paps have all scuttled back into the sewers from whence they came, already satisfied with the shots they got of Gigi and Crystal leaving hand-in-hand which are sure to get tongues wagging tomorrow. All is still, calm and quiet to the extent where Vanessa feels as if she’s experiencing some form of ambiguous space and time. If it’s cold outside, she doesn’t feel it.

“So? How’re you likin’ your first Strictly aftershow party?” Vanessa asks Brooke, punctuating her question with an ever-so-slightly tipsy wink. Brooke giggles as she leans against the brick wall, hissing a little at the cold. 

“I don’t think I’m going to survive til the end,” she laughs. “Although Jackie keeps feeding me pints of water against my will, so it doesn’t even feel like I’ve had any alcohol despite the fact I’m making it my mission to drink the BBC out of house and home.”

“You’re too sensible,” Vanessa pouts, circling her arms around Brooke’s waist and squashing her cheek against her chest. After a moment to think, she chuckles. “Wonder how many Ofcom complaints Monet’s gonna get for that kiss.”

“Thousands. And good for her. Now everyone’s going to be talking about their win for _years_ to come. That was a smart move,” Brooke nods appreciatively. “Guess those two will be girlfriends within the next twenty-four hours then.”

“Oh, for sure. It’s so clear that Monet’s head over heels in love with her,” Vanessa smiles, then her face drops as her heart siezes up.

It could be the night, it could be the champagne, it could be the way everything around them is sparkling, but Vanessa pulls her head up from Brooke’s chest, smiles as she looks her in the eye. There’s just one thing left to make the night as perfect as it could possibly be. 

“What?” Brooke giggles a little, her gaze soft as she tucks a lock of hair behind Vanessa’s ear. “Why are you just staring at me? I know I’m pretty, but it’s rude to stare. Unless you want to take me back to yours. Then you can stare at me all you want. Preferably without any clothes on.”

“Brooke Lynn, shut up,” Vanessa laughs gently. Her heart is beating so fast in her throat that she feels as if it might crawl up and choke her, and every second she gets closer to admitting things she feels as if she’s about to pass out. But she takes a deep breath, squeezes Brooke tighter because if she does then Vanessa knows she won’t run away. 

“I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Brooke’s jaw goes a little slack, in disbelief for a second before a smile slowly spreads onto her face. Vanessa can’t tell what that means, so she continues to babble on. “I promise it’s not because I’ve had a drink. I mean it. I really love you, and I know that’s a lot and you don’t have to say it back.”

“Vanessa,” Brooke brings a hand up to cup her jaw, which she immediately nuzzles into. “Me too.”

The validation makes Vanessa’s smile hurt her face. Brooke loves her. Brooke is in love with her. It’s an unspoken promise that they’re about to embark on a crazy but amazing journey together, one that Vanessa never wants to end, and she feels her heart ever-so-slightly break with how much and how intensely she loves her girlfriend. 

“I love you,” Brooke says, through a nervous, excited giggle. 

“I love you too,” Vanessa smiles back at her. 

She tilts her head down to kiss her, their lips meeting urgently but their kiss slow, as if to match the kind of purgatory they’ve found themselves existing in. But it’s not, because kissing Brooke is like a heaven that Vanessa’s only ever dreamt of, and it’s _real._ She leans against her, both their bodies steadied by Brooke’s back against the wall, and when she pulls away she keeps their foreheads pressed together as if she’s not quite ready for their perfect moment to end. 

It’s only in that second when Vanessa blinks that a bright flash clouds her vision and the sound of a shutter echoes from across the street. Her head snaps to the other side of the road and she’s met with the figure of a tall man, a brown bag slung over his shoulder which Vanessa instantly recognises as one which holds varying pieces of photographer's equipment. He struggles under the weight of his long-lens camera before scurrying away out of sight.

When Vanessa turns back to look at Brooke, the pair of them splutter out a resigned laugh at the same time. 

“Well. Guess that solves the problem of how we reveal our relationship to the world,” Brooke smirks. Her expression quickly changes into one of concern, and she takes one of Vanessa’s hands in hers. “Hey. You okay?”

Even a thousand camera flashes couldn’t stop how happy Vanessa feels. “I’m amazing.”

Brooke raises an eyebrow at her, as if to check. “Sure? Not bothered by the incriminating photos of us smooching in the street?”

Vanessa laughs, locking her fingers around Brooke’s knuckles. “We can deal with that tomorrow.”

Brooke’s expression relaxes and as it does, Vanessa leans against her and raises a suggestive eyebrow. 

“Although maybe the poor guy needs a better shot. Maybe...” she smirks cheekily, tilting her face close to her girlfriend’s. “...we should keep kissing some more.”

And as Vanessa meets Brooke’s lips once again, she finds herself not caring about cameras, paparazzi, the newspapers or the media or the opinions of anyone else. 

All she cares about is Brooke Lynn and the future they've got together, and all of that is worth a million glitterball trophies to her. 


End file.
